What am I doing wrong? I don't think my husband's attracted to me.

[NYWife]

I am new to this site, however, I would love some input from everyone. I'll try to keep it short... My husband and I have been married for 3 years. I'm 27 and he is 35. I really enjoy sex and he used to. When we do have sex, it's awesome! I am very open minded and will do almost anything to and with him. I enjoy doing things that most men wish their wives would do. I'm in great shape, (I train horses for a living) and have tons of self-confidience. Many people have said that they were surprised I married him because he is your average "Joe" and I'm such a "hottie". However, I don't feel that way. He's my baby. He seems like he's just not attracted to me anymore. I think I have tried just about everything. We have sex about once every 2 months and I feel like I have to beg. When we do, he seems like he really enjoys it. But when it's over, it's over. I have tried backing off and just acting like his best friend (I am) then after a month of that, getting in the shower with him... nothing. One time we didn't have sex for over a month. He was in bed watching TV and I came to bed naked. I started masturbating next to him. He said, "I'm sorry honey, let me move over so you have more room." Then turned up the TV.

I hope I gave you enough info, if I didn't, please ask any questions. What am I doing wrong?

Thanks for your help.

[doyathink]

Um...well....instead of masturbating yourself, how about doing it to him? IDK...just a thought.

[veneratio]

have you talked to him about it?

[Ash]

As the previous poster says, it's a good idea to see if you can talk to him about this. Perhaps he has some misconceptions about what you'd like to be doing.

 

Normally I'd think what you did in by showering together and joining him in bed the way you did would be great things to spark up some intimacy and it is a bit of a conern that he didn't respond more as you'd like him to, particularly given that frequency of sex with him is fairly low to begin with.

 

Some men simply don't have a high sex drive at all, and it tends to fall off even more as they age. Unforunately guys can tend to peak sexually quite early, and those with low sex drives to begin with can fall off quite drastically in their desires. (And of course there are also many men who still enjoy sex on a very regular basis). At the same time your sex drive may be increasing as women can experience their sexual peaks in their 30's.

 

The question in my mind is whether he's interested in sex at all or only sex with you. It would be really unfortunate if he's lost interest in you but is still interested in general although nothing you've said in your email would indicate that at this point. On the contrary, I'd have to think most men would respond to the things you've done and the way you describe yourself so I somehow doubt that he's not attracted to you.

 

I'd suggest talking to him to find out if there is something about sex that is holding him back, or that he'd like to try. See if there's in interest at all, and certainly let him know that when you lie beside him and touch yourself that you'd certainly love it if he wanted to touch you as well. Let him know if was in invitation for him. Us guys can sometimes be pretty obtuse, and some men may see that kind of thing as somewhat intimidating.

[pregnantkitty_1985]

You know, I would think any man would love it if his hot wife got into bed beside him and started masturbating, or got in the shower with him, or came to bed naked, and the fact that he doesn't respond is highly strange. Maybe he should go to the doctor.

 

Then again, maybe he's more reserved or something, and the whole masturbation scenario doesn't work for him. You should come into the room naked and pull off his pants and take charge. Don't sit there masturbating, apparently it doesn't do anything for him. (I don't know why, but I guess that's just him.) Instead touch him or just go for the oral sex. See what happens then.

 

If this man does not get excited or hard over that, then you should take him to a doctor. Get his testosterone levels checked, or something.

 

I do have one guess though. With all the posts I see about women whose husbands/boyfriends don't want to have sex with them anymore, there's usually a culprit. Porn! It seems so prevalent nowadays what with everyone having the internet and all. A lot of these men who are addicted to porn look at it, masturbate, bust a nut, and they're good for the day, and turn down the sexual advances of their women, who normally they'd love to be with if they hadn't already drained their sexual energy. Could that be a possibility? He may just be hiding it from you. If he was normally sexually active and then it started to go way downhill, then it's either that, or it could be stress & fatigue.

[TiredMan]

This is kinda a preconceived notion that the man has to be ready at all times for sex. Just because a woman gets in bed and masterbates naked, does NOT mean the guy has to be in the mood. I know many guys (usually the ones not getting enough) say they would always be ready but to expect that is just sillyness, IMO.

 

If a guy got into bed naked and just started masterbating, how many woman would be offended or not into that? MANY OF THEM. Not all, but many.

 

Has there ever been time in your whole relationship where he wanted sex and you weren't in the mood? My guess would be yes.

 

Also relationship sex DOES die down. This just happens. "average joe" or "hottie" has nothing to do with it. You can have the most attractive person on the planet but things happen and/or die down.

[eriko]

I'm going to have to agree with Tiredman.

 

However, you should take a direct aproach unless you want to risk letting this escalate to (dare I say) a sexless relationship.

 

Call him out on this. Explain to him that you are a very sexual being, and that your marriage with him depends A LOT on the sexual energy between you two.

 

If you can tolerate a marriage with little to no sex for the rest of your life, just let it be.

 

If you can't, demand that he changes at least a bit so that your needs can at least be partially met.

 

It's up to you. If you're on of those wives that succumbs to all of her husband's wishes and is a sucker for anything, my guess is that your marriage will go down the * * * *ter and your husband won't even know it.

 

Get on this now.