papalazarou Posted January 23, 2007 Share Posted January 23, 2007 Yes Im ok today Pisces - as I said earlier I bought a SD keyring! Well a Spongebob one anyway! So now I can think what would superdave say HA HA Im getting quite used to spending nights on my own now - it does get easier although I saw her last nite. She has alot on her plate at the moment. Her dad has taken a turn for the worst (cancer) and obviously with my aunt its not been the best start for the year. She also feels she may need to up her medication and is toying with getting signed off from work again Parsley you have to do what you feel is right. But I know SD would advise not to send it - that would send a clear message to him that you have moved on. Link to comment
Pisces_Princess Posted January 23, 2007 Share Posted January 23, 2007 Hi PapaL, Sorry to hear about your girlfriends Father, that's not good news at all. I think it's not just spending the night alone, it's because the place seems so unfamiliar...it's like being in a hotel and doesn't feel like home. I know that I will get used to it, but it just seems so different and new (and not in a good way at the moment!) Link to comment
boston23 Posted January 23, 2007 Share Posted January 23, 2007 Day 3. I was feeling really good when I woke up today. Last night I called my mom and talked to her about how I was having second thoughts about becoming a doctor and she was very reassuring that whatever I choose will be great. I have a med school interview on Thursday so I guess this isn't the best time to be having these second thoughts. Oh well, better now than after I actually get through med school. As the day has progressed (ok, the 3 hours I've been up), I've been feeling a little more down. Thinking about my ex and sighing every 2 seconds. I'm definitely a little lonely right now, and I miss having him around He still isn't talking to me though, so it makes this whole NC thing a lot easier!! Link to comment
Shaker Posted January 23, 2007 Share Posted January 23, 2007 Parsley, I can understand wanting to send a birthday note, but how do you think you would feel if you did? What would you expect (if anything) from your ex if you sent a card? What if this didn't happen? Pisces, It really does get better living away from the ex. It's taken me a while to sleep well and be happy here, but my new apartment is growing on me. Plus, it's great not having to clean up after or cook for my ex! Amazing how much time I have now! Day ???? I had a rough day this weekend after bumping into my ex and getting a couple of nasty emails from him. I wrote back, except to the last one which didn't need a response.....and I was in a funk for almost a day and a half, but I spent some great time alone and spoiled myself with pushing through some work, then doing some fun things on my own (and for myself), going for long walks, buying shoes, etc. I also went on a string of dates last week and over the weekend. One was disasterously terrible, one was boring and I was so glad when it ended!, one was fun and flirty and so easy, and the last one....well, we had a good laugh and like each other as friends. I know I'm not ready to date anyone seriously, but it's been nice meeting new people and filling my evenings. This week I don't feel the urgency to 'fill' time like I have since the break-up. I'm starting to feel like I am living just for me now, so I'm trying to take it a little easier (too many late nights for poor Shaker have her feeling a little worn). We'll see how a much less hectic social calendar feels.... Link to comment
SuperDave71 Posted January 23, 2007 Author Share Posted January 23, 2007 Good morning everyone!! ( It's 9:41 here in Memphis, TN) I wanted to check in with everyone.... BTW Papalazarou..you are WAAAAY to funny. I am glad that you can look at SpongeBob and think of this forum. ha ha You guys are doing great...Can anyone actually feel like you have "Let Go"...or do you feel as if you haven't but trying like heck to actually free yourself? Let me know...I am interested in hearing your replys. Take care, SuperDave71 Link to comment
Pisces_Princess Posted January 23, 2007 Share Posted January 23, 2007 Hi Shaker, Great post! You know the feeling it's like I am living in a hotel, not a home...I guess that's the crux of it, it just doesn't feel like home! I am off work tomorrow having 'phone connected etc so I will explore my new neighbourhood. SuperDave, No haven't really felt like I have let go and it's very difficult at the moment, but for me this is the real beginning of NC now I have moved and and got most of my things, I don't need to contact him anymore. So it's actually only day 3 Link to comment
papalazarou Posted January 23, 2007 Share Posted January 23, 2007 Hi Shaker, Great post! You know the feeling it's like I am living in a hotel, not a home...I guess that's the crux of it, it just doesn't feel like home! When you finally have everything unpacked and sorted and up and running then it will I guarantee it!!! Link to comment
Pisces_Princess Posted January 23, 2007 Share Posted January 23, 2007 Thanks PapaL. I really hope so! x Link to comment
Parsley Posted January 23, 2007 Share Posted January 23, 2007 As difficult as it has been to definitely decide this, I'm not going to contact him. And not just because it would clearly be a terrible idea, and I know I'd end up hoping for a reply...as many people here in my *real* life as it were have pointed out...he doesn't deserve it from me. Not yet in any case. He ignored me and me trying to help. He ignored me after promising not to. If I sent him even the Happy Birthday it would put power back in his hands to break me once again. He ignored me too much for me to want to give him another chance. Link to comment
papalazarou Posted January 23, 2007 Share Posted January 23, 2007 As difficult as it has been to definitely decide this, I'm not going to contact him. And not just because it would clearly be a terrible idea, and I know I'd end up hoping for a reply...as many people here in my *real* life as it were have pointed out...he doesn't deserve it from me. Not yet in any case. He ignored me and me trying to help. He ignored me after promising not to. If I sent him even the Happy Birthday it would put power back in his hands to break me once again. He ignored me too much for me to want to give him another chance. SD couldnt have put it better parsley x Link to comment
