When did it stop being fun and start being scary?

[Baby Carrot]

When you´re young (er) your whole life is about the pursuit of fun. Then you grow up and learn to be cautious.

 

You look before you leap because there´s not always someone to catch you. And in life, there´s no safety net.

[laboheme]

I was always like that to a certain extent. My parents raised me to be very independent, so ever since I can remember, I've been worrying about "serious" issues, been wary of people in general, and been thinking about the future an awful lot. My ex-boyfriend showed me that it's okay to have fun and be goofy...but now that the relationship is over, I'm back to my serious ways.

 

So I guess what I'm trying to say is that it can depend on one's upbringing?

[Reluctant Rebuilder]

Funny: I was talking about growing up and becoming an adult with a friend over dinner tonight. You get to a point where you just don't care anymore about trivial things like keeping up an appearance, etc. You stop being afraid of falling down. If you have to change careers, leave a relationship, end a friendship, it's ok. Everything is going to be ok. Living through trauma makes you stronger, because you know what you can survive, and the fear of "am I gonna make it?" is gone. Myself I was a lot more scared of the world when I was younger, because I had no idea how strong I really was until I was tested.

[Baby Carrot]

Well yeah... I mean, if you come from the Hilton clan, of course life is pure fun...

 

But, like, in general... kids and teenagers lose that certain "spark" when they grow up...

 

I remember I used to be somewhat excited about life when I was younger, on high school (only 7 years go BTW). And now all that is gone. No more excitement, just fear of all the things that can go awfully wrong.

 

Damn

[Baby Carrot]

Funny: I was talking about growing up and becoming an adult with a friend over dinner tonight. You get to a point where you just don't care anymore about trivial things like keeping up an appearance, etc. You stop being afraid of falling down. If you have to change careers, leave a relationship, end a friendship, it's ok. Everything is going to be ok. Living through trauma makes you stronger, because you know what you can survive, and the fear of "am I gonna make it?" is gone. Myself I was a lot more scared of the world when I was younger, because I had no idea how string I really was until I was tested.

 

So, it got better for you? That´s great

 

But may I ask younger when? You look young...

 

Me, I´m feeling old and effed up at age 23... I seriously hope this gets better... I still don´t get to that point. My failures are only making me more paranoid and doubt about my capacities instead of giving me strenght...

[capbit]

Although I was raised to be cautious, when youre young, not alot is expected from you. But that changes as you grow older. You start living on your own, paying bills, making a future for yourself. For me, thats where it starts getting scary. Before, your goals would be to jump the highest on the trampoline. Now, for me anyways, is a high exam score. I guess it depends all on the person.

[Reluctant Rebuilder]

So, it got better for you? That´s great

 

But may I ask younger when? You look young...

Thanks, I'm 33, will be 34 in February.

 

Me, I´m feeling old and effed up at age 23... I seriously hope this gets better... I still don´t get to that point. My failures are only making me more paranoid and doubt about my capacities instead of giving me strenght...

 

I felt old and effed up at 23 too. In my late teens and most of my twenties, I was aware of how much harm there was in the world waiting for me and I felt paralyzed to do anything. I had a failed engagement, was afraid to go back to school, hated my job but I didn't want to leave it because what else would I do? All of this stuff banging around in my head. I wasted a lot of time not getting up after falling down, but that's ok, it's the best I could do at the time. Fear of failure plagues everyone, I mean *everyone*. But you get confidence from looking at the things that you made it through: even if it wasn't perfect, you survived it. And you probably learned a lot and know what not to do now. See how strong you are? You don't have to ace everything the first time, that's totally impossible and completely unfair to yourself to believe that (even if you consciously are aware of it, but still feel angst when it doesn't happen).

[Baby Carrot]

All of this stuff banging around in my head. I wasted a lot of time not getting up after falling down, but that's ok, it's the best I could do at the time. Fear of failure plagues everyone, I mean *everyone*. But you get confidence from looking at the things that you made it through: even if it wasn't perfect, you survived it. And you probably learned a lot and know what not to do now. See how strong you are? You don't have to ace everything the first time, that's totally impossible and completely unfair to yourself to believe that (even if you consciously are aware of it, but still feel angst when it doesn't happen).

