Well...

[lizzy22]

I got back together with my ex of 3 years about 2 months ago. For those who followed my story in the past, he wasn't the nicest man in the world, and really treated me with a lot of disrespect when conflicts arose.

 

Well, we broke up for a month. In my mind, it was over. he told me to go be with someone else, and he would be too so we could forget each other. we were having too many issues, and he couldn't take me "attitude" anymore. So, we broke up, and I didn't call him or anything. He would contact me a few times with texts, but I didn't respond..

 

Ok, jumping to the present and skipping details, we're back together. He told me in that month how much he missed me and realized how well I treated him. I'm very sensitive, and I have my issues, but I never once yelled at him, cussed at him, or put him down. When he had issues, I was there for him. I guess he realized that's tough to find in a woman.

 

So, he's been really trying hard, and I can honestly say he's different. But, things are starting to get a little worse. I'm having a HUGE issue trusting him, even though he's trying to prove to me he is faithful. He met up with a female friend he's had for 18 years (no sex ever, just junior high friends) but I couldn't take it. I got so angry and hurt they were meeting for dinner. He said it's totally innocent, but given his past, I couldn't believe him.

 

He's also starting to get short with me, hanging up on me when I annoy him, and getting short tempered. I'm going through a hard time, first with old issues with him, and my own personal issues, so i'm sensitive. He's been hanging up, and acting as if he doesn't really care. He told me he's going going out with his buddy Chris friday night when we ALWAYS spend the weekend together. He said I could stay at his house while he's gone, yet I still don't believe him. Do you all think there's a chance we can make it if I just stop "smothering" him and just trust him. It's so hard, and he's showing signs of his old self, but I love him so much. Any advice is greatly appreciated. Thank you

[Honey Pumpkin]

Did you break up with him because he was unfaithful? I'm not sure, and that would affect the response I would give.

[lizzy22]

Well, we kinda mutually broke up because he had a horrid temper, and I was "annoying" him and not being mature about things. That's what he said. I didnt call him back because I knew I couldn't be with a man with such a temper, and in the past, yes, he did cheat on me. He told me he'd never do that again, he loves me and truly wants it to work, but I'm having a huge issue believing him.

 

I may be freaking out, but can men have a good friendship with an old friend from junior high and it be strictly a friendship. I have a feeling he may see her again, and maybe even this friday when he said he's seeing his friend. Maybe I'm just SUPER paranoid and need to back off and give him space. I feel so bad if it really is all innocent, and he isn't doing anything behind my back.

[pacopaco]

Hi. I have "friend-girls" from high school. nothing weird or sexual has ever happened with them. They're more like sisters I can drink with. I'm 33. yeah, a man can be friends with someone they've known that long, but that doesn't seem to be your real issue, or his.

[lizzy22]

Pacopaco- He's 35, so maybe the age difference (im 10 years younger) is what's preventing me from being able to believe the friends thing. Thanks for your comment. I know I should believe him regarding that issue, and not look at his past actions. He said he's truly sorry, he isn't like that anymore....

 

It's just he never gets together with this particular friend on Friday nights, let alone really goes out at all. We live in LA, and it's just so hard to go out anymore.

Am I reading into things way too much? If he told me to come up to his place (even when he's out with his friend Friday) should I just trust him regardless. when we first got back together, he'd want me at his place all weekend. Now he's like, "whatever, come up when you want."

 

His hang ups and name calling aren't right, but I may just be aggravating him. Should I just trust him, and stop being so paranoid? Someone posted on here that one occurrence out of the norm doesnt mean he's doing anything wrong, it's when he develops a strange PATTERN. Maybe I'll just lay off A LOT, let him call me when he wants, and stop asking so many questions, regardless of what he did in the past.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

His hang ups and name calling aren't right, but I may just be aggravating him.

 

Classic abuse signs: The person with anger management issues blames it on the other person for making them angry. This guy is going down a bad road and it seems to be unravelling your self-esteem so that you are blaming yourself for HIS issues.

[lizzy22]

I'm worried about that very issue Crazyaboutdogs. I keep thinking I'm being too paranoid (which I probably am) but he isn't the kind of man that says, "everything will be ok." We've been together for 3 years and he's scared of marriage/kids, and last night he even said, "you're mean and bi**y like all other women!"

 

If I knew he was having a hard time, or had issues with something I did to him in the past, I'd be busting me butt to try and win him back. That's just me, but I believe that when you truly love someone, you don't hang up on them, say mean things, then act like everything is ok and I'm crazy for acting the way I do.

 

for now, I guess I'll just back off a bit, and if it doesn't get anywhere, or gets worse, I will have to go. I did it for a month without him and did just fine, so I know I can do it again. It was great for a month, now it seems he could care less if I come over or not.

[aymee_lee]

That's just me, but I believe that when you truly love someone, you don't hang up on them, say mean things, then act like everything is ok and I'm crazy for acting the way I do.

 

I couldn't agree more. I know that it's hard to see a situation from the outside when you're right in the middle of it, but if you re-read some of your posts on here- what is your gut feeling? Go with that, it's usually right on.

[lizzy22]

You're very right. I know what you mean about the gut feeling and I know I need to go with that. I think deep down he may be telling me the honest truth, and what he did in the past messed me up in the sense I may never be able to trust him, even when he's 100% honest.

My gut feeling says he will probably get more and more short tempered with me now that we're settled in, and he may not ever cheat again, but I know what he's doing already has taken a toll on me.

When I was with him before, it felt like I was always depressed- He would hang up on me, ignore me for days, throw me out of his place, and call me horrible names. I stayed out of weakness, and remembrance of the "good side" he had. I went back to him because he promised he'd changed, and realized he didn't want to lose me again.

I'll give it a little more time, and if things don't change on both ends, I'll have to walk away. Thank you so much for the replies.