THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE - SuperDave71

[Philip2007]

Can anyone tell me about the good points of going NC for the (broken) relation ? Does it really increase chances that the partner will return? About 2 weeks ago my wife + 2 month old son left to her parents (after relationship of 10 yrs); this did happen before, but then it was only for 3 nights.

Look forward to receiving any experience with NC / advice

[deleted-account]

So I broke all sorts of NC last night by sending a few texts to my ex. I got way to drunk and I've been puking all morning. Oh well, I think I had fun last night.

[lovemeorleaveme00]

day 7..I didnt feel any urge to text him NYE but he definitely crossed my mind wondering how he's celebrating.I had fun so it was about me last night and Im looking forward to claim 2008!

[yo]

First day of the New Year..not going soo well, I must admit. I don't know just had an urge to wish my ex a new year. I knew she was with her sis last night. So, I actually texted her sis wishing her and my ex a happy new year. I didn't get back any reply tho. But, it doesn't matter as much coz I didn't send it to my ex directly. But, still I know, it's sad and I shouldn't be playing games like this If I want to talk to my ex, I should do it rather than texting her sis and expecting her sis to tell my ex that I wished her and then waiting to see if my ex does something!!

 

Man, I just gotta stop this!! I need to stay away from her sis and also her whole family!!!

 

Yesterday was really hard too. I was missing her soo much..and woke up and missing her again now. Maybe this is the last stretch..If I get over this, I think I can get over her forever...

[fivespot]

Yo, I gave you the advice to go after her sister to make your ex jealous!

 

The truth of the matter is, if you really want to get over your ex, you need to stop contacting ANYONE connected to your ex. You can't stop the memories you'll feel, but you can stop the daily things you do to remind yourself of her...like myspace, fb, or talking to people who remind you of her.

 

Do your best in 2008 to let her go. Try to make it year free of your ex. If she comes back (and you want her back) make sure it takes you by surprise. Try not to expect anything.

[MNmike]

Day 4.

Last night was really hard. i just kept thinking about how great last NYE was. We were in Germany watching fireworks from a house that faced a Castle accross a river. How can I ever top that. It seems like yesterday, and today there is nothing. We are like strangers. It just seems wrong. Never in my dreams did I think a year later it would be like this.

 

I keep asking why does it have to be like this? I know things happen for a reason, but I just can't see that reason yet. I hope I do soon, cause I can't feel like this for too much longer. Nothing makes me happy at this point, and I want so much to feel good again. I know it only been a little over a month since we broke up, and I only talked to her last Friday, its still really early.

Last time we talked I spilled my guts, like I never have before, I had too get it out. I do feel a little better after that, and I know there is nothing I can do to bring her back. Just hurts like hell all the time.

[MNmike]

 

 

He wants to be friends, but my feelings are too strong. Not to mention how angry and hurt I feel that he threw everything away and didn't want to try. (Yet he wants to make an effort towards a friendship? Please.)

 

 

-Kez

 

The talk before our last talk with my ex, she said she'd call me next time she was in town, (we were long distance a year) and we could see eachother.

 

But after our last talk I do not believe she will contact me next time she is here. She knows I still love her, and I think she will be afraid to see me, for fear of hearing something silmilar to our last talk. But if its over it doesn't really matter. Being friends would be too early at this point anyway.

 

But, if she does call me, I don't think I will answer. I cannot imagine "hanging out" and knowing she will then go home to her new man. Its been a slap in the face that she is seeing someone in less than a month from our break up. Makes me feel like it all meant nothing. I know its possible it will be a rebound, but the fact remains she did it. I don't think I can see her the same way ever again after this. I thought we meant so much more. almost five years, a break up, and getting back together to have things be great. I feel like she just threw it all away, without effort to work through the tough time.

 

I have friends that thought they were going to get a divorce, or felt like breaking up, or thought it would never work. They worked through their problems and are happier than ever. I guess I want to be with someone that will not run when things get tough, but be willing to make them better, and realize love is worth the effort. And realize life is not a freakin holleywood romance.

[yo]

and I know there is nothing I can do to bring her back. Just hurts like hell all the time.

 

I know this feeling way too well..it's such a hopeless situation when you want to do soooo much, tell them sooo many things, make them come back. But, reallly, there is NOTHING we can do about it. The only thing that we can do is just try to put our exes behind us and look for a brighter future. I think it will take me quite an effort to get there! Stay Strong!

[yo]

Yo, I gave you the advice to go after her sister to make your ex jealous!

 

The truth is I don't want to make her jealous or play any games. I just want her to talk to me..that's it!

 

The truth of the matter is, if you really want to get over your ex, you need to stop contacting ANYONE connected to your ex. You can't stop the memories you'll feel, but you can stop the daily things you do to remind yourself of her...like myspace, fb, or talking to people who remind you of her.

