TijuanaJones Posted January 24, 2007 Share Posted January 24, 2007 DAY19 update... OMG! my day has just gotten better!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i finally heard from the transfer school i applied to SDSU! and i got in! for the fall 07!! theres what like at least thousands and thousands of girls at that school WOW!!! ok..thats enough...i'll post tomorrow!!! Hi there rsxguy! Nice one, I went to SDSU, and let me tell you: There are TONS of cute girls there from all over California, so yeah, expect to have lots of fun there... oh, and of course, its also a very good school... haha Link to comment
TijuanaJones Posted January 24, 2007 Share Posted January 24, 2007 tijuanajones, i actually got a bold haircut hahahaha! Hahaha, you have no idea how hard I laughed! I truly hope it looks great on you! Link to comment
TijuanaJones Posted January 24, 2007 Share Posted January 24, 2007 Day 4 of NC Last night was weird... I went to the orthodontist (im getting my braces off in 2 weeks!), went to San Diego, CA to buy some groceries, fill up my car with gas, and then drove back to Tijuana... I was shopping for groceries when I started to feel real bad... there is something about those stores that make me sad... watching couples with kids.. uugh! When I was driving back home I had to drive thru a long street that was empty... all of a sudden I felt horrible and cried like a girl and screamed a lot... thats good therapy... I got home, began to prepare some light dinner for myself, and cried again, threw myself on the living room carpet... cried for a couple of minutes, and that was it... I felt relaxed afterwards, ate, watched the news, watched Seinfeld, and then fell asleep. Today I feel a little sad, but as if I have already entered a state of acceptance... My ex's mom told me I shouldnt be a fool and give up, she says she knows there is still a chance with her daughter, but I dont know... I think its better if I let her go... I have been through so much pain, and I dont think I will risk getting hurt again. I didnt do anything wrong to her, loved her, I was respectful, gaver her space, support, chose her over friends and work... I shouldnt be the one looking for another chance... Link to comment
ramsickle1369 Posted January 25, 2007 Share Posted January 25, 2007 #1---"CRIED LIKE A GIRL"? Hey watch it Crying is good for you. It allows you to release the emotions all built up inside you. Sounds like it helped you and I'm glad. I understand those moments of seeing couples together hand in hand. It really makes you feel lonely. #2--It's not necessarily "giving up" that you are doing. You are becoming a whole person again. Whether you get back together or not isn't for us to decide. All we can do is be strong with what God gives us. Believe me, if this isn't the one for you, then God will bring you the one that is... He knows the grand plan and some day, if it is someone different, you will actually be grateful for this pain because it taught you so much and w/o it you wouldn't get where you are going... Hang in there, and CRY MAN! CRY! It's not a shameful thing at all! I think it's kinda sexy! Link to comment
TijuanaJones Posted January 25, 2007 Share Posted January 25, 2007 #1---"CRIED LIKE A GIRL"? Hey watch it Crying is good for you. It allows you to release the emotions all built up inside you. Sounds like it helped you and I'm glad. I understand those moments of seeing couples together hand in hand. It really makes you feel lonely. Hahaha, I meant to say I cried like a little girl, but I mean REALLY! I was crying and amazed at the same time about the high pitch of the sounds coming out of me! LOL... Now Im laughing about it, but It felt horrible then... It helped a lot... In fact, this week I have been very focused on my job, my boss is happy with me (I was about to get fired a couple of weeks ago), I took control of business and I now everybody is noticing... I have been dealing with some kind of flu for the past 2 weeks, thats whats bothering me, if it weren't for that I think I would be happier... well, Im resting more and trying to regain my appetite... Link to comment
ahhh2jz Posted January 25, 2007 Share Posted January 25, 2007 Day 20 NC! oh man i cant believe its already been 20 days; I just hope I can keep going; I don't think I want the ex. showing up anytime soon, because to be honest I would probably tell her that I need some time to think about if i want to retry it or not. At the beginning of this challenge, i could have sworn i would say yes in a heartbeat; but i think a more carefuldecision has to be made; I don't want to get hurt again... Link to comment
