rjm0827 Posted January 30, 2008 Share Posted January 30, 2008 day 5..... yesterday was hell and today isn't much better. been so close to calling her today. ](*,) Link to comment
Sickboy48 Posted January 30, 2008 Share Posted January 30, 2008 60 days! Glad i got through it in one piece. Talking to a new girl and am happy. So things are good. Link to comment
LilBear Posted January 30, 2008 Share Posted January 30, 2008 I just found out that my ex has a picture of him and his gf on MSN. But apparently, the girl does not look better than me? Huh? After him asking me that he hopes I will be more beautiful? Link to comment
feeling_so_alone Posted January 31, 2008 Share Posted January 31, 2008 I'm currently on day 3 now, feeling a bit better. Too bad I can't change my Username lol. It's weird how badly I was taking this at first, you'd think with clear career goals in mind, near the top of my undergrad program, and a ton of friends this would be a walk in the park. I'll admit that NC is awesome, although at times tempting to break. I've been reading this forum way too much, but its helping a ton. I now understand NC properly (in terms of its effects for you and your ex) and I'm glad that I enacted it so soon. She knows how I feel, but I backed off pretty quickly (like 24 hrs after I initially tried to convince her to work things out). She still hasnt said anything to me though and blocked me from MSN. I went another step deleted her from facebook and deleted her contact from MSN, got rid of pictures of her and deleted her number from my cell phone. I know this is supposed to take time, but its difficult. I don't even know that I'd want to necessarily get back into a relationship - like I want to - but knowing that it would turn long distance in 3-4 months isn't encouraging. She's also hurt me alot by breaking up with me over MSN! (we had dated for 3 years) and then ignoring me. I'll be sure to post whenever (if ever) she contacts me again to receive further guidance, because the knowledge in this forum has truly impressed me. Onward. Link to comment
LilBear Posted January 31, 2008 Share Posted January 31, 2008 Day 12 today Had a nightmare that he found out my number. Link to comment
bettyboo Posted January 31, 2008 Share Posted January 31, 2008 Day 12 today Had a nightmare that he found out my number. He did? How? Link to comment
J_man Posted January 31, 2008 Share Posted January 31, 2008 i got an email today from my exgf, but it was an invitation to view a photo album of her trip. i think it was the kind that gets sent out to multiple people at once. i found it weird that i'd be on it, she's meticulous and there's very little chance it was accidental. turns out she also emailed my parents the album, but with a note specifically for them, saying she had been thinking of them and of me. she said she hasn't really spoken to me much since we broke up but that i'm still in her thoughts and prayers. i don't know how to interpret that, along the lines of whether or not she's just trying to be on good terms/friends, or if she'd be open to reconciliation. i didn't look at the photos cliff's notes version of our sitaution was i broke up with her in october, and reached out later wanting to meet up, hopign to bring up/test the waters for reconciliation. she said she wasn't ready to see me, and we had nc until about 2 weeks ago when she said she was ready enough to meet up. i said i needed a bit more time, and this AM the email came. i had been seriously considering saying i'm ready to meet up, i think i'll email her this afternoon to say that. kinda nervous over here! Link to comment
l_lollipop Posted January 31, 2008 Share Posted January 31, 2008 Hi guys, this is my first post and I'm so grateful to SuperDave - you rock, you guys are my new best friends from now on - I need you so bad! Me and my boyf split on Sunday, we've stayed in contact until today - we've got a holiday booked for Valentines and of course we're not going - everything is tough, emotions are running riot. It's been a long time coming, we love each other but argue so much, so we need to split. The past week, I've had of lot of time to reflect over the past, I feel a lot of guilt, love for him like I've never known or experienced before so the next couple of weeks are going to be the hardest of my life. I'm full of fear and regret. I've let him down, myself down, and our future is shattered because of my behaviour, and selfishness. This isn't the first time we've been in this situation, but this is as bad as it gets. We've both said never say never, or more he has and I'm hanging on to those words like my life depends on it. He's my one, I know that, I've messed up, and I need this time for me, to work on me, get strong and be the girl he fell in love with, not the crying, confused mess I now am. So this is my day one... I doubt I'll make a month, as we've said we'll leave it for a couple of weeks or so, so I'm saying 3 weeks... if with your support I can go longer than that's wonderful, more time the better. Thanks Dave for this, I think posting daily will ease my need for support - something I always look to him for. Also, good luck everyone else doing this, I'm gonna help anyway I can... xx Link to comment