 

That's what I have been doing of late. Stopped checking all of that. Looks like now I need to stop talking to her sis too!!

 

Do your best in 2008 to let her go. Try to make it year free of your ex. If she comes back (and you want her back) make sure it takes you by surprise. Try not to expect anything.

I sooo want her back. But I know for a fact she ain't going to do anything about it! And I don't want to be the one doing everything and eventually be the one ALWAYS getting hurt. I want to take care of myself and heal and be happy. That's more important now.

[hmdreamer7]

It's been a little over one month for me, I was NC the whole time, with the exception of some myspace page looking the first week.

 

Right now I am feeling really good about myself. I feel like I am now in a position to see things clearly, ie without always wanting to get really angry thinking about the breakup. It's actually very empowering knowing that I can overcome the urge to contact my ex

[flyoffthewall]

Day 19 of NC for me. I've had an awful past few days. I miss my ex a lot, and can't help thinking about her, and whether she is missing me. We were together for two years and we spoke or saw each other every day for that time.

 

I thought several times about calling her, but I want to stay NC and I definitely don't want to contact her until I know what to say to her. She split up with me, and I'm not sure whether we will really have a future together. I just know that I miss her like crazy.

 

Whenever I've gone through a long-term relationship like this, I wonder the same thing: "Will I ever find someone that good again? Was that my last and best chance for happiness?" Pathetic, huh? But that is how I feel. Is this how everyone in here feels?

 

I admit, almost each time, I've gone on to find someone better and have gotten more of what I want out of the relationship. I am so tired of this cycle, though, that I seem to keep going through with romantic relationships, and, occasionally, with friendships, too. ](*,) How to break this pattern? A rhetorical question, but if anyone has any thoughts.... I have decided that I am sick of it. I'd really like to find a life partner and stop this serial dating thing. I feel so unfulfilled and useless right now.

[bostoneric]

today started off really hard because I did not hear from the ex last night...

then I got out with some friends and actually got a phone number of a beautiful girl. felt a little guilty after but thought to myself, it doesnt mean anything really, she could just become another amazing friend of mine here.

got home and got a call from a friend who lived accross the st from "our" house, said he saw my ex today with her new gf (yes gf) said he saw the girl and she looks like a total little boy an ugly d*ke (sorry not trying to offend)

he seemed really sure that it would end soon and she'd be calling me wanting me back.. kinda ruined my good day when i started thinking about that girl staying in my house, sleeping in my bed!! makes me sick!

 

its amazing how easily she was able to take the feelings for me and just transfer them over to this "d*ke". but its just another thing that really shows her true colors.

to think 3 years together was so easily thrown away for a girl and something shes never done before!!

 

 

 

I hate you!

when you come back and are all sad and upset @ what you've done, I will say well i hope you are/were happy with choice because I am.

if she wants me back in her life she will have to earn me back. prove to me you want me back, prove to me this wont happen again, prove to me i am the one.

other then her 10000000% effort she wont get me.

[lovemeorleaveme00]

day 8..brand new year

[fivespot]

Bostoneric...this same thing sort of happened to me.

 

I was going through all kinds of strange emotions...like was I really that bad that I made a straight girl go to the other side???

 

But it's not worth thinking about. I know it must be eating you alive right now just thinking about it, but try not to let it bother you and PLEASE don't think it has anything to do with you.

 

Maybe the breakup did, but as far as her "crossing over" that's her choice and you had nothing to do with it. I know it's gotta hurt, but I'm glad you've still left the window of opportunity open for reconciliation.

 

Some guys would say you're crazy for even considering to take her back if she wanted to, but you obviously love her as much as I loved my ex, and I took her back after this same thing happened. But you're right...she needs to show her love for you, not just tell you.

 

Good luck to you.

[bostoneric]

we had talked about about her wanting to try it a long time ago... and I always said I wasnt ok with it, even if it was 1 time to just "try". I said it would ruin our relationship. I think she didnt like that answer, and when this girl presented herself as interested my ex decided that our issues were a good excuse to "try" it out. to bad our relationship was ruined because of that choice, but it just shows you how screwed up she is in her head right now.

 

its a shame, she said she knows how much I love her, how much I want to be with her, also how much she hurt me. but that does nothing for me right now.

 

boston = mad!

[Crows]

Day 1 of NC>

 

My ex contats me and gets scared.... she cannot decide between me and her bf I think...................................

 

YAYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!! TIME TO START CHAIN SMOKING AGAIN.

[bostoneric]

Day 1 of NC>

 

My ex contats me and gets scared.... she cannot decide between me and her bf I think...................................

 

YAYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!! TIME TO START CHAIN SMOKING AGAIN.

