LilBear Posted March 5, 2008 Share Posted March 5, 2008 Day 46 today. I dreamt about him last night. Actually, it was more like a nightmare haha. Link to comment
SamT Posted March 5, 2008 Share Posted March 5, 2008 Wehey. good for you mock chop! Im in the same kind of NC as you.. although i have made it clear that her contacting me doesnt give her the control. Im in charge of my life right now. Although we havent managed NC ... with her messing around.. i have realised what was wrong with the relationship. Wouldve found out easier with total NC mind! Link to comment
Mmt2618 Posted March 5, 2008 Share Posted March 5, 2008 I am in the same boat too. I just don't feel the door closed so I have been worried about possibly keeping it open. But the truth is and what amazes me about most of the people here is that they've really taken huge strides towards their goals and healing. I guess I am not quite ready to acknowledge it being fully over, but I am starting to rethink us and me and what I need. I've never been good at introspection, but your stories really help me to work on it. Sam - I couldn't agree more - I can't let her have any power. The only power I have is how I react and respond to this. Good luck everyone... we're all in this together. Link to comment
Mock Chop Posted March 5, 2008 Share Posted March 5, 2008 I'm not prepared to concede it's over either, Mmt. I just refuse to let it occupy as much space as it did in my head. I've got over the initial grief, because it was replaced with an even huger grief that was nothing to do with the break up. It put things in perspective and really highlighted to me that you have to look after you. A loving, close relationship is a bonus. So I found ways of distracting myself, building my rock bottom self-esteem, looking at the good in me. I have a son who absolutely adores me, men have fallen in love with me in the past, and I'm pretty sure they'll do so again in the future. I'm not over him, I'm not healed, and I've not conceded or accepted that it's over. What I have done is to consciously realised that it's me who causes the pain now, not him. I am perpetuating it, feeding it and keeping it going - so I've stopped. And yes, it was that simple. I can do nothing about his behaviour or reactions, but I can do lots about mine. You would never have caught me saying this even prior to the breakup. I had too many issues - and now I'm unpicking them, learning from them and becoming the person I deserve to be. 1 Link to comment
lexion Posted March 5, 2008 Share Posted March 5, 2008 day 4 at the beginning of my NC i still hope for her to come back to me but lately, i've been thinking clearly, the way she broke up with me, the reason, our last year of relationship i can't see any future in us i had a dream that we try again and we broke up again i am this close to texting her i don't know what i am feeling right now do i wan't her back?can i forgive her? can she forgive herself for what she did to me? Link to comment
honeyspur Posted March 5, 2008 Share Posted March 5, 2008 On the contrary Mmt - I think you are very good at introspection. In just a short time I see you coming to realizations and brainstorming on how to move forward. I agree - everyone's stories are a big motivator I was curious if anyone has been putting off goals due to the ex and the unhealthy relationship? Any hobbies or dreams? Sports or events like concerts, etc? Let's hear it, if so. For me, I am getting back out there with my radio show and other DJs - things I was afraid my fiance wouldn't want me to do since he wasn't interested and is a bit of a homebody. I went to my first hockey game last weekend with a colleague and had the best time! I'm hoping to really come out of this shell so I have more going on in my life than just my relationship. Nice words today from Mock and Jax - looking forward to seeing what tomorrow brings! Link to comment
SamT Posted March 5, 2008 Share Posted March 5, 2008 yeah ive realised some things... a) i stopped skiing, which meant i didnt go on to ski for Wales and possibly GB - but its too late now.. b) ive realised how much id like to travel... trying to get a few old friends together to go snowboarding in NZ in the summer Link to comment
honeyspur Posted March 5, 2008 Share Posted March 5, 2008 oh wow Sam....you're an athlete? That's awesome! Snowboarding - that scares the crap outta me lol Link to comment
SamT Posted March 5, 2008 Share Posted March 5, 2008 Haha not so much an athlete, but have been skiing all my life. My sister started racing just after me, and now shes doing well in her teams all over europe. What couldve been eh i stopped because it was too many weekends away... and plus i had to concentrate on academics!lol Haha snowboarding is awesome Link to comment
GetMeBack Posted March 6, 2008 Share Posted March 6, 2008 I think that its fine you looked at his journal jade. You had done the 30 days. The fact that he sounded like someone you didnt know is probably indicative of your healing through NC. NC can cause disconnection with the other person, possibly seeing the person in another light. I know thats whats happening to me.. See it as a good thing.. Link to comment
