Less available girls at this age?

[smiles21]

I had a question for you folks out there, I am recently (2 months) out of a four year relationship, and I have been noticing some things. I’m 23 years old, and Is it me, or does it seem like there is way more single guys out there, than girls? It may just be me, but it seems like it is way easier for girls to get guys at this age. Seemed like the opposite when I was 19 or so, was more girls out there looking to be in a relationship.. it seems swapped now, like all the girls are taken. It seems like everyone I talk to is in a relationship.. or unavailable..

 

I guess I’m at an odd stage in my life, I always been in a relationship and I’m trying to break away from that and become more independent for myself, and for someone in the future. I realize you need to be OK alone, if you aren’t then you never will survive. I guess I am just one of those people that like the feeling of being in a relationship..

[luvursmile]

Well, youve been attached from a very young age, so youre not used to it. There are PLENTY of single girls out there your own age, dont worry! And dont rush it either. You have sooooo much time, you're only 23.

[Alezia]

Hi,

 

I have the same problem as you.. I've been in serious relationships non-stop since I was 16. I think it affected a lot the last guy which I was in a "serious" relationship with (it wasn't that serious really)... he was 25 and independent most his life, so compatibility-wise I was expecting much more than he provided.

 

I'm thinking of staying single for a while although I do still have strong feelings for him.. we ended up doing a lot of on/off during the relationship and it wasn't healthy at all :S

 

I'm 21, so basically in the same age pool as you and I do notice that there is a lot less single people. I have a lot of friends which are engaged, or very serious 4+ year relationships or having kids...

I know I still have a lot of time for that but I am finding it very hard to go through holidays etc.. knowing that I am alone :S I do very think that the married life is for me, atleast I know that now... but I also need to be able to survive on my own. I need to build up a bit of independance before taking the big step. So I'm kind of glad my last bf dumped me and I am loving him for it in some odd twisted kind of way because I would have never done it myself.

[Beec]

Not knowing where you are in NY, I cannot say, but if you are in NYC or near it, I think there are probably many more women than you realize.

[Lanterna Magica]

Guys, there are a whole multiplicity of options available to you.

 

You are seeing single people everywhere because you are one, you see yourself in the world around you. The world is consistent and there is potential everywhere within it. All that makes the world appear to you as it does is your perception.

 

Be open to new love and relationships without craving them, think about the qualities you would ideal wish for in another and find them in yourself!

[Orlander]

I read something recently that said there are more single people now than ever before. They are out there, women too. Since women make up more than 50% of the population it really isnt possible that there are more women in relationships then men, unless there are a lot more mormon or gay women then I thought there were.

 

I think its more that men dont mind publicizing that they are single and women tend not want to announce to the world that they are single.

 

 

Orlander

[smiles21]

I read somewhere that 80% of women are with 20% of the men, or a statistic that resembles that. That really doesn't make much sense I guess, but it seems guys are flocking to girls at this age, kind of like vultures. I see it at the GYM all the time.. Maybe it's because i've never really asserted myself in fear of rejection, I have had two long term relationships.. one 1.5 years, the other 4 years.. thought the latter was the "one" but I guess she isn't, or at least right now.

 

Maybe I need to become a vulture like the rest, I'm a really good guy, I keep myself nice, have a decent job, and I work out constantly.. maybe I'm missing what girls want at this age.

 

ps. I recently deleted my myspace account, my ex is all over myspace and I want nothing to do with it, it ruins so many relationships.. and I dont just hook up with people.. it seems so fake.

[Beec]

Maybe I need to become a vulture like the rest, I'm a really good guy, I keep myself nice, have a decent job, and I work out constantly.. maybe I'm missing what girls want at this age.

quote]

 

It is possible you are missing what they want. If they keep dating the vultures, there must be something about them that attracts them to the vultures. it may be that you need not become a vulture to get that which attracting women to the vultures. As I would say it, you don't need to be a player, because you use the same set of skills.

[Day_Walker]

I think it all has to do with your social environment

[smiles21]

Well I agree, social environment is huge. I still cant see how you can meet long term dateable women in bars and clubs, and I know some are going to bash me for that comment. Maybe it's my lack of approaching women in these places. Not sure.

 

And yes, maybe I'm missing what they are looking for at this age.. I dont know. With the last relationship ending (even though it never seems to fully end) I thought I knew, but I took a lot for granted, something I wont do again.

[cc2006]

Hey there,

 

We could be neighbors for all I know. I see the same around me, but I've got a few years on you. Everyone I know has gotten married. Most of them are now constantly talking about having children and buying homes if they haven't done so already.

 

That was a sore point for my ex too. She was talking about "marriage and kids before 30" and I didn't want to be held to a plan. I'd rather not schedual out my love, you know?

 

Most women I run into (which I'll admit are few currently) seem to be in relationships. I guess because very few people really enjoy and want to be alone, few will be?

 

I've also noticed this trend on the internet dating sites. A good majority of the people I see in my age bracket are divorced and/or raising children. I'm not ready to have children right now and I'm not sure how well I could handle being with someone whom already does.

 

The field looks pretty bleak, to be honest.

 

 

Thing is you have to remember .. the easiest way to find someone seems to be to not look in the first place. My best relationship I've had to date, my last one, was a chance meeting at work when I wasn't even looking to date someone. She actually got to see and meet the REAL me, and not the nervous "omg don't screw this up" wreck that can exist if I'm trying not to do something stupid and scare people off.

 

Most women rate 'confidence' as very high on their list of attractive qualities in a guy. There is no better way to develop that then work on it yourself and not worry about tracking down the best partner by the end of the week, etc.

 

Plus, if you live in NY anywhere near me ... man ... its a scary place out there if you don't like lame dance-clubs or seedy bars.

[smiles21]

No I do agree, you cant go out there looking to find someone to be with. I see pretty girls everywhere, when I go get take out, or at the mall, or just random places. I usually look and then look away. I mean, do girls want to be picked up at places like this? I would probably just smile and then if she doesn’t obviously she’s not interested.

 

I see girls get hit on all the time, and guys get rejected, I always wanted to approach girls at random places but I dunno, just seems akward. Seems like I meet people through friends, and at parties.. which I don’t go to many of anymore as I’m getting older now, and I’m not in college/high school anymore.

[Beec]

I think that if you want to hit on women in public and be successful, your approach should not be one that is directly hitting on them. Few men succeed with that approach.

 

You can walk up and comment on anything or ask them a questiopn about anything to begin a conversation. You should appear to be only there for that comment or question and ready to shove off. It requires some acting. You could comment by looking at something she has with her or on and saying either something good about it or saying something that makes fun of it. If she has a large bag, you can ask her whether she is smuggling cadevers or carrying a pet in it, if asked in amusing way, it should be taken as a joke, and you are off. If she is carrying something nice or a book that you enjoyed, tell her that the book is good, or that you liked a similar work, or whatever, and you are off.

[hosswhispra]

A good majority of the people I see in my age bracket are divorced and/or raising children. I'm not ready to have children right now and I'm not sure how well I could handle being with someone whom already does.

 

I am a female and I feel similarly to what you stated above ^ Where are the single men in their thirties?

[Orlander]

People in general are statistically waiting longer before getting married. I read that the average age for a first marriage is 27. I think it was around 20 or so 20 years ago.

 

There are many single guys out there whom have never been married and have no children. I'm one of them.

 

 

Orlander

[astromantic]

smiles21, I know exactly what you are talking about - most people I know are either in a long term relationship, engaged, or married. I think people around our age starts to settle into serious relationships and it's often rare that you find someone single. I have a friend that actