Independent + Virgin = Forever Single

[HeckaBekah]

Let's start off here. I'm a Christian girl and also a virgin.

 

This usually means one word, single.

 

The few times that I have been in a relationship I was more naive and I think me exs were attracted to that naivity, maybe because they were hoping that I was open enough to well, lose my virginity to them.

 

So I understand that because of my choice, I have been single longer, but my beliefs make up so much of who I am and as I've come to find out, many guys tend to leave girls who are more indepedent and also virgins alone.

 

I've become less picky about superficial things and actually more picky about things that matter the most to me...

 

However, I'm starting to wonder if its even possible to meet a decent looking Christian guy. Out of the Christian guys I've met, some I were not attracted to at all, some were not interested in relationships, while others weren't really Christian at all.

 

Another thought is that I'm starting to realize more and more that maybe it's not such a good thing to tell guys in the beginning that I'm a virgin simply because they lose interest.

 

So this is what I have come to conclude about my current status. Any thoughts on the matter?

[arrrrffff]

Heck., you just have not met the right guy. There are guys out there who are Christian, and abstain from sex.

 

There are also guys who will want to be with you and care less about sex, religion, social status, etc. A guy who loves you would respect your decision and not walk away.

 

It takes many dates to find the right person. Just keep looking. Don't give up hope.

[HeckaBekah]

Thank you so much for your encouragement. It means so much to me!

[Luke Skywalker]

You are smart. If you lost your virginity to any guy, they'd dump you and get rid of you the next morning while you have to check the doctor for STD's or pregnancy. Then you'd be a single girl, whose committed a mortal sin against God that even if God were to forgive you - you've violated that level of spiritual trust forever and it cant be recovered, you've risked infection of STD's pregnency, and possibly got demonic influence as a result of dabbling where you are not supposed to. Like I said, you are smart to be independent and a virgin, now stay that way until you find the right man who is serious with the Lord and continue praying every single day until you meet him. We walk by faith, not by sight. Thus, you have to trust God to bring you that man. I'm single by the way, a virgin, and also a Christian as you are - PM me if you live around Toronto, Canada.

 

Anyway, in response to your question or complaint - answer if very simple. You only need to marry one person. That person has to be, by God's design, the very person that's created to compliment you.

 

If it's not the right person, it will mean heart-ache, at a potential break-up or divorce and grief in between, so there is nothing to worry about. Continue trying to make a difference in the world, win others to Christ, and let your light shine.

[Agathon]

Ok, not religious myself, but does he HAVE to be Christian?

 

Is it possible that you could accept a man who has no religion (convert possibly?) and yet still wants to wait till marriage.

 

I personally plan to wait for marriage.

 

I also didn't really want a girlfriend, but it happened and she didn't tell me till 4-5 months in that she wasn't a virgin. THAT'S what would turn me away... yet I stayed.

 

Morale of the story, you will find someone, just try to be open, yet stick to your guns, don't comprimise yourself.

 

If he has to be Christian then wouldn't that not be a problem?

Sorry if I'm being rude here.

[HeckaBekah]

Amen to that! : )

 

Thanks so much Luke!

 

You said what God wanted me to hear so clearly!

[HeckaBekah]

Agathon - I understand what you are saying, but my morals and beliefs are one and the same to that of the Christian man I am looking for. It cannot be explained. But as Luke simply put it, we walk by faith not by sight. Many times I have done the opposite and it has caused me more pain than if I were to have just stuck to my beliefs.

 

Thanks for the insight Agathon!

[quietgrl]

HeckaBekah,

 

 

I'm a nonreligious 30 something virgin female and i can relate to your dating story in a way.HeckaBekah have you ever check out Christain message board online.There are alot of Virgins/nonvirgin men who can relate to your dating story.

[arrrrffff]

Your root morals are essential to who your are. Don't lose them. Don't conform just because you think you are not having any success in the relationship world. Also, so NOT be afraid to make your beliefs known, so that you two don't get into a long term relationship only to find out later.

 

Just by perusing these forums you can defiantely see there have and will be a spectrum of situtations. We have sweethearts who match in every possible way and somehow end in a breakup.

 

Ag is right. You may just very well find someone who is not a Christian, but he will respect you in every way and care for you.

[Baby Carrot]

You are smart. If you lost your virginity to any guy, they'd dump you and get rid of you the next morning while you have to check the doctor for STD's or pregnancy.

 

Oh Kay... JFTR:

 

I lost my "virginity" to any guy, and I dumped him.

 

We used protection, so no need to go see a doctor looking for anything.

 

And I´m also smart.

