THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE - SuperDave71

[dqueen]

Day 3

 

Yeah, guess who emailed me??? The ex! Again, it was the usual "Are you not talking to me again???" ](*,)

 

I hate this. This is really starting to get to me. He told me this past weekend before I started NC that he had broken up with his girlfriend...but it wouldn't bother him if I wanted to date someone in real life while we are miles apart. However, he still wants to be sexual with me online and over the phone. That really upset me...he should NOT be okay with me seeing other people! That means he wants to date people in real life too and keep me as his sexual crutch from miles away instead of working on improving things between us. Do men just not get it??

 

I.give.up!

[Abbygail]

I'm on LC at the moment, but my ex just IMed me and it scared the crap out of me. He never, ever initiates contact so I'm sitting here thinking it was something serious. And I've actually gotten to the point where I go hours without thinking of him, so I was very surprised when he IMed me.

 

He just wanted to inform me of some eBay fee though. Stopped responing after I said they deducted it automatically from my account. I'm still shaking because having him contact was such a jolt of surprise it was like, "Wow, what?!"

 

ETA: It's interesting because when he messaged me he asked if there was a fee associated with eBay. I said yes, and then he told me how much my fee was. I told him it's automatically deducted, he said okay and that was it.

 

Now at first I thought... why ask me if there's a fee if you already knew there was one? Then I logged onto the eBay account a few hours later and noticed that eBay had sent him a message saying it would be auto-deducted from Paypal.

 

So all this basically makes me think he was looking for an excuse to contact me. It makes me feel kind of bad to be honest, and wonder if I should talk to him more often, but I probably won't. I don't want to put myself in a vulnerable position.

[jennamajig]

Day 5

 

Woke up again with a slightly upset stomach, but that could also be due to the work I need to finish this week. I am so behind because the break-up affected me so much the few couple of weeks.

 

I didn't dream, which was good. But the missing is still strong. I know he is traveling for work this weekend and I can't help but give a passing thought that it goes well. I will not contact him, but I wish I had the issue people have here where he'd contact me.

 

Once I get to work, things will be better, I know. I realized something last night - I don't need him in my life, but I want him in my life. That is an improvement.

[crab62]

day 5

 

I like the sound of day 5... sounds progressive.

 

I am going through my head about springtime and the fact that I won't have to dance around the exbf and a few of his friends who were such losers. A girl that he previously liked who hangs and sleeps with married men... and then the married men themselves...these were my exbf's friends. We got into a fight in June, which turned into the first break-up because I did not want to hang around with them. They emailed him secretly and gave him a hard time for dating me and stalked him the entire summer... continually trying to pull him away from me...

 

well come Springtime 2009... I wont have to dance around that anymore. It seriously made me ill always wondering if they were emailing him, if she was emailing him, if they were talking. His relationship with her was odd anyway... and even though I miss him dearly, I'm glad I dont have to deal with that anymore... at least I won't have to hear him slip up and call me her name like 1x a month](*,)](*,)

 

So day 5 is approaching... hopefully it will be a good one.

[Robert013]

Day 8

 

Feeling a bit down this morning but that tends to to be how most of my days have been starting out. I found that trying to not live in the past has made me start fantisizing about the future. Now I need to tackle this problem so that I can live for today. I think this is what is meant by taking it one day at a time. Don't live in the past or expect anything in the future. Because if it doesn't happen as you had imagined in the future then this will lead to more pain.

 

I am strong. I am a good person. There are other women out there that I can love just as much if not more. I will not let her hurt my son or I anymore. I owe her nothing.

[hulk7280]

day 3 for me

 

well.. i really messed up when i went out to dinner with her on friday night. I just dont understand everything seemed so great just like old times.. and then she doesnt even bother to contact me?? * * * ..

 

I just have to really move on and get myself out of this situation.. i hate feeling heartache!

 

on the bright side.. i bought this book that is supposed to help you have better social skills in 30 days.. Im oging to try it out..

[fiffy]

Hey hulk WHat book is it?

