Approaching girls in bars/clubs?

[lil_kaila]

I have a question for the guys (but girls feel free to say what you think too!) Do you ever approach girls in bars/clubs and if yes... would you sooner go talk to a girl that is alone, with her girlfriends, with a male friend or a mixed group of friends? And also: What makes a girl approachable? Is it her attitude... looks... whatever?

 

Reason I'm asking this is.... well, I always go out with my male best friend, which sucks when you want to get hit on because everyone just presumes we're a couple! Last night for New Year's however, I went out with a bunch of other friends: 3 boy/girl couples and me the single girl. We had a great time on the dancefloor and I was trying to spot nice guys and make eye-contact... but that didn't really work. So after a while, when I got sick of my coupled-friends being all over each other I decided to wonder off and walk around on my own.

 

I was hoping that if I was alone maybe someone would come and talk to me... but that didn't happen! I kept switching locations but that didn't help either: like, it's a really big club so I went to every single room and danced there for a little bit, I had a drink at several of the bars, I stood at the outside balcony for a while, I sat in the lounge area... well, then I finally had the guts to go up to a guy myself but he didn't really seem too bothered. And when the second guy I talked to also wasn't the slightest bit interested I felt stupid and went to the bathroom and while I sat down I thought of how all my friends where celebrating new year's with their lovers and I have never had a boyfriend and how I can't even find someone to talk to for just ONE night. It actually made me crie right then and there (how pathetic huh?!)

 

So yeah I really don't know if it's me, or if guys are shy too, or if guys don't easily go talk to girls either... or if maybe they don't talk to girls that are alone... or I don't know.... I'm confused! (And no, I'm not ugly or retarded, I didn't look bored or uninterested, I don't look b*tchy or slutty, I don't dance funny or weird and I wasn't drunk or drugged either... )

 

I wish I wasn't so shy, so that I could go up to guys to talk to them... but I really can't! I freak out even thinking about that! Clubbing is really the only opportunity I have for meeting guys but I feel as if I just don't have the game down!

[venquessa1607306442]

I do approach girls in the pub or club. Used to work for me too.... when I was 19/20, even found the girl I nearly married that way.

 

However after 4 years single and at 32 it's a 100 times more difficult.

 

I think the approach only works if you have

 

the confidence for it.

no fear of failure.

stamina to keep trying.

the ability to walk away.

and... the ability to maintain mistery.

 

You also have to consider that a person can look all but identical (clothes, hairstyle, makeup whatever) from one day to the next, but be totally attractive one day and totally not the next.

 

Attraction is not just 'how you look' as a static photo would reveal of you, but it's much more dynamic.

 

I suspect your problem, or one problem that me and you both have right now is we care too much, we want, we need too much.

 

You don't sound totally desperate, I'm not saying that, but I think for the pub/club pulling crawl you have to put on a disguise of total care free confidence. People who want to meet others in a pub, usually want it to start with just some fun and a frollick. Maybe, be warned, thats all they want.

 

In answer to your question as to whether I'd approach girls alone, with mixed groups or just other girls... I donno.

 

The girlie night out is a dangerous one. If talking to a girl in a girlie group goes well, you get lots of info from the glances, nudges and nods of her friends, they will often even support you, or maybe let you know it's not worth pursuing. If it goes badly, a group of women will tear you apart in seconds.

 

Girls on their own... hmmm... not good. It's just that it makes you feel like you are taking advantage. If a girl is alone there is probably a reason for it.

 

Mixed groups is better. You situ where you were the odd wheel in a couple group would probably be the best situ to be in, i feel.

 

A girl approaching me is an interesting one that doesn't happen all that often. Be warned though, while I might be very interested in the girl, I might not let her know that immediately. So don't take 'not that bothered' as an immediate rejection. Do some scouting, look at body language, eye contact, hands, feet, and so on. They wil tell you more than what he says. Pass him a few times after your first attempt, just smile and walk past make eye contact, don't make it too obvious. If there is no sign of interest after a few passes, give up.

 

Sorry it's not working out for you.