Parsley Posted January 25, 2007 Share Posted January 25, 2007 Hey people I went to a gig in London tonight. Not the best I've even been to...three support acts is ridiculous. It is ridiculously cold though. First time I've even been to a gig and kept not only my jacket on, but also my scarf. And, I'm sure you'll all *love* to hear this - this is also the best I've smelt afterwards, lol! It was really good to get away from the house, have a beer and listen to some good (for the most part) music. Had the odd few moment where it was slightly sad...one being that throughout the whole gig I was stood next to a couple constantly hugging and giggling and so forth. I don't begrudge them it, I just wish I didn't have to be reminded of it. Also I was with a friend who talks about little else but her boyfriend and today it was about Valentine's day and then she was annoyed at him because he wasn't texting her enough (though he had like...5 times while we were out). It's difficult to be with someone who doesn't know how amazing they've got it. The moment I heard him say over the phone that he loved her was hardest. BUT! Nevermind. These are moments I will always encounter and must learn to deal with if I'm ever to get anywhere - ever. Tijuana - sorry you had a bad night last night...I hate the way they sneak up on you like that! But yeah, sometimes you do just get a final release before you realise you've let go. I remember that from a previous break up - one moment I was in hysterics...the next day I felt better than I had in months and carried on that way until...well until the build up to this break up. Link to comment
TijuanaJones Posted January 25, 2007 Share Posted January 25, 2007 The moment I heard him say over the phone that he loved her was hardest. BUT! Nevermind. These are moments I will always encounter and must learn to deal with if I'm ever to get anywhere - ever. Hi Parsley! Nice to hear you went to a gig! Its good to have some fun and not sit around... tomorrow night im flying out of town for the weekend, its going to be good... Hehehe, I just remembered this past saturday I was at a party with my friends, and one of them and his GF were hugging and kissing a lot, and I pretended to puke in front of them for doing it... it was kind of rude, but we shared a laugh hehehe I hope what I felt last night was the beginning of the end... Link to comment
Shaker Posted January 25, 2007 Share Posted January 25, 2007 TJ and Parsley, I love it when you guys post. It's nice 'hearing' familiar 'voices'. TJ: Glad you're on an upswing. Parsley: But doesn't it restore your faith in love a little when you see it working for other people? (I'd feel so much worse if I thought the universe was built of misconnections....) Link to comment
LindsayTD Posted January 25, 2007 Share Posted January 25, 2007 I was on day 44 and doing fine... but I emailed my ex. The last time I spoke/emailed him(Dec.11) I said how I loved him, missed him, and want to get back together. I told him I hope he'd regret leaving me, etc. Well, when I got home today from school I started thinking about how desperate and pathetic I sounded so before checking this site I just sent him a friendly email saying I hope he's doing well and to forget everything I said in my previous email. I said I was happy where I am in life now, and I hope he is too. He hasn't responded yet, but for some reason I feel relieved that my last words to him now are "I hope you're happy cuz I am," and not "I miss you." I do miss him, but not as much as I did a couple weeks ago. I just hope he doesn't email me back and make me sad. So... I guess I'm technically back to day 1. Link to comment
ramsickle1369 Posted January 25, 2007 Share Posted January 25, 2007 I started thinking about how desperate and pathetic I sounded so before checking this site I just sent him a friendly email saying I hope he's doing well and to forget everything I said in my previous email. I said I was happy where I am in life now, and I hope he is too. Lindsay--don't be too hard on yourself. Sometimes we have to get that last word out. It's a form of closure for us. I do the same thing. It's like I feel better knowing that I let him know I was doing good and am not really the mess he saw before. I think it's so awesome that you all share your stories so readily... It really helps me to know that I'm doing all the normal things. I had a wonderful day today. Was all focused on work and cheerful! Day #4 I guess, if you don't count the work contact. That's hard to keep separate. Our work relationship is very friendly, so it's hard to separate them. Link to comment
LindsayTD Posted January 25, 2007 Share Posted January 25, 2007 Thanks ramsickle. I thought I'd get "beat up" by everyone for breaking nc, so I appreciate your understanding Link to comment
ramsickle1369 Posted January 25, 2007 Share Posted January 25, 2007 Thanks ramsickle. I thought I'd get "beat up" by everyone for breaking nc, so I appreciate your understanding Well, to be honest, I'm not a big fan of NC. Sometimes it's necesary and other times brutal. Trouble is, when we're in the thick of it we can't tell the difference. I guess it reallly depends on how the other person is acting/reacting. I guess I should be officially back to day 0 since I did say something friendly that wasn't "strictly work" but he was being that way, too. Is it really wrong to be friendly if the other person is being friendly? I just don't know the difference any more... Link to comment
comfyshoes Posted January 25, 2007 Share Posted January 25, 2007 I know she's not coming back this time. I don't even know that i want her back. I just wish i could stop thinking about her and get on with my life. I wonder if hypnosis works???/ lol shoes Link to comment
