luvmykids Posted January 12, 2007 Share Posted January 12, 2007 I think I feel bad because I know why he is calling... the whole cake and eat it too. He doesnt want a commitment but doesnt want me to move on either. And I know the times he has called was after drinking and snooping around in my life. we have mutual friends and I think hes getting the scoop on me but im not going to stop my life to hide from him. Link to comment
luvmykids Posted January 12, 2007 Share Posted January 12, 2007 sometimes but mostly no message which makes me think hes just trying to get me to think about him Link to comment
luvmykids Posted January 12, 2007 Share Posted January 12, 2007 pisces, Im a pisces also... let me guess? your a very giving forgiving person that would do anything for anyone? Thats what gets me. Link to comment
luvmykids Posted January 12, 2007 Share Posted January 12, 2007 SD, in this challenge, does running into him count as contact? because I was out and he was there but I didnt say ONE word to him. by the way, Im in! I couldnt do it before this challenge but im hanging in there thanks to all of you! Link to comment
SuperDave71 Posted January 12, 2007 Author Share Posted January 12, 2007 Luv... No....running into an ex DOES NOT COUNT....only purposeful contact. Does this help? -SuperDave71 Link to comment
Parsley Posted January 12, 2007 Share Posted January 12, 2007 Ok...so I managed about an hour and a half before coming back on here cause I've spiralled downwards into a fit of the blues. I keep thinking about my things that are at his. It's not much, but they're things I would really like back - but I don't know what to do about them. I don't want to contact him to ask for them back, but I seriously doubt he would get in touch with me. Then when I was thinking about those, I remembered my phone. A few months ago he had to start using my old pay as you go phone, while he got back on track with his new job and bills etc. He kept saying he would give it back to me because he didn't feel right taking a phone from me for nothing. I said I didn't need it anymore, but ok. When I gave it to him I left my old messages in my inbox - the ones from him that I'd kept, you know the kind that just made you smile so much you couldn't bear to delete them. I'd even saved a couple. Now part of me won't stop thinking about whether he's deleted them or not. I mean..I've deleted all the messages he sent to my new mobile, but I don't know whether he would have removed the ones from his phone. I assume so. They're just two things that keep coming back to annoy me and get me down. I feel like once I've got my things back I won't have missing them to make me think of him anymore. But I just can't speak to him. Or see him. Both my for emotional well-being and his physical well-being. Link to comment
luvmykids Posted January 12, 2007 Share Posted January 12, 2007 It makes me feel sick...when you heart leaps in to your mouth...but I ignore it x I know what you mean. I just try and remember the BS he put me through and it gives me the strenth not to answer. Besides, Hes not calling to talk about anything of importance, so... why answer? right? Link to comment
luvmykids Posted January 12, 2007 Share Posted January 12, 2007 Luv... No....running into an ex DOES NOT COUNT....only purposeful contact. Does this help? -SuperDave71 Yes, thank you.. He knew I would be there. When I saw his truck in the parking lot I almost went home, but walked in with a smile and head high! yippeee.. i think Im getting the hang of this! Link to comment
SuperDave71 Posted January 12, 2007 Author Share Posted January 12, 2007 THERE ya GO Luvmykids!! THAT is EXACTLY the attitude you need!! It's alllll about you!!! NOT YOUR EX! -SuperDave71 Link to comment
Parsley Posted January 12, 2007 Share Posted January 12, 2007 Ok I just did something I really shouldn't have. No, I didn't contact him in anyway - didn't email, ring, text, or answer an email, phone call or text. I don't really know what made me do it even. I just found myself doing it. I went back and read the last email that he sent me. I'd asked him to answer 3 things for me - he only answered 1, and even said at the end of it, feel free to ask anything else you want answered. When I replied saying that he hadn't answered the things I asked, he didn't reply. So yeah, I just read that email and it's just brought it all back like it was today. Why on earth did I do this to myself? Link to comment
Shaker Posted January 12, 2007 Share Posted January 12, 2007 Parsley, As part of breaking NC yesterday, my ex did bring along a few things of mine he found around the apartment. It didn't make me feel better getting them back. It kind of felt like he couldn't handle being around anything of mine any longer. Did I want the stuff? Sure. I didn't ask for it though, and now that I have it, it doesn't really help me. I would suggest that you don't contactyour ex about the things because no matter what, it's going to look to your ex like you have other motives. Link to comment
