And I was doing so well...

[AnonymousMG]

I actually have started NC, she went back to school on sunday and the last time I talked to her was saturday, she said 'I'll talk to you later' and I just said 'maybe' and I haven't talked to her at all since then. I hate it, and it sucks, but lately I've been doing alright with it I guess. I've been working full time (+ overtime) for the past week in a half and that has REALLY helped a lot as far as making me think about other things. I'm doing computer networking and repairs so I've got plenty on my mind during the day. It's a busy job and I love that about it haha. I've come to the realization recently that all those times I was being hopeful was stupid because if she was hinting at it, and I convinced her to come back through that, then it would have only been half because she wanted to be with me again and the other half would be because I talked her into it. Because then it wouldn't last, it would only end up with me being hurt again in the end. If she wanted to be with me, and if she ever wants to be with me, she'll have to work for it because right now I don't think I could be with her again, I'm sure that if she were standing in front of me I would have trouble holding to that statement, but I don't think that I can right now after everything recently. I didn't tell her not to talk to me, I just left it as maybe, and she hasn't contacted me since she went back to school so I'm not even worth the effort to be a friend to her. It hurts a lot to realize all this, but it's for my best interest I guess. If she ever wants to be with me again she's going to have to show me that she's ready for a relationship. I don't mean that I'm going to test her and tell her 'you gotta prove you really want to be with me' but if she ever wants to be with me again, and she tells me that, I'm going to tell her I'm not sure if I'm ready for that, and if it's worth it to her, she'll either wait or she'll try everything she can to be with me. I read in so many threads and even in my own that people said 'if they want to be with you they'll say it outright' and i never understood that. I told myself that 'she isn't like that, she wouldn't just say it' but it's true, it makes so much sense now that I feel stupid for not believing it all earlier, but I guess that's what this is about, learning from the past and getting ready for the future... phew feels good to say all that...

[blender]

Good for you, you are entering the mature healing phase of "acceptance" this will be so empowering for you, maintain no contact, none, no texts, no emails, no calls.. move onward and upward.. let her be... and get back to the being YOU, the best YOU, the curious YOU, the learning YOU, the dating YOU, the single YOU, the best is ahead of me YOU. Let go with love, and remember unless someone is making a intentional effort to make being a couple a priority, then there is no reason for contact, UNLESS you are absolutely emotionally happy being "just friends" and usually that takes some space, time, growing, to accomplish..and it starts with "no contact".

[AnonymousMG]

pheww.. it's been a good day overall I guess, I've been thinking about her quite a bit and wondering if she's been thinking about me at all but nothing getting too hopeful or anything. My therapist told me that it's best to 'live in the moment' and try not to think about the past or the future too much. That's been helping somewhat, of course it's very difficult for me to actually do that, but I try to stick to it. Just wanted to post an update, nothing new and big happened... just another day.

-AMG

[kellbell]

Hang in there MG, you are doin' just fine.

[AnonymousMG]

I feel myself slipping back into the 'why doesn't she miss me' way of thinking and I want to stop myself. I was doing great on the way home from work thinking about how I don't need anybody else to make me happy and I am gonna be fine on my own. Bleh I've been writing this post over about a 20 minute span while I do other things too and I am feeling progressively worse about everything... ugh...

-AMG

[AnonymousMG]

Ugh, I probably should have done this a week ago but I just deleted her screename from my buddy list. I didn't think it would effect me, but I keep checking it and seeing " and "shalalala don't be afraid just kiss the girl" as her away messages and it's really starting to hit me hard. I am doing better with not being with her, but its still really painful to think about her being with somebody else... time time time time....thats all that's going to fix this... I wish it was easier...

[AnonymousMG]

Well I've been doing really well the past few days, I've felt really confident about myself which is rare, but I've noticed that I get some attention from the ladies. I never thought of myself as a good looking guy, and I don't wanna be one of those guys who is always acting like he is the best looking thing on the planet, and all cocky about it, but it was one of my biggest self esteem issues, and I kinda like it now. I'm feeling progressively better each day, and hopefully that keeps going. I'm still a little worried about the social aspect of things, I don't plan on looking for a relationship once I get back to school in a couple weeks, but I do plan on trying to be more social and meet new people. If anything turns into anything, I'm not going to try and stop it, just let things go as they will. I feel about ready to leave anything between the ex and me to fate and just let my life go on. I still think about her a lot, but I know that I can't control anything, and my burning need to be with her has faded more than I expected. I still care about her a lot, and if she wanted to be with me I would seriously consider it, but she was my first girlfriend and I don't know what else is even out there to put it bluntly. Who knows what'll happen in the future, but for now, I'm done making myself miserable over this.

-AMG

[kellbell]

Hey MG,

 

Glad to read you are doing well. There are going to be days that are harder than others but overall, things will continue to improve. Thanks for checkin' in.

[AnonymousMG]

Err not doing so well today, would have been another 'month anniversary' and though I feel really confident most of the time, sometimes I feel like I'm just lying to myself. I really wish I could still be with her I guess... It probably has to do with the dream I had last night, I dreamed that we were back together and that everything we did reminded us of the past. It just seemed so real, when I woke up I knew that it was just a dream, but I tried to go back to sleep so that I could feel that way again. It's been a while since I felt like that...

