It hurts ouch...

[Scout]

It's not just the calls, it's the emails you sent telling him how you felt like crap, how you didn't think you two would work out, and then your last one saying don't contact you again (yet be safe? an odd mix of concern and snippiness).

 

All in all, it was just a combination of intense behavior, unrealistic expectations, and I'm sorry to say, a bit of demandingness on your part that has made him uncomfortable. Truthfully, I can see why he's feeling this way.

[agualibre777]

yeah, me too. i know. i see why he feels that way. i said not to contact me because i was hurt by his response. just this whole "i'm o.k. gotta go" thing after i was worried about him. i guess i just didn't understand why he was like that. now i can see what he was feeling. but i was worried with the bad weather about the drive. until yesterday he was so consistent, the moment i started to worry he would call or text, so... i don't know, yeah, i guess i got needy. it makes me sad.

[Scout]

Again, having gone back over some of your threads, I think a large part of your issue is that you're afraid of relationships. Perhaps you're afraid you don't know how to navigate them, perhaps you're unsure of what expectations you should have? So you do something to derail potential connections/relationships as soon as you reach an uncomfortable place in your feelings.

 

It's worth asking yourself some of these questions.

[agualibre777]

on top of all of this, i got a call that my aunt died three months ago and my parents didn't tell me and that my mother almost died but my father didn't tell me and my aunt is dying. i don't know. dating makes me really anxious because i have no family support and it's been a long time since i've felt loved.

[agualibre777]

honestly, i'm really really really terrified of relationships and that i'll do something wrong. i don't know, i need, need, need stability. to know that someone is there for me no matter what.

[annie24]

honestly, i'm really really really terrified of relationships and that i'll do something wrong. i don't know, i need, need, need stability. to know that someone is there for me no matter what.

 

my experiences with dating and relationships is this... if you are looking for stability, don't look for it within dating. I mean, it can happen, but in the short term, you really can't depend on someone you've been dating only a few weeks or months. If you are looking for stability, it is best to join a church group, a volunteer organization, knitting circle, etc.... something that will keep going, even if a members drop out, move, or die. Within those organizations, you will make friends that you can count on, and maybe even a relationship. But I certainly wouldn't expect to be able to "lean on" a man that you've been dating a few weeks.

[Lily04]

Hey,

 

I've felt the same way as yourself....like obsessive about things, and being scared of relationships. Please don't beat yourself up about it, you're still learning. How old are you btw? I'm 22 and still learning...I've only been in 1 relationship though a few years ago, and it didn't last that long either.

 

Anyway... for me it's important to start slow and feel commitment from the guy before we have sex. Maybe that will help you to also feel 'safe' and more secure in the relationship....don't have sex until you feel totally comfortable with him, I'd say that's likely more than 2 weeks of knowing him.

 

But I mean, again, everyone makes mistakes...perhaps time will heal, and he may even contact you again in the future to go out after you've settled down a bit. I wouldn't wait for this to happen, and move on, date other people, but just saying that it's not impossible.....so don't be too hard on yourself.

 

Lily

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Having a boyfriend or even husband does not necessarily guarantee that you will have someone all the time, no matter what. Support comes in all forms from various places...work colleagues, friends, significant other, family and even strangers. Each of these people individually will not provide you with all the support you need all the time, but collectively someone at some point will provide you the support you need at any given time. Plus you need to be able to count on yourself for support. A friend of mine is dying of breast cancer (metastasized to the liver). She has an ex-husband as well as two children in their twenties and yet none of them have offered the support she needs. It is her friends who are doing what needs to be done for her.

 

Rushing into a relationship so that you can feel secure is the wrong reason to be in a relationship. You must feel secure FIRST and then go into a relationship. Otherwise you will come accross as needy and will scare away the person. Also, as soon as they you perceive that they have failed you, you will react from emotion rather than logic.

 

With regards to what others have posted about friends not always being the best people to get relationship advice from, I agree. They often don't know the real intricacies of the relationship and the positive stuff that goes on between two people in a relationship. Mind you, you can't totally discount friend's advice, especially when it is very clear the significant other is not treating the person right.

[Lily04]

 

With regards to what others have posted about friends not always being the best people to get relationship advice from, I agree. They often don't know the real intricacies of the relationship and the positive stuff that goes on between two people in a relationship. Mind you, you can't totally discount friend's advice, especially when it is very clear the significant other is not treating the person right.

 

I just wanted to say that I agree with this... my problem is that I always blow things a bit out of proportion, so if I'm fixated on something negative (i.e. him not calling, which I did), then I will tell my friends it from that angle like "can you believe this guy?? he was supposed to call me at x time and didn't, what a jerk." I'll spin it so that they sympathize with my angle and just feed off the info. I provide without offering an objective analysis necessarily. It only deepens the intensity of feelings I have about the situation....

 

So if you're prone to this, be cautious... trust your gut instincts more. I hope that helps.

 

Lily