THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE - SuperDave71

[babes23]

Hello everyone, hope no-one minds me joining.

 

Well after many months of to-ing and fro-ing with my ex, getting back together only for him to still be the same and afraid of being in a committed relationship, it's over. He says he still cares/loves me but that to me is now irrelevant, he just wants to be one of the lads and often put me second best to everything in his life.

 

So DAY 1 of no contact for me today, i last sent him a message around 8pm yesterday and am determined not to contact him at all. I've broken no contact before and deeply regret that, i need to move on and allow myself to heal. I feel awful at the moment, sick, missing him, all the normal notions i guess. I WILL get there.

 

Well done on everyone who's going No Contact, we can do this!!!

[broken_arro]

It's been about 39 days of NC and things have taken an unexpected and weird turn. Since some people here said they were interested in my story, I have posted the update here :

 

 

 

BEWARE : CRAZY SH*T HAPPENING !!!

[Rosie007]

I unblocked his IM by 9:15 a.m., not 11:30 a.m. as predicted.

 

Still I stayed NC.

 

During our various breaks he's always the one who makes the approach. Now you could say I've come to count on it.

 

Did I mention Rex didn't spend the Labor Day weekend with me? Instead he had a female guest visiting him from Canada. I believe she's the woman who scratched his back during sex when he was camping for 10 days in July at a festival.

 

Clearly I've lost all perspective. I know the ridiculousness of my situation, but tell that to whatever part of me deems my feelings for him to be L-O-V-E (note: I did not say his feelings for me are love).

 

When I did NC in February 2007, it was the hardest thing I've ever done ... as well as a piece of cake. My pride is strong, but my yearning was stronger. I counted 92 days here of absolute NC. On the 93rd day, I unblocked him from my IM, he contacted me within two hours, and within four days, we were off to the races.

 

For those wishing they could reconcile with their Ex, you might want to consider if you're as irrational as I, hoping and praying to get back into a dead-end situation that keeps deteriorating over time ... but with no end in sight.

 

From what I've read, I'm going to have to be the strong one and make the final break.

 

But the truth is, I do want him still, despite everything. (Please send me positive energy thoughts to help me regain my sanity). I'm doing my best to "act as if" until I'm right-thinking again. Or at least I've done it since yesterday.

[Rosie007]

I just woke about at about 4:40 in the morning and can't get back to sleep. Torturing myself with thoughts of Rex with that woman. I'm trying to breathe positive energy in, and exhale negative energy. It's only working a little.

 

Guess I better hang on because the rollercoaster of pain is just beginning

[Steve 7745]

Day 33.

 

Looked at my most recent ex's profile and facebook today in annoyance. No desire to contact, but a kind of lingering ardor about the situation. Went ahead and send a message to a friend of hers I met, wondering if I could strike up a friendship with her. If my ex took one of my friends, I don't see the harm in taking one of hers. Besides, this girl was cute. I won't do anything over flirty, however. Probably just tag her in the one photo I took of her.

 

Down to 14.5% BFP today. Sweet. My nose hurts- after yanking some nose hairs out, one is swelling. It aches terribly and sometimes throbs.

[Rosie007]

Back to square one. I just sent Rex an e-mail telling him how angry and hurt I feel. Hopefully the e-mail purged my thoughts and I can try to sleep a little now.

[Trei1972]

he has called me several times, to which I didn't answer. yesterday he called from a number I didn't recognize, and I answered. WHen I heard his voice, it was like a knife through my heart. I tried to be cold but was so unsuccessful it's not even funny. Ended up yelling at him for being so disrespectful and not even telling me he was getting remarried. He acted like I was so inconsequential, why would telling me have crossed his mind. It hurt. I'm sure he meant it to hurt. I somehow got on the subject of the baby that we lost, and how he didn't even care about giving it a proper funeral/memorial service. (I was pregnant when he left us, and lost the baby at 4 1/2 mos along, back in June) I thought for awhile last month that a memorial service would help me heal, but then yesterday, he offered to pay for one, and all I could picture was his new wife showing up. But he said softly, no just for you and me and our children. But then the picture of us as a family in my head was just waaaaaay too painful. So I said no way and just continued to scream and cry hysterically about how if I'd had a vehicle, then maybe I could've gotten to the dr in time to save her. He then offered to buy me a vehicle.. today. My first reaction is to say fu*k you, I don't want any handouts from you, so you can feel good about yourself and sleep better at night! But I have other children to take care of and I know I need to be more responsible than that. Our 6 yo was running a high fever last night (sustained 103) and I took him into the ER. I called TEd (my ex) to tell him and see if he could take us, but no answer. I left a message and called a cab. it's almost 9am and he still hasn't called to see how our son is doing. Nice to know he cares. I wonder if he will really buy us a car. He's promised this many times. In some ways, I hope he does of course. I also hope my pride keeps it's mouth shut and accepts it. He's made this so horribly ugly and painful! Why did he have to end our marriage this way??? I wonder sometimes if the pain will ever go away??