-AMG

[AnonymousMG]

I'm not sure how many of you have read about the "stages of relationships" but I have been looking into that recently and I pretty much found out that the "power struggle stage" is what was happening, and it breaks up a lot of couples that otherwise would have been happy, I wish I could just show that to her and maybe she would see that its normal and that people get through it... I still want her back... Even after all the things I've been telling myself lately, I wish I could go back and have everything work out better... Am I still supposed to be feeling this way??

-AMG

 

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[blender]

Yes, it's normal for you to still "feel this way". But remember through a break up "pain is inevitable but suffering is a choice". Try to take one day just for "acceptance".. and tell yourself that for "right now" your ex is NOT ready for a relationship...try not to take it personally.

 

Accept that she is on your own life path, and if your paths should cross again in time, you will be at a better emotional place in your own heart and so will she, but for "right now" it's just NOT the time.

 

It's tough to read those "relationship" articles, especially when TWO people are NOT in agreement that they want the relationship... those articles are for "two" people who are BOTH willing to make the effort to work on the relationshiip... we all put ourselvse through this type of "research" after a break up, because emotionally we are still in "resistance" to let go.. but it is in "acceptance" that we can start to heal... and let go with love.

 

I'm sorry you are still hurting so much, but yes it's normal, we all heal in our own timing... so give yourself a break, and know that you are having a difficult time with "acceptance"..but once you open your heart up to "acceptance' your real healing will begin.. we are all here, so keep writing, you're going to get better, you will..promise. Best, Blender

[GoingForIt_77]

I actually agree with you on this one Blender

[AnonymousMG]

Thanks, I know I probably shouldn't have even been reading that article, but I guess I'm still looking for more of a reason than "I don't love you anymore". Thanks for the advice, very helpful as usual, I'm trying to accept it more, but it is very difficult. Things just remind me of her a lot of the time still, almost all the time, but I'm used to that. It's when things that I forgot about come up that it really starts to get to me, or thinking about her with somebody else. I went out tonight to a play and the last time I went there was with her, and I heard somebody commenting on something specific that she had mentioned that last time we were there. I think it just got to me because I wasn't expecting something like that to remind me of her and it all came back to me so vividly. Thanks again for all the support, I'll be sure to keep writing here, it's a way to let everything out, and that seems to help more than anything.

-AMG

[kellbell]

Hey MG,

 

You are searching for answers because the pain is still fresh and raw. But you will know when you are getting over this and moving on when you do not care anymore what the reasons are. And the time will come, I promise. You are doing great!

[blender]

That's so right, it's important to remember that if you don't take the time to go "within yourself" to find the answers, you will go "without the answers" no matter who is in your life.

[AnonymousMG]

Hi, figured I would check in again. Overall, I've been doing pretty well or the past week, but today I kinda feel like crap again. I'm going back to school tomorrow and I guess its just making me think about it all again. Maybe someday things will work out between us again, I guess I just have to let fate control that and keep letting things go as they will. I know somehow, someday, this will all be over, but that unfortunately doesnt help much while im here in the middle of everything... I miss her a lot. Today I've just felt like I really wanted to have her here and just hold her. My brother had his girlfriend over today so that probably helped start those feelings... /sigh... oh well... one day at a time...

-AMG

[AnonymousMG]

I feel like I'm going to throw up. I just saw pictures of her with this new guy online, I feel so terrible right now I can't even describe it, I want them to be miserable, I feel like a jerk saying it, but I truly mean it, I want them to both be in so much pain that they regret ever meeting each other... I hate them both.

[blender]

Well, those are your "feelings" and it's normal to be so sad, and upset by seeing those photos.. but you will, in time, have photos of yourself and some wonderfu woman.... you have YOUR future to look forward to.. she is in your past.. a lesson, an emotional bridge to a more understanding, self aware, self respecting, wonderful YOU. This is going to hurt for awhile, I've been there, I remember seeing photos of my ex and his new girl for the first time, it was so disturbing.. but I had to realize it had nothing to do with me.. I had my own life to live..and so do you.

[AnonymousMG]

Thanks, I've been doing a little better since then. I'm back at school now and I met a couple new people so that's a positive thing. I'm not out looking for anything, but I'm not waiting for her to come around or anything anymore, it's been a while with NC and the only times that things get really bad is when I start thinking about her a lot, so the less I do that, the better off I am I guess... Just wanted to thank you and let you know that I'm not doing quite so bad anymore. I don't hate them.

-AMG

[AnonymousMG]

Well it's been a very long time, and for good reason. A good friend of mine recently went through a eerily similar situation and I was the first person she called. We have been friends for a year and a half, and as things went on... what it boils down to is that we're dating now and we're both very happy together. Just wanted to give an update to show people that yes, things do get better even when you least expect it.

-AMG

[kellbell]

Hey there,

 

I was just wondering about things were going for you the other day. Glad you checked in and that things have been going well for you. You deserve it!

[AnonymousMG]

Thanks, it all happened so fast and we really dont know how it happened, one day I was helping her with her breakup and the next day we were flirting with each other it seemed but things have worked out pretty well.