THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE - SuperDave71

[bear12]

so day two.. it's not like i'm new to this. it's been six months post break up, and we've done NC before, but it still hurts.. and hurts more b/c i know he'd be mssing me just as much as i'm missing him if he didn't have a new gf... i know maybe it's more healthy for me to be single and greive than it was for him to jump into something else, but it doesn't seem fair. i want to be distracted from him too. life without him is lonely.

[Aldo25]

I know how you feel bear, I've been separated from my ex for about 7 weeks now. To go from being with her every single day to being with her not at all, let alone the fact that she has another guy...it hurts. It hurts so much that sometimes I can't stop thinking about it, and (like you) I desperately want someone in my life to make me forget about her.

 

But (just as I did) ask yourself this. Are you wanting someone else because you genuinely want someone else? Or do you just want someone so you can take your mind off your ex? If the anwser is the latter response, how fair is that for the person that you (or I) would eventually hook up with?

[The One]

Day 4, Concentrating on work, saw an old friend I have not seen much of for a while, repairing ties and renewing a good friendship that we used to have.

 

It felt good to, I guess you could say mend fences with an old friend.

 

Moving forward, thinking of every way of improving me, everything from being a better friend, brother, son, employee, and a better guy who respects and appreciates the time he gets to spend with the most important people in my life.

 

I still think about her, and yes miss her but when I do, I stop myself and remember that its not about her, its about me and how I will become so much better then how she knew me, because she lost someone great who only wants the best for her.

 

Keep Going Everyone!!!!

 

We can only go forward from here!!!!

 

"Angels fly because they take themselves lightly"

[AusTrist]

Im at risk of breaking NC I can see my ex online and so desperately wanna say something to her. It really really sux

[AusTrist]

Ok she just messaged me online and by phone saying that she thinks I am avoiding her what should I do?? I know NC means NC but geez I wanna sort things out with her is all

[The One]

Stay Strong AusTrist!!!, unless she states clearly she wants to reconcile then don't respond, NC means NC.

 

Hang in there, It's about you, not her. You can do this!!!!!

[AusTrist]

dammit too late I broke it dammit Im stupid

[The One]

Its O.K. AusTrist, don't beat yourself up over it.

 

Don't Worry, You can always start agian. Today!!! Day 1!!!!

 

You can do this!!!!!

 

"Angels fly because they take themselves lightly"

[AusTrist]

Yeh I know its been 5 days so yeh I can do it again. At least we havent fought or anything. We never really did fight much ever so its all good.

[hfsf]

Still doing the NC and getting there! Am really proud of myself.

 

But I dreamt of him last night and its annoying me. I want him out of my head as i don't suppose he dreamt of me! aaagh!

 

Anyway, horrible day here, going out tonight so I think I will pass my tie today by going to the gym and trying to work him out my head. At least I am getting fitter in the process lol

[StapleIt]

I obviously havn't read every page of this thread, but it seems a bit silly to me. I've just broken up with someone and sometimes at does actaully help to talk things out rather than to just flat out ignore them. 30 days is a long time when youve been with someone for years. I'll probably get beaten down for my thoughts but hey, you wouldn't be the first.

[1guygirl]

stapleit...every situation is different...thats for sure... but what ppl find is that when its not just a tiff but a full blown break up...NC definitely helps!

 

i wish i had not poured heart out to my ex in the early weeks of the split...its amazing how much of a cold stranger he suddenly became with me - even telling him i was pregnant with our baby we planned, in the first few days of the split only got 'well i hope youre gunna look after it' as a response (this wasnt like my fiance saying them words)

 

in other words the person they were when we were going out with them basically dies....so please dont think of them and their responses in the past tense...really take heed of the fact that they have finnished with you for whatever reason. NC will show them what a strong person you are and if anything you will earn respect and ooze dignity. ok i know that dont seem like any consolation right now but in the months ahead you will be glad of it!

 

NC has helped me get ME back and my self worth and i dont see this as a 30 day challenge anymore but a 30 year LOL

 

i wish you well and hope the others are doing ok and gunna make the most of the weekend!!

