THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE - SuperDave71

[bostoneric]

well after a long day of flying x-country to visit my parents I gave in and txt'd her.

"Hi, landed safely in XXXXXXX, I'm looking up at the full moon right now, look at it with me. miss you. E."

 

that was 2hrs ago, no reply .....

 

this journey to my parents is so hard because our plans were to be with her family this year... and in 2 weeks we have a 10day cruise booked with my parents. It hurts so much...

 

I broke down a few times on the flight here, I still cant believe this is happeneing..

next few days are going to be really hard because of xmas.

[yo]

Wow. she is dating the ex. Snooping seems like a way to at least get you throuhgh the no contact part, but it always hurts. Besides that time can be always better spent on improving your self. A journal, or the book seven secrets of marriage. by john Gottman, is really good. just do nc 4 one day.

 

It's all my fault..I never really bothered to find out if she still had feelings for her ex. She just mentioned of him as a good friend and they've had some fond memories and that he will always be a good friend and she can never forget him. I guess breaking up with me made her realise "how right he was for her compared to me" and she's gone back to him.

 

If you see it from his angle, it worked out soo well!!! She dumps him after a year, he goes NC for a couple of months. Then he starts talking to her again in March this year and they decide to be friends. He then starts calling her, texting her, mailing her. Sometimes he would overdo it. I have seen her avoid his calls soooo many times when she was with me. Infact once she was soo fed up of him that she wanted to change her phone number!

 

Now, I can't believe that she's actually going back to him!!!! Maybe she wanted someone to share her feelings after our beakup and he was the only one close to her.

 

He won. He got her back. His was persistent and he succeeded. But, I definitely can't be a doormat like him!!

[lovemeorleaveme00]

I definitely can't be a doormat like him!!

 

thats right yo! you shouldnt be!

 

 

DAY 29..30 minutes ago I swear I had the urge of texting him.I was happy spending a nice dinner with one of my friends and then hanging out with her family..and then I got home..I was all by myself and he starts haunting me..

I still think about him..uggh..but its 12:05am and I made it to day 29..

one more day to the target day30..ill have fun tomorrow! i have friends over who will keep me busy until I get over this holiday xmas blues..then work again and then saturday night Im going dancin'! then new years eve I will spend it in the city to see the ball drop..I hope I stand next to a hot guy and he kisses me as I count it all the way down to New year and he kisses the old blues away and breaks the EX's spell on me forever!(ok enough..just fantasizing)

[yo]

DAY 29..30 minutes ago I swear I had the urge of texting him.I was happy spending a nice dinner with one of my friends and then hanging out with her family..and then I got home..I was all by myself and he starts haunting me..

 

Hang in there.. you are soo close to 30 days!!!

 

then new years eve I will spend it in the city to see the ball drop..I hope I stand next to a hot guy and he kisses me as I count it all the way down to New year and he kisses the old blues away and breaks the EX's spell on me forever!(ok enough..just fantasizing)

 

Hope your wish comes true!!

[exmrsnerd]

Day one.. It is so hard. My husband has always been moody, especially when he is trying to quit (Pot, Ciggarettes, perscription pills) But we have made it through so many things together. This week he took money out of our account then started taking the valuable items out of our home. He had his brother and a friend (both drug addicts) with him and I was yelling at him and begging him not to take our stuff. He says he doesnt respect me (but I dont do drugs). He says he loves me and the kids but he doesn't see how it can work and wants a divorce. He told our friends, not to have any contact with me. He wont return my calls so I stopped trying. But I find myself emailing him old emails where he tells me he loves me...what is wrong with me? All I want is my family back. Why am I such a doormat?

[lovemeorleaveme00]

Im sure he loves you but sometimes when the person is doing drugs their state of mind is altered and they are not the person they used to be.Prescription drugs can cause that too.Even sleeping pills can cause depression or worsen depression.I think what youre doing now is right.Stay away for now and seek help.There are many support groups for family members who have drug dependent family members.They will tell you how to have the right approach in dealing with this problem.You have to be strong on this one and you cant help him if you dont have the right frame of mind as you suffer from this difficulty.I feel your pain.I hope things will get better for you and youre not a dormat.This is a real problem and I encounter this everyday at work.

[lovemeorleaveme00]

Hang in there.. you are soo close to 30 days!!!

 

 

 

Hope your wish comes true!!

