rucnateb Posted January 2, 2007 Share Posted January 2, 2007 ok...so i ahave been divorced for 8 months now...been dating this guy for 6 months now...he is telling me that he would love to spend the rest of his life with me but that its been too little time since my divorce and that i have issues that i need to take care off before anything else serious can happen between us...i miss my married life i would love to have it back...and i mentioned this to him....thats is when he said that i needed to take care of some issues before anything else can happen...i dont understand what he is trying to say and what is this "grief" period that he is talking about...i didnt love the person i was married to when we got divorced so there was no grieving period...if anyone can shed some advise it would be really appreciated.... TIA Link to comment
Beec Posted January 2, 2007 Share Posted January 2, 2007 So, you want to marry, and get back to married life, and he wants to take his time? Well, perhaps if you accept that and lead a bit of what seems to be a more independent existence he will be motivated to act to keep you. We all go through griveing periods, but when you are over the relationship before it ends, the period is not long. Still, you seem to be ready pretty quickly. Is it him you want to marry, or is it married life you want and he is there? Link to comment
prtygrl1973 Posted January 2, 2007 Share Posted January 2, 2007 to me it just sounds like he really loves you and is afraid that if you jump into marriage so fast after a divorce that in time, you will feel as if you did everything too fast and jumped right in and then you will want out. It is wrong for him to think for you but I think he may be covering his own butt! Good luck Link to comment
Slacker Posted January 2, 2007 Share Posted January 2, 2007 He's probably worried about being the rebound guy, just give it more time. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted January 2, 2007 Share Posted January 2, 2007 The person who I know who best explains the "one year rule" of grieving is Dr. Joy Browne. She has a web site, a radio show and has written about it. Link to comment
rucnateb Posted January 2, 2007 Author Share Posted January 2, 2007 that is what i think...but besides the time thing how can i show him that he is not the rebound guy...that i am over this grieving period...he wants us to see a counselor....he says that the reason there are so many divorces is because people dont think things...and i guess he wants to make sure this will not happen to us? Link to comment
Batya33 Posted January 2, 2007 Share Posted January 2, 2007 that is what i think...but besides the time thing how can i show him that he is not the rebound guy...that i am over this grieving period...he wants us to see a counselor....he says that the reason there are so many divorces is because people dont think things...and i guess he wants to make sure this will not happen to us? The problem may be that given your circumstances you may not be able to show him because even though you believe you have grieved and are thinking clearly - and have the best of intentions - if your divorce has been final for less than a year you may not be and not be aware that you are not ready. Read what Dr. Joy Browne has to say on the subject, very wise in my humble opinion. Link to comment
rucnateb Posted January 2, 2007 Author Share Posted January 2, 2007 where can i read this?i went to a website but is just for a radu=io show...is there any books on this? Link to comment
Batya33 Posted January 2, 2007 Share Posted January 2, 2007 where can i read this?i went to a website but is just for a radu=io show...is there any books on this? It might be in her dating for dummies book or one of her other books - look it up on link removed is my suggestion or send an email to her staff through her web site inquiring about the "one year rule" (that applies after a divorce or death of a spouse). Note that this is the only hard and fast rule she has. Also, you might try to listen to her radio show which I find very interesting - you might, too. Link to comment
Slacker Posted January 2, 2007 Share Posted January 2, 2007 where can i read this?i went to a website but is just for a radu=io show...is there any books on this? She covers it completely in "Dating for dummies" Link to comment
onelittleladybug Posted January 2, 2007 Share Posted January 2, 2007 Hi there i miss my married life i would love to have it back...[...]i didnt love the person i was married to when we got divorced so there was no grieving period... It kinda sounds like you are in denial. If you enjoyed married life so much there must have been something about your ex that you loved, I understand that you didn't love him by the time you divorced but you only met this guy 2 months after your divorce. It also kinda sounds like you're pressuring him, you've only been together 6 months. No matter how much you love married life - it doesn't sound like you have been truly single for a long time so how can you know the difference? He sounds like a really reasonable person and I actually think he has a really good attitude about this. He sounds really genuine to me. I would listen to his reasons and respect them and just take the pressure off for a while. Just be in the moment and stop rushing so much. Link to comment
keenan Posted January 2, 2007 Share Posted January 2, 2007 It kinda sounds like you are in denial. If you enjoyed married life so much there must have been something about your ex that you loved, I understand that you didn't love him by the time you divorced but you only met this guy 2 months after your divorce. It also kinda sounds like you're pressuring him, you've only been together 6 months. No matter how much you love married life - it doesn't sound like you have been truly single for a long time so how can you know the difference? He sounds like a really reasonable person and I actually think he has a really good attitude about this. He sounds really genuine to me. I would listen to his reasons and respect them and just take the pressure off for a while. Just be in the moment and stop rushing so much. just wanted to say *ditto* to onelittleladybug's post. Link to comment
mike_chppr Posted January 4, 2007 Share Posted January 4, 2007 To answer your question this link helped me a lot, a sort of knowing where you are at. link removed Here is a link that I plan on using to compare someone I'm considering delving deeper in a relationship with. It is male oriented, but I think relevant link removed Link to comment
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