[sandyv]

Hey Dunzo and 1GuyGirl, Sandy here, how are you guys doing? I'm on my second week of NC yet AGAIN.... and am suffering big time......

 

I don't understand how someone who apparently "loves you" can just disregard you and leave you alone like you never existed at all........ Doesn't make alot of sense to me. There was no official break up so I never did get dumped... I walked out of his door after he starting lecturing me about my attitude 2 weekends ago..... I thought he would prolly apologize but has just disappeared instead.

 

I'm trying to keep busy yet find myself stuck in an emotional place that hurts like hell, and I can't seem to lose the pain. Its sucks....

 

Every time I walk out my door I'm afraid I'll walk into him. (He's working directly accross the road renovating a house). I actually got off the bus on Thursday coming home from work and he was about 30 feet ahead of me. I know he saw me too. He pretended he didn't. I had to walk behind him..... I wasn't tempted to call his name, and I could tell he was kinda thinking I would. But I didn't.... I went into my apartment and ignored him totally.

 

I was literally shaking and my heart pounding like nuts when I opened my door, I just opened a beer, sat down and cried my face off..... this sucks so much.

 

The worst part is this horrible lonliness..... I don't want to go anywhere or see anybody really either. Its going to be a very long weekend I'm guessing.

[1guygirl]

oh sandy well done you for being so strong and not shouting his name...go girl

 

i know loads of ppl say 'get out and have fun' but for me i needed to get my head round things and sort myself out first...besides i aint got the money to have the luxury of going out and partying - and i cant in my condition! i did the whole self destruct party scene last split from someone and i became so unhealthy and put stacks of weight on and didnt solve anything let alone any issues i had aqquired... least this time round cold turkey im stronger more clear and know what i have to do...it really is best just to take time out from everything and work on you. then when youre ready sandy and you go and face the world again..youre the new improved model of you and it wont go un-noticed!!

 

ive been thinking the same as you today - how can he just cut me off dead...like you it wasnt just a 'i think we should end' talk...it was a stupid spat after he was drinking and lost his rag over nothing (i think now he planned it tbh)...i went home and that was the end of that. bugger them sandy...why should we try and rationalise their warped minds and ways ey...spend the energy on you, yourself and you

[sandyv]

Thanks 1guygirl....

 

I appreciate your thoughts on this stuff. I'm glad to know I'm not the only one who wants to hibernate. I feel that I can't even look anybody in the eye right now, its a crappy feeling. Like I'm trapped inside my self almost...

 

I don't know why he even came back after being apart from him for almost 7 months, just seems he wanted to stick it to me emotionally one more time for old times sake? He's the one who pursued things, not I.

 

I know your right I shouldn't wonder but these thoughts just keep stabbing me in the heart no matter if I'm at work or here at home, my head won't shut off the stupid thoughts. I guess this is gonna take some time, but I suppose it can only get better....

[sandyv]

Hi Dunzo, Wow sounds you had a night like mine.... lots of beer and cigs, no food... can't seem to eat much at all lately. Feel like someone drove a 9 inch spike through the center of my heart basically. It truly sucks doesn't it?

 

Yep on the good old NC for the 2nd week now..... things can only improve, I couldn't feel this low too much longer I hope.

 

Yes 1guygirl, you are truly an inspiration for us here. I'm gonna try to not dwell too much on this misery and I guess time will take care of the rest.... Dunzo I've got to say you sound so much better than you were last week, good for you. Moving on is the best thing we can do at this point in time I suppose. I'm trying to avoid walking into him, it happened on Thursday when I was getting off the bus, and it totally ruined my night. Fell into the beer vat.... lol.... and I know this isn't a solution, but sometimes I just want to numb my brain... but I just feel worse the next day, so what is the point right?

 

Well if dating feels ok to you, do it! Me I can't even think of getting involved even casually right now, I'm a mess.

[andy5128]

Sandy & Dunzo.. NC is the only way..

 

Dunzo you sound better hun so NC is obviously working it just takes time..