Parsley Posted January 12, 2007 Share Posted January 12, 2007 Thanks Shaker. I don't think I will contact him. Now I think about it, he's mvoing at the beginning of the month, so would say something then I'm guessing. I've just discovered how unprepared I am to see him - I thought I would at least be able to keep calm while he was there. But as a result of some weird reason, I read back that email, and am crying again, when I haven't for about a week. Link to comment
meantime Posted January 12, 2007 Share Posted January 12, 2007 luv, at this stage any form of contact or missed contact can send one's mind spinning and get one's stomach very upset. It will get better, then it won't, then it will again. I am counting on what I have read on here about NC to be true, that one truly does emerge stronger for having done the work of NC and it is work. I am exhausted from all of the emotions I have to deal with now that I can't just give him a buzz to let those emotions out. I am forced to deal with everything on my own which is the point of it all. A bit offtrack but to answer your question, yes, yes, contact of any kind at this point causes emotional upset. Sorry, luv. Link to comment
luvmykids Posted January 12, 2007 Share Posted January 12, 2007 When I split with my ex husband I walked out of a house that we shared with nothing but what I needed for myself and the kids...the people who bought our house got everything in it for the most part furniture and all. They are Just things...I guess I just needed a clean slate. hope this helps. Link to comment
luvmykids Posted January 12, 2007 Share Posted January 12, 2007 Sorry everyone, my computer is old and testy..hahaha, so it takes me a minute or two to reply. by the way.. the ex im dealing with right now is not the ex husband. I figure i can walk away from a 10 yr marriage with kids.. I can walk away from this current man as well.. I just hurts beacuse i took a risk with my heart and here I am..broken. Link to comment
luvmykids Posted January 12, 2007 Share Posted January 12, 2007 luv, at this stage any form of contact or missed contact can send one's mind spinning and get one's stomach very upset. It will get better, then it won't, then it will again. I am counting on what I have read on here about NC to be true, that one truly does emerge stronger for having done the work of NC and it is work. I am exhausted from all of the emotions I have to deal with now that I can't just give him a buzz to let those emotions out. I am forced to deal with everything on my own which is the point of it all. A bit offtrack but to answer your question, yes, yes, contact of any kind at this point causes emotional upset. Sorry, luv. Meantime, I can relate. I was soooo nervous when I saw him. Emotions can eat us alive if we let them. And you are not alone. As far as the ups and downs of healing and greiving.. I would rather have them then the ups and downs of a realtionship going nowhere.... hang in there! Link to comment
Parsley Posted January 12, 2007 Share Posted January 12, 2007 Luvmykids - ok, my situation isn't quite the same as yours...but kind of similar. I had a big break up last year, and had ignored my instincts when it was coming to an end, and so got more hurt than I could have been. I told myself I wasn't going to let myself do that again, and when I met this ex I tried everything I could to stop myself falling for him, but as he kept assuring me it was ok, I finally gave in. I took a risk with it...and less than 6 months later he tells me he doesn't love me anymore. It hurts a lot when you take a risk and the very reason it was a risk comes to pass. *hug* Link to comment
TijuanaJones Posted January 12, 2007 Share Posted January 12, 2007 Today is day 16, NC Yesterday it was a glorious day for me, because I decided to let go of my ex (even though deep inside I love her and want her back). I felt motivated and happy, like my old self. I even changed my route when I got back home so I wouldnt feel uneasy when I drive past her house and see a strange car parked outside her house. I watched a movie, then went early to sleep, but the toughts of her assaulted me the minute I laid down. I then plugged my Ipod and started listening to music with a low volume and fell asleep, but I kept waking up like ten times during the night (I live alone). Today im not feeling that great and I cannot lie to myself, I love her and miss her a lot and want to go back to her. I want the pain to stop. I cant concentrate on work I have to do... I pray to God this ends soon so I can get back with my life... Link to comment
