Young Men and Older Women

[Calvin5]

Whattup with the double standards?

 

 

Why is it alright for older men to marry and have sex with women of all ages but it's seen as "sick" or "odd" when a young man flirts with or seeks sex with an older woman?

 

I've seen women all the way up to thier late 60s and 70s that I wouldn't mind having sex with but it's almost unthinkable to approach any woman at that age with a proposition.

 

When I was 21 I made the mistake of flirting with a woman in her late 40s and she gave me the most serious "don't even go there" look.

 

 

It's as if females start of as girls looking for men who are older and more mature than they are and it don't stop even into old age.

[agent1607307371]

Wow, one woman gave you a look! Damn!

 

Many women are looking for toyboys. Many women are looking for older men. Many women just don't care. It's called a preference. And not just women have them.

 

 

And please stop with the generalising of women. The double standards are put there by society not by women.

[Mr Mister1]

Neh I've been with older women before, one time I was with one who was 7 or 8 years older than me. Well I wasn't bothered by that so neh.

[doyathink]

uh, well, my partner is way younger then me. I've always dated younger men...I dont know why either, just seems to be how it's always worked out.

[MacGyverRI]

I've dated girls who were from 20 yrs older to 17 yrs. younger. If there's a click, who cares.

 

If an older woman thinks you're just looking for a bed mate you're history which is what probably happened.

[SquareWheel]

I always dreamed of an adult woman when I was a teen-ager. Now it seems that every time you open a newspaper there's another story of a female school teacher having a sexual affair with a teen-aged guy. And from what I've been reading, it's been going on all along, and not only with teachers. I've read a number of posts lately from guys who were "initiatied" by adult women while still in their early teens.

 

The one (and only) thing that really makes me angry about these situations is that it didn't happen to me. What I want to know is, why the heck wasn't there a Debra LaFave for me when I was 14?!

[Reluctant Rebuilder]

When I was 17 I had a love/sex thing with a woman who was 26. She was the ex g/f of an older guy who lived accross the street from me. It lasted for about nine months, which was at the time the longest relationship I had ever been in. She was working, had her own apartment, knew what she wanted in bed, and had all kinds of confidence that the girls I knew from high school couldn't possibly have.

 

 

Don't ever say that dating an older woman is sick or odd. For me, it was awesome.

[SarahRose]

I'm in my 40s and in a serious relationship with a man in his mid 20s.

 

In high school I tended to like boy that were 1-3 years younger than I was. I ended up marrying someone who was 12 years older than me.

 

Before meeting my bf, honestly my age range was 10+ or -.

 

My perception of the average 21 year old guy was young, immature, looking to party, and have as many bedmates as possible. I figure someone that age is still growing and finding out who they are and really is in no frame of mind to be thinking about setttling down. That is still my perception for guys say 22 and under.

 

For all the hype about guys only after very young women, there seems to be many many who like women in their 30s and 40s and older. I do look a lot younger than my age but seriously the majority of men that flirt with me when I'm out are 20s and 30s.

 

Like the other poster said, maybe the reason you got rejected was the first thought thinking that there is no way you could be in a serious relationship so why bother at all. If a woman of any age gets the impression that a man only wants her for a bedmate, then more than likely you won't have a chance.

 

Having been in this relationship for over 2 years now, I find there are some negative comments from outsiders and I know that if the genders were reversed they wouldn't be batting an eye at it. Also many women in their 40s 50s just aren't interested in having children either even though there are some options to do that now.(in vitro, donor eggs, surrogates, adoption)

 

When I did start to have feelings for him a lot did go through my mind as in, is this the right thing to do? I was very hesitant to get involved and really questioned him and very frankly laid out my reality to him before getting involved.

 

So there you have one older woman's take on it.

[Calvin5]

There are exceptions to every rule.

 

Ofcourse if I stood before a crowd and said that men like women.....there's gonna be a few hard heads that pop up and say

"Oh Well ya know that's not true because SOME men like other men.

I know a guy who....blah..blah..blah.."

 

But I'm not speaking about exceptions to the rule, but societal norms.

 

Normally, most older women won't give a younger man the time of day on the sexual tip.

 

Even if they are extremely attracted to the man, they still do thier best not to reveal thier feelings and will look the man in the face and deny any type of attraction.

You have to either overhear it in a conversation or hear it from another female that this older woman finds you attractive....lol.

 

 

And if they actually DO go out on a limb to have a relationship with you, usually they want to keep it so secretive that you feel like you're committing a crime just by being together.

 

 

 

 

Keep in mind when I say older women.....I'm talking about a woman atleast 15 or 20 years older.

