Be available on IM or no??

[zstopa]

So i'm in the throws of trying to get the ex back...sucks but i have read alot and feel pretty empowered. If it doesnt work, i will still be a better person through what i have been doing. Im 32, shes 29.

 

So, it's been 6 weeks after a 1.5 year relationship and she's already dating a new guy. We met last week and it was our first meeting since the breakup. it was kinda our reconcilliation time. she basically said move on, but there was lots of petting and touching at the bar and we made out a bit when i dropped her off.

 

met this week for a drink and a bite...it was our 1 hour xmas together. we both had bought something for each other before the breakup and gave it to each other. got a kiss on the cheek at the end of the night.

 

so basically, i chased HARD at the start of the breakup...bad bad i know. for the past few weeks i have been doing more of the right things and lo and behold she's opening up a bit....she still says to move on as she is gonna give new dude a shot, but wants to be friends...all women say that as she wants me in the backround in case it doesnt work out.

 

she still has the power in her mind, but i am trying to get that back through less chasing and contact. trying to be aloof. you might say well sounds like she's being nice to you and you should keep at it...problem is, she has not initiated contact with me ONCE - been all me. She holds all the cards right know and she knows it. But im slowly trying to get that back.

 

OK the question:

 

We used to always instant message...shes on for work and i can be as well. she sees me and i can see her.

 

...Do i NOT log on at all and disappear completely for awhile? I know many of you will say yes to this, BUT I don't want to seem like i'm avoiding her or being childish and vindictive by notlogging on..she says she finds people that play "games" as cheesy.

 

Should i still log on as would be my normal behavior, just not contact her, or completely vanish for awhile?

 

not sure if i should employ NC or LC as i'm already *slightly* back in with her...well, back in in terms of light contact.

 

i'm thinking of maybe NC through the rest of the holidays and then turn back up a little bit jan 2nd. the holidays are an emotional time...maybe a little NC now might work in my favor?

 

 

thanks!

[sillygurl]

Hmmm, so she tells you to move on but still has time for you and you think she just wants you as a back-up in case the new flame doesn't work out.....is it possible she is playing the games?

 

You could take what she said literally and assume she wants you to move on because she told you to. In that case, why would you need to IM her? Friends don't need to be in touch every minute of the day.

 

I found it easiest to block, then delete my ex's name from my IM. If you just block her, you'll still see her name, and you'll be wondering what she's up to...you'll want to say hi when she's online...and then she may not want to chat back...torture! It's a lot easier not to have little reminders of her everywhere, then you can start thinking of other things and begin the healing process.

[pinkelephant]

Here's something someone else on here wrote to me. I think you should read it and contemplate for a bit.

 

 

 

NC isn't game playing if you're doing it for the right reason. Goodluck.

[dnozzle]

why not just delete her from your list so you don't see if she is on or not, and then not worry about if she sees you there? That's what I did, and it was very liberating. I don't have to sit there seeing her NOT online and wondering where she is and with whom. I don't have to see her log in and NOT talk to me, and the sign off and feel my heart sink.

 

Most of the time I sign on as invisible anyway. Not to hide from her, but because then I can talk to who I want to without all our mutual friends nagging me for info.

 

It really is freeing to retake control of your life back from that other person. Do it....and enjoy it.

[planaorplanb]

the only thing i would like to add to this, and from a MAN's point of view is if i was working my butt of to win someone heart and earn back their trust and they were sort of giving signals to me that i am on the right track but if they were doing this while seeing someone else i would be really pissed off and i would end it right there because that's a horrible thing to do and shows a total lack of respect. so, to those out there doing something like that STOP and do the right thing. i know in my case that's not happening and she would tell me straight up and because she hasn't i keep pounding the pavement and looking for the openings she gives me but man is this tough and exhausting and really wears u out! by the time she decides to try again i'll look like crap and i will want some time to work out the mind and body so i am 100% hansome and she'll crave me and jump all over me!

 

what a dreamer eh

lol