Im hurt that I pushed my friend away, need your help

[Armyguy3682003]

Well, I feel that I pushed my friend away. I dated her 2 years ago, gave her all the support when she needed it to go on with her life with her finance when she left me, thats just the type of guy I am. She would call when she was in South Carolina on a pay phone so he wouldnt know. We remained so close I guess you could say. Well she broke up with her finance and came back her to Mass. I found out and of course though maybe we could get things back like they used to be, but I never pushed for that or said it. I just mentioned that I wanted to see her since she was so close. So we saw each other about 3 weeks ago. We talked and it was nice, she even felt good after we talked because It helped her talk about her problems. I gave her a military uniform with her name on it that I had for the past 2 years, she said she wanted about 6 months earlier. I gave her card inside that talked about friendship and gave her some poems I wrote when she left me. I think that was a bad idea about the poems. Then at Christmas I saw a Shrek Christmas ordanement and thought of her. I bought it for her. I brought it to her work and gave her the Christmas gift with a card and a poem. Her is what the poem said:

 

To my good amiga Heydi on this Christmas day

I write this poem; for I have something I want to say

I know you have your ups and downs throughout this year

Some days were filled with smiles while others filled with tears

This year is almost over with a new one about to start

And I’m always her to listen to you, no matter how far we are apart

So don’t be afraid to call, if you ever feel you want to

Especially when times seem confusing or you feel the everyday blue

I hope that you find happiness in the upcoming New Year

To fill your empty heart with love, laughter and lots of cheer

Because you deserve so much better, without the pain

To enjoy many days with sun, minus the clouds and rain

Life throws us so many paths for us to pick

For we pick the wrong one and the right path gone so quick

And I know you will find the right path very soon

Guided by your heart and the luminance of a full-glowing moon

I know I can only do so much from where I stand

But I am always a phone call away to do anything I can

Because no matter what, you will always be a special friend to me

From the day we parted all the way up to the very end

For I want to say one last thing before I have to go

That you will always been in my heart, you should always know

And I hope you have a great Christmas and a Happy New Year

Hoping my small gift brings you a smile and a little holiday cheer

 

I wrote this because I know she has had a rough year. I came to drop it off the night before to give it to her manager, bought they were too busy, so I gave it to her the next day. She said never to come by her work visit her, but I wanted to give it to her.

 

So know I feel that I have broken her rule and constricted the friendship some how becasue on link removed she has deleted me as a friend when she used to say that I will always be in her heart. I am soooooooooooo hurt because I dont make friends easy. I guess I give too much and constrict any friendships I have with females. Yeah Im hurt becasue she is still in my heart, but I know that we will never be able to be together like before, but I was able to stay in contact. Now she has deleted me which is a heart breaker. As they say, nice guys finish last!

 

I dont know what to do. I feel like crying, im so hurt and depressed that I lost a good friend. I try to keep those I meet as friends becasue I am so lonely, I dont make friends easily, always feel ignored. For instance I have nothing to do on New Years Eve with nobody, no one returns my calls. Anyways I want to say that or admit that I realize that I guess I screwed up and constricted her some how and sorry to have screwed up our friendship.

 

What should I do?

 

I know I give too much and its hard to change who you are. Im so lonely and I guess I usually am glad to have someone in to me that I give as a sign from my heart. But now I have lost someone that means a lot to me, yes as a friend. Remember, I dont make friends that easily and when I loose someone, it really hurts me! I just need some advice to see if I can fix it, I want to write to her, but I know I should wait I guess. Please help me! Thanks

[Relationship Coach]

You were only trying to help her and be a friend, don't kick yourself over it. Give her some space and understand what this year has done to her. She will come around over time but you need to be open with her about what type of relationship you want with her. Space and time are your friend. Trying to fix things will only make it worse.

 

RC

[Armyguy3682003]

(to relationship coach) ok, how do i go about telling her my situation as being a good friend when Im suppose to give her space? Im so confused and hurt that I lost her because she would always try to call and stay in contact with me and now feel as though its probably gone and she doesnt want to talk to me.

[Relationship Coach]

Give her space and when she comes to you, then have a sit down with her and better define your relationship. Sorry if I confused you.

 

RC

[Armyguy3682003]

The problem is relationship coach, I will never see her again I think. She is planning on going back to South Carolina at the beginning of the year. She works about 10 minutes away and hasnt contacted me once lately. I did something to want her to hate me and drop me as a friend. I never meant to do that. I guess I pushed again too hard and she has backed away for good this time. I never meant to do that with the gifts I gave her and the card, poem. I want to let her know Im sorry, but I realize you said give her time. When can I let her know?

[Relationship Coach]

If she contacts you, let her know. If she doesn't contact you, no matter what you would have told her would have zero impact. If she cannot get past you dropping by her place of business then I'm sorry she is being very petty and she has no desires to consider your feelings. I know she may seem like a great loss at this point but who wants to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you?

 

RC