 

 

dont answer that phone or email!!!

 

you need to heal first!

 

:splat:

[Crows]

dont answer that phone or email!!!

 

you need to heal first!

 

 

 

I did heal........... its been 3 motnhs. I went NC, and healed very nicely.

 

Now she's come back and it seems very clear that her bf is not great and abusive after 2 motnhs and she is showing interest in me again, but backing away alot when things get a bit close.

[bostoneric]

and what are your thoughts on her coming back?

 

I did heal........... its been 3 motnhs. I went NC, and healed very nicely.

 

Now she's come back and it seems very clear that her bf is not great and abusive after 2 motnhs and she is showing interest in me again, but backing away alot when things get a bit close.

[Crows]

and what are your thoughts on her coming back?

 

1.I want her back under new conditions though. Ive changed alot. I hope she has too

 

2. I can handle her coming back alot easier. I don't hang on her words. I can respond within a couple days, not instantly like I used to and not feel bad after I have replied to her text messages etc.

 

I have to protect my heart still. But its' tough when shes' come on fairly storng, remenissing etc.

[bostoneric]

I understand, I've done a lot of writing myself on these things just incase my ex comes back....

 

what are your conditions? these can be important.

 

 

1.I want her back under new conditions though. Ive changed alot. I hope she has too

 

2. I can handle her coming back alot easier. I don't hang on her words. I can respond within a couple days, not instantly like I used to and not feel bad after I have replied to her text messages etc.

 

I have to protect my heart still. But its' tough when shes' come on fairly storng, remenissing etc.

[Crows]

I understand, I've done a lot of writing myself on these things just incase my ex comes back....

 

what are your conditions? these can be important.

 

We need to communicate better. Most importantly with issues we have with each other, that include even the most minute things that start arguments. Thats the way it always goes.

 

Ive worked on my jealousy alot. I hope she has too.

 

In general I guess, we would just need to communicate better. And both of us not take things so personally when it comes to minute issues.

 

IE: figure out a system where we stop digging ourselves deeper into a position on a debate or moral we each have without taking it personally.

 

Our sexual relationship was absolutely incredible. We both loved and cared for each other and did anything possible to help the other person and accomidate... except for issues concerning each of our pride.

 

We both do not like to lose argumnets without a fight.

 

I don't know fi that answers your question.

 

Do you have any other ideas to throw out there? I'm very tired.

 

What we don't need to work on.. is an intellectual connection we have with each other.. IE sense of humour, and meaningfull emotional connection. Recently she even told me she still feels that with me.

[bostoneric]

I'm not sure why you guys broke up?

but for me the most major condition is that she wants to stop running from her childhood issues from her parents abuse, abandonment, etc.. and wants to work on these, and is willing to accept my help. (help is me just being there for her during these times)

second biggest is that shes truly sorry for what she did to me, my heart, and my life.

third is that she really has to prove to me she wants to be with me and this wont happen again ever. prove that the 1st and 2nd condition are really something shes going to put 100000000% effort into.

 

there are others but those are the biggest.

[Crows]

I'm not sure why you guys broke up?

but for me the most major condition is that she wants to stop running from her childhood issues from her parents abuse, abandonment, etc.. and wants to work on these, and is willing to accept my help. (help is me just being there for her during these times)

second biggest is that shes truly sorry for what she did to me, my heart, and my life.

third is that she really has to prove to me she wants to be with me and this wont happen again ever. prove that the 1st and 2nd condition are really something shes going to put 100000000% effort into.

 

there are others but those are the biggest.

 

The official reason we broke up was "it wasn't working" I still try and figure that one out at night.

 

I think we may have similar issues here.

 

My ex has alot of issues. her parents were divorced from age 5.. she had no father pretty much and her mom was rarely around. SHe has some medical conditions including annorexia. She impoved greatly on alot of these issues while with me and I was very pleased with her.

 

 

My ex may want to improve on herslf but she is also scared of being alone.

 

I don't think she realizes how much I can put up with and how much I did and how much I would support her 100 percent through her problems of getting herself fixed. I'm still there for her, and I think shes seeing this now... that I have really been the only person ever in her life to support her through thick and thin besides maybe her mom.

 

I don't really know what's going on with her and her bf, but it's not healthy from what i See.

 

Two months dating and he's drinking again and hitting and pushing her. THis girl does not need this type of treatement.. she once tried to kill herself. She cannot have this happen to her!

 

She broke up with me basically for a couple arguments we had and me accusing her of making me feel jealous on perpose.. and now her bf is physically abusing her and she says shes "optimistic, it may have been accidental"

 

ohhh man.............................. denial.

[bostoneric]

denial

yeah lots of that seems to be going around right now..

 

all i can say is make sure she is 100% into it or else you will be in danger of getting hurt again.