Good or bad idea to send him an email?

[whatsagirltodo]

Things are finally over. It feels permanent this time. But because we ended on bad terms with him being upset with me and his mental illness I was thinking of composing an email to send to him in like 2-3 weeks if I do not hear from him. I love him more then anything but he is not emotionally available and I can not put up with him any longer.

 

I don't want the email to talk about our relationship really, i want to basically tell him that my door is always open if he would ever want me to be a part of his life again. I wouldn't word it like that, but that is pretty much what I want to let him know. I know I don't deserve the way he treated me, but I know a big part of it is his depression (i think he's bipolar after everything I read...) and I've been doing nothing but trying to help him battle his illness for the past 6 months. I want him to be able to understand that I am always going to be here for him even if he just needs someone to go with him to the doctor. I want him to know that I don't hold his "mood swings" against him, and although I can't put up with it anymore, i still want him to know that I know that's not how he really is.

 

He doesn't have anyone else, and I love him. He's been better to me in the past then any other person I've ever known (my family isn't the greatest)...

 

I don't know how I'm going to express the things I want to say without sounding like I'm inviting him back into my life for more repeat arguments...and how to make it to the point.

 

But first of all...is this a bad idea - or can i actually send him a friendly email reminding him that yes, I do care about him, and yes I do want to see him better. - With his depression, he'll over analyze things into something much more then what they are and I'm afraid of what me not being in his life could do to him - I'm the only friend he has, and i know more about him on the "inside" then anyone. If you ever have truly loved someone, you probably know what it's like to see them in pain - see them fighting a battle with themselves - you want nothing more then to get them through it...

 

So should i just let him come to me (if he ever would) or send him a little reminder that it is OK for him to come to me?

 

He often won't initiate things...that's why i thought a letter would get the ball rolling after he's had time to think about things.

 

 

Here is my previous thread:

[Hope75]

If he is angry at you over the breakup, chances are that anything you say to him right now or in the near future is not going to be well received.

 

I would wait a few months and see how you feel about it then, and give him time to cool off. A few weeks doesn't seem like enough time.

 

But that's just my opinion.

[laboheme]

With his depression, he'll over analyze things into something much more then what they are and I'm afraid of what me not being in his life could do to him

 

That could be a potentially sticky situation, if he reads into things too much. I agree with Hope75 about waiting. Wait until you are fully prepared to deal with things should he take you up on your offer and come to you with his problems the second he reads your email. Since the breakup is still fresh, you are clearly not ready for that, so in a way, your email would not be as honest as you'd intend it to be. If you distance yourself for a while (and I don't think 2-3 weeks is enough), you'll be better able to articulate what you are and what you are not willing to do as far as helping him.

[Siriana]

Well don't do that. He broke up with you, remember, and now you're still leaving the door opened for him, if you choose to write that email. Try to resist this temptation - this time of year doesn't help too.

Just don't, he doesn't deserve it. If you want, you can write that letter in the journal section on Ena,or on a piece of paper and put it in a drawer.

His depression is his responsibilty at this moment.

[Confused_kelly]

I have to agree with everyone, I know it feels tempting right now and that no harm can come with it, but you should wait, you'll be doing both of you favor

[whatsagirltodo]

I'm so emotional right now, and my thoughts change from one hour to the next. Now i'm thinking that no good can come of me contacting him - he needs to be a man and contact me. But that's the thing, he's the type of person that if he isn't told something straight up, he won't understand. He doesn't read into subtle hints. I just wish someone would smack him in the head and make him realize how perfect things have always been between us and HE has always created problems himself. I love him, and I wish he could comprehend that. I'm more sure now then ever that what we had was IT -

 

It was just inconvenient.

 

My love for him is real - and it hurts so bad to let him go, but I know I have to - I've fought for him for so long and now he has to do something himself. I think I hurt worse now then when I lost my own father. At least I knew my dad was in a better place - he is still out there, alive, and I won't speak to him ever again?

 

Why is it that when life seems perfect, something goes wrong? ...and then everything else goes wrong too...all at once?

 

The only thing stable for me right now is my job - i can't wait to go to work tomorrow.