[Trei1972]

so I'm still crying... and I think having an allergic reaction due to all the stress. I'm itching all over and starting to break out in hives. I woke up an hour ago after only a few hours of sleep, from a nightmare about bugs crawling all over me. I've missed 3 days now of school due to the sick kiddo and am starting to stress over all the info I'm missing and praying everyone gets well and stay healthy long enough for me to catch up! I'm halfway through a nursing degree and I've just got to stick it out!!!

[lkonohalanbu]

sleepy and my heart hurts

 

stupid reoccurring dreams of her and i being together, the dreams get more vivid and longer each day, my mind is probably doing this to play tricks on me and get frustrated as it forces me to hate her and this moment

[StillSmiling]

Day 7 (?)

 

Well, after 36 days of NC we talked. First through email, and than finally the dreaded phone call.

 

I had told him in email I would be out of town for the holiday weekend. He phoned and left a message that he had something he wanted to give me for my birthday, but that it was "perishable". So he DID remember my birthday was coming up. And I phoned him back ...

 

We agreed to that martini when I got back into town. I'm just home last night from Vegas. And yes, I checked my phone and email all day on my birthday, thinking he would contact ... but of coarse he didn't.

 

So it has now been a week since we spoke. We left the call as "I'll call you, or you call me". Now I have no clue what to do. He knows I am back home today ...

 

Felt great to hear his voice. I was happy we spoke before I tried to have a fun trip but knew I would be thinking and wondering about a birthday wish. So at least that is over. It was a very nice and sweet conversation, and not much talk about the old "us". He still thinks I am involved with someone new, something I regret leadinghim to believe.

 

Yesterday waiting at the airport, the tears came back a bit. I suppose it was knowing I was coming back to reality and this hell hole I have created in my heart of still missing him so much. Knowing I will see him ... wanting to, but afraid to. These wounds are still so open after almost 4 months of him leaving and after almost 3 months since I last saw him.

 

I just don't understand what either of us are trying to do by seeing one another again. I feel like I am just setting myself back up for more hurt as I know he is not looking to have me back. And I really don't know what I would do if he did want me back. I do know how great it would feel ... but I don't now if it would really last.

 

Perhaps it is time to repost my list above my desk on why it was all so wrong ... God, please help me look at him through a different set of eyes and see it for what it really was and be able to finally let go ...

 

This so sucks again ...

[babes23]

Day 2

 

Day 2 of No Contact and i know for certain he's not going to be the one contacting me. When we've argued before it was always me that initiated the contact it's best this way though. He knew i was ill since we last spoke so perhaps i'm kinda upset that he hasn't once contacted me to see how i am.

 

Oh well, guess this is what No Contact is all about right? I'm not contacting someone who simply doesn't want to be with me, i'm through with that. Helps recording my progress on here too, i must keep going.....

[StillSmiling]

Back to square one. I just sent Rex an e-mail telling him how angry and hurt I feel. Hopefully the e-mail purged my thoughts and I can try to sleep a little now.

 

Rosie, hang in there. I relate to so much you are saying.

 

Not sure WHY we always feel there is MORE we need to say to them. It does not bring closure (I think), but we set ourselves up for more hurt.

 

Wishing for strength for both of us. You, like I, am not a kid and we should be able to get through this easier ... WHY is it so tough?

