redreine Posted February 13, 2009 Share Posted February 13, 2009 I'm actually happy that I broke NC. We discussed a lot of things, and I got some answers to my burning questions. For one, every one on here kept saying that he must have been planning to break up with me for a long time. So I told him that I knew that it was a long time coming, and he said "Honestly, the thought never even crossed my mind until Saturday when you freaked out." So it makes me feel a little better that a good portion of our relationship wasn't a lie, like I've been made to feel it was. He really is exactly the man I know he is, and he broke up with me on a whim. (why that's comforting, I'm not sure) I think he's really starting to realize the mistake that he made. I know he is talking to other girls, and that doesn't bother me. He knows that I'm talking to another guy...what he doesn't know is that I'm going on a date with this guy on Valentine's Day. He actually told me he doesn't need to know about me and other guys. I really felt like saying "Well you wouldn't have to worry about me with other guys if you hadn't dumped me, now would you?" As for helping him fill out his profile, I'll be ok with it, because I know that nothing will really come of it. He's told me that he wants me to keep the stuff that I have of his. He seems to be understanding that he has "blame" in what went wrong at the end, and while we were talking last night, he gave a sign or two that he regretted his decision. The only thing is...I'm no longer sure if *I* regret his decision... Link to comment
BrokenheartUK Posted February 13, 2009 Share Posted February 13, 2009 i'm sorry you're feelin that way. i'm really nervous about tomorrow too. i know,only in my greatest dreams would he even THINK about me tomorrow. but i still keep thinkin about it. i'm scared to accept anyone's date invitations. so i bet i'll probably end up spending the day/night alone at my house...thereforee i'll be thinking about HIM the whole time... tomorrow is gonna be depressing..i already feel it The depression has already set in for me as the end of the working day approaches, I can just imagine all of the 'can't wait to see you' emails and texts they've been exchanging all day as we used to do it all the time. Friday nights mean that he's finishing work then off to spend the weekend at her house, the two days of pleasure will begin in roughly half an hour while I trudge off home alone... Parlae > I'd say go out tomorrow night, spend it with friends, just don't sit home alone THINKING. I know how bad I'll feel if I do that, especially when I know my ex won't even giving me one single passing thought tomorrow. I've made plans to go out with friends and try to have fun, it's the only way I'll get through the night. Why should I stay in, get depressed and feel worse with each passing hour when I know she's off having fun with him, not even caring about me? It will achieve nothing. Link to comment
wiley Posted February 13, 2009 Share Posted February 13, 2009 Tomorrow "Valentines Day" is just another day IMO! Nothing different to any other day. Yeah me and my ex would spend it together being romantic and stuff, but if im honest, it wasn't really much different to the day before or the day after! Only difference was a few flowers and chocolates. Its all hyped up anyway, just another money making scheme. Link to comment
brazilgirl21 Posted February 13, 2009 Share Posted February 13, 2009 Well, at least you guys are worried about ONE day. I'm worried about 1 week from today when he is travelling with this other girl for 1 week with a couple of buddies and their girls. When I KNOW he's not ready for that. Ugh, he was all confused less than a month ago about getting back with me how can he already be SO certain and taking this girl on a trip? Honestly, it does NOT make sense and I don't know how he can't see it. The depression is already settling in for me too and I have 1 WHOLE week before they even go to avoid NC. I don't know how I will get through it. Link to comment
parlae Posted February 13, 2009 Share Posted February 13, 2009 I'm actually happy that I broke NC. me too. i feel bad for breaking the challenge rules. but i'm proud that i wasnt the one who initiated it. i had no plans of contacting him, he texted me out of the blue yesterday. and today too, actually. i'm glad that me and my ex are on a friends-basis right now it feels really good just talking to him. its back to how it was before we were dating. and that's totally fine with me for now. Parlae > I'd say go out tomorrow night, spend it with friends, just don't sit home alone THINKING. I know how bad I'll feel if I do that, especially when I know my ex won't even giving me one single passing thought tomorrow. I've made plans to go out with friends and try to have fun, it's the only way I'll get through the night. Why should I say in, get depressed and feel worse with each passing hour when I know she's off having fun with him, not even caring about me? It will achieve nothing. i know it's not good to sit here thinking about what he'll be doing tomorrow. if i could go out with friends, trust me..i would. i usually go out every other normal night, but my friends are all in relationships. so obviously they're going out with their guys for v-day. lol Link to comment
Sunkist09 Posted February 13, 2009 Share Posted February 13, 2009 Day 8 Tomorrow is V day. I am excited because tomorrow will be a day that I can show off my strength. I am not afraid of being alone. I enjoy sleeping alone. I miss him alot, but I forgot all about ever touching him, how he feels like, how he smells like, I don't even remember how he held me... I blocked him from my memories already... When I do remember, it hurts alot, but I have already told myself, it's over for good... and it will be...if I keep strong. Link to comment
brazilgirl21 Posted February 13, 2009 Share Posted February 13, 2009 I broke NC again too. We are all so weak guys! Link to comment
parlae Posted February 13, 2009 Share Posted February 13, 2009 I forgot all about ever touching him, how he feels like, how he smells like, I don't even remember how he held me... I blocked him from my memories already... how have you done that? lol i feel like i'll always remember how my ex smells/feels and how he held me, the way he would look at me, etc. Link to comment