 

I am on day 4. Hurting like hell. Have slept most of the day just trying to forget about the pain but all I do is dream about him. He hasn't even tried contacting me this time so I know it is all over.

 

I received some post for him which just hurt. How does it happen that all of us are in such a deep pain whilst are exs are happy and free? Do they ever feel heartache will they ever hurt like this?

[jennamajig]

 

I received some post for him which just hurt. How does it happen that all of us are in such a deep pain whilst are exs are happy and free? Do they ever feel heartache will they ever hurt like this?

 

Dumpers hurt, I know that. You never know if someone is really happy, despite how they act. Unfortunately, we can't read minds (oh, but if we could...). I know my ex hurts, but it was his choice. I don't hate him. In fact, I've forgiven him, and that was hard. The break-up was needed, as I have learned and grow from it. Since I unfriended him on facebook last week, I have come to do some real soul-searching about our relationship. This never would have happened if we were still together. I am giving him space - perhaps he is soul searching as well. I may never know, really or we could reach out to each someday. Who knows? And I am slowly becoming comfortable with that.

 

Yes, I would like him back. I think he's worth it. But I will be okay without him as well. As I stated before, I don't need him, I want him. But I post so I will make it to day 30 at least. Patience was never my forte, so this is just another growth experience I will go through.

[fiffy]

Hey Jenna

 

Your doing really well and are very strong.

 

I know my ex has very bad problems, I know he will never change and we will never have a future. I think that is why I find it so hard because there is no hope and the person I loved and trusted is not even the same man. All I can do is let go.

 

He seems obsessed with talking to and being with as many women as possible. I guess that is probably what he neds to feel like a man and have some self esteem. He was always searching for girls the entire time we were together. I just feel like I meant nothing, was worth nothing and must be so terrible to never be enough for him.

 

I hope I can shake these feelings and work on myself enough to be happy soon. Like you I have achieved some life changing things since soul searching after the break up but it doesn't seem to stop my longing and missing him.

[Flames213]

Well today is day 1 for me.

 

I picked up the last of my belongings last night and explained to her the NO CONTACT situation. We had a messy breakup, basically she broke up with me on facebook and I had to find out through a mutual friend. Quite the slap in the face.

 

She has texted me a few times today, it has been really hard for me not to reply to her, but so far I have stuck to my guns and have remained silent.

 

I got good friends to hang with on the weekend, so I am thinking I can get through the first week. The beginning is always the hardest.

[digitaldiva]

day 3 for me

 

well.. i really messed up when i went out to dinner with her on friday night. I just dont understand everything seemed so great just like old times.. and then she doesnt even bother to contact me?? * * * ..

 

I just have to really move on and get myself out of this situation.. i hate feeling heartache!

 

on the bright side.. i bought this book that is supposed to help you have better social skills in 30 days.. Im oging to try it out..

 

 

Are you trying Sparkie's approach?

[cas]

day 3 for me

 

well.. i really messed up when i went out to dinner with her on friday night. I just dont understand everything seemed so great just like old times.. and then she doesnt even bother to contact me?? * * * ..

 

I just have to really move on and get myself out of this situation.. i hate feeling heartache!

 

on the bright side.. i bought this book that is supposed to help you have better social skills in 30 days.. Im oging to try it out..

 

What book is that?

 

Day 9 for me. I'm doing fine. I feel like I've aged many years the last couple of months. What a turbulent time! I feel like my body could sleep for weeks, if just my mind was in to it.

[Tyler82]

Day 4 for me today!

 

Been really busy at work all morning and early afternoon. I am finding that I think of her less often now. Hours will go by before something makes me think of her. It helped that I had about 8 days of NC before it had to be broken this past weekend.

 

I feel stronger. I feel happier. I feel optimistic. I am looking forward to the future.

 

Sure I think of her still and to be honest I have a moment or two each day still where I get upset that she isnt here anymore. However I think I am learning to accept that the relationship is over. I have no interest in contacting her right now. I really hope she leaves me alone as well because it hurts themost when she texts me as all I want to do is tell her to come back.