rsxguy520 Posted January 25, 2007 Share Posted January 25, 2007 DAY20...too day was so overwhelming. too much driving back and forth. lol. today i went to do some transcript errands for the transfer i got into! yay for me. anyways i hung out with one my best friends in the same town as my ex. no biggie. he asked me if i was going to her (my ex) cousins 18th b-day party thing on sunday, cause i guess she's been hesitant to talk to me but still wants me to show up. i kind of simply told him, naHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! cause i know my ex will be there and why set myself up!? right!?! i rather be getting ready for school and what not and do other things in my life. then today i had a bunch of calls from a private number. hmm. i was assuming it was the ex's cousin. but who knows. i feel like it kind of offended her when my friend told her i wasn't going. oh well big deal. its the least of my concern. why show up and next you know it her family is going to pity me for what happen. haha yeah right!!! i don't know i feel brave for doing this. besides why is she having my friend invite me to her own party? real formal huh? anyways, my day went great, spent time with my family and just did some major bonding lol. its great to spend time and laugh with your family. so great. lol i love my family to death, they serious got me 1000000000000 x da MAX! gosh i feel great. i haven't really got to read much of the post, but i really wish everyone a great day tomorrow.! and smile! Link to comment
Parsley Posted January 25, 2007 Share Posted January 25, 2007 Shaker - I like it when I see 'familiar' people like you on here too! And...at the moment, no it doesn't restore my faith in it at all. It makes me miss having that so much that I don't get a chance to feel happy for them. But, like I said, nevermind, I'll just have to deal with it, cause I'm going to see it all the time. How's tricks with you? And everyone else? Link to comment
Shaker Posted January 25, 2007 Share Posted January 25, 2007 My new goal is to keep NC until at least a week after Valentine's Day even though today I feel like I might do it forever. If I make it through the anniversary and the holiday, then I should be named a saint! I feel fairly solid emotionally today, but I have noticed a general impatience creeping into me over the last couple of days, which is really out of character. I've also noticed I still have the attention span of a gnat....and that's meddling with the quality of work I've BUT that being said, I'm working on a couple of personal goals that the break-up made me face: 1. I hate accepting help from people (even when the people are friends) 2. I hate saying no to people who ask for help This week I've accepted help and refused to give it (okay, well, it was a small request, but it's a start!). How is everyone else doing this fine day? Link to comment
TonyMar75 Posted January 25, 2007 Share Posted January 25, 2007 Hey, all. Shaker and Parsely, I'm doing well. But I need advice from the folks on here. I'm hoping you can help. My ex dumped me almost a month ago. She said she didn't think it could work because of compatibility issues and she didn't think I was ready to give everything that's required to be a good partner -- she used the word "selfish." Ouch. I can look back and see that, in fact, I was taking her for granted, and I was selfish with my time. Man, that hindsight, huh? I really am in love with this woman -- not just the thought of being with her, but with HER. I want a second chance. It's been three weeks of pretty strong NC, but it can only be LC because we work together. I haven't called her, texted or emailed. I have asked her how she's doing a few times at the office, but that's it. She hasn't contacted me, either, but remember, we see each other five days a week. In staff meetings in the past couple of weeks, our eyes have met and they linger there. I swear I see something in her gazes that wouldn't be there if she wasn't having second thoughts. I try to convey a strong, playful, healed person in those looks. No sad eyes, no moon eyes, no puppy dog eyes. Just a smile and little flirtiness to let her know I still care. And I really try hard not to initiate them. But often I can feel her looking at me, and I look over, and our eyes lock. I just feel like these are not the looks of someone who is trying not to lead their dumpee on and get their hopes up. I'll cut to the chase -- I feel in my heart the need to send her one last note, something to let her know that I still care and my feelings haven't changed. I know, I know, the school of thought that if she wants to be with me, she'll approach me and make it happen. But one of the reasons she broke up with me was because she didn't think I even wanted to be in the relationship. I did what many of us dumpees do -- I told her I could change and improve the things that needed to be improved, but she said she felt like she made right decision. Those words have been ringing in my ears and have made it a little easier to do NC and try to let go. But she also said she thought I was just panicking at the thought of being alone and would say anything at that point. THAT is a huge argument for NC! You need to SHOW the person you've changed. Hey, I've learned something here, guys! And that's what I've done for three weeks. I've given her space and worked on ME. But I need this one last piece of closure. I was thinking of sending a note with just a few words telling her my feelings haven't changed. If I don't get a response or am rejected, that will be it for me. I will be able to move on. But her eyes have put much doubt in me. Advice, please? Some will say don't ever initiate contact, but I have a nagging feeling she's waiting for me to make a move. Thanks to all for reading and any thoughts you might have... Link to comment
Shaker Posted January 25, 2007 Share Posted January 25, 2007 Tony, A few thoughts your post. "Try"ing to look like a healed, whole person in these interactions means you think you're running a con on your ex. I'd like you to reach a place where you really feel this; I wonder what a whole work week would be like if you just lived purely for yourself....Not to maintain a certain image for your ex, not to hold open the door of possibility for reconciliation. But just did things for you under the pretense that there isn't any possibility other than to live with yourself for the rest of your days..... It would be an interesting experiment, maybe? About contacting her: I'm going to say it's too early, even though I fully appreciate the fact that you know your situation best. What I would want in your ex's shoes is not just evidence that you're holding yourself together for a few weeks, but to see actual, real change. This takes time. SD is going to thump me for this last bit, but here goes. If none of this 'live for yourself because that's all you have' advice doesn't sit right with you, then I'd suggest making a list of concrete ways you could act less selfishly, in your life and in your next relationship. Be very specific. If 'charity' is something you need to incorporate in your life, consider volunteer work. If taking the admin assistant for granted at your work is something you do, bring in flowers for her. If you always planned dates with your ex around your schedule and budget, write a note (TO YOURSELF) about what you'd do differently. That sort of thing. Link to comment
SuperDave71 Posted January 25, 2007 Author Share Posted January 25, 2007 Shaker, THUMP!!... THUMP!!... THUMP!!... THUMP!!... THUMP!!... THUMP!!... THUMP!!... THUMP!!... THUMP!!... THUMP!!... Ok, I feel better. he he he TonyMar75, Hello my friend. I understand how you feel. I really do and I know we all have that "gut feeling" inside that says "try ONE more time". I have had it myself...and TRIED many times with many girls and FAILED miserably. Now, I am a positive person...it's like being in a rock band that constantly gets denied a contract BUT maybe if they keep trying they MIGHT get a break. I understand that. BUT... DO NOT TRY TO WIN HER BACK....not right now. It has NOT been enought time. You will rip the scab ( eww ) clean off and start to hurt alllll over again. Your eyes lock, you heart starts to beat faster but you have NO idea what she is thinking... Maybe it's "Why the heck does he KEEP staring at me?"...or "He really looks good in that shirt" or maybe "I wish he woudl ask me out again"..or What did I ever see in him"...WHO KNOWS?! What you do know is that you miss her BUT you are getting stronger. You are letting TIME heal the past and working on you. Let me ask you this... What have yo learned? If you could have a second chance, what would you do differently that is NOT based on missing her? In my opinion, if you do "LOVE" her....what is alittle more time going to hurt? Be blessed you know what you know now and for goodness sake...SMILE when you see her and walk away. Ya never know....she may just persue you! HA HA Good luck and God Bless!! Your friend, SuperDave71 Link to comment
Pisces_Princess Posted January 25, 2007 Share Posted January 25, 2007 Hi Need2bMe... Took the day off work yesterday waited in for my telephone to be connected. Feeling very low. My apartment feels so quiet and I miss the sound of his voice and can't quite believe I won't hear it again. My place doesn't feel like my home and I just want to go home x Link to comment
Shaker Posted January 25, 2007 Share Posted January 25, 2007 Pisces, I'm sorry to hear you're down. Is it possible for you to take off for the weekend now that your apartment is set up? When I went away for a weekend alone to the closest big city, it really helped. Also, having people in my new place was a really good thing. I was worried I wasn't going to be a good hostess, but it's amazing what company (and wine! lol) can do to lift one's spirits. Link to comment
Parsley Posted January 25, 2007 Share Posted January 25, 2007 Hey Picses - Hope you feel ok again soon. It's weird, I want to move out of here and live by myself so much - what you don't want is what I'm longing for! Are you able to decorate where you are? SD - I got 'Don't Stop Believin' ' just like you suggested. Link to comment
SuperDave71 Posted January 25, 2007 Author Share Posted January 25, 2007 Parsley, I love that song! Not because it's well done...but the meaning behind it! I hope you enjoy it!!!! -Your Friend, SuperDave71 Link to comment
Pisces_Princess Posted January 25, 2007 Share Posted January 25, 2007 Hi Shaker, I live in a big city so probably should escape to the country! Am having friends and family over Friday and Saturday so that should be good. Parsley, The apartment is new so nothing needs to be done decoration wise, may treat my self to a facial and pedicure instead of sitting around feeling sorry for myself! The thing is I hate the way I was so involved in my relationship. I have posted may times before the fact that I lived alone before the ex came along and I LOVED it...It's not his fault I hate it now, it's mine. xxx Link to comment
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