Shaker Posted January 24, 2007 Share Posted January 24, 2007 I'm having a hard time with feelings about my ex tonight. I'm so sad about the fact that he moved on--from the moment of our split 6 weeks ago. The thing I can't stand about NC is that sometimes I think the longer I spend out of touch with him, the greater the chance is that he's going to fall in love with his new gal. Is there a window of opportunity that I'm messing up by keeping NC? Link to comment
ramsickle1369 Posted January 24, 2007 Share Posted January 24, 2007 Im considering taking anti-depressants to get me through the bad days... what does everybody think about that? I know they don’t solve internal issues, but also dwelling in my feelings for my ex don't solve anything either and just make me feel like rubbish... You don't need them. Please be advised... EVERYONE considering anti-depressants. They are HARD CORE DRUGS with hard core consequences. A friend of mine took Paxil for 2 years. It caused her to seek out anything that made her feel good. She became an alcoholic, sex-crazed, gained tons of weight, lower self-esteem, and had no remorse or concern for consequences. THEN... the aftermath of trying to get off the drug, she went into full fledged withdrawal. She couldn't eat, had the shakes, had mental meltdowns and was nauseous every time she ate. It was a horrible thing to witness. PLEASE, PLEASE reconsider. You don't need a drug to get thru bad times. If it's sleep you need, there are better alternatives. Do your homework, search the net. Get involved in something where you have a commitment to giving to others. Get out of the house. It really helps. Doctors are WAY too quick to prescribe drugs and the pharmaceuticals spend zillions on advertising making you think it's a "quick fix". It's not. It only delays the inevitable. Hang in there... Write us a ton of posts i finally heard from the transfer school i applied to SDSU! and i got in! for the fall 07!! so one more semester of CSUN and im out!!! YEAHHH!!!!! i guess when you think you lose something good, in my case my ex, the rewards are far more better! a better future for myself!!! wow, my day was going well, but it has just gotten even better!! YAY!!! omg... thats right, my ex left oh well. but now my future to succedd is gonna be far better, hey maybe i'll meet someone new, or even someone better. theres what like at least thousands and thousands of girls at that school WOW!!! ok..thats enough...i'll post tomorrow!!! this nc challenge has brought nothing but regreat rewards for myself. thank you! CONGTATS! That's awesome! It's really amazing how things change when you finally get past that negative focus and pain! Link to comment
ahhh2jz Posted January 24, 2007 Share Posted January 24, 2007 Shaker don't even worry; I don't think you breaking NC will improve the situation just think of how far back it'll drive him and hinder your healing. you have to stick to it! just be firm with yourself Link to comment
TonyMar75 Posted January 24, 2007 Share Posted January 24, 2007 I agree with ahhh, Shaker. If he moved on so quickly, he probably doesn't deserve you anyway. Ramsickle, I sent you a PM. You doing better? Link to comment
ramsickle1369 Posted January 24, 2007 Share Posted January 24, 2007 I'm having a hard time with feelings about my ex tonight. I'm so sad about the fact that he moved on--from the moment of our split 6 weeks ago. The thing I can't stand about NC is that sometimes I think the longer I spend out of touch with him, the greater the chance is that he's going to fall in love with his new gal. Is there a window of opportunity that I'm messing up by keeping NC? Wait just a darn minute... do you really hear yourself? He's beaten the self-esteem right out of you. You deserve a man who will stand by you and love you for who you are! Not jump into bed with the next floozy he happens to find interest in. Remember, NC is NOT to get the person back. It's for YOU to figure things out and think, too. Would you really want this guy back who immediately jumped into another relationship? He may not know for YEARS that he misses you because for now, he's got a quick fix. Rebounds don't work out because we don't allow for time to grieve the loss of the relationship... > Link to comment
Shaker Posted January 24, 2007 Share Posted January 24, 2007 Thanks ahhh2jz, and TonyMar75. I guess I feel it's not only the break-up I wish I could undo, but also the mistakes I've made since then....like telling him when asked that I may be open to being friends down the road, or staying in touch when I've broken NC, etc. The break-up keeps feeling more and more solidified, and at the end of the day, it sometimes feels not like I've accomplished another proud day of NC, but that I'm getting closer to 'never again.' Link to comment
Shaker Posted January 24, 2007 Share Posted January 24, 2007 You're right, ramsickle. That's in fact just what I needed to hear tonight. Thank you so much! Link to comment
TonyMar75 Posted January 24, 2007 Share Posted January 24, 2007 Thanks ahhh2jz, and TonyMar75. I guess I feel it's not only the break-up I wish I could undo, but also the mistakes I've made since then....like telling him when asked that I may be open to being friends down the road, or staying in touch when I've broken NC, etc. The break-up keeps feeling more and more solidified, and at the end of the day, it sometimes feels not like I've accomplished another proud day of NC, but that I'm getting closer to 'never again.' What do you mean by "never again"? Link to comment
ramsickle1369 Posted January 24, 2007 Share Posted January 24, 2007 Ramsickle, I sent you a PM. You doing better? Hey Tony, I am doing better... I'll have to look for that PM. I have all this work gearing up involving him and I've been wrestling with the emotional "break-up" I forced myself to take. It's hard to not have that communication we used to have… you know, dropping silly notes back and forth, IM's about nothing at all. For now, since he just read that email last night, I am laying low to see how he acts next time I see him. My goal is to resume the friendly banter we used to have and leave it at that. Not pursue anything physical. He seems to be OK with that part. I got several IM's from him yesterday, but all before he read my "Dear John" letter (I sent LAST Thursday!) Anyway, haven't contacted him personally yet... But the majority of our relationship was work-based... so it's hard to distinguish. I sure can feel the difference within ME, tho... NC is working for me. Link to comment