 

But I wont. Day 4 of NC is here and I expect to be posting day 5 tomorrow!

[hulk7280]

What book is that?

 

Day 9 for me. I'm doing fine. I feel like I've aged many years the last couple of months. What a turbulent time! I feel like my body could sleep for weeks, if just my mind was in to it.

 

link removed

 

its called rules of the game by neil strauss.. it has activties to do everyday for 30 days to help improve your social skils..

 

i figured what the hell

[hulk7280]

Are you trying Sparkie's approach?

 

you know after dinner friday night i thought it would work.. but then i didnt hear from her on saturday and sunday..

 

i text her monday.. asked if she wanted to see a movie, she said sure.. then i was like how about thursday and she said this week is no good cause her roomate is leaving..

 

after she brushed me off.. for a whole week i said screw it..

 

after contacting her monday i havent heard from her.. so obviously she isnt putting any effort so im not going to put any u know?

 

i will put in the amount of effort that she puts in.. I will not chase her.. oh well i honestly wish i would have stayed in NC and never asked her to dinner..

[funkymonkey3]

Day 20 nc. 2 months since I've seen her. It's getting much easier. When I first came to ena I was a complete wreck. I couldn't sleep normal again until I started letting go like Superdave say's. Listen to him people, he's right. I'm just about ready to really get back into the game. I tried it at first but it all felt so wrong. Going out when all you want to do is curl up in a ball and die... Now I'm gonna find the right one without putting any pressure on it. I'm just gonna go out, have fun, and be myself. I've been running, lifting weights, and healing my broken heart. I feel so much stronger and wiser. I know now that this was part of God's plan for me so I'd be ready for the next one. Pretty soon I won't need to post anymore.

[fiffy]

Hey Hulk is that book just for men?

 

Day 5

Felt crap when I woke up but as soon as I came on here I feel so much better! It really is my lifeline!

 

Funkymonkey3 is so right When I came on here I was still harbouring dreams of getting back with my ex and if anyone has read my story in breaking up............it starts VINDICTIVE EX they will know how moving on was the only option for me!

 

I still wake up feeling crap but it doesn't control my day now. I still feel sick and am hardly eating and I still sometimes miss him like my heart has been ripped out. I am not at funkymonkey3's stage but I am definitely noticing an improvement, even my sister said I seem to be doing much better!

 

I think those of us who go through these terrible and painful break ups learn the most. We look at ourselves- where we are going wrong, we analyse, consider and fix.

 

I think when we all come out of this terrible phase we will all be much stronger well rounded people.

 

so onwards and upwards.

 

NC seems to be easier to me now I know there is no chance of reconcilliation. 6 full days and 1 morning is the longest I have ever gone NC back in August. So when I reach Sunday night I will be over the moon!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Good luck everyone xxxxx

[funkymonkey3]

21 days!!! I've officially beat my record ladies and gentlemen. The only way I'll ever speak to her again is if she can tell me the truth and treat me how I deserve to be treated. I don't see it happening so whatever. I would be in complete shock if she did try to contact. I guarantee it won't be me. Smooth sailing here we go... I'm starting to feel really good. I have been through absolute hell within the last three months and now looking back I'm starting to laugh at how foolish I was. I have learned so much and have come so far. I'm in the best shape of my entire life. I am wiser. I threw myself into my career and it's paying off. I'm getting promoted in the next couple months. I am rising from the ashes!!!! I miss her still but I am content with her being gone. She wants to be then fine. Her loss! I'm starting to smile at the little things again. The me that was me before I met her is back. But better!!!!!!

[crab62]

yeah for you funkymonkey!! Congrats on 21 days and feeling sooooooooooooo good... cause you are worth it!!

[jennamajig]

Day 6.

