Tired of wondering why I don't make friends

[nicolasa]

So, I just read a blog that said an indicator that someone would be a problem in relationships is whether they have a friendship they've maintained at least 2 years. Well, I have maintained long friendships but here in the present I have zero close friends. I have very good relationships with my children and students (I teach) but, after elevating my social/professional status, I left friends behind that weren't supporting me and, in some cases, were really draining me. Here recently I've ended my long term relationship of 14 years with the father of my kids. It was not a good relationship 95% of the time for reasons too numerous to list. Maybe I don't put enough effort into making friends, but I am burned out on trying with people who just don't give much in return or who don't treat me how I'd like to be treated. Some of the people I work with are nice enough, but most I've reached out to for friendship have ended up being really disappointing. For instance, In my first year at our school, I asked a fellow teacher I thought was kinduv cool if she wanted to run a marathon with me and raise money for leukemia. "YES!" she said. But she flaked and I was left to raise all the money myself and pay for her half of the hotel room because she waited until the last minute to officially quit. The way she handled the whole thing was really crappy, too--I mean the way she treated me--and she never apologized. Another teacher I'd originally thought would be cool, became inexplicably hostile toward me and now goes out of her way to snub me whenever she gets the chance. If I ignore her, she says "hi" but if I greet her, she outright ignores me. Another teacher snubs me in front of others, then calls me from her cell phone on the way home from her car. Plus, I always catch her staring at my body like she's sizing me up or something. I'm pretty straightforward, friendly and positive, so these behaviors leave me feeling sad and bewildered.

 

You know, I just want some girlfriends to talk to that are easygoing and

genuine--instead of weird, petty and jealous. I used to make friends more readily, but my life has changed alot and I'm just not connecting with people. Plus my family relationships have always been tenuous, if not unhealthy and avoided. Especially with the vacuum left from this ended romance and the fact that I have two boys who rely on me to be emotionally healthy, I feel I need to cultivate friendships--but I don't want to put heart in it for no return, or to be left feeling bruised and rejected.

Anyone feel similarly?

[crazy300]

Hi there!

 

I know how you feel, most people find it difficult to have any good friends. I for one, have a difficulty figuriing out whos 'good friend material' and whos not. Most people I put in a lot of effort in, turn out disappointing, and those i dont care about are the ones that stick around for me.

 

Most women especially want to be around someone that makes them feel good about themselves. Are you a very attractive or rich person? That in itself can also have disadvantages. Also something that really helps is the ability to laugh at things or have a sense of humor.

 

What I would say is keep trying, but dont make it look like you're despearate. I know that times when I seem clingy or i call too much, these so called friends immediately take a step back. And when, i couldnt be bothered is when they approach me. This always happens....weird!

 

And keep in mind that MOST people around you dont really have that many friends. Its a very few handful that have good friends, and those are usually from childhood or college, or they were just lucky.

 

I hope it works out for you!

Crazy