Having the talk with mutual friends

[Belle]

It's been 6-7 months since my ex and I last spoke to each other and I have moved on. But at some point, I knew that I would have the "talk" with the mutual friends that set us up on why it didn't work out. They've been really good about not bringing it up before now because they figured I didn't need to think about it. I guess I still wasn't ready for what one of them had to say.

 

The night I told my ex to leave me alone and never call me again, the husband of the girl who set us up told me he was worried about me and thought I shouldn't continue with the ex. He said he didn't like or trust him. He's intensely loyal to me because of something I did for him in the past. I think he disliked the ex because he knew he was hurting me.

 

The wife told me last night that my ex kept coming back because he wanted to see if he was making the right choice before he left the state. She said the reason he kept buttering me up and laying it on thick is because when I broke up with him the second time I told him he wasn't putting his all into figuring out if we had a chance which meant we had no chance and he'd already made up his mind to leave even though he kept saying differently. He thought if he courted me and put everything into it that I'd give him another chance so he could figure out what he needed to do. He already asked if I would go with him and knew there was no way I would.

 

I told him to leave me alone because I thought he wanted what he couldn't have. That he wanted to get laid one last time before he left in a few months. I don't know if I believe my friend, that he was giving it one last shot and was hoping to reconcile. It hurts to think that I may have taken too hard lined of an approach when he was trying to give me what he thought I needed.

 

One point that she and I both agreed on is that my ex was unstable at best. That he doesn't have a clue as to what he's doing in his life. Although she's on my side, she still cares about him and believes he's a really good person. That kind of hurt to hear. I wanted her to say the things I needed to hear. He's an and he screwed up. She thinks he screwed up but had the best of intentions. I disagree. Someone that will lie to you about their plans to get what they want out of a relationship doesn't care about the persno they're lying to. They care about what they need more than anything.

 

So I have these leftover emotions and information that doens't add up to what I had already filed away. He was able to leave me. Isn't that the important part?

[laboheme]

You're absolutely right: he was able to leave you. He lied and he screwed up in other ways. He doesn't know where his life is going. It sounds like you have a good idea of what's going on here. It doesn't matter if he wanted to reconcile with you that one time, or if your friends truly believe that he's a good person who cares...The two of you were not able to have a healthy functioning relationship, and now you say that you have moved on. So does it really matter what your friends say then? If they want you to give him another chance, stand your ground and say that he wasn't right for you...because it sounds like he wasn't. Stay strong!

[Belle]

thanks laboheme. I needed to know that I was right in the actions I took. I have to realize that sometimes women (my friend) can get very touchy feely about things that are fairly black and white. It didn't matter why he lied, he lied. And then he left. I don't know if the two of them are in contact, I think I should have asked. Especially since she brought him up out of the blue.

 

I can file it back where it belongs. I did the right thing.