musicguy Posted January 2, 2007 Share Posted January 2, 2007 I've posted on here about my new girlfriend. (She's 19, I'm 27) I spent time with her over the weekend. Her brother's band played Saturday night and she didn't have a babysitter and she really wanted to go to the show, after the show there was a party for a band members b-day and she wanted to go to that, so I let her go while I babysat her kids. She said that she'd be gone for a couple hours, BUT she ended up staying out all night. Sunday night, yeah, New Year's Eve, party time for everyone! There was a friend that she hadn't seen, so I yeah, I let her go...once again she said that she'd be back before midnight..so I stayed up all night after I put her kids to bed and waited for her. She came home at 5am and I was kinda sleeping, so we talked about it and she read the note about how depressed/mad I felt that night. So she apologized and was caressing my hand and holding it. That day we looked at apartments for her to live at and apparently she would want me to live with her and her kids. (her and I met on Myspace a year and a half ago, have been talking online and on the phone, etc. met 3 weeks ago and starting dating) Anyway, last night we went to my friends house since they invited us to dinner, so she had her kids with her. We had a good time with my friends. While in the car, before we parted..we made out a lot. Do you all think that she's taking advantage of me cuz I'm just another person she can pawn her kids off to while she has fun? What should I do? cuz she also smokes pot twice every other day or so. I want to intervene without getting her mad ya know, but I don't even know if she's going to listen to me. She'll smoke pot in the bathroom while her daughter is outside wanting her. (her kids are 2 and a half and 5 months) P.S. She's also Bi-polar Link to comment
forza2 Posted January 2, 2007 Share Posted January 2, 2007 She's 19, and has two kids? And they're not yours? And she uses drugs? What the hell are you doing man? I would RUN away... Link to comment
kristipher Posted January 2, 2007 Share Posted January 2, 2007 Uh, I would call Child Protective Services and THEN run. Link to comment
Siriana Posted January 2, 2007 Share Posted January 2, 2007 Oh, and I think I already told you my opinion on it - and I am still sticking to it. She's neglecting her kids, she's a drug addict, what else do you need? Go back to online dating!!! Oh, or you can try saving her and end up as a guy who has been used all over the place - you already are - she left you to babysit while she was out and knows you only 3 weeks. She's neglecting her kids and using you as a babysitter. And she thinks that's o.k. because you are allowing that. Yes, and social services are needed here. She is going to raise two future deliquents, alcoholics or possibly drug addicts. Link to comment
dogheadma Posted January 2, 2007 Share Posted January 2, 2007 Sounds like a bad deal for you. Lots of red flags. I dealt with a bi-polar person once in my past. It's no picnic and not something I would personally recommend to anyone. Best to cut your losses now at this early stage and move on. Link to comment
BornToResist Posted January 2, 2007 Share Posted January 2, 2007 You sound like a sweet guy. BUT she's taking advantage of you big time. There are just things you DO NOT do...even if she was acting perfect and didn't use drugs, just the fact that she went out until 5 am while you watched her kids is completely out of line. This is NOT how a parent acts. More importantly, it is not how a worthy, caring romantic partner acts. Don't you think she would want to spend the holiday with you...? Or at least give you the courtesy of having a life and not leaving you to watch her kids (for free probably)? If you don't leave her now, it's only going to get worse. By staying, you are condoning her behavior and telling her it's okay to treat you like that, and it's okay to treat her kids like that. The longer you stay, the harder it will be. You'll grow close with her children and feel they need you, and you'll end up staying mostly for them, trying to save them from this situation. That's what happened with me anyways. Link to comment
Saturn2006 Posted January 2, 2007 Share Posted January 2, 2007 I agree with the above posters. Also you have only been dating 3 weeks and she left you in charge of her kids. I would have to know someone for a lot longer before I let them take care of my children. But then again, sounds like she was more interested in going out and partying than worrying about how you and her kids were going to spend New Years eve. This isn't going to last by the sounds of it. I wish you well, and hope things improve for you. Link to comment
meantime Posted January 2, 2007 Share Posted January 2, 2007 If all she had were her many other problems to deal with, the pot, finding good child care, her illness, and you chose to step in and be in her life that would be tough enough...but you are stepping in while she is busy stepping OUT!!!!!!!!!! Link to comment
musicguy Posted January 3, 2007 Author Share Posted January 3, 2007 I feel now that she just wants to screw up her life and not give a care about what other people think. I've given her options and advice, but she doesn't seem to want to take them into consideration Link to comment