 

Aw, this sure gives me hope RR. Thanks a lot.

 

It is really paralyzing feeling like you have to ace everything at the first attempt. Is pretty stupid actually... I don´t know where I got this idea that I have to keep some kind of perfect score... And beat myself up hard with every mistake I make...

 

Some perfection complex uh, dang. Rookie mistake I hope.

[caro33]

Oh man, everyone stuffs up BC. Yes, a rookie mistake. I was also the same, and am much less neurotic now. The problem is when you don't learn from your mistakes, not that you make them in the first place.

 

I think that when we are young we are so careful to judge ourselves as if we had people scrutinising us just as hard as we are scrutinising ourselves, but the fact is that because everyone else is worrying about their own stuff they probably haven't even noticed the detail of your life.

 

As time has progressed and I have seen the mistakes of those around me, it turns out that those major stuff-ups I thought I made were, in fact, minor issues compared to all the things others around me were doing that I didn't even know about at the time.

 

In most cases I learned from my own mistakes and those of others, and ended up in a better place because of them.

 

Maybe you can affect a cocky stance of 'but I meant to do that' - no one will know and you'll get a reputation for being a cool eccentric.

[Reluctant Rebuilder]

Aw, this sure gives me hope RR. Thanks a lot.

 

It is really paralyzing feeling like you have to ace everything at the first attempt. Is pretty stupid actually... I don´t know where I got this idea that I have to keep some kind of perfect score... And beat myself up hard with every mistake I make...

 

Some perfection complex uh, dang. Rookie mistake I hope.

 

I wouldn't say stupid, you're just being unfair to yourself when you hold that belief. Its a lot less stressful to do the best you can and leave it at that. Eventually you will get tired of beating yourself up, realize that everyone has things that work out for them, and things that don't, laugh at yourself a bit and wonder why you were so hard on yourself all along.

[Baby Carrot]

As time has progressed and I have seen the mistakes of those around me, it turns out that those major stuff-ups I thought I made were, in fact, minor issues compared to all the things others around me were doing that I didn't even know about at the time.

 

That is true... I´ve seen how badly people around me effs up and for some reason, I justify them and excuse them, but I can´t excuse myself... nutty!

 

It always works to blame it on the parents I guess. In this case, I may be right. When I was little, I was forced to get the highest grades. Let´s say, C+ was a major screw up. And all because mommy wanted to show daddy what a great job she was doing without his help. Pretty uh?

[hey jo]

i wish i were taught by my parents how to stand on my own feet.

 

i am 21, and still at uni doing a degree. despite them gruelling hours doing heaps of paperworks and studying at night, I am aware that school is easy; it’s what comes after school that’s difficult. and just thinking about what's gonna happen to me after i graduate makes me cringe.

 

my point of realisation has come upon me.

[caro33]

Yeah. I had a similar thing BC, a lot of pressure to perform and anything below a B was a major issue that involved much upset and rehabilitation efforts.

 

Stupid thing was most of it made no difference anyway. I failed spectacularly at Uni the first time around, and it was actually that failure that forced me to take the time and then start again with something I actually wanted to do.

 

You are trying to get away from your parents' influence, that's good. Once you are out from that environment you might find things a bit easier.

 

But there is a statute of limitations, I think, on how long we can blame our parents for our flawed adult approaches. Yes they may well have created a monster, but you get to choose if it gets fed.

[Baby Carrot]

i wish i were taught by my parents how to stand on my own feet.

 

i am 21, and still at uni doing a degree. despite them gruelling hours doing heaps of paperworks and studying at night, I am aware that school is easy; it’s what comes after school that’s difficult. and just thinking about what's gonna happen to me after i graduate makes me cringe.

 

my point of realisation has come upon me.

 

Awww... well there´s two of us... I also wish I was taught how to stand on my own feet instead being told I couldn´t do it cuz I was just a girl.

 

And yeah, when you look back, you see school was easy. The worst thing that could happen was to well, fail a test or so. In school there´s still this safety net of second chances, despite the pressure.

 

I´m about to get the degree and already cringing. I do have a job, but is not taking me anywhere... and my point of realisation has come upon me as well... I´ll let you know when it gets any better...