ramsickle1369 Posted January 24, 2007 Share Posted January 24, 2007 You're right, ramsickle. That's in fact just what I needed to hear tonight. Thank you so much! Anytime! Hey, we all need a kick in the behind on occasion. Just know that there's always a kiss to follow You poseted about "never again"... Are you saying that from your opinion or his? Meaning, that you will "never again" go back to him, or the other way around? Link to comment
audrey28 Posted January 24, 2007 Share Posted January 24, 2007 Day 17: I am starting to notice a pattern. I wake up feeling good about things, and experience the "lows" when I get triggers (e.g. getting an email from his friend). i am anxious about night times because this is the time of the day we used to spend together. i've been going out everynight and just changing my routine....i am thinking of the small advantages of being alone (as opposed to being with him) such as having my place exactly the way i want it, having my dvd collection alphabetized, having a smoke-free environment etc etc. boston23: yes, i am definitely reflecting on my life right now...decisions i've made, the future etc. fortunately for me, things are looking up career-wise. i am getting leads/invitations for better opportunities and i feel that these are things i can readily explore. looking back, i realize that i was sacrificing other options for the sake of the relationship...that maybe i didn't even consider the possibility of relocating because there was another person to think about. tijuanajones, i actually got a bold haircut hahahaha! Link to comment
TonyMar75 Posted January 24, 2007 Share Posted January 24, 2007 I'm glad, Ramey. I was wondering about you... I think NC is working for me, too. The pain is lessening, but I can't get rid of this pesky hope for another chance. Link to comment
ramsickle1369 Posted January 24, 2007 Share Posted January 24, 2007 I'm glad, Ramey. I was wondering about you... I think NC is working for me, too. The pain is lessening, but I can't get rid of this pesky hope for another chance. There's nothing wrong with hope... it's just when it's false hope that it stinks... For me, I'm fairly confident he'll come around... But I'm doing this for me... I need to heal and stop the rebound so that I can truly find ME again... And it's working. Thank goodness for ENA! Link to comment
audrey28 Posted January 24, 2007 Share Posted January 24, 2007 I think NC is working for me, too. The pain is lessening, but I can't get rid of this pesky hope for another chance. i feel the same way...there is a part of me that hopes i an be with my ex again... for me though, i know it's not going to work.....and i am thinking now that i am actually addicted to this relationship more than anything else....i've always known the problems, yet i carried on for the temporary relief the relationship offered. a lot of what i'm feeling right now is loneliness....the feeling that i am all alone in this world. Link to comment
ramsickle1369 Posted January 24, 2007 Share Posted January 24, 2007 ....the feeling that i am all alone in this world. You are eNOT ALONE! I understand what you mean. I was addicted to mine, too. That's why I had to break it. He would have left things as is, kept me hanging on with "it's not that I dont like you" but "I don't have time"... etc... I was more confused and the high I got from being near him was intoxicating. Of course, the crash would come, too. And then the neediness... It was a vicious self-destructing cycle. And the only cure is increased self-esteem! Link to comment
rsxguy520 Posted January 24, 2007 Share Posted January 24, 2007 RSX guy dude that is great to hear bro! are u nursing major? i was gonna apply to CSUN but i found out u needed a license already. Good luck to you! things are going great for me too! I just hope this streak continues for those who are still struggling in the NC just keep pressing forward actually im a mechanical engineering major. Thanks everyone for the Congrats. Seriously sometimes life brings u the most unexpected turns when things sometimes don't go your way! Link to comment
comfyshoes Posted January 24, 2007 Share Posted January 24, 2007 just a note on ramsickle's friend experrience of anti depressants. sure, they are not right for everyone and doctors do recommend that they are used in conjunction with professional help ie. a therapist or psychiatrist. the newer types of drugs are not adictive but the effect they have depends on the individuals state of mind. anyone having such severe reactions as the ones that you describe must not have been taking them under medical supervision and should probaly have been treated as an in patient. i do not extole the virtue of such medications lightly. i have taken them before and had no problem when it came to stopping. i have considered all other avenues open to me before i made the choice to take them again. they do not impare my function. i am a nurse and able to carry out my job with no ill effects. it is also worth knowing that the effects of serotonin from such medication is inhanced by physical exercise. such medications MUST be taken under medical supervision and any competant practitioner would request to see the patient every two weeks for the first couple of months to monitor the effects. shoes Link to comment
wonderfulconfusion Posted January 24, 2007 Share Posted January 24, 2007 Hello Everyone! Ive been reading everyone's posts, well done to all of you! Just by curiosity, have any of you had positive feed back from your ex's? Have any of them suddenly said "Ive realized my listakes and I want you back"...and you finally realise that you DONT want them back? Link to comment