deleted-account Posted February 1, 2008 Share Posted February 1, 2008 I just got back from a first date/meetup with a new girl. It was great and I'm feeling so happy right now. I'm going to pursue things further with her and see if anything developes. Very excited. Link to comment
LilBear Posted February 1, 2008 Share Posted February 1, 2008 He did? How? Meant to say that I had this nightmare of him, finding my number out. In reality he didn't But I think he's already realized that my number's changed If not, he'll definitely find out next week. Link to comment
nikkers04 Posted February 1, 2008 Share Posted February 1, 2008 so I've decided to stick to this I will not start contact with him I sent him an email telling him thank you for everything and now I'm going to give him space. Like superdave says...if you don't do anything you can't do anything wrong. I refuse to mess up again. I will not allow myself to chase away the love of my life. So here it goes Bring on the next 30 days. or how ever long it takes for him to miss me or me to get over it and become a better person Link to comment
Tinnes Posted February 1, 2008 Share Posted February 1, 2008 This is the third time I am going NC. First two times he broke it up. Mostly lasted around 20- 30 days. Third round- Day 10 I feel great. Link to comment
LilBear Posted February 1, 2008 Share Posted February 1, 2008 Hmm? I thought we're not supposed to respond to them when we're in NC? Link to comment
samantha20 Posted February 2, 2008 Share Posted February 2, 2008 Thanks for your advice getmeback, I know you're right, she does seem to reel me in every now and again just to see if i will still take the bait. I'm so sick of the way she has treated me since we broke up and I know that I really need to complete this challenge. After she sent me that message saying she missed me I took the bait and asked to meet up. It hurt so bad, because that day she completely ignored me. It had taken so much for me to be prepared to meet with her after everything and her ignoring me felt like she had thrown everything back in my face. So I said 'if you're busy then say no rather than ignoring me'. She didn't reply. I know I should have left it at that and reinstated nc but I was just so annoyed that she had said she missed me and then ignored me and I rang her in tears. She was all like 'I'm out with my bf at the moment, whats up'. Ouch. I asked why she was ignoring my messages and she said that she hadn't got them yet which must have been bull as I sent them early in the morning and it was night time when I called her. She said she was spending the night with her bf but would see me the next day if I wanted. I shouldn't have agreed but I wanted to see if being friends was less painful than sitting around on my own. So the next day I walked to the place we agreed to meet and waited in the cold for her for 10 mins. Then i got a text saying 'i'm so so sorry, my mum is picking me up to take me to a hospital appointment in swansea that i forgot about'. I was pissed off and didn't believe her. i walked straight round to her flat and knocked on the door to talk to her but she didn't answer. I thought she was probably in there with her bf and purposely ignoring me, so i walked home in tears. I didn't believe her. She text me the next day saying that the hospital had 'cut her open' to remove a mole and that she was in pain, trying to enforce her story but I still didn't believe it. I told her that I didn't believe her and she got angry and swore at me, saying that she didn't need me not believeing her. Whether it was true or not I'm still sick of her. She still ignored me all day on monday and I don't believe that she never got my messages. I also don't believe that she didn't know her mum was picking her up for a hospital appointment, it was like something she made up quickly to get out of seeing me. I met up with a friend the same day who told me that my ex's bf had told her that they got together at the beginning of the xmas holidays which means that she had been cheating on me for nearly a month. I decided to send my ex 1 last message saying everything I felt and then go back to nc and complete the challenge. I told her that I knew she had cheated on me, how hurt I was that she had dropped me from her life and was constantly lying to me, how much she had meant to me and all the things that i miss that we used to do and the things we used to joke about. Her reply seemed so short and cold compared to all the emotion i had put into mine. She just said something like 'I didn't cheat on you. Alison (my friend) is lying because my bf told her no such thing. You've hurt me too you know, everything else aside you were my only friend'. I have no idea how I'm supposed to have 'hurt her too'. Anyway, I realised that it can't go on. It's not even a case of seeing whether I can cope with just being friends, because even trying to do that she either ignores me or lies about why she can't meet up. She says she wants to stay friends but her actions say different. She hadn't asked to meet up in 2 weeks and when I finally asked her she ignored me the first time and cancelled the 2nd. I can't handle that kind of treatment anymore. It was bad enough