SuperDave71 Posted February 13, 2009 Author Share Posted February 13, 2009 Before you break No Contact, ask yourself this simple question: "What positive difference will it make if I break No Contact? The problems you are facing are all the same. Your instinct is what you HOPE will happen rather than what DOES happen. There is a HUGE difference between what you assume and what you know. If you are unsure of whether you should contact or not, don't do it. If you make contact and don't get the results you hoped for, you are only runnig backwards instaed of moving forward. Love has no time limits and if they love you, nothing can keep them from loving you. Stop the notions that you HAVE TO DO something in order to "win the back". Imagine playing tug of war by yourself. If there is no one on the other side, what's the point in playing? If you continue to over analyze everything you ex throws at you then you are not ready to break NC. Words are only words unless actions back them up. Don't settle for scraps when you should be sitting at the table enjoying the feast. Think about it... -SuperDave71 1 Link to comment
TLguy Posted February 13, 2009 Share Posted February 13, 2009 I broke NC again too. We are all so weak guys! End of day 12 for me...so Im not doing too bad. But like I said before, I couldnt contact her even if I wanted to. I could send her a facebook message or email but she goes on the internet like once a month at the most. Damn tomorrow is going to be hard though Link to comment
SuperDave71 Posted February 13, 2009 Author Share Posted February 13, 2009 Tomorrow is another day just like today. If you make it to be a special day, then you will make yourself feel worse because of the meaning you put into it. If you hear a song you have heard a million times and thought nothing of it yet you danced with your ex under the stars and shared a special moment, then suddenly something that was once trivial becomes meaningful. Let go of tomorow being for lovers...feel lucky you have loved and lost rather than never have loved at all. I know its hard but try to focus on those that DO love you rather than the ONE that is acting like they don't Think about it... -SuperDave71 Link to comment
Sunkist09 Posted February 13, 2009 Share Posted February 13, 2009 That's the right spirit. At this present time, it's nearing 6 weeks, I feel that I have no more chances, so I must face the music and learn to let go and move on. I am not going to hurt myself anymore by thinking that I "might" have a chance...bc that thinking will only want to make me contact him and look more pathetic. If I am to loose him forever, my last impression that i want him to think of me is, dignified, respectful, and strong... not desperate, pathetic, and loser. Get it? Link to comment
parlae Posted February 13, 2009 Share Posted February 13, 2009 If you continue to over analyze everything you ex throws at you then you are not ready to break NC. i fully agree. that's why i'm just enjoying the friendship me and my ex are having now. i'm not over-analyzing anything that he says, and not expecting anything out of the situation either. like you said, actions speak louder than words. so there's no need to over analyze what someone says...the way they act towards you is more accurate to their feelings, right? example, if they're being nice/sweet to you in texts and you start thinking "well maybe this means he wants to get back together"...erase that from your mind. if someone wants to be with you, they're going to be proactive and SHOW you they want you back in their life. am i correct? Link to comment
dont_know_what_2_say Posted February 13, 2009 Share Posted February 13, 2009 21 days no contact almost there! Link to comment
SuperDave71 Posted February 13, 2009 Author Share Posted February 13, 2009 Parlae, Exactly. People that love one another SHOW it consitently. There is no guess work or assumptions. Love is a two way street... No matter how much you think you love someone, if they do not feel the same...it will never work. -SuperDave71 Link to comment
brazilgirl21 Posted February 13, 2009 Share Posted February 13, 2009 ugh, I broke NC and my ex now wants to meet up to tell me everything that happened face to face. now im anxious about next week. Link to comment
parlae Posted February 13, 2009 Share Posted February 13, 2009 are you going to meet with him? Link to comment
lauramed Posted February 13, 2009 Share Posted February 13, 2009 23 days today. It hasn't been too bad this week until I woke up this morning. Just feeling very sad today. Nothing to do with Valentines Day, because I've never taken that day too serious anyways. Can't wait until I leave work so I can go home, have a good cry and then let it go for today. Going out tonight so that will help to distract me from my thoughts. Tomorrow has to be a better day. Link to comment
brazilgirl21 Posted February 13, 2009 Share Posted February 13, 2009 I am going to meet him. I know it will be horrible for me but at least he will explain me his motivations and I will stop beating myself with questions. Link to comment
SuperDave71 Posted February 13, 2009 Author Share Posted February 13, 2009 brazil..... I think you need to get a loving grip on yourself. You are setting yourself up to be hurt almost 2 times worse than you already are. The reson you want to see him is to see him and hope that he wants to take you back. Most people ALREADY KONW the answers they just choose to NOT LISTEN to that little voice that says..."It's over". You must be a pleaser by nature and want to try and "FIX" things. Please do what you feel is right but you have been warned. His words mean NOTHING if his actions cannot back them up. Actions speak louder than words. Let go of what USED to be and accepet it as a learning experience. If in his heart he truly loves you...nothing but NOTHING will ever stop him from SHOWING YOU. Think about it... -SuperDave71 Link to comment
wiley Posted February 13, 2009 Share Posted February 13, 2009 I am going to meet him. I know it will be horrible for me but at least he will explain me his motivations and I will stop beating myself with questions. Don't do it!! Link to comment
brazilgirl21 Posted February 13, 2009 Share Posted February 13, 2009 well, i broke NC and asked for explanations, he said he wanted to meet up to give me them. I ASKED for it. Should I just back off now? I mean, in all honesty, he may regret it and not even contact me next week. Link to comment
SuperDave71 Posted February 13, 2009 Author Share Posted February 13, 2009 We all want what we can't have......cancel and see if he tries to contact you more. -SuperDave71 Link to comment
wiley Posted February 13, 2009 Share Posted February 13, 2009 What are these explanations going to solve? It won't bring you any closer to getting back together. It will just bring more hurt IMO. Be strong... Listen to SuperDave... He knows his stuff. Loads of good advice. Link to comment
brazilgirl21 Posted February 13, 2009 Share Posted February 13, 2009 superdave - he's going on a trip with a new girl on friday. i wanted him to see me before that. in all honesty, im such a mess that I just need a hug from him. Link to comment
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