Mixed messages..

[tsgirl]

So, here is my story..

 

I have known this guy for 4 years now.. we're both mature professionals in early 30s, both westerners working in an asian country.

 

We worked together for two years, and what made it awkward at the time was that we are living in the same buidling. Our friendship survived through changing jobs, me getting a living in boyfriend for two years, me going through a nasty breakup earlier this year - all this time he has been the greatest most supportive friend I ever had.

 

In the last tow -three months, it was obvious that I got over my breakup.. it was visible to anyone. Two weeks ago, he decided to return in his home country to visit his family for a week. He invited me to come along, just to hang out - he thought a holiday will do me good. I freaked out. Thing is, I like him and am attracted to him , and the last thing I want is to go with him and fall fo him and then come back having to keep the 'just friends' barrier on.

 

So I sent him a mail saying that I am not going, because I may read into it more than I should and I dont want to screw up our friendship, which is so valuable to me. He replied later in the day , saying that I should not read anything into it, his invitation was as friend only and it is my choice entirely, he also intends to visit my country sometime and he'll know at my door for sure, he said. We left it at that.

 

But then, one day before his departure, he called me up and asked me if I got myself tickets , or.. ? My face fell. I was at work, browsing the web about traveling info to his country. Cool. Told him that I am just looking at how to get to his home town - and that I will try to take some short notice holiday , and if I can, I will just show up.

 

Thing is , couldnt take holiday. Pissed off with my boss, but I can undersand why he couldnt let me go at one day notice - fair enough.

 

Now I am waiting for my friend to come back, and I hope that our friendship is where we left it. Some signals were sent out from both sides ( I believe ??) ,but now I am terrified that I may scared him away.

 

I do like this guy - the easy part is to like him, the hard part is not to fall for him. I just wish I knew if there is a chance to get beyond this friendship or not... WHAT DO YOU THINK ??

[iamlearning]

Well, I think that when anyone is scared to go further into a relationship because they have been friends for a long time or what not is so stupid.. #1 Say I was in love with you and your in love with me but your scared to go further with me, that tears me up inside. #2 Relationships are based off friendships, so my advice is try as hard as possible to keep him, sounds like a nice guy..

[Gunther]

altough I know it is natural to like someone that helped you through a difficult time, you cnat base it just on that, you would have to like him for something else as well, which I am sure you do but what was your relationship before the break up? if he was a good friend I'd say go for it. If he was just kind of in the background I would say proced w\ caution he may have just been there to try and help through a difficult time, but I would probly go for it if I were you sounds like you can both do eachother good. Just be carefull about it other than that have fun!

[slider]

I may read into it more than I should and I dont want to screw up our friendship, which is so valuable to me

 

I don't want to sound too harsh, but that is a bunch of BS! You like him and he likes you. You obviously get along great as friends. My advice to you would be to try and take it to the next level when he comes back. It seems that he shares the same feelings since he invited you to his hometown. FRIENDS??? You can make other friends! You two have the formula for a good relationship. Don't be afraid to lose a friend if it means gaining a true relationship.