her dumping me for someone that she swore she didn't want to be with, but messing me around as a friend as well is too much. That day I was so angry, but I feel a bit calmer now. I went to the dr who diagnosed depression and i'm gonna start counselling, which i think will be helpful. I've realised that other than physically stabbing me in the heart there's not much else she can do to hurt me. She broke up with me 3 times in 2 months, strung me along, cheated on me (I think), broke up with me over the phone new year's eve of all times and started a new relationship straight away, then pretty much cut me out of her life after saying that she would always be there for me and be close to me. Why should I keep trying to stay in her life after all that? There's nothing else she can do, no more blows she can give me. At least now I'm not fearing any more bombshells. I don't know if that makes sense, but it's how i feel. It's like when your worst nightmare comes true, at least you no longer have to live in fear of it happening one day. Right now I don't even want to see or talk to her anymore. I'm sick of her and her lies and her betrayal. I've got nothing left for her to take. I've shed enough tears, I've stopped eating properly, felt anger, hurt, desperation..I've tried begging, pleading, getting angry, ignoring, trying to stay friends, everything. I can't be on this rollercoaster anymore. I can't keep crying, there's no point wasting energy on anger and frustration and i've got no fight left in me to try and hold on to her. I've been trying to hold on to a woman that doesn't even exist anymore. She's changed so much and the way she's treating me proves that she doesn't care anymore. It's really time to let go. I just wish I could control my dreams - last night I dreamt that she was kissing me and telling me that she had made a mistake and that she wanted me not her bf. But it isn't true - I can't keep fighting a losing battle and there's nothing else she can do to hurt me, it's kind of liberating. I'm just putting her away in a little box in my mind and focusing on myself now. It kind of helps if I think 'maybe in a few years time she'll want me again', maybe by then i won't want her anymore. It probably won't happen, but it consoles me a bit to think that maybe one day when the dust has settled she can be in my life again. I really do feel like I am starting to get 'me' back. I've realised that when I started going out with my ex, I changed a lot, and I seem to be gradually going back to the person i was before I met her. I'm finally starting to see the negative things about our relationship. She smothered me - wouldn't let me go out with friends, encouraged me to give up surfing and drama societies at uni to spend all my time with her. She made it so that she became my world, by taking away anything else that held my attention like friends and hobbies. She didn't even like me visiting my family at I went for months at a time without seeing them. She also made me completely dependent on her by driving me everywhere and helping me do everything that I used to do myself - I wasn't independent anymore, and I began to feel like I needed her to do everything with me. If I needed to go shopping she would drive me there and back, she took me to and from work and to uni, she helped me with everything. She always insisted on doing everything with me and helping me with everything and took away all my independence. I gave up all the hobbies I loved and isolated myself from friends and family. No wonder breaking up hit me so hard - she made herself my world then left me. It felt weird doing even simple things myself again and I had no social life. The whole time we were together I thought that she must really love me to want me to make her the centre of my world. Now i realise it was all about control and manipulation. Convincing me to give up my friends, family and hobbies, taking away my independence, giving me a black eye on my birthday just for talking to someone else - that wasn't all love, it was control. She even went mad at me for riding the bike I got for my birthday because she didn't want me doing things without her! And I actually stopped riding my new bike after that because I thought that I was in the wrong! Everytime I went home, even just for a few days for xmas, she would be nasty and patronising - saying that I was just a little girl that couldn't handle being an adult and that I had to 'grow up' and stay away from my family, stay with her. I actually believed her, I missed my family so much but stayed away because I didn't want her to see me as a child. She convinced me to cut my hair short, again patronising me and saying that I looked like a little girl with long hair. I liked my hair but I wanted to please her. I used to like wearing bright colours and beaded jewelry but she wanted me to wear more 'grown up' stuff and pretty much chose all my clothes for me and bought me silver jewelry and would say 'take off those childish beads'. I was only 18 when she met, but she wouldn't let me enjoy being young. I spent evenings in with her, drinking wine whilst my student friends were out partying. I love music but she hated it and didn't want me going to gigs