 

Sandy..2 weeks well done on that.. him working over the road must be a tough one but your doing well.. keep up the good work..

 

andy

[waterbaby07]

Day 3 for me and it's MOVE-OUT DAY! Got the moving truck and lots of bodies ready to pack my things for my new apartment. I haven't seen him since we said good-bye on wed. He's off on a vacation with friends. My friends have been such a tremendous support- i don't know what i would do without them. It was hard being in the house yesterday- so many memories. I would love to be a fly on the wall and see his reaction when he comes home and sees all my stuff gone. I wonder if he will be relieved or actually sad? DUNZO! I have a myspace too- and he's my "friend" on it. I thought about deleting him, but thought it would be childish. I don't have him on my "top" anymore- that way i don't see his profile pic and click on it. My status is "single" now. Amazing how hard it was to change that. I'll post more later- gotta go MOVE!

[sandyv]

Thanks Andy, I'm trying really hard to stick to my guns, can't go on be treated like a friggin yo yo, its gotta be over for evermore.

 

Yep its hard avoiding him, with him working accross the road. I always make sure the coast is clear before setting foot out the door lately. Almost running dead into him Thursday night had a very bad effect on me.

 

I'm also afraid of him just showing up at my door like he's done numerous times already, I'm not sure how I'd handle it right now. Hopefully he'll just stay away this time. I don't wanna get sucked in again.

 

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[sandyv]

Well Dunzo, the stuff he's doing accross the road is home renovations for an old lady with a big house...... she has lots of work to be done there, so probably this is a long term situation unfortunately. When I saw him Thursday he was coming over here to visit my neighbours upstairs, .... which is funny... they are my friends not his, I don't know what he thinks he's doing, its strange. Its almost like he's trying to provoke me somehow, I don't get it.

 

Yep in some ways I'm a little better I suppose after 2 weeks, but still feeling horrible, and its true you feel worse the morning after drinking thats a for sure there! Heart still feels like its been sat on by a 2 ton elephant or something.

 

Well its gotta get better for both of us Dunzo.. I hope you never have to run into the x with that girl either, jealousy is a killer for me too.... it sucks.

[S.Ken]

Day 31

 

I dodged a HUUUUGE bullet last night. I had convinced myself to write a letter to my ex, apologizing for everything I had done that wronged her in the reationship, not only that, but I had planned on contructing a hand made elaborate bday card for her with the letter attached inside, afterwards I would stick it in her mailbox in the dead of night.

 

Fortunately my friend called me up and invited me to a keg party. I met a lotta cool people there and soon the idea of the whole bday card/apology letter drifted out of my head and NO I was not drunk.

 

When I woke up this morning I realized that I had already aknowledged and apologized for my actions in the last pathetic post-break up email I sent to her months ago.

That was close!

 

I just realized that all this happened on Day 30 of my NC and I didn't even notice.

Overall, I'm still doing the rollercoaster thing, but it's been a lot less intense lately. This morning I had no interest in anything about the ex whatsoever and it felt great! I know that it will probably change, in fact I found myself thinking about her this afternoon, but I'm really looking forward to the day when I will feel the same way, everday about her as i did this morning.

[lady00]

Well, I made it to day 30! Feel way way better than I did on day 1 that's for sure. I am kind of surprised that I was able to maintain NC for all of this time and that neither of us tried to contact each other. I guess it's for the best.

[Coyote9]

Day 62....if only I'd started NC 8 months ago after the first breakup!

[BrokenBear]

Alrighty, I'm starting this challenge. She just picked up the last of her things and it was the hardest thing to say goodbye and let her walk out the door. However, with that done, there's nothing left here for me to remind me of her, other than my own limitations/memories.

 

Day 1 starts tomorrow. Someone throw twinkies at me right now, I'm tempted to email her already!

[hfsf]

Well the NC thing is going well. I'm doing everything I am supposed to do, gym running etc.

 

Went out last night and ended the night in tears (its ok noone saw me!)

 

I doubt he was crying over me! Oh, when will I feel better???