[HeckaBekah]

Arrrrffff - All this time I've been proud to say I'm a virgin, but not until recently have I wondered if it was the right decision share it so early on. But what you're saying is true and that is I shouldn't be afraid of letting my beliefs show...and yes that definitely in many ways can save me from a lot of heartache!

 

quietgrl - Do you know of any of these forums you were talking about?

[Night Pumpkin]

Possible Solutions:

 

1. Attend different churches. Meet new guys there.

2. Tell all your friends you are looking for someone. Maybe someone knows someone who would be right for you.

3. Sign up for a Christian dating site.

4. Reconsider the guys you already rejected. Maybe you should take a 2nd look. Remember, no one is going to be the perfect virgin person. Everyone has flaws. And people change as they gain more life experience. Maybe reconsider some of the men you already rejected.

[HeckaBekah]

Thanks NightPumpkin!

 

 

Most men I've been interested in the past weren't virgins. It's pretty uncommon to meet guys who are virgins these days. I do not reject based on someone's past, but definitely understand what you're talking about!

[doyathink]

I just want to say that I honor you and the choices you have made.

You are an inspiration.

You should seriously consider being a youth leader in your church! You would make a wonderful role model for these children.

[caasiopia68]

crap. i hit the wrong button and lost all i wrote.

 

so as i was saying. if the guys lost interest at hearing your a virgin then what would it matter to tell them. you shouldnt want that kind of guy anyway.

 

and there are plenty of strong valued "attractive" christian guys out there, i am one of them. keep looking. your church would be a good place to check

 

 

good luck

[caasiopia68]

3. Sign up for a Christian dating site.

 

 

for some reason i know that an option on most dating sites you can say if they are a christian is important to you and it will narrow it to christians only

[Northalius]

Do not be scared to let them know you're a virgin (and your other personal beliefs) in the beginning. That is a very important thing for you, and you must respect yourself to not fall down to the level of letting someone elses opinion affect that.

 

As they said above: If they're not willing to be with you at the start of it when hearing you're a virgin and Christian, then it'll not be any different in the long run, either; they're just not the guy for you, really.

 

Like I told another person that was scared of losing his girfriend if he came clean about his feelings for her regarding a certain situation: If she goes crazy, then that just shows you what kind of person she really is, and that is exactly what you want to know ASAP! This is a relationship, and in that, knowledge of the other person truly is power, that's good for both of you to have! The sooner the better, before it gets too deep!

 

Like the others said: Stick with it until you find the right man for you. Do not give in to the opinions, beggings or yelling of another guy that's just looking to get in your pants. Virginity is a huge deal. Many lose it when they're young, and so they seem to forget, or never really know, how important it is in a relationship. It's a one time thing, and that is special... that is, if you really care about the person.

[Night Pumpkin]

What does it matter whether or not he is a virgin ?? When you love someone, you accept them as they are. Loving someone isn't about finding someone who is perfect. It's about learning to accept someone as they are.

 

Thanks NightPumpkin!

 

 

Most men I've been interested in the past weren't virgins. It's pretty uncommon to meet guys who are virgins these days. I do not reject based on someone's past, but definitely understand what you're talking about!

[HeckaBekah]

Of course no one is perfect. Like I said before, I cannot judge someone on their past as I wouldn't want someone to judge me on my past. Yes, you are right, it is about learning to accept someone as they are. I didn't disagree with you in the first place.

[HeckaBekah]

doyathink - Thank you so much, but of course I struggle with it like everyone does! I think of staying abstinent as keeping me from further heartache down the road! I want to give it up to someone whose willing to wait and that symbolizes a type of patience that society cannot see. I would just be too heart broken if I gave it to someone who left me and took with him a huge part of who I am. Scary, I know!

 

caasiopia & northalius - I'm not sure why I recently started to doubt saying that I am a virgin. Probably because I wondered why I'd gotten the same response time and again. But it is true that I am better off being single than not being honest with the other person and myself. And yes, knowledge of the other person is definitely good for both to have!

[Stari]

A guy who loves you would respect your decision and not walk away.

 

If the above would be true then the reverse must be equally true: if the original poster loves a man, who wants sex, then she would respect his decision and have sex.

 

The original poster judges who is a christian and whos not. Unless the persons admitted to not being christians, this is self-rightious in my opinion. Each one has their one relationship with Him and each one tries his best.

 

I hope "independent" does not mean "it's my way or the high-way". Being stubborn is a potentially unlimited source of conflicts if in a relation with a person with any sense of self-value.

 

A virgin to me means a person who has hang-ups about sex. The virgin obviously takes sex very seriously so having it frequently would tarnish the specialness of the act. Having pure sexual lust is not considered a good thing, so the former-virgin is apt to feel like sex-object if the sex becomes more often than not.