anymore. I haven't been to a gig in about 2 years and I used to love jumping around in the mosh pit. She made me ashamed of everything I liked that wasn't to do with her. I changed so much for her! I'm looking at a picture of me when i was 18 just before i met her. I had long wavy hair, a bright yellow top with black polka dots on it, a beaded necklace and jeans. I looked so carefree, i was out enjoying myself with friends, I was full of confidence which doing drama really helped me with, had a slim figure from surfing and had a good social life and was completely independent and fine with being single. My ex changed all that, she changed my appearance, took everyone away from me and made me 'grow up'. Now I can wear what I want, pick up hobbies again, go out with my friends, listen to music, visit my family whenever I want, grow my hair long again, ride my bike! I'm starting to finally feel liberated. Being single doesn't have to be about being lonely, just independent. But I'm really starting to think that it's a good thing. I really feel like I'm getting 'me' back. I can't believe it's taken a month after our break up to realise how controlling she was. I know that she can't be blamed entirely because I let her mould me, but she was a stronger personality and I was so desperate to please her. I thought that everything she did was out of love. I think that she did love me, but was also very controlling. But the fact is that she has thrown me away, and I'm finally starting to think that maybe it's for the best. I think that this has been an important realisation and something which will really help me stick to nc because I realise that I don't need anyone else to be complete. Of course I still miss her and love her, but I feel stronger, and like I can function without her. I'm not going to cry or get angry or fight for her anymore. If she ever comes back into my life, I'll show her that I am her equal and don't need her and won't be controlled. But for now I'm just going to be me and try and cut the line she reels me in with. I hope my positivity stays, maybe it's just a good day. 1 Link to comment
LilBear Posted February 2, 2008 Share Posted February 2, 2008 Good on you Sam ! You will get through this ! Link to comment
l_lollipop Posted February 2, 2008 Share Posted February 2, 2008 29 hours!!! Woo hoo. Did something dead random. My best friend when I was at school messaged me on facebook, hadn't seen her in 10 years.... asked if I wanted to be spontaneous and hook up, so off I went with a bottle of champagne, vodka and coke to her house - had a fab night. Mark was mentioned once or twice maybe more. still calling him my boyfrind at the moment. Guess that's normal. Im not going to beat myself up over that. I'm proud of myself though. I've never gone this long not speaking to him. And on top of that I've actually had fun! I'm not denying it's tough, but I think it will get easier. I've planned to go out with my old school mate Jess again tomorrow night to a club and because we only live roads apart we're going to find a local yoga class together. So things look positive. Mucho better than a week a go. OMG 29 hours!! Link to comment
deleted-account Posted February 2, 2008 Share Posted February 2, 2008 I'm feeling a greater connection with who I am. Lately I've found that whenever I watch a serious movie I tear up and cry a little bit.... and I like it. Because of everything I've been through, I feel a much stronger connection with movie characters and feel their pain. I never used to get so emotionally involved with movies. The movie I watched tonight was Reign Over Me. Very good movie. Link to comment
Tinnes Posted February 2, 2008 Share Posted February 2, 2008 Day 11. He sent a message! Link to comment
l_lollipop Posted February 2, 2008 Share Posted February 2, 2008 Day 11. He sent a message! What did he say? Link to comment
l_lollipop Posted February 2, 2008 Share Posted February 2, 2008 I'm having a weak moment - I just picked up my phone to call him! I didn't do it though. Does it get easier? Doesn't feel like it. I hate that one minute I feel positive the next I feel so weak. Link to comment
l_lollipop Posted February 3, 2008 Share Posted February 3, 2008 Jadewhisper, I'm the same. Hopeful we're gonna get back together even though he doesn't want to speak to me. He says he needs time to get over me. That hurts - i don't want him to get over me!! I want him to love me!!! He did say that he couldn't predict the future and maybe in time it might work. I think he was just being nice, he didn't want to upset me anymore as I've been such a blubbering mess!! It's been 40 hours since we last spoke. It's killing me. I did leave a message on his phone today though - but that was purely about our holiday we have booked as i'm trying to sell it - i had to call him. I had no intentions of speaking about anything else - so I still count it as no contact!!! Link to comment
LilBear Posted February 3, 2008 Share Posted February 3, 2008 Two weeks in, feel better about myself. Look better. Had good and bad days in those 14 days. But am nowhere close to getting over him. He's always on my mind somehow! Link to comment
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