How important is the "Spark"...?

[rvr350]

I've known this girl for a few years. We first met by going out a few times, then she moved away. We kept contact constantly, but not much on the phone. I know she still likes me and hinted me so. I always feel comfortable around her and likewise, but somehow i just never feel the sparks were there... Is there still a chance? Is there anything I can do? Should i move on?

 

Thanks,

Happy New Year!

[Day_Walker]

You cannot force things, there may be an attraction there but if you dont have a desire to pursue things further than a physical relationship with her then perhaps, you should just leave it where it stands.

[annie24]

"Sparks" are so hard to define, and not a good basis for a long term relationship/committment. yet, you can't really get into a relationship if you don't feel them. I think to keep up a long term relationship/marriage, having common values and interests are so much more important. I'm sure you've had the experience where you have had massive sparks for a person, but there was little in shared values and they would have been a horrible spouse for you.

 

But, I think at this stage, since you feel unsure, you should go for things. Just spend some more time with her, get to know her a bit better. it is dating, not a long-term committment. Attraction and feelings can grow if you give them a chance. But don't force things, if you understand what I mean. I think at this stage, feeling unsure is not a bad thing. If you are feeling unsure after several months or years of dating, then that is a definate bad sign. But, I think that you feel comfortable around her is good. Maybe the reason you do not feel sparks is because you feel too comfortable around her? not nervous or ancy?

[rvr350]

Yea, it's interesting how compatible we are, but yet when we are together, just seems like we're more like old friends than lovers. And sometimes it's hard to break that barrier. I know she wants to be more than just friends, but i don't want to fool myself into a relationship when i'm not ready. I guess i don't want to fall in love for the wrong reason.

[annie24]

how would you feel if she told you she met a great new guy and he was "the one?" would you feel jealous, or happy for her? if both, which emotion would it be more of?

[rvr350]

I'd probably be happy for her. I'd hate to lose her as a friend definitely.