[Reluctant Rebuilder]

It's hard to say what all guys will do, as different guys have different rules of engagement. And most guys (well the ones that I know anyways) are shy when it comes to picking up. I don't do the bar scene so much anymore, but when I did I would never approach a girl if I saw she was with a guy. Unfortunately, it's an assumption most guys make that your friend is your boyfriend. If you were with a group of girls, they'd probably approach, but even then it can be intimidating. The risk there is if you get shot down, you have a group of girls snickering and rolling their eyes as you slink away. Even talking to a woman by herself has it's risks. I did some consulting work in South Carolina in 1999 and one night out at a bar, I saw this really nice looking girl sitting at a table by herself. I went over there and starting talking to her, and we really hit it off. She puts her arm around me, we're laughing and talking and the next thing I know this squat tubby red faced guy in a trucker hat is yelling in my face "GET THE F*** AWAY FROM MY WIFE!!" Bars can be hazardous places.

 

Anyway if you can't make the first move, I think the best thing you can do is appear approachable and make it really easy for the guy you like to pick you up. If you see a guy checking you out and you like the look of him, you can give some obvious signs that you're interested too. A knowing smile, look at him, look down (smile again), look back to see if he's still checking you out, that sort of thing. Send out some "come hither" vibes

[CarterJonas]

What you've got to remember as well is that those two guys possibly had girlfriends already, maybe were too drunk to notice anything as well as possibly not being interested. Thats whats quite hard about dating is that you cannot let these things get to you and bring you down.

 

In addition to clubbing how about other ways to meet people? through friends, at the gym, even at work. Many more ways!!

[Tealc]

Me, I've only considered approaching a girl that's alone or in a very small group of females. Having any guys around would be just too awkward.

 

I commend you for taking the initiative, but you have to keep in mind that the odds are simply against you if you don't detect any signs of mutual attraction before going up to someone.

 

A method frequently mentioned is to have a friend observe as you pass a crowd of people. Your friend will tell you whose attention you captured. Then either approach yourself or make it obvious to that special guy that you would like to be approached.

[iwishiknew]

The bar and club scene never worked for me. Everytime I go to one I always see majority of girls with their boyfriends. Not alot of single girls go to bars or clubs by themselves.

[TheRedQueen]

Guys are often too intimidated, insecure, or shy, to approach a girl they find attractive at a bar, or anywhere for that matter, and that is precisely why we, as women, have to initiate contact.

 

My method of attack has always been as follows...

 

See a guy I'm attracted to, focus my stare on him, smile at eye contact, gauge his response, if positive, engage in conversation, if negative, cease and desist.

 

Good luck, and happy hunting!

[MacGyverRI]

If I see a girl w/ a guy and it seems like their just friends, I go ask the guy if he's with her.

 

Guys are often too intimidated, insecure, or shy, to approach a girl they find attractive at a bar, or anywhere

 

See a guy I'm attracted to, focus my stare on him, smile at eye contact, gauge his response, if positive, engage in conversation, if negative, cease and desist.

 

BS Those are usually the loneliest ones since most mormal guys have that mindset, they see through the macho studs making a kill and reject them.

 

very good on the 2nd one, we take hints like that very well.

[lil_kaila]

If you see a guy checking you out and you like the look of him, you can give some obvious signs that you're interested too. A knowing smile, look at him, look down (smile again), look back to see if he's still checking you out, that sort of thing. Send out some "come hither" vibes

 

come hither vibes... right... i'll have to work on that one!

 

In addition to clubbing how about other ways to meet people? through friends, at the gym, even at work. Many more ways!!

 

I have Social Anxiety Disorder and if I meet people in normal, everyday situations (outside of the bar/club scene) I get very anxious. I have problems with excessive blushing, so I try to avoid situations in which I might blush and can come accross as cold and * * * * *y because I'm not up for small talk. (In clubs it's dark so I'm not afraid of blushing and since it's usually a very relaxed atmosphere and everyone is dancing I don't get anxious.)

 

A method frequently mentioned is to have a friend observe as you pass a crowd of people. Your friend will tell you whose attention you captured. Then either approach yourself or make it obvious to that special guy that you would like to be approached.

 

I love that one! I'm totally going to ask one of my friends to do that!

 

See a guy I'm attracted to, focus my stare on him, smile at eye contact, gauge his response, if positive, engage in conversation, if negative, cease and desist.

Good luck, and happy hunting!

 

I wish I was THAT straight forward!

 

BS Those are usually the loneliest ones since most mormal guys have that mindset, they see through the macho studs making a kill and reject them.

 

LOL!