 

 

 

 

I think a lot of the problem is that many older women feel self-conscious about their bodies when they get past 40 and figure a younger man wouldn't seriously want them anyway.

 

I blame the media for this.

 

They make women with wide hips and a little belly fat feel as though they are out of shape, undesirable, and shouldn't feel sexy.

 

And ofcourse if a woman doesn't feel sexy or good about herself, she's gonna be hesitant about getting into any relationships.

 

 

But in my opinion, a lot of women don't even start getting some shape to them until they've have a few kids or hit 35.

[Dako]

I blame the media for this.

 

They make women with wide hips and a little belly fat feel as though they are out of shape, undesirable, and shouldn't feel sexy.

 

I disagree with this for many reasons.

 

Older women are much less media-influenced than young ones.

Young ones may battle anorexia, O.D. on cosmetics and would die without the proper jeans. Older women are less concerned about superficialities because they've been around and their values have shifted to a home, career and intellectual pursuits. They've dealt with men, and know what men like. Not just young men, but older ones who aren't fantasizing about stickthin models or popstars. Those older men have a mature appreciation for beauty.

 

In a nutshell, older men tell them they're hot, so they know it.

 

I guess my POV is all wrong to you, but I spend a fair amount with "older" people, since I am one myself. Lately the person I'm around most is a 54 y/o woman, and we talk about this a lot. My ex, still a good friend, is 47. Today we were discussing a mutual friend's problems. Her husband won't touch her, and she's considering a bf. She's 75, and very attractive.

 

These are real women. They aren't sweating cellulite or envying Britney.

They're beyond that.

[Calvin5]

Dako

 

First of all, your post has almost nothing to do with the quote that you disagreed with....lol.

 

The quote was of me stating that the media makes women with wide hips and belly fat feel as though they are out of shape and unattractive.

 

Now.....are you saying you disagree with this and thatthe media DOES make women with wide hips and belly fat feel in shape and attractive?

 

 

 

Secondly, although much of what you said in your last post is on point and I agree with most of it......it doesn't counter anything I've already said.

 

I know most older women have different priorities than younger women....ok?

 

They still want to be seen as attractive in public, and my point is the media makes the physical attributes of most older women such as wider hips and more body fat seem undesirable.

[Dako]

Now.....are you saying you disagree with this and thatthe media DOES make women with wide hips and belly fat feel in shape and attractive?

 

I'm saying neither. I'm saying that mature women are less influenced by the media either way. They're more likely to discount the portrayal of women by the media, especially regarding older ones. They understand the target demographics are young folks with dispoable cash, and they watch films with 20something heroines saving the day, selling hair products and treated as currency by Madison avenue.

They don't feel a part of that scene.

Older women are mostly invisible, except when a product or film is rarely targeting older folks to sell Depends or life insurance.

Ask them yourself. It's a great icebreaker on a first date.

 

LOL.

[Calvin5]

Dako

 

I'm saying neither.

Lol...so you DON'T disagree?

[Dako]

Okay Mr. Pedantic,

Your entire post implied older woman feel crappy about their bod because of the media. I'm saying older women aren't likely to be influenced much by the media.

 

Good luck with your game.

Out.

[Calvin5]

....wait a minute, come back here...lol.

 

 

MR DAKO

 

 

I SAID: The media make women with wide hips and a little belly fat feel as though they are out of shape, undesirable, and shouldn't feel sexy.

 

YOU SAID: "I disagree with this for many reasons"

 

Now.......are you now back tracking on your original position of disagreement by attempting to focus your argument in another direction....or do you still disagree like you said originally and believe that the media doesn't do this?

[doyathink]

I think a lot of the problem is that many older women feel self-conscious about their bodies when they get past 40 and figure a younger man wouldn't seriously want them anyway.

 

I blame the media for this.

 

They make women with wide hips and a little belly fat feel as though they are out of shape, undesirable, and shouldn't feel sexy.

 

And ofcourse if a woman doesn't feel sexy or good about herself, she's gonna be hesitant about getting into any relationships.

 

I think this is the part that Dako is saying he doesn't agree with you. You said here that you blame the media because of how they make a woman (40 and over) feel about her body.

 

He is saying that women (40 and over) dont let the media influence them about their body. That, women of this age dont give a hoot what the media says they should look like, they are too focused of other things in life.

 

 

But in my opinion, a lot of women don't even start getting some shape to them until they've have a few kids or hit 35

 

God Bless you child!! lol

[SarahRose]

Being an over 40 woman I don't give a hoot what the media says! They just try to make people feel bad about themselves to spend money on junk they don't need.

 

I think I'm hot.

[agent1607307371]

Calvin5 - are you a woman? Then please stop speaking for us.