Newo Ikkin Posted January 3, 2007 Share Posted January 3, 2007 I read your other thread too, and there's no way I would advise you to stay in such a toxic relationship. Screw the bi-polar and the depression for a god damn second - she is using you as a baby-sitter and ignoring your advice to make things better. And this is the least she's doing to you. I'm not prejudice to those with 'baggage', but its a totally different kettle of fish when she's taking advantage. Link to comment
Newo Ikkin Posted January 3, 2007 Share Posted January 3, 2007 Please, get out while you can. This can actually be considered abusive. Do you believe her children are being neglected in any way by her? You mentioned her smoking pot in the bathroom while her little'un needs her - is that a regular thing? Link to comment
SarahRose Posted January 3, 2007 Share Posted January 3, 2007 I stand by what I said in the other post. Nothing has changed. You are being used as a free babysitter. I hope you aren't having sex with her as lord only knows what diseases she has and if you are I hope you are using condoms every single time as apparently she has no regard for her body enough to use birth control. Please contact social services for these innocent victims in all this mess and run away from her as fast as you can before she ruins your life. You have offered her options. She is an addict! Her addictions are what she is choosing and there is nothing and I mean nothing you can do about that. Please don't let this person drag you down with her. Link to comment
yahoo2 Posted January 3, 2007 Share Posted January 3, 2007 She's has walked all over you and you're still undecided what to do? You're a babysitter to her, nothing more. If she's staying out all night you should figure she's hooking up with other guys as well. She's a bad mom and a druggie. You're 27 years old and falling for this? Why? Link to comment
Batya33 Posted January 3, 2007 Share Posted January 3, 2007 I feel now that she just wants to screw up her life and not give a care about what other people think. I've given her options and advice, but she doesn't seem to want to take them into consideration You cannot help someone who does not want to help herself. You can help her kids by calling child protective services. The on line time of course doesn't count as knowing her in any relevant context - she is entrusting her kids to a man she's known three weeks to live with her and has all those other problems. Please think of her children and forget for now about any attraction you have for her. Link to comment
musicguy Posted January 3, 2007 Author Share Posted January 3, 2007 Last night we had a really long talk and I told her what I felt and my opinions about everything and she told me that she's gonna quit doing the partying, drinking and the pot. (or so she says) so hopefully she sticks to her word Link to comment
musicguy Posted January 3, 2007 Author Share Posted January 3, 2007 Please, get out while you can. This can actually be considered abusive. Do you believe her children are being neglected in any way by her? You mentioned her smoking pot in the bathroom while her little'un needs her - is that a regular thing? yeah it seems to be a regular thing Link to comment
dogheadma Posted January 3, 2007 Share Posted January 3, 2007 Last night we had a really long talk and I told her what I felt and my opinions about everything and she told me that she's gonna quit doing the partying, drinking and the pot. (or so she says) so hopefully she sticks to her word Hopefully, for her sake, she does. Hopefully, for your sake, you won't stick around to find out. Link to comment
musicguy Posted January 3, 2007 Author Share Posted January 3, 2007 the thing is, I've liked her for a really long time and when I get emotionally attached to someone it's hard to let go Link to comment
Siriana Posted January 3, 2007 Share Posted January 3, 2007 the thing is, I've liked her for a really long time and when I get emotionally attached to someone it's hard to let go That's a bad excuse for a situation like this one. You are dooing the wrong thing. Link to comment
Newo Ikkin Posted January 3, 2007 Share Posted January 3, 2007 Last night we had a really long talk and I told her what I felt and my opinions about everything and she told me that she's gonna quit doing the partying, drinking and the pot. (or so she says) so hopefully she sticks to her word There is saying, and there is doing. Right now I can imagine she'd say anything to keep you. I'm not intentionally putting an ultimate downer on this relationship, but you have to understand that there is quite obviously some poison lingering. Link to comment
Newo Ikkin Posted January 3, 2007 Share Posted January 3, 2007 the thing is, I've liked her for a really long time and when I get emotionally attached to someone it's hard to let go Picture things a year down the line, with nothing having changed. Link to comment
musicguy Posted January 4, 2007 Author Share Posted January 4, 2007 now she's pissed at me because I get jealous of her with her guy friends Link to comment
yahoo2 Posted January 4, 2007 Share Posted January 4, 2007 You're doing almost everything wrong. Hard to believe there are people who absolutely cannot help themselves out of a very bad situation. I'm talking about you. Get out now-she's just gonna use you and you'll be left out in the cold, heartbroken. You shouldn't care one bit for this chick. She obviously doesn't care about you or she would'nt be doing things like this. Link to comment
musicguy Posted January 4, 2007 Author Share Posted January 4, 2007 she called me and I told her the situation that she's in with my closest friends, since I'm with her and then she hung up on me Link to comment
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