 

Thanks my dear friend.After my day 30 ,even if he greets me or not for xmas.I plan on being strong and really try to move on with my life without him the picture.God knows how much I still want to be with him if only he tried to work it out but Im here because he's not willing and meybe he doesnt feel the same way anymore about me.I need a new year! 2007 was a bad year for me..so here's looking forward to 2008! happy new year everyone!

[exmrsnerd]

Im sure he loves you but sometimes when the person is doing drugs their state of mind is altered and they are not the person they used to be.Prescription drugs can cause that too.Even sleeping pills can cause depression or worsen depression.I think what youre doing now is right.Stay away for now and seek help.There are many support groups for family members who have drug dependent family members.They will tell you how to have the right approach in dealing with this problem.You have to be strong on this one and you cant help him if you dont have the right frame of mind as you suffer from this difficulty.I feel your pain.I hope things will get better for you and youre not a dormat.This is a real problem and I encounter this everyday at work.

Where do I find these support groups? I had to file for a divorce to keep him from taking more stuff out of our house. I did not want to do it but legally I could not stop him from wasting any more of our assets unless I filed. I have heard that If I stop talking to him, he will miss us and change. Has this worked for anyone here?

[lovemeorleaveme00]

You can look up any substance abuse counsellor in hospitals.They can help you get started somewhere.Ive heard about these..But youve filed for a divorce already?Im so sorry you have to go through this.

[lovemeorleaveme00]

i looked up online but it should be something like this:

 

 

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or this:

 

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[exmrsnerd]

i looked up online but it should be something like this:

 

 

link removed

 

 

or this:

 

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Thank you.

[bostoneric]

](*,) when a simple xmas card goes so wrong!!

 

now I have to somehow call her parents house and ask that she doesnt get my gift... who am i kidding anymore, after what shes done to me she doesnt deserve anything from me... NC is for me to heal. she put me out of her life why do I care if shes in mine anymore?

 

](*,)](*,)

[papalazarou]

Cor 575 pages 100,000+ views and over 5000 posts!

 

And plenty of people have come and gone on this post!

 

Crikey!

[papalazarou]

](*,) when a simple xmas card goes so wrong!!

 

now I have to somehow call her parents house and ask that she doesnt get my gift... who am i kidding anymore, after what shes done to me she doesnt deserve anything from me... NC is for me to heal. she put me out of her life why do I care if shes in mine anymore?

 

](*,)](*,)

 

I have not followed your story mate but if im reading this corectly about contacting her parents so she dos not get a card/gift that you gave...I personally would just leave it.

 

Whats done is done, its what you do from NOW that matters. We all make mistakes, dont sweat it.

[yo]

](*,) when a simple xmas card goes so wrong!!

 

now I have to somehow call her parents house and ask that she doesnt get my gift... who am i kidding anymore, after what shes done to me she doesnt deserve anything from me... NC is for me to heal. she put me out of her life why do I care if shes in mine anymore?

 

](*,)](*,)

 

Bostoneric,

 

Did I miss out on something? The last time you told us that you reached your parent's place and you texted her after your flight. Did she reply back?

 

And what's this about the xmas card and gifts? Did you actually send her a card and gift?

 

I don't think you should bother calling her parents. Just leave it alone. Go back to NC and move on. Take care.

[yo]

Last night was really really bad. I kept dreaming about my ex. It was such a nice dream. We were both back togther and happy and laughing, going places, having so much of fun.

 

Then, I wake up and reality sets in. I just didn't want to get up. I wanted that dream to go on forever and ever. I am really missing her so much now. I still love her so much. I so want her to come back to me.

 

If only some xmas miracle could change her mind and make her come running back to me

[micro]

4 months of NC

Started NC immediately after break up.

 

Still missing her. Probably never will reconcile. It sucks but it is fact.

[bostoneric]

nope she did not reply back.

 

yup a simple card and a gift that I know regret, I bought it long before this all went down and thought "what the hell" and sent it, now i know he'll just take it all wrong and get pissed about it.

 

I talked to her brother-in-law last night, i guess the card went all wrong!!!

 

I dont understand why its ok for her to call and "check on me" but I cant send a simple card... I understand now that her "checking on me" is a way for her to feel less guilty and I know shes mad that shes getting a card now, she always always loved my cards and knows I care for her, but a card now in her eyes is "too little to late" type of thing.