luvmykids Posted January 12, 2007 Share Posted January 12, 2007 Luvmykids - ok, my situation isn't quite the same as yours...but kind of similar. I had a big break up last year, and had ignored my instincts when it was coming to an end, and so got more hurt than I could have been. I told myself I wasn't going to let myself do that again, and when I met this ex I tried everything I could to stop myself falling for him, but as he kept assuring me it was ok, I finally gave in. I took a risk with it...and less than 6 months later he tells me he doesn't love me anymore. It hurts a lot when you take a risk and the very reason it was a risk comes to pass. *hug* Parsley, I think we have similar stories. I too was fighting my feelings with current ex, He said the same things. Assuring me that we were after the same goal (long term realationship). I was very honest when we started dating and told him I wasnt interested in a fling.. He said he wasnt either. In the beginning he was pushing for us to live together, which i declined. Then as things moved along, I called his bluff and said I did want to move in together and his whole story changed! long story. I really didnt want to move in with him. I knew after time spent with him that he was full of BS most of the time and calling his bluff was a safe move because I knew he was playing games. Thats when I knew I needed to leave and move on...but i kept going back and braking NC.... Not this time! Link to comment
Shaker Posted January 12, 2007 Share Posted January 12, 2007 TJ, Sorry for your pain. The fluctuations between having a good day and a bad one are so hard. Here for you! Link to comment
pinkbunnie Posted January 12, 2007 Share Posted January 12, 2007 feeling very down.. feeling depressed now.. my ex imed me yesterday telling me something important to him i guess. he is joining the lapd and his background investigator will call me to ask q's about him. werid if u ask me.. anyways, im really confused now. need some help...... i dunno what to do.. im so lost now he says these things to me like as if he still has feelings or care for me.....and i dont know how to deal with them...I choose NC but i keep failing. am i stupid or what? =( Link to comment
luvmykids Posted January 12, 2007 Share Posted January 12, 2007 feeling very down.. feeling depressed now.. my ex imed me yesterday telling me something important to him i guess. he is joining the lapd and his background investigator will call me to ask q's about him. werid if u ask me.. anyways, im really confused now. need some help...... i dunno what to do.. im so lost now he says these things to me like as if he still has feelings or care for me.....and i dont know how to deal with them...I choose NC but i keep failing. am i stupid or what? =( Pink, just a thought..but, He might be doing this to cause confusion for you. Dont let him! confusion delays healing. My ex confused me terribly, It gave him control. I delete every message. I helps. I used to save the messages, just to hear his voice. I know, silly, but what im getting at is that makes things worse for you. You have no obligation to be a reference for his new job. hope this helps. Link to comment
TijuanaJones Posted January 12, 2007 Share Posted January 12, 2007 thanks Shaker! I know there are no rules-of-thumb here, but how many weeks would be reasonable for me to expect her to break down and call me? Ten days ago she told a cousin of mine that she misses me, and last saturday and sunday she talked to me on MSN, but nothing serious. Since then I blocked and deleted her from MSN. Not knowing anything about her is killing me... maybe she is feeling the same about me... Link to comment
Enitsirk Posted January 12, 2007 Share Posted January 12, 2007 This may sound ridiculous, but it's working for me. I am dialing his number into my remote control. I pretend that he answers and then I vent out all my frustations. I am 'fake calling" him, does that count? I have to do something to let out my anger here. I have been married for only 11 months and my husband has filed for a divorce. We met and started dating in 2002. In May of 2006 I had my tubes reversed so I could have a baby with him. Now he is abandoning me and my unborn baby. Told me he hasn't been in love with me for years, and said he was too nice of a guy to let me know how he was really feeling. I am an emotional wreck, one minute sad and distraught, the next minute angry. Link to comment
meantime Posted January 12, 2007 Share Posted January 12, 2007 pinkbunnie, it is so horrible to implement NC when you are still in love. We have to go through this every day and keep working taking care of kids doing all that needs to be done in the course of a day! Someone trying to stop drinking or using drugs can go to a detox and just battle it out. We have to battle it out behind closed doors, while driving, in public, you name it that heartache is there beneath it all smoldering. I have read about love and how addicting it can be and the chemical reactions it produces are not unlike those felt from drug use. So what you are feeling is withdrawal from your love object. There are so many excellent books out there that won't make you feel better but they will help you understand why you are feeling this way. And like drugs that we are trying to overcome, we can't or shouldn't be near or have contact with them until we are in a place strong enough to resist them. In some cases we will never be strong enough so we have to live a life of NC. I wish I could say something to make you feel better. I myself am waiting to feel better. You are not stupid at all, just try again and again... Link to comment
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