honeyspur Posted March 6, 2008 Share Posted March 6, 2008 I agree with Getmeback - I think the fact that you did the 30 days helped you recognize those subtle things. I'm glad you got this clarity today. Hope you don't mind Getmeback - that I link your amazing post for the others to see - I think it's very important. Link to comment
GetMeBack Posted March 6, 2008 Share Posted March 6, 2008 I agree with Getmeback - I think the fact that you did the 30 days helped you recognize those subtle things. I'm glad you got this clarity today. Hope you don't mind Getmeback - that I link your amazing post for the others to see - I think it's very important. ] No I dont mind honeyspur.xx Link to comment
GetMeBack Posted March 6, 2008 Share Posted March 6, 2008 Well I am getting there.. DAY 19 God, as of tomorrow I will be in the twenties....... I really never thought I could do it.. I have seriously had some ups and downs.. NC is something that I thought would be impossible for me as the pain would be so bad I would just die....yet as much as I get days like im dying I am still here holding on.. I really hope I pull through and become so much stronger and realise that someone out there will cherish all that I have to give... I really dont feel that after all this hard work I will be calling him.. Firstly I dont want to even risk getting rejected again. I have had my fair share from him. So I dont think I will ever get in contact with him unless he made any contact. Its good for me to realise this because it shows me I have let go ... I used to get scared and think "oh no what if I never hear from him again " But now I am starting to think...maybe thats not such a bad thing and more fool him for not seeing what a wonderful person he had in his life.. Link to comment
GetMeBack Posted March 6, 2008 Share Posted March 6, 2008 Hi me again..........lol yoohoo. Thought I would share a song that is very close to my heart at the moment.. Reccomend everyone listen to it as I think we can all connect with this song on some level...Let me know what you think... Its called Any Love By Luther Vandross.. Here are the lyrics.. I speak to myself sometimes, and I say, "Oh my In a lot of ways, you're a lucky guy Now all you need is a chance to try Any love" In my heart there's a need to shout Dyin', screamin', cryin' let me out Are all those feelings that want to touch Any love? What a world for the lonely guy Sometimes I feel I'm gonna lose my mind Can anybody tell me just where to find Any love, any love? Chorus: Everyone needs a love no doubt Any love, Any love Everybody feels alone without Any love, any love I know there's a love waiting To enter my life, enter my life Every day as I live I try to think positive I pray for someone good to come Any love Love is sweet and so divine And I can't wait for my love life to shine Can anybody tell me where I can find Any love, any love? Chorus I know there's someone waiting for me To enter my life, Come into my life Suddenly,out of the clear blue sky Lonely tears start to fill my eyes I can weep, but I refuse to cry I've got to keep holding on To think love is strong To keep holding on Chrous And I know I know I know I know she'll come into my life Come into my life Chorus Link to comment
gee Posted March 6, 2008 Share Posted March 6, 2008 Day 18 Oh man... UGH! I thought I would be on my way of totally letting go. Today was quite a day to get through. I thought about her too much today. Started feeling sad and all about her and how she is doing. It was hard for me not to reply to her facebook message, and I still think about it. I know, I know DON'T DO IT! I know guys..I am not going to! I've always ran to her and this time it's so different becasue I'm trying my best to just let her think why I'm not replying. She probably doesn't even care if I reply. Why did she ask me, "why did you add everone except for me, WHY? See she confuses me. She shouldn't be worrying about me because 2 weeks ago she reopened my wounds and let me have it that she met someone and he was perfect. We never ended it as friends, no way! Today I was on facebook and her profile has always been private only her friends can see her profile. Guess what... as soon as she knew I created one she made it available so everyone (including me!) can view. She added pics yesterday of her going clubbing w/ her cousin and friends. My friends tell me her status is still "single" not sure why becasue she said she met someone and he makes her happy and can offer her more blah, blah..OUCH! Shouldn't she let everyone know she is in a relationship? I really don't care. I hope I meet someone amazing someday I have so much to offer. It just hurts that's all. I hope I feel better movin forward because this is too much. I need to totally move on!!! Only if I knew if she was thinking about me or missing me would make me at ease, but I doubt it. I sound crazy... Hope everyone is doing well. Link to comment
honeyspur Posted March 6, 2008 Share Posted March 6, 2008 Getmeback - what album is that song on - I want to play it on my next show...... Link to comment
GetMeBack Posted March 6, 2008 Share Posted March 6, 2008 Getmeback - what album is that song on - I want to play it on my next show...... The album is called Any love honey.. You have a show? What show? x Link to comment
