What is wrong with me???

[Miss Noelle]

OK I am a happy health 27 year old woman. I have been through what I can safely say one of the most dramatic yeard of my life. My Son's father and I broke up August of 2005 and he ran off and married someonelse two months later only out of spite. To make a really really long story short. Since then he has apologized to me a million times to both my friends family and our son. We are back together and we are doing great. In fact we will be getting married next year in October.

 

Yes I was hurt deeply by his actions... but am I still carrying the hurt. He barely turns me on. I have since the initial break up taken a vow of celebacy. So we have not been intiment for about seven months. He has been really really patient with me up until lately. He has been asking me for a key to my place so that he can live with me and his son. He also has been asking for sex. We both agreed that we should wait until the time is right, however his right timing and mine are the total opposite. I don't want to have sex with him right now. I am almose never horny and he just doesn't do it for me like he used to. Could it be that I am still carrying the pain from the past?

 

I feel like this is a second chance for us to be together and give our son a chance to see his mother and father together happy but what to do when our sexual chemistry is wayyyyyy off?

[Day_Walker]

First of all I dont understand the "we" thing because what you are really saying is that you told him that you wont be having sex with him until you are ready and he agreed because no two people really make an agreement like that. Basically he is going along with what you want to do.

Given the past that you have had with him, I dont understand why you think getting married is a good idea. You are completley affraid to be intimate with this guy quite possibly because you dont want to be hurt again. In the beginning of your post you said that you are a happy and healthy 27 year old but if your partner isnt doing anything for you then I dont see how you can really be happy. I think that you should be aware of what your subconscious is telling yourself that you should not be involved with this guy because you dont trust him.

[Miss Noelle]

I really do love him. We make a great team. My strengths are his weaknesses and vice versa. We are learning to be friends again and that is why when he asked me to marry him I accepted his proposal. I guess you are right though because I do sort of feel like i am carying a little baggage because of how things were in the past. I hope we can work through this for our son's sake. When he was gone we were both so miserable without him.

[Day_Walker]

I was the product of a failed relationship and I can tell you that you should NEVER be involved in a relationship for your child's sake. Relationships are not about your children it is about you. Of course you are going to be down after a failed relationship but look for something new dont go back to the same thing that disappointed you before. I dont know if trying to build a friendship is a good reason to get engaged. You know that this guy makes rash decisions based on what he has done to you in the past. I say that you need to realize that this guy is not the one for you. Notice that I did not mention the word love because you have to realize that you may love him but that doesnt mean it will work out in the end.

[BellaDonna]

Definitely proceed with extreme caution. I do not think you should rush to marry this guy. If you are considering marriage, perhaps pre-marital counseling would be a good step because you both could get everything out on the table.

 

Honestly, it worries me that you have no desire for sex with him and you're not even married yet. One of the biggest reasons for divorce is sexual incompatibility.

 

 

BellaDonna

[whenamansloveisreal]

i am now aware that my ex gf is not as far along the healing path as i am so for a while i was turning up the mojo and that was because i thought [nc] she was ok. i think she needs more time and that's kewl with me. if she wanted me to be 'exclusive' until she's better - i would because a woman like her is worth it. as long as she knows this is right - make sense? is that stupid?

[terk2021]

I am sorry to hear what you are going through. I was a child of divorce. I almost married a woman this year that was divorced, and has a 6 year old daughter. He would not give up pursuing her until we got engaged, and even then, still tried to play the child as a trump card to get back together... We got a house, and there is a long story in between as to why we are not together anymore.

 

I have found out she is spending time with her ex again (not sure exactly what they are doing), but what I do remember the whole time together is that how she never really loved him, and she stayed civil to him because of the child. I think she is in a weak state right now, and leaning on him for support.

The 6 year old was so excited that I was going to be her stepdad. When we broke it off, and I had her move out of the house, I am sure she was going through a lot. Now this 6 year old is watching her parents spend time together. She is doing it to spend more time with her daughter, but I think it's sad as to what's happening to her as we speak...

 

Being a child of divorce, or parents that were not married is hard. Being in a household where the parents are not truly in love and are just trying to make it work for the child's sake is even worse.

 

It would be odd if a child did not want their parents back together. I would highly caution you from getting back together with this man. Sure, I don't know the whole story, but you could do much, much more damage to be with someone for a child's sake. If you wake up one day and realize you made a mistake by marrying this man, what do you think that will do to your son?

 

Again, I don't know the whole story here, but you have to think of you first here, because you have to be in a position to give your son the best. That means that you need to be happy. Because if you are not, the child will see right through it...

 

It sounds like you are in a tough spot, and I wish you the best...

[terk2021]

I don't know him, but running off and getting married to someone like that says a lot as well...

[snowgirl]

There is nothing wrong with you. If you want to marry him, I would strongly suggest getting counseling first. You have to work thorugh this resentment you have for him for running off. If you don't deal with it now, it will not go away, it will get worse.