I really need sum help w/ this one...

[BabyGirl24]

First off, hello everyone & thank u for taking the time to read this. Ill try to keep this as short as I can by getting right to the points.

 

My whole problem in a nutshell is this.......My bf & I have been 2gether for a yr & a half. We're crazy about each other & have even discussed marriage. About a month ago I found out that he had kissed another girl. I heard rumors that he had also touched her in "certain areas." He (after about 5 hours of us fighting n crying) admitted to the kiss, but nothing else. So Im not certain if the rest of what I heard is true, and honestly, I dont think I wanna know. The kiss hurts enough. Of course the trust I had for him was completely destroyed at that point. He's apologized a million times over, cried, & gave me his word that it was just one kiss (this I do believe) & that it meant nothing. His words were "It wasnt even a kiss, it was like a touch of lips. I dont know y the hell I did it." So naturally, ever since then Ive become insanely suspicious. I accuse him of lying to me & being unfaithful. If he's working with a girl I think is pretty I assume he wants her & either has or has tried to do things with her. This whole thing has made me feel very insecure in our relationship. Im always looking for ways to catch him up in a lie or catch him cheating. It started with forever reaccurring visions of him kissing & possibly touching that girl. It played repeatedly in my mind for days on end. Its died down some now, but now i find myself with visions of not just that one girl, but with other girls as well. Its seriously making me insane. I really want to trust my man again. But my insane jealousy is causing huge arguments often & I feel its slowly eating away at our relationship. I want to be with this man more than anything & I know he wants to be with me. But how can I get past this? Is there a way? I have so much anger & jealously in me right now that I feel like I might explode. I dont like being & feeling this way. I dont wanna be a crazy, jealous gf. But it seems like that day totally changed me. He's over it & ready to forgot what he did wrong & move on with our relationship & be happy again. And Im trying to do the same. Really, really trying. But its so hard. It seems that everytime I start to feel better, something else happens that makes me get all angry & jealous again. All that anger & jealousy just sits, resting inside me each & every day, waiting to reek havoc on our relationship everytime he unintentionally provokes it. And believe me, anymore it doesnt take much to jerk it out of me. I cant stand feeling & being this way. I could really use some advice. I dont really have anyone I can talk to about this & in my opinion, that just makes things worse. Any & all advice is welcomed & appreciated. If u'd like to email me, please feel free to do so. email removed

[doyathink]

Babygirl,

 

I have walked in the same shoes, I have felt the exact same feelings. Pent up rage, hate and anger will not let this relationship last. I came here with some of those feelings and have since changed the way I think. I had a wonderful mod here help me with the issues I had. What I learned is this;

 

If you cant put this in the past and build on your relationship, you are only going to destroy it.

 

Take tomorrow and tell yourself, today is a new day.....the first day to a new relationship! What has happened is in the past and if I want to grow old with this man then I have to change my thought process...now!

 

You cant change what has happened but you can decide if this is something you can either live with and put in the past....or leave this relationship because you cant see yourself ever getting over and past this.

 

This is VERY hard to do, if you truly love him...you can. Everytime these thoughts enter your mind ....you need to focus on something else....quickly. Dont let this take up room in your head or you will never heal and your relationship will come to an end...as no one can continue with this kind of stress. As you well know.

 

Make two different lists. One being everything you consider a deal breaker for you. Is this kiss a relationship end for you?

On the second list write down the things you dont want or like him doing, but can live with. Would the kiss issue be placed here maybe?

 

I cant tell you what choice is better, you have to do that. This is going to kill you and your relationship if you cant find a way to get past it or move on. Before this did you trust and believe in him? Has there been anything else that has happened to make you not trust him? If this is the first, then I bet if you put your heart and soul into this relationship, you'll be able to make it. Try very hard to not entertain these thoughts and it will help you immensely.

 

BTW, if I were you I would take your email off of your post. This is the internet and things happen. If you want to receive emails, you can enable that feature in your user profile.That way no one can see your personal email address but can still email you. Let me know if you need help in doing that.

[BYOB]

I wouldn't let that be if I were you but I got my own way to function. I am able to take the time to sit and talk and free my mind of any anger.

 

Communication is the fastest way you'll learn if your boyfriend is cheating you. However, I do not think that it will be the easyest way for you depending of how you describe your feelings.

 

Have you ever been in this situation before ?

Now here's a real simple thing: opt for a break up. If it doesn't work, then next time opt for trying to stay together and stop thinking about your anxiety.

Although it might seem a coin flip, I did not go along that way of thinking.

 

Ignoring someone is extremely difficult. It takes about 6 months to never depending on people.

 

Leaving someone you cherish is extremely painful. It takes about 1 to 6 years to recover.

 

One of the most important difference is that in the first case, it might get worse by affecting new matters and create new problems.

 

Don't lose hope. Keep your head straight and quickly move on with your final decision.

[scared12]

i think that u already know the answer, if u can't forgive him, but really forgive and forget it then it is the best to walk away. i know how u feel now i've been in same situation. and i tried to forget but i couldn't, for months we were fighting and then we decided to break up. i had that picutre in my head all the time. but if u decide to stay in that relationship than u have to delete that picture for good. perhaps that kis was just a sign of some problem inside his head. talk with your bf. be honest and open. it is very hard to have trust in him after this, but after all if you really love each other you will make it work. best luck. if u need to talk i'm here for you

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

I may have a thoroughly simplistic view, but I'd leave him.

 

My thoughts would run along these lines - if he can't even control himself to the point where he can't resist kissing someone else...well, that isn't good.

If someone really loves someone else, they simply do NOT do things like that.

 

You let him get away with it, he WILL do it again. I know, not because I've been cheated on, but because I have cheated many times with/on many different people. I know the psychology, and I vote Leave.