honeyspur Posted March 12, 2008 Share Posted March 12, 2008 ...it's funny how we can see healthy behaviour as not healthy when we are angry and mad... Boy - now THAT is the TRUTH! In fact it's hard to see anything clearly when we are angry. It's the same for them too - never try to convince an angry ex of anything! LOL It's best to give them a month off just to calm down, so there is some chance they will hear you and you can either get closure or be able to work towards reconcilliation. Mustang - I think that's a big reason you still feel like you're struggling. No closure can keep people stuck for months at a time. I really think it's best to give yourself closure if they aren't willing to give it. Closure can be as simple as "we are too different" or "this is the wrong time for us" and get right into focusing on yourself. Here is someone asking for some NC pro advice - - help out if you can. Link to comment
GetMeBack Posted March 12, 2008 Share Posted March 12, 2008 Thanks honeyspur i feel ever so sad right now but something tells me this is the end..and i need to get on with my life.. You know why am I so unlucky in my life.. My mum is an abuser and has a criminal record because of how she treated me.. My step dad passed away and my real dad is not interested.. My grandma is senile.. My EXEX went out with me when I was 16 and he was 32..which is almost verging on peadophilia...we were together 5 years. I was then raped.. My ex just used me for what he could get and pissed off when it didnt take his fancy after a while.. What is wrong with me...and why do all these bad things keep happening to me.. Link to comment
lexion Posted March 12, 2008 Share Posted March 12, 2008 hey, i have a question is it possible not to compare your bf/gf with your ex? does it matter if you are the dumper or the dumpee? Link to comment
honeyspur Posted March 12, 2008 Share Posted March 12, 2008 Because you are just now learning how to set up boundaries and get some impulse control. Also because you are somewhat "used to" pain and chaos. So it doesn;t set off red flags until it's at a destructive point. You are learning! Now, finally an adult - there is a lot of anger about how you were treated and anger about not having been taught by someone who was supposed to know better. Not receiving proper love and affection catapults us into unhealthy relationships early because we don't know what we're doing yet. But your time has come now. You've realized what a fighter and survivor you are and the doors to "re-teaching" yourself are opening. You're realizing you actually learned how to do things properly BECAUSE of that abuse. You know it's the control, routine and openess of spirit that will change you and the desire to go back to unhealthiness is just a bad habit waiting to be broken. Everything is going as it's supposed to from what I can see - those painful feelings are just there to give you much needed sympathy. Don't think you aren't progressing - you are!! Link to comment
honeyspur Posted March 12, 2008 Share Posted March 12, 2008 lexion - it is if you choose to. Comparing is automatic if we don't talk ourselves out of it. If we encourage that thinking - we will start comparing. It is possible to see similarities as a learning process but still recognize the differences so we accept people as imperfect. Link to comment
Irish Jax Posted March 12, 2008 Share Posted March 12, 2008 Day 24!!! Getting really close to 30. However, I am going to continue to sixty like Lil Bear. Havent yet heard from the ex but know it will come eventually in the future. I just hope and wish he never calls me because I have nothing to really say to him. NC opens your eyes and enables you to see the relationship from another perspective. I know once I am completely healed, there is not way I will ever get back together if he ever asked. I can do so much better. Day 24 Link to comment
SamT Posted March 12, 2008 Share Posted March 12, 2008 Glad you are doing well Irish Jax i get so depressed sometimes... just the realisation of being alone... what can i do to make myself feel better? i wish i had someone special just for comfort sometimes... Link to comment
bostoneric Posted March 12, 2008 Share Posted March 12, 2008 i get so depressed sometimes... just the realization of being alone... what can i do to make myself feel better? i wish i had someone special just for comfort sometimes... I 100% understand and agree with this! its hard to go from living with somebody for years then all of a sudden you have all this alone time on your hands. nobody to talk about your day with, nobody to get comfort from a stressful day, nobody there to give you a hug and say "I love you" in the morning when you wake up and when you get home from work. etc etc... all this alone time now is just killing me. Link to comment
SamT Posted March 12, 2008 Share Posted March 12, 2008 yeah i know, i feel so sorry for myself! but its like i havent had a hug in soo long. i just wish i had a girl here to share food with, watch a film, have a bottle of wine. Link to comment
gee Posted March 12, 2008 Share Posted March 12, 2008 Day 25 Hell all from China!!! I am here and it was a long trip to get here. It is 1:05am and trying to get some things done for tomorrow. I cried when the plane took off from Boston and when we departed from san fran as well. I felt like I was never going to see her again. I'm going to miss her more even though we are not together. I will be brief becasue I am exhausted. I feel ok for the most part. I almost called her from san fran. I just told myself, Don't do it and I closed my cell. Close one. I don't have any intention calling her after the 30th day. Don't know why I would call her after 30 days? She kicked me out of her life. besides she must think I hate her from not responding to her messages. I miss her like crazy and love her deeply!!! take care everyone. i will try to keep in touch. Keep your heads up! Honeyspur, when I get a chance I will send you the pics I promised. Take care. Link to comment