 

Posted my feelings this morning when I got up in my diary thread. I am at the gym - forced myself to go. Interestingly enough, instead of making me feel better like it does for most, the gym depresses me. I went to the gym every day while I was with him and used him to get through the most difficult workouts. Now, I went to gym before I was ever with him and this will fade, I know. But the gym leaves me too much alone with my thoughts in the morning today.

 

But there is a good day ahead. I have plans with a friend and hopefully that will keep me in check. I am strong.

[crab62]

day 6 for me.

 

I guess I'm feeling better, it comes and goes. The "sting" of him walking out seems to be less... and the habit of calling him every morning and expecting him to call at night seems to be lessening... as I fill that time with other things I have not cried since Monday, so that is a major improvement.

 

I'm sleeping better... probably better than I have all year, LOL!!... cause I was very frustrated being with him After he walked out on me in June...as much as I loved him, gosh I never knew when he was going to blow again. I had hoped it wouldn't. We were talking about buying a house with horse property and the thought would cross my mind "what if he walked out after that, and I was stuck with the house without him?", ugggh. Well he walked out sooner... so I guess I dont have to worry about that, haha. I can buy my house and horse on my own income levl and I'll be just fine... and I won't have to worry about him exploding and leaving Okay, I'm rambling.

 

... but overall I'm doing good. I feel proud that I have not tried to contact him[-o

[Robert013]

Day 9

 

This is really starting to get under my skin. She sent me a text message last night. It said " You accidentally gave me some of your sons things. I just found them." This is BS I didn't give her any of my sons things when I dropped her stuff off. She still has some of his toys and books at her dads but I have let them go. It has been three weeks since I last dropped anything off at her fathers. This could go on forever. Oh I just found this or you have this of mine BS. I told gathered all of the stuff up that I thought I had of hers and gave it to her. She did the same for me. There might be a few things lingering on both sides, but just let that crud go. These worthless possesions make no difference to me anymore. It seems now she is just trying to find excuses to contact me. I just want to be left alone. It is something new every 4 or 5 days now. Before I started NC she would never contact me.

 

I cannot let her hurt my son or I anymore! She is not respecting my request for NC. I would be on something like day 21 if she didn't show up at my house. I will not be a backup boyfriend. If my son and I were not good enouph then let us go.

 

The good thing about all of this is that she is pushing me away now, so it is helping me to let her go.

[Tyler82]

Day 5

 

I woke up this morning and she wasnt the first thought on my mimd! It felt so nice to wake up and feel happy instead of that aweful stomach feeling. Today has been good so far. Im thinking of her here and there but not constantly. Also the thoughts of her dont hurt at all. Makes me a little sad and miss her but I can seem to focus on other things and push those thoughts out alot easier than before.

 

The weekend should be easy I hope. I have lots of plans so I hope I will make it through.

 

I am still curious about what she is thinking. Not so much about what she is up to or doing but if she thinks about me still and if so what is she thinking. Not something I can find out though so I wont let it bother me.

 

Its Friday everyone. Treat yourself to a funfilled evening. Get out there and do something that makes you happy. Dont let your ex ruin what is often the day we all look forward to all week! Go enjoy yourselvses and then come back and post about it tomorrow.

[Mhaira]

Its Friday everyone. Treat yourself to a funfilled evening. Get out there and do something that makes you happy. Dont let your ex ruin what is often the day we all look forward to all week! Go enjoy yourselvses and then come back and post about it tomorrow.

 

Good advice, I agree. We all deserve it!

[babes23]

He returned my money, said he had made a mistake, he did love me, we could go out for romantic meals etc. I said i didn't want him, he said we could see how things go. The following day he was an ass once again, out with friends, not responding to calls/messages when i responded. Spoke today and he turned it all around on me again, i never wanted him back and it was like he was trying to gain the power by ending something which wasn't there to end. We've agreed not to speak ever again.

 

I do hate him, i'm going to get in trouble with work as been sick today yet again, i'm a mess and i admit that, i don't want him it's just getting over the pain of what he did to me, i can definitely say now that he emotionally abused me, that's the truth.

 

No contact with me from tomorrow. Any support/comments will be appreciated xx