I need some advice.

[Mike17]

Lately for about the past 4-5 months I can't shake the thought that I might be gay. I just can't get my mind off it. I am in college but i haven't had most of the experiances someone my age has. I have had a girlfriend for going on 3 1/2 years. We met in Grade 11 and started dating in grade 12. She is my first girlfriend

 

We have not had sex. It has nothing to do with all this, when the time came we decided to wait, it has to do with religiouse beleifs, thats a different topic i think. Although she is my first girlfriend, she is not the first girl I have had strong feelings for. This is what makes it all so weird I have always been very attracted to women, and never men, even now i don't think I'm attracted to men in the same way I was to any of those girls I mentioned. But for some reason, i just can't shake this feeling.

 

It all came on so suddenly, seriously my g/f and I were on our way home from a movie, and it hit me like a ton of bricks, it has calmed down a bit and some days doesn't really bother me. But it's still there like a dark cloud hanging over my head.

 

I want to know if this is the beginning of a lifestyle change, it seems kinda late and I've always heard about how Gay men have "always known."

The truth is I don't want to be gay, I don't want to change, I just want to stop thinking about it.

[Beec]

If you are not attracted to men as you are attracted to women, then you are not gay.

 

I can understand people who wait to have sex, but do you want to have sex with your girlfriend? Have you wanted to? And you have not wanted to do that with a man? If so, you are not gay.

[jengh]

Do women turn you on sexually? Do you fantasize about being with them? How about men? Do they turn you on? And do you fantasize about being with them? In my opinion, if you've always been attracted to women, you're probably not gay. Perhaps you're bi though?

[Mike17]

Thanks guys, you think like I do, all signs point to me being straight, Yes i do want to have sex with her and I am turned on by women.

 

I'm not sure if i'm turned on by men or not, i'v never fantasized about a man or dreamed about it, but I do admire good looking men, I always just thought it was in a "I wish I looked like that" way.

 

I just don't know why I can't stop thinking about it, I guess i'm just screwed up in the head or something.

 

Has anyone out there had a similar experiance. I am i just in denial

[texami]

I don't know if this is on the right track with what you're going thru, but this happened to me in college, too.

 

I had had a few boyfriends, but at some point I started wondering if I was gay, too. It turns out that it had to do with the fact that I was just feeling alone and different from all my friends. The typical adolescent "no one understands me and I am not like other people". I wasn't attracted to women, but since I felt that I was somehow a "weirdo" because I didn't feel like I thought other people my age felt, I pretty much just made up a possible explaination for myself.

 

"Maybe I'm gay, and I've just been in denial all these years!" was what I told myself because I just couldn't figure out another reason why I felt like I was so different from everyone else.

 

But, it turned out to just be a natural part of self discovery, at a time when you begin to realize that you might have thoughts and feelings that you don't seem to share with anyone else and you feel isolated somehow.

 

sorry if this was long... but your story brought back a memory from a long time ago that I hadn't thought about in years!!!

[Mike17]

Thanks a lot texami

 

I guess that may be that the case, and only time will tell, Thats what I'm pullin for anyway, I just don't really want to wait around to find out. I'm going into my last semester at college and need to make a decision about going to university or waiting a year for my g/f to finish. There's big changes on the horizon I just don't want any of this to get in the way.

 

Anyone else have a similar experiance, would really appreciate input from someone who is gay or bi with a similar experiance.

[dumpling8p]

It can be a state of mind; when you are bored of life, you make obsticles/situations for yourself so that you can stall Ex.) To an athiest, science proves the absense of god. Since he has nothing to believe in anymore, his shell is empty and he has no will for anything. Nothing matters anymore because the truth has shown him that he is doomed to nothing. The only solution is to pretend to believe in something. So the truth is, i don't think you're gay. You are probablly tired of your life style or thoughts are invading, poisoning your judgement. Just do what you think. It' prob just a phaze.

[someguy1976]

Do you think it's possible that you're scared to have sex with her? Maybe you want it to be right, and you think if you fail, she will think you're gay? It doesn't sound to me like you a * * * *, and when the time comes, I would just take your time. Also, don't try to hard when you do it, it calls failure every time.

[coffeeformylover]

If you are not attracted to men as you are attracted to women, then you are not gay.

 

First of all I disagree with this. You can be bisexual and be more attracted to one sex than you are the other.

 

You can also be straight and think other members of the same sex are good-looking. It's only natural to recognize other humans that are attractive. However, if you find that you are sexually attracted to men then you would be considered gay. Judging by what you have said, you are straight. I'm a lesbian and I notice when guys are good-looking. I'm not attracted to them sexually, though. That's what the difference is.