[Siriana]

 

But, like, in general... kids and teenagers lose that certain "spark" when they grow up...

 

I remember I used to be somewhat excited about life when I was younger, on high school (only 7 years go BTW). And now all that is gone. No more excitement, just fear of all the things that can go awfully wrong.

 

Damn

 

Join the club!

The same way at my place, except I don't fear about things that can go awfully wrong.

After you see so many different people living their lifes and some of them beeing all you never wanted to be it becomes clear that everything will turn out just fine for you. I

f they manage to live they life just fine and they're doing all the things you would never do, what are the chances that you woan't make it. I don't know if that makes any sense to you, but it's the way I see things.

 

Yeah, you lose that spark you had when you were a teenager, but that doesn't mean you don't have a spark - it is just a little bit more realistic and down to earth.

For example things that make me happy and excited:

-reading books,

-dreaming about travelling (well, i would travel, but I can't afford it),

-learning new words in english

-my plan of learning Photoshop a little bit better

-having a talk with my friend of 14 years

 

And you have to take into account where we live!

 

p.s. I remember you and your pic, especcialy because you're not from USA. Thanks for answering my post.

[TheRedQueen]

I'll tell ya, I feel as though I am 24 going on to 50.

 

Life sure is m-e-l-l-o-w, when driving in the s-l-o-w lane.

[caro33]

Jeez what's wrong with you youngsters! Wait until you start getting wrinkles and you still don't feel actualised or fulfilled - then you start to worry.

[Baby Carrot]

But there is a statute of limitations, I think, on how long we can blame our parents for our flawed adult approaches. Yes they may well have created a monster, but you get to choose if it gets fed.

 

That is true. I´m feeling quite bummed out right now.

 

But when I´m having a better day, I do acknowledge that it is my choice to continue whining about it instead of improving it.

 

It is a fact that life is everything but fair. There are tons of coulda - shoulda - woulda . Yeah, things coulda been better, they shoulda known better, you shoulda been better educated. But it didn´t happen like that, too bad!

 

Finish whining and start making all the improvements you require... Hell yay.

[caro33]

That is true. I´m feeling quite bummed out right now.

 

Cheer up mate, and congratulations on your degree. I'm sure you will set the world on fire once you've set on your path.

[Baby Carrot]

If they manage to live they life just fine and they're doing all the things you would never do, what are the chances that you woan't make it. I don't know if that makes any sense to you, but it's the way I see things.

 

Yeah, you lose that spark you had when you were a teenager, but that doesn't mean you don't have a spark - it is just a little bit more realistic and down to earth.

 

For example things that make me happy and excited:

-reading books,

-dreaming about travelling (well, i would travel, but I can't afford it),

-learning new words in english

-my plan of learning Photoshop a little bit better

-having a talk with my friend of 14 years

 

Yeah, it does make sense to me. I mean, I´ll figure it out, one way or another.

 

I get so excited about books as well! Im a total geek.

 

BTW, PM if you need any help with Photoshop, I do know a thing or two about it.

[Baby Carrot]

Jeez what's wrong with you youngsters! Wait until you start getting wrinkles and you still don't feel actualised or fulfilled - then you start to worry.

 

I don´t know, maybe is posmodernism... Is funny how bitter are we, seriously. This are dark times or something. I am a baby and yet feel so old, tired, jaded... Damn. I even look older.

[Baby Carrot]

Cheer up mate, and congratulations on your degree. I'm sure you will set the world on fire once you've set on your path.

 

Hey! Thanks for all the support Caro, you´re always so helpful and such a sweetie!

 

A flower for you:

 

[caro33]

Hey! Thanks for all the support Caro, you´re always so helpful and such a sweetie!

 

A flower for you:

 

That's lovely, thanks!

[EvaGina]

I learn the big things (ie: dont get beaten/abused/raped/degraded) but apart from that, I throw myself in head first every time

[Jeffrey2095]

Hello Baby Carrot,

 

They say that 30 is the new 20, and 40 is the new 30, so I guess I should feel about 35. (Actually, I really don't feel much different than I did in high school.)

 

I don't think there is any more fear attached to being a little older, in fact... the freedom can be exhilarating.

 

Wait and see.