 

*Hugs*

[lkonohalanbu]

Day 2

 

Day 2 of No Contact and i know for certain he's not going to be the one contacting me. When we've argued before it was always me that initiated the contact it's best this way though. He knew i was ill since we last spoke so perhaps i'm kinda upset that he hasn't once contacted me to see how i am.

 

Oh well, guess this is what No Contact is all about right? I'm not contacting someone who simply doesn't want to be with me, i'm through with that. Helps recording my progress on here too, i must keep going.....

 

You never know what the future holds, right now give him his space, the bad memories will fade away, the arguing and resentment, even the emotions will fade. He will call if he remembers the good, no telling how long, everybody is different and unique, don't wait for his call!

 

Move on for the betterment of yourself, he chose to walk away, the ball is in his court and you should walk away knowing that you've exhausted your resources, time for some good 'ol healing, old fashion style NC!

 

Good luck, it's hard the first few weeks, I'm barely on day 15 and I'm burning, but I am better than I was when she dumped me. Also, if you're not around to say anything, you can't possibly say anything to push them further away! I believe SuperDave made that point.

[Pollywolly]

Sent last text to ex last Wednesday night after a bit too much wine!! Will gladly take on challenge. My boyfriend dumped me six weeks ago after over 3 and a half years. He told me he wanted to be single again and not in a relationship but wanted to be friends (also insinuating extras to be thrown in if possible!!) I was very hurt by this as thought that I meant more to him than that.

 

Think that NC thing is for the best and all these suggestions are great to how to get over him and keep busy and not to contact him.

[Steve 7745]

Day 33.5

 

Today, I broke NC.

 

I found this email when I had to clean out my inbox.

 

(In response to me unfriending her on Facebook) Yeah, I did. I didn't like how I was being treated. On the last phone call, you snickered at me and hung up, and then it seemed as though you were ignoring any attempt to talk. If I treated you that way, you would have punted my ass to the curb.

 

-He2etic

 

Let me tell you how I feel. Nothing.

 

I don't feel angry or afraid. I don't feel upsets or happy or jovial. I don't feel any emotion connected to revenge. If anything, I guess I feel a touch of relaxation. i don't care if she responds or not. There was no motivation other than to stand up and tell her that what she did was wrong without malice.

 

And beyond doing anything more then what my philosophy tells me... I don't really care.

[Zeitgeist]

I'm confused. First you said you found this e-mail, but then the e-mail was signed by you. She unfriended you, and you wrote this response? It doesn't sound like you don't care. It sounds like you're trying not to care. But your words clearly indicate you're upset with her. Just an observation because I think if you're angry, you should admit to it and feel it rather than deny that's how you're feeling.

[Steve 7745]

I'm confused. First you said you found this e-mail, but then the e-mail was signed by you. She unfriended you, and you wrote this response? It doesn't sound like you don't care. It sounds like you're trying not to care. But your words clearly indicate you're upset with her. Just an observation because I think if you're angry, you should admit to it and feel it rather than deny that's how you're feeling.

 

It was a response to a previous email she had sent me. Sorry, I should have clarified. As for being upset, I doubt it. I just don't feel that I was treated fairly and made a point to indicate so without spite. There's a powerful difference between being able to tell people what they did wrong and betraying any sort of anger for it.

 

The more I think about it, the more I feel that I've done the right thing. Treated her no more or less then how she has treated me, without harsh words, without any vengence. I've even phrased it such that she could understand my position. She made her point perfectly clear that if I mistreated her, she WOULD have removed me from her life. Why is it not fair to do the same?

[Rosie007]

Hi Smiler (StillSmiling),

 

Thanks for reaching out.

 

Perhaps pain is pain, no matter what the age. Oh what fun!

 

-Rosie

[babes23]

You never know what the future holds, right now give him his space, the bad memories will fade away, the arguing and resentment, even the emotions will fade. He will call if he remembers the good, no telling how long, everybody is different and unique, don't wait for his call!

 

Move on for the betterment of yourself, he chose to walk away, the ball is in his court and you should walk away knowing that you've exhausted your resources, time for some good 'ol healing, old fashion style NC!

 

Good luck, it's hard the first few weeks, I'm barely on day 15 and I'm burning, but I am better than I was when she dumped me. Also, if you're not around to say anything, you can't possibly say anything to push them further away! I believe SuperDave made that point.