GetMeBack Posted March 12, 2008 Share Posted March 12, 2008 Ok sign me up again...Day 1NC I feel so sad again, im sitting here bawling my eyes out.. I called him this afternoon as he didnt respond to my last text from last night. He was just very cold and distant.. I already know that I wont break this NC. First day of the rest of my life. I feel so hurt as I love him so much but its clearly not reciprocated.. I need to get on with my life and forget about any chance of a possible r reconcilliation. I feel so alone, I dont know how I will ever get through this.. Link to comment
SamT Posted March 12, 2008 Share Posted March 12, 2008 Ah monique, things will get better for you honestly... at least now your coming from a clearer perspective... and you know what you want? youll get through it hun x Link to comment
gee Posted March 12, 2008 Share Posted March 12, 2008 GetMe, that stinks! That is why you need to be stronger. How do you think I felt when she called me saturday? I was dying to pick it up and calling back. Wait to see what happens in the next couple of days. Good luck! Link to comment
SamT Posted March 12, 2008 Share Posted March 12, 2008 gee, hope china is good and hope your trip goes well! you never know... you might feel different when you return! Link to comment
AngryHeart Posted March 12, 2008 Share Posted March 12, 2008 OK, so day 11 and NC is broken.,.by me. I never replied to his last email from 11 days ago, but never said I wanted NC, and left him thinking we were "friends" I sent him a simple "hello, was just thinking about you" kind of email. Cool, collected, upbeat (I think!) He sent one back like an hour later...just a nice, upbeat email back saying hello. *sigh* I dunno...I just can't let it go. I keep thinking maybe through LC and friendship, something more will come of it. So for now NC is broken again, and we will see what happens from here..... Link to comment
SamT Posted March 12, 2008 Share Posted March 12, 2008 uh ohhhh Honey is gonna be Mad at yooou hahah jk Link to comment
GetMeBack Posted March 12, 2008 Share Posted March 12, 2008 OK, so day 11 and NC is broken.,.by me. I never replied to his last email from 11 days ago, but never said I wanted NC, and left him thinking we were "friends" I sent him a simple "hello, was just thinking about you" kind of email. Cool, collected, upbeat (I think!) He sent one back like an hour later...just a nice, upbeat email back saying hello. *sigh* I dunno...I just can't let it go. I keep thinking maybe through LC and friendship, something more will come of it. So for now NC is broken again, and we will see what happens from here..... Like your new avatar jadey. I know this is offtopic but how did you do your avator with your name on it... Link to comment
AngryHeart Posted March 12, 2008 Share Posted March 12, 2008 Like your new avatar jadey. I know this is offtopic but how did you do your avator with your name on it... Thanks. Well, it was from an application on Facebook actually, that lets you decorate pictures, lol. Link to comment
AngryHeart Posted March 12, 2008 Share Posted March 12, 2008 uh ohhhh Honey is gonna be Mad at yooou hahah jk *hides* Link to comment
GetMeBack Posted March 12, 2008 Share Posted March 12, 2008 Thanks. Well, it was from an application on Facebook actually, that lets you decorate pictures, lol. do you know what the application was called...x Link to comment
LE DHUY NHUT Posted March 12, 2008 Share Posted March 12, 2008 Day 99 of strict NC .........DAY 100 tomorrow.It's much better this way,I still miss you,sweetie,wherever you are.I love you. Link to comment
Hope_Springs_Eternal Posted March 12, 2008 Share Posted March 12, 2008 GetmeBack, Just read your latest posts, and I just wanted to say dont lose faith. No one knows what will happen in the future, but the very fact that the start of your call yesterday was going great till the book thing says a lot, and that he carried the call on even after you spoke about something he was clearly unhappy about. Also, he didnt have to answer your call today did he? If he really hadnt wanted to he wouldnt have, and he might have sounded 'off' or distant because he has been mulling over in his mind what good will come of this book. Maybe its cathartic for you to get it all out and down on paper, but it might all come back to bite you if its ever actually published, people may not view things how you view them etc, and look at the people who go on Big Brother. I know it makes stars of some of them, but theres others that it just destroys. The email idea was good, i did that a couple of days ago and said loads of things i wanted to say but didnt send it, and when I re read it I was glad! If it feels good do it, but all Im saying is think twice for YOUR sake x also, on the ex b/f, I think there may be hope b/c he didnt have to say the nice things he did say did he? he could have just said 'what the hell are you phoning me for???' or 'Im glad we broke up' or whatever. He didnt though did he. Give him space, he may have been coming round till you hit him with the book thing, and the thought of his mum reading stuff like that will have gone down like a lead balloon! chin up x Link to comment
GetMeBack Posted March 12, 2008 Share Posted March 12, 2008 Hi hope I think you might have got mixed up with the posts...i never wrote an email.... Link to comment
AngryHeart Posted March 12, 2008 Share Posted March 12, 2008 True. Getmeback - There could still be hope. I would leave it a while, see if he contacts you during that time. If he does maybe it's worth carrying on and trying. It's early days...you only got back in contact with him...what? 2 days ago? How long ago did you split and did you have contact with him after at all? If so how long for? And the application is "PhotoFlexer" Link to comment
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