I can't orgasm!! HELP!!

[emmabemma]

I'm new to this forum, but I have a problem with my boyfriend I can't get around. I'm 16 and he's 17 and we've been dating for almost a year. We've been getting intimate with each other for almost 4 months now. He wants me to orgasm and cum but I can't do it. It feels really good when he's down there with his fingers in me, and he tells me how sexy he thinks it is, etc. But it just doesnt happen and alot of the time I fake. I know it's bad and I don't want to do it, but I don't want him to feel like he's incapable of making me feel good or anything. I don't masturbate and I don't want to. I attempted to do it once..but it just felt weird and I didn't like it at all. How can I get over this and make myself orgasm for him? If anyone has any advice I would greatly appreciate it!! (I don't want to hear I have to practice on myself to know what feels good because it doesn't..) THANKYOU!!

[luvursmile]

Maybe he's just not hitting the right place. Are you having intercourse or is it just with fingers? Have you EVER orgasmed?

[annie24]

welcome to enotalone.

 

(I don't want to hear I have to practice on myself to know what feels good because it doesn't..)

 

well, I know this isn't what you want to hear, but I think you are still young, and you need to get to know your body better. I think as you get older, and more confident with your body, it will feel good. Most women orgasm through clitoral, not vaginal stimulation, so you will want to try that.

 

Having an orgasm is like trying to fall asleep. if you sit around stressed, thinking, "Must sleep! must sleep, must SLEEP!!!!!!" it's not going to happen. You need to be relaxed, and let it happen naturally.

[Day_Walker]

The ability to have an orgasm is a learning process and unless your bf stumbles upon how it needs to be done then you are going to have to find out for yourself.

[emmabemma]

So far its just with fingers..but no i dont think i've ever orgasmed..i thought i had maybe once, but i was informed that i would definitely know if it happened and i wouldnt be questioning it.

[Day_Walker]

Odds are you arent going to orgasm from penetration instead your boyfriend should try clitoral stimulation.

[kellbell]

Have you thought about using a vibrator? They work wonders.

[emmabemma]

Odds are you arent going to orgasm from penetration instead your boyfriend should try clitoral stimulation.

 

Thanks I'll give it a try! Might just work

[luvursmile]

Have you tried oral?

Maybe you can guide his fingers to where it feels good. You can kinda tell where your spot is. If hes ot hitting it, then you have to guide him. You guys are young. Chances are you dont have that much experience, right?

[emmabemma]

Have you tried oral?

Maybe you can guide his fingers to where it feels good. You can kinda tell where your spot is. If hes ot hitting it, then you have to guide him. You guys are young. Chances are you dont have that much experience, right?

 

We are young..i will admit that lol. Neither of us have any experience outside of each other, so that adds to the problem. He's tried oral on me..but it didn't really feel like much after he'd been putting his fingers in me. I'll take your advice tho anything that might work!! thanks for helping me!!

[Mrs Elliott Smith]

I agree with everyone on the clit stimulation. That'll work. But... you can't stress out over this. The more you stress, the less likely you are to not only enjoy it, but to come.

 

When you're with him next time, just take a deep breath and focus more on the sensations you're feeling. Guide his hand (or mouth) toward your clit area. You don't have to tell him flat out, "stimulate my clit." Just guide him in that direction - he should get the point. If he's doing something that feels good in particular, let him know (tell him, or give off a few "mms," or "aahhhs"), and let him keep doing that for a while (usually staying in that one feel-good area works best).

 

Don't pressure yourself. And stop faking it, because he'll learn some bad habits (e.i. he'll keep on doing whatever he's doing because he thinks you like it, but alas, you still won't be getting off).

 

Good luck, and be safe.

[sharper4]

As a guy, let me first say this - stop faking. If it isn't happening then it isn't happening. Let him work with you so you can relax to let it come naturally. I'd be severely disappointed to find out my gf was faking when we could have worked together to make sure it was REAL satisfying. Its not like you're doing it on purpose.

 

And the comment on falling asleep above ... brilliant.

[anggrace]

My God your young to be worried about orgasms!!! And you ask-" How can I make myself orgasm for him?"....For him? Is this something you really want to do yourself?

[emmabemma]

As a guy, let me first say this - stop faking. If it isn't happening then it isn't happening. Let him work with you so you can relax to let it come naturally. I'd be severely disappointed to find out my gf was faking when we could have worked together to make sure it was REAL satisfying. Its not like you're doing it on purpose.QUOTE]

 

 

ok yea, i do totally agree with you. I knew it was wrong from the start...but i felt horrible just lying there waiting for it to happen..and having nothing. he was getting tired of trying (well he didn't tell me that, but i was getting paranoid that i couldnt satisfy him) and when i started faking he got soo excited that he had actually got me somewhere that i couldnt tell him it wasnt real!! now he expects me to do it and i cant tell him that nothings happening!! it does feel good..but idk..maybe im broken or something lol. what would u suggest i tell him? or maybe i shouldnt even tell him and i could just stop (but then wouldnt he get the impression that he could do it before and whats he doing wrong now?)..what would u want to hear?

 

o!! and i am totally willing to work with him..and im sure hes just as, if not more willing than i am. i just feel really bad that it doesnt feel as good as everyone says because i know it should and i know hes expecting it

[annie24]

o!! and i am totally willing to work with him..and im sure hes just as, if not more willing than i am. i just feel really bad that it doesnt feel as good as everyone says because i know it should and i know hes expecting it

 

you should never feel stressed or pressured. i think these things are all working against you. to use another analogy, think about going to the ice cream shop and ordering a big sundae. you don't get it with the goal of "finishing" it, you get it with the goal of savoring the flavors and toppings. and if you finish, ok, and if you don't, well that's fine too. there is no law saying you need to eat the entire sundae. but the main objective is to enjoy it.

 

while spending intimate time with someone, it is better to go in with the goal of exploring and learning about each other, rather than to "have an orgasm" as that is when it becomes elusive.

 

it is a common experience for most women, that our partners do not know how to give us and orgasm, we need to show them what feels good and what doesn't. most men have no clue, and even if they do, what feels good for one woman doesn't feel good for the next. I remember one time a former boyfriend was puzzled why I wasn't enjoying something, he said, "My last gf loved this!!!!!"

 

it might prove helpful to you to read some books on human sexuality and anatomy and see what they recommend.