 

Thank you for your reply, greatly appreciated. Helps a little having someone else's perspective on things.

 

I think we did need to make this break, have the space, it was all getting too much and making me quite ill towards the end. Just need to keep the no contact going, i want to disappear completely to him now, want him to know nothing of me, maybe then i can finally set myself free.

[lkonohalanbu]

ouch ouch ouch!

 

i feel like i'm freaken dying here! gah, i hate this feeling i hate it, hate it, hate it and hate it some more

 

i want to throw it all away

 

alksdfjlak;sjdflajsldfjasl;jfk

 

emotional roller coaster, i feel like i need to talk to her but it wont do me any good, i love her but at the same time i want to blow up on her for putting me through all of this for her reasons

 

i need help with coping

 

somebody help me out, i'm this close to breaking NC and blowing up

 

so aggravating and frustrating at myself for not letting this go and be done with

[babes23]

ouch ouch ouch!

 

i feel like i'm freaken dying here! gah, i hate this feeling i hate it, hate it, hate it and hate it some more

 

i want to throw it all away

 

alksdfjlak;sjdflajsldfjasl;jfk

 

emotional roller coaster, i feel like i need to talk to her but it wont do me any good, i love her but at the same time i want to blow up on her for putting me through all of this for her reasons

 

i need help with coping

 

somebody help me out, i'm this close to breaking NC and blowing up

 

so aggravating and frustrating at myself for not letting this go and be done with

 

I can identify with how you're feeling, even though it may seem like it now, you're doing really, really well and should be proud that you've reached day 15 without contact. That's an achievement in itself!!!

[lkonohalanbu]

I can identify with how you're feeling, even though it may seem like it now, you're doing really, really well and should be proud that you've reached day 15 without contact. That's an achievement in itself!!!

 

i feel hurt and why i want to speak to her is beyond me, i don't want to miss her, i'm going back and forth and i'm going nuts

 

doing the best i can to let go, i need words of strength, i'm running on pure determination but i'm starting to lack after time has starting to erode it away

 

bah, cognitive dissonance

 

i hate this, i hate loving her, i hate missing her, i hate feeling this, freaken feels like i'm on fire and nothing can calm me down except talking to her

 

she chose to walk away and i'm choosing to pine for her BAH!

[glodengirl11]

Hey superdave, I know this is an old post... but im definitely going to take your challenge... im so excited

[babes23]

i feel hurt and why i want to speak to her is beyond me, i don't want to miss her, i'm going back and forth and i'm going nuts

 

doing the best i can to let go, i need words of strength, i'm running on pure determination but i'm starting to lack after time has starting to erode it away

 

bah, cognitive dissonance

 

i hate this, i hate loving her, i hate missing her, i hate feeling this, freaken feels like i'm on fire and nothing can calm me down except talking to her

 

she chose to walk away and i'm choosing to pine for her BAH!

 

You're not alone hun, i could've written what you've written above as i feel EXACTLY the same. What would contacting them solve? Absolutely nothing as it'd only set us back to square one. I think now you need to let go of the chance of you two getting back together, remove all those thoughts from your head. No contact is about healing yourself and shouldn't be used solely for the pupose of getting someone back.

 

Do you do any activities, have anything planned?

[lkonohalanbu]

You're not alone hun, i could've written what you've written above as i feel EXACTLY the same. What would contacting them solve? Absolutely nothing as it'd only set us back to square one. I think now you need to let go of the chance of you two getting back together, remove all those thoughts from your head. No contact is about healing yourself and shouldn't be used solely for the pupose of getting someone back.

 

Do you do any activities, have anything planned?

 

i'm not using NC as a tool to get her back, i'm using to NC to move on and trying to bury any thought of reconciliation as it will give me false hopes and lead myself on to failure

 

i am doing a lot to keep myself busy but at work and at home is where i do most of my thinking, my job doesn't require much mental power and i can only browse the net so much before my brain reverts to start thinking about her

 

bah bah sheep

 

i'm calming down, but i hate that burning sensation where i should just blow up and destroy everything, i used to have a temper problem when i was a kid and i had it under control up until this breakup

 

bad habits that i don't like resurfacing, i don't like this part of myself!