honeyspur Posted March 6, 2008 Share Posted March 6, 2008 I don't know gee - you say you are in a lot of pain, but all I see in your post are good things. New awarenesses, true statements, etc.... I still think this is a good day for you. I'm impressed you haven't texted or anything - it really is torture going to facebook and makes a lot of people crumble. You have the kind of willpower we can all learn from! Link to comment
honeyspur Posted March 6, 2008 Share Posted March 6, 2008 Getmeback: My show is on Monday nights on the local station here in town. link removed - I play music from midnight to 3am Link to comment
guitars Posted March 6, 2008 Share Posted March 6, 2008 I was curious if anyone has been putting off goals due to the ex and the unhealthy relationship? Any hobbies or dreams? Sports or events like concerts, etc? Let's hear it, if so. Plenty, actually! I pretty much completely stopped writing songs. That's something that will pick back up for me now, I'm sure. My muse is a very jealous lover! And other stuff, too - just getting organized and planning for my own future as an individual in general. I'm going back to school in the fall if I can get my act together pretty soon, which was something that I was planning to do anyway before the breakup. Link to comment
honeyspur Posted March 6, 2008 Share Posted March 6, 2008 Oh wow guitars!!!! You write songs!! That is so freakin COOL!! ^_^ I'm so happy to hear you'll start again. Be sure to write one here once you are satisfied with it!!! Link to comment
guitars Posted March 6, 2008 Share Posted March 6, 2008 Oh wow guitars!!!! You write songs!! That is so freakin COOL!! ^_^ I'm so happy to hear you'll start again. Be sure to write one here once you are satisfied with it!!! I just might do that, honeyspur! I just might. I've written songs about her before and I'm sure I will again; seems appropriate. Unfortunately, the ex was my studio drummer and musical partner as well. Ah, well... For full disclosure purposes, I didn't stop writing because of the relationship. I started learning how to record my music better and picked up a bit of film editing knowledge too. I run a summer camp teaching kids K-8 how to make movies, so I had to figure some stuff out. Link to comment
honeyspur Posted March 6, 2008 Share Posted March 6, 2008 Just a rundown of todays events - it was a big day for everyone!! First, congratulations to our latest NC graduate, JadeWhisper!!! *whistles loudly* Big breakthroughs today from dragon lady, SamT, guitars and the biggest breakthrough I've seen in awhile comes from Getmeback - nice work everyone!! LilBear, Mockchop, Angryheart and IrishJax - continuing to set good examples and speak inspiring words. We're lucky to have you. I can't wait to see tomorrows posts!! lexion and Mmt - moving through this smoother today in my opinion. I see improvements from the last few days. DuRuff: you got some clarity today - this blender - seems like a lifeless thing but it took on a life of it's own in a way. You needed to do this in order to progress. I think that was the REAL purpose for the blender gee - still working hard - it comes through with your words - again, excited to see tomorrow's posts!! messenger was giving great advice today - check this out - I feel a bit of an acceleration going on on the healing process - there's more energy coming from everyone - more thinking about hobbies, goals - really moving on here!! I learned something today too - there is no pain too great - healing will always win. Still hoping to hear news from bostoneric! Link to comment
messenger05 Posted March 6, 2008 Share Posted March 6, 2008 Honeyspur - thanks for the shout out! just trying to help the greater cause By the way, you are doing a fabulous job of being there for everyone - you're the glue holding this whole group together! Thanks! So this is the end of Day 5 and had a pretty good day overall. I'm still thinking about her through most of the day but my head is definitely starting to clear up a bit after the initial devastation. I'm actually beginning to believe that this NC is a strengthening time for me. We'll see how the rest of the week goes! Good luck to everyone ... keep the good fight going! We're all on the same road to healing - we might get there at different times but I'll see you all at the finish line! Link to comment
honeyspur Posted March 6, 2008 Share Posted March 6, 2008 Well, thank you messenger. I have to say the reason I'm so excited is I really feel THIS group has particularly special people. I don't know - something about the day I walked in and saw Getmeback and LilBear - then everyone's energy and smarts - it just really shines compared to the past. And I mean no disrespect to our past graduates - if you go back in this thread you can see the legacy being built. SuperDave created something lasting and a perfect formula. I think the stars are just in alignment this time - everyone feeding off of each others energy, the personalities and talents - ah *fans her face - getting flushed* I could go on and on of course - but you get my drift! Link to comment
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