 

I have hips and thighs and even a bit of belly. And I don't feel unsexy in the least. The media and opinions held by other people have power only when you let them have it.

 

I think your main problem is that you make it all about sex (or atleast have been in this post) and not many women want to be with a man who has turned them into a fetish. You only speak about their body shape and have nothing to say about who they are or where they've been and that's hardly ever going to attract someone. If you only want sex then go do a google search for older women seeking younger men. You'll have better luck. Maybe.

[Calvin5]

Doyathink and Sara

 

These images and standards of beauty coming from the media were already ingrained in women BEFORE they hit 40.

 

Infact most of the beliefs and much of the feelings people have AFTER 40....they got in society BEFORE 40.

 

So just because a woman's major priorities may have shifted after 40....that doesn't mean they weren't affected by what they grew up seeing most of their lives.

 

From about the 1950s onward very slim young women have been considered the standards of American beauty.

 

 

 

Agent

 

You should be applauding my honesty and observation skills for pointing out the unjust standards of beauty the media pushes in this society instead of blaming me for pointing out those injustices.

You know good and dog-gone well they exist and most women I know find them frustrating.

 

On the sexual tip......

 

Women are sexual beings just like men.

When it comes to older women, if I took the emphasis OFF of sexuality then you'd probably have a problem with that too:

 

"Well why is it ok for men to approach young women for sex but it's not ok for older women to have sexual feelings towards men.....wah...wah...wah".

 

Lol.....

[Calvin5]

Also.............

 

For the record it was Black men like me who made women with wide hips, big butts, and body fat feel good about themselves....lol.

 

If it weren't for Black men in the entertainment industry challenging this society's artificial standards of beauty.....most of you women who claim to feel so good about your voluptuous bodies would still be ashamed of them.

[doyathink]

Calvin,

I'm almost speechless.

Of course I am ashamed of my body now that you've pointed out that I should be, because after all, it is 'ingrained' in me. I'm not in the 40 and over age group, but I'm sure, since I wasn't raised to think I should be ashamed of my body......that I will be since you told me that the media says I should be.

 

I have never dated nor married a black man...but again...you are right. With out black men, us white gals would never know how beautiful we are....altho I dont know how I've made it thus far without you telling me I can feel beautiful because you are black. So doyathink I need to tell my Indian husband that when he tells me I'm beautiful that he's lying to me....cause Calvin5 is black and only black men know what beauty is?

 

Thank you Calvin5 for knowing more then I do about myself as a whole. We women are a bit slow sometimes and need a real man like you to tell us what and how we feel. .....

[DN]

Moderator Note: A thread such as this is likely to receive responses from people with varying and strongly felt opinions. As indeed it has.

A reminder to remember the rules of eNotAlone and keep posts within the rules.

[Calvin5]

Doyathink

 

I have never dated nor married a black man...but again...you are right. With out black men, us white gals would never know how beautiful we are....altho I dont know how I've made it thus far without you telling me I can feel beautiful because you are black. So doyathink I need to tell my Indian husband that when he tells me I'm beautiful that he's lying to me....cause Calvin5 is black and only black men know what beauty is?

 

Lol...there is beauty in every race.

My last post was just a little off topic comment to Agent who said that she has hips and a little fat but still feels sexy.

I don't know about Indian men because obviously they grew up in a society with a different set of beauty standards....but I know about THIS society and I'm old enough to remember how women with wide hips and round butts were made fun of UNTIL Black entertainers came out declaring how much they found it attractive.

Now all of a sudden women with big rear ends are showing them off...lol.

 

 

 

Thank you Calvin5 for knowing more then I do about myself as a whole. We women are a bit slow sometimes and need a real man like you to tell us what and how we feel. Three cheers for Calvin5

Lol, well that's what uncle Vinnie is here for!

 

Doyathink......go ahead and Do Ya Thing.....

[doyathink]

oh hey Calvin, he is Comanche Indian.....born and raised here in the US.

I think it's the way you are wording your posts that make the women here edgy. I'm not big hipped and I have the flattest rear you've ever seen....lol....but c'mon, the brutha's aren't the only ones who like shape....

[SarahRose]

Doyathink and Sara

 

These images and standards of beauty coming from the media were already ingrained in women BEFORE they hit 40.

 

Infact most of the beliefs and much of the feelings people have AFTER 40....they got in society BEFORE 40.

 

So just because a woman's major priorities may have shifted after 40....that doesn't mean they weren't affected by what they grew up seeing most of their lives.

 

From about the 1950s onward very slim young women have been considered the standards of American beauty.

 

 

 

You have clarified that your really have no idea what you are talking about.

 

I'm glad you know so much more than I do about what I believe. lol