christalix Posted January 24, 2007 Share Posted January 24, 2007 l am in for 6 days now since 16/01/2007. She saw me on icq yesternite , and asked me why l do not call anymore and if l got another girl. I did not reply to her and logged off. Link to comment
christalix Posted January 24, 2007 Share Posted January 24, 2007 l saw my ex on a dating site. I was thinking of adding my profile also there to make her jealous. Will it be a good idea? Link to comment
Biffy Posted January 24, 2007 Share Posted January 24, 2007 l saw my ex on a dating site. I was thinking of adding my profile also there to make her jealous. Will it be a good idea? Nope, any action geared at getting a reaction is not NC. Be the bigger man here, stop e-checking up on her so that you can heal. Link to comment
honeyspur Posted January 24, 2007 Share Posted January 24, 2007 Nope, any action geared at getting a reaction is not NC. Be the bigger man here, stop e-checking up on her so that you can heal. Amen Zombian!!! Link to comment
emrrn915 Posted January 24, 2007 Share Posted January 24, 2007 I am on day 3 and after doing some soul searching I don't think that posting on this site, other than maybe on a rare occasion is good for me. The 30 day challenge has to be for me, not for him. Although I do have feelings about the breakup.. thinking about them to make these posts every day is not going to allow me to heal. I cryed and wallowed for the last week since we split and I think that is enough. Do I miss him, yes. Am I as happy as I was before we split.. no but they key question.. am I happy in general, yes. Was I happy before I met him, yes. Have I been head over heels before for someone else, yes. Can I be that way again, be it with him, someone else or no one at all.. yes. Initially I thought give him 30 days to miss me and then he will want me back or that is what I was hoping, then I thought about it. WHY did he fall in love with me in the first place? I can tell you why.. because I was confident, didn't NEED him, and exuded happiness. If I sit around and hope for 30 days I will be the same person (the needy one) that he left a week ago. I have to get myself back to the person that I was and in order to do that I have to take care of me and forget about whether or not he will come back. If he does not come back in the 30 days then where am I left... still alone , still sad and no better than I am today. I have a list of things to do that I enjoy and things that have somewhat fallen by the wayside over the course of our relationship..Work out more, Read more, paint a couple of rooms, teach my son to drive, lunch with friends, market for work more, join a yoga class... being productive is not to keep busy so that I won't feel sad.. it is so I can once again be the person that I truly am. I kind of lost myself in this relationship which was good I was able to give me whole heart but bad in the fact that I morphed into a different person.. not the person that he fell in love with and not the person that I love. I was the dumper (well he dumped but I was relieved) in the last relationship I was in and he tried everything to get me back.. He would wait 30-90 days between attempts but he used passive aggressive guilt behaviors, manipulation and most of all neediness and it sickened me. I was looking over some of the romantic novel emails that he sent me and I realized that THEY are the precise reason I did not get back together with him. Had he given me some time then called me up and said lets go to coffee or for a drink and we had sat there and just talked about anything other than the relationship.. you know what.. I think I may have gotten back together with him. We have been done for 2 years and he still is asking me to go to lunch so that we can settle how things ended.. to me they ended fine.. he was nuts and no, there will never be such a lunch. I know everyone is sad but use the 30 days to better yourself for YOU not for them that way at the end of it you are either the person that they initially fell in love with (maybe better) or you are the person you were before you met them which means that you are ready to meet someone new. Just my two cents. Good luck to everyone and thanks for all of the support. Now it is time for me to go out and get "me " back.... Peace Erin Link to comment
Biffy Posted January 24, 2007 Share Posted January 24, 2007 Amen Zombian!!! I'm getting all this now! You've been great honey in helping me see the light. Muchas gracias Link to comment
honeyspur Posted January 24, 2007 Share Posted January 24, 2007 emrrn915 - How true your words are! How great that you came to this realization - and I wish you the best in finding yourself again. It's possible the week of "wallowing" gave you enough space to come to this clearer realization. Remember, everyone, that this challenge is meant to get you to finding yourself. It's not meant to talk about missing your ex every day. The purpose of writing every day is to establish a new habit to replace the old. It takes 28 days to get a habit firmly planted and thats the purpose of 30 days. By writing every day, it allows you to repeat your goal in your mind and speak it to another person - actions that "re-program" you back to a more "normal" state. That said, you may come to several realizations in this time, as emrrrn915, has. You may realize you aren't ready for this challenge and need to wait. You may realize your fault in the relationship and are able to return to it with more fairness and clarity. You may realize this new "alone" time ith yourself is actually enjoyable and being out of the relationship is satisfactory. Or you may realize, like emrrn915, that even writing here is too much of a distraction from getting on with your life. Whatever happens, it's best for you. Stay on track and don't give up - the answer will come to you..... Link to comment
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