Biffy Posted January 23, 2007 Share Posted January 23, 2007 Can anyone actually feel like you have "Let Go"...or do you feel as if you haven't but trying like heck to actually free yourself? I feel like I'm getting there Dave. I'm feeling happy within myself and don't think too much about her anymore. Doing good. Hope all is well with you. Link to comment
Shaker Posted January 23, 2007 Share Posted January 23, 2007 Way to go, Parsley! Pisces, Here are some practical things I did to help this place feel like home: 1. Stocked the cupboards with favorite foods, and made sure to cook really nice meals a few times a week 2. Invited people over for tea / coffee / wine 3. Sent around my new address to friends and family 4. Bought a new houseplant 5. Learned where all of the lightswitches are, the fuse box, when the garbage man comes, how to use the dishwasher, etc. 6. Did things in my new neighborhood like go to church, grocery shop, go to the convenience store, walk and jog around the neighborhood, hit the local sports bar, introduced myself to neighbours 7. Got a new dvd rental card from a local spot 8. Learned the bus routes 9. Allowed myself to sleep next to a pile of pillows until I didn't need to anymore! (It's hard after sharing a bed with someone for years....) 10. Joined a fitness group in my sport that meets nearby 11. Got a letter in the mail here 12. Put anything and everything that reminded me of my ex in storage 13. Did my first load of laundry here.... 14. And did the superdave dance around my apartment in my undies! Hope some of this helps. But the good thing about that hotel feeling? You can use as many towels as you want! Link to comment
Parsley Posted January 23, 2007 Share Posted January 23, 2007 I have a question SD...you can't get Twinkies in England...so does that mean we're exempt from that particular rule? Link to comment
Shaker Posted January 23, 2007 Share Posted January 23, 2007 A quick response to SD question of the day: Sometimes I'm 100% sure I've let go. I say all the typical things to myself (even platitudes like 'there's nothing there to return to', 'why settle for less than what you deserve', etc.). And once in a while I slip into feeling scared that I'll never be over this, and am 100% sure of that ('I should fight for him', 'I'll never love this much again', 'he's my soulmate'). So, I guess my answer is a little of both, and depending on what phase I'm in, I'm certain I'm right. Impossible, I know. But there it is. Link to comment
Parsley Posted January 23, 2007 Share Posted January 23, 2007 I feel like that often Shaker. Before yesterday I felt so certain that I would never get back with this guy...I was always saying to myself "It's his loss" "You're gonna be a better person for this" etc. Then when I started thinking about the birthday stuff yesterday, I found myself thinking "what if he was hoping I would contact him and wants to try again?" and ended up having a huuuuuuuge conversation with myself about what it would take for me to get back with him and eurgh. It drained me. So...yeah I feel the same. Most of the time I feel like I'm really getting over him and moving on. Then suddenly I'm stuck again and only thinking of how much I miss him. Last week in Pompey I'd had a few drinks (ahem) and you know how it loosens your tongue...my friend Nic got a right earful about *everything* I missed. Oh god...that's embarrassing. Link to comment
papalazarou Posted January 23, 2007 Share Posted January 23, 2007 I have a question SD...you can't get Twinkies in England...so does that mean we're exempt from that particular rule? Im sure he would replace it with a similar cream or sponge cake! Link to comment
Parsley Posted January 23, 2007 Share Posted January 23, 2007 A victoria sponge maybe? Or one of Mr. Kipling's finest? I could go for some angel cake right now. Link to comment
papalazarou Posted January 23, 2007 Share Posted January 23, 2007 A victoria sponge maybe? Or one of Mr. Kipling's finest? I could go for some angel cake right now. and a nice hot cup of tea! Link to comment
Parsley Posted January 23, 2007 Share Posted January 23, 2007 How quintessential! Exceedingly good cakes... Link to comment
luvmykids Posted January 23, 2007 Share Posted January 23, 2007 Hi Pisces, Things will settle down soon enough. Your in a new place to start a new life. I agree with shakers list..I also did many things on that list and it works. Have you thought about getting a pet? fish? Parsley, I agree with not sending a card....I think you know whats best for you and dont let his b-day be an excuse to contact him, once this day passes,,you will feel sooo much better for standing your ground. Link to comment
Pisces_Princess Posted January 23, 2007 Share Posted January 23, 2007 Hi Shaker, Thank-you so much much for those hints. I am just missing the tangible things, when I got home from work he was always waiting for me and I would have a bath and we would talk about our day...you know just everyday things...and now my home will be empty. I know I can do this, I lived alone for 8 years before we got together and I loved it. I suppose it's a matter of adapting to a situation and I know I will, because I have to x Link to comment
Pisces_Princess Posted January 23, 2007 Share Posted January 23, 2007 Hi Luv, Tom and I have a cat which I want custody of! x Link to comment
luvmykids Posted January 23, 2007 Share Posted January 23, 2007 SD, I let go..I can say that with confidence and honesty! Im at a point that I just dont care anymore.....wish he would leave me alone! Im doing NC again and NOT giving into the pressure. If I see him in public, Im walking away......Plenty of the people around me know what he has been doing and understand my need to up and leave if need be. Link to comment
luvmykids Posted January 23, 2007 Share Posted January 23, 2007 Hi Luv, Tom and I have a cat which I want custody of! x Is he willing to give you the kitty? If not and its going to be a big hassle, maybe just get a new kitten. I know its not that easy...ive had my cats for 10 and 12 years..wouldnt give them up for anything.......hopefully he is nice about it. Link to comment
Parsley Posted January 23, 2007 Share Posted January 23, 2007 Well I don't have to worry about the birthday message anymore! 5 o'clock came and went without me even noticing, so now I don't even have the option to send him an email, and I'm NOT texting him. I rule... Link to comment
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