 

today I thought how odd it is that I was the one dumped when she was the one who cheated and lied and strung me along for her own gain.

I should have dumped her and taken control of the situation, but my heart got in the way...

 

I still feel shes caught in the moment/drama/attention of her choice, she's always has been that type of person.. I need to distance myself from her and remain strong with NC!!!

 

Bostoneric,

 

Did I miss out on something? The last time you told us that you reached your parent's place and you texted her after your flight. Did she reply back?

 

And what's this about the xmas card and gifts? Did you actually send her a card and gift?

 

I don't think you should bother calling her parents. Just leave it alone. Go back to NC and move on. Take care.

[flyoffthewall]

Hi,

 

I just came accross this (well traveled!) thread. What a great idea! I accept this challenge. I had my girlfriend of 2 years split up with me about 2 weeks ago, and gave myself a similar challenge. It has been difficult, especially so close to the holidays, but I have maintained NC so far. I feel myself wimping out a little, though. So, this challenge should help.

 

Thanks, anyone, for any support (typed or otherwise) you can send my way.

[Crows]

Day 3...... wondering if she will contact.

 

Still has not since I responded to her text telling her my roomate was getting married.

[LilBear]

Oh yeah

I forgot to post here

 

Starting Point: 23/12/2007

 

Today is Day 3

With my ex angry and pissed off tht I told a mutual friend what he's been doing to me, and this friend actually confronted him about it and told him he should stop dangling and fishing about with me, and to stop hurting me if he doesn't want to get back together, things should be easier because I don't expect him to contact.

[bostoneric]

well just got a call from her, which i did not answer. she received my gift even though i tried to get it intercepted because she didnt deserve it.

her msg.

 

"thanks so much for the gift, which you really shouldnt have done, i feel bad that i didnt get you anything, Ireally love it, its amazing. i hope you are having a wonderful time with your family merry xmas"

 

i dont know what to think... its nice but she still didnt deserve it.

[yo]

well just got a call from her, which i did not answer. she received my gift even though i tried to get it intercepted because she didnt deserve it.

her msg.

 

"thanks so much for the gift, which you really shouldnt have done, i feel bad that i didnt get you anything, Ireally love it, its amazing. i hope you are having a wonderful time with your family merry xmas"

 

i dont know what to think... its nice but she still didnt deserve it.

 

Atleast she called you up just to thank you. So, it all ended well. Don't beat yourself up for sending the gift. It was a nice thing to do and you just went with your heart. Now, just forget about it and just move on with your life. If she wants you, she will come back for you.

[bostoneric]

true, at least this time is wasnt taken wrong... I was so in fear of it being something that pushes her even more.

 

I just keep thinking that shes caught in the moment and the excitment of this new girl/girl relationship, something shes never done and always was curious about.. and then I look back at her relationship history.. i guess this was a matter of time before she got afraid of long term commitment. will she come back, I think both yes and no.. yes down the road she'll realize that the grass isnt always greener and she gave somebody up who loved her more then anybody else ever has, and she'll realize that just because we had normal relationship issues doesnt mean shes not in love with me. we were just having some bad times.. she'll also realize that she ran from us by distracting herself with this "something new and exciting", she was too easily influenced by a girl who was interested in her and let herself be talked out of us. but I know shes really stubborn so i'm not how that will play.

 

 

all in all its been a really hard month and a really uncomfortable xmas...

I still cant decide if I should go on "our" cruise alone mid jan or just not go at all? I'm pretty sure i'll dwell pretty hard being on it knowing it was all about "us", I was planning some pretty serious moves during that week.

 

:splat:

 

 

 

Atleast she called you up just to thank you. So, it all ended well. Don't beat yourself up for sending the gift. It was a nice thing to do and you just went with your heart. Now, just forget about it and just move on with your life. If she wants you, she will come back for you.

[MNmike]

Day six.

I am scared I willl break down and call her tomorrow, or today I mean. Its Christmas, and she said she wanted to see me when she was in town from Grad school the last time we talked, which was 6 days ago.

We haven't seen eachother in 2 months and the breakup was over the phone a month ago.

I really want to see her, but what good will it do me I think? She's already dating another guy, and she has no idea I know.

So I'm struggling the urge to call and maybe see her before she goes back to school. The whole break up over the phone thing is really bothering me.