 

Getting married and hoping that something will change for better (e.g. enough sex) after marriage, is a recipe for unhappiness. Instead it is better to start out a relationship as you intend to go on.

[doyathink]

I know the struggles you are going through and in todays world....it's reeeally hard. Keep your faith strong...rely on God for your strength and as I tell my daughter....don't get yourself into the situation that could lead you into temptation to begin with....that helps a lot. lol

 

Yeah, you've chosen the path of most resistance.....it's going to be harder to find a guy with the moral commitment that you have, but they are out there. You may find a man who doesn't have the same belief as you have, but has all the other qualities that you desire. This may be the man who God has lead you too....to plant a seed and help him grow. I wouldn't rule this kind of man totally out....

I wish you all the best......

 

doyathink - Thank you so much, but of course I struggle with it like everyone does! I think of staying abstinent as keeping me from further heartache down the road! I want to give it up to someone whose willing to wait and that symbolizes a type of patience that society cannot see. I would just be too heart broken if I gave it to someone who left me and took with him a huge part of who I am. Scary, I know!

[Night Pumpkin]

Being a virgin won't neccessarily keep you from heartache. I'm a virgin and have had my heart broken too many times.

 

Being a virgin doesn't neccessarily mean that one is patient. There maybe many reasons why a person is a virgin that have nothing to do with whether or not that person is patient. Some people are virgins because they are not interested in sex. Others have just never had the opportunity. Some are virgins because thier parents control thier lives too much, and that doesn't instill in them a sense of self control. The fact that a guy is a virgin doesn't neccessarily mean that he will be a better husband for you.

 

When you look for a husband, don't neccessarily look for a virgin. First and fore most, find someone who can be your best friend. Make sure you are friends first for atleast a year before you start a romantic relationship. That gives you plenty of time to really get to know the person.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

If the above would be true then the reverse must be equally true: if the original poster loves a man, who wants sex, then she would respect his decision and have sex.

 

That's just like saying if one person wants children and the other doesn't, the one who doesn't want children should just suck it up and have it in order to respect the other person who wants children. OR, if one person wants a 3 some and other doesn't, then the other person should respect the wishes of the one who wants the threesome and just do it.

 

Always amazes me that people get so bent out of shape when a person talks about valuing their viriginity. If you didn't that's fine for you, but don't trash someone who places a greater value on their virginity.

 

The original poster judges who is a christian and whos not. Unless the persons admitted to not being christians, this is self-rightious in my opinion. Each one has their one relationship with Him and each one tries his best.

 

I believe the poster is referring to the fact that she has strong Christian values in which virginity is important....it is in no way being judgemental. Orthodox Jews have that belief as well as do religious Muslims and I am sure other religions.

 

I hope "independent" does not mean "it's my way or the high-way". Being stubborn is a potentially unlimited source of conflicts if in a relation with a person with any sense of self-value.

 

Where in the world does it say that independent automatically means my way or the high way. Independent means being able to think for oneself, not being dependent on someone else for happiness, being happy and content doing their own thing. It has nothing to do with stubborness.

 

A virgin to me means a person who has hang-ups about sex. The virgin obviously takes sex very seriously so having it frequently would tarnish the specialness of the act. Having pure sexual lust is not considered a good thing, so the former-virgin is apt to feel like sex-object if the sex becomes more often than not.

Geez! It has nothing to do with having hangups about sex. You are really taking this whole thread out of context and getting way too defensive and rather insulting.

 

Getting married and hoping that something will change for better (e.g. enough sex) after marriage, is a recipe for unhappiness. Instead it is better to start out a relationship as you intend to go on.

Excuse me!!! Well, how many relationships start off where the people are at it like rabbits and then as soon as they get married...it is no longer very frequent. Just because a person abstains from sex until they meet the right one, doesn't mean that they are frigid. They could end up being quite adventurous once they are with someone they are comfortable with.

[HeckaBekah]

Oh I know it won't save me from heartache at all, but I think it would save me from heartache in various ways (for instance the heartache I would feel if I were to give it to someone who wouldn't end up waiting around). That's something that I would want to prevent as much as I can. Yes, I cannot control the future, but at the same time I want to make decisions that define much of not only who I am now, but who I want to become.

 

True, people are virgins for different reasons. In my case and in other peoples cases whom I know of it does involve a type of resistance that comes from having patience.

 

I am not merely looking for someone who is a virgin. Being a virgin is something that I believe I am keeping for God and a way for Him to protect me. Yes, people may laugh and think what I am saying is ridiculous but it's a personal and spiritual choice. Because it is my choice, I am not stating that someone who isn't a virgin isn't a Christian. Now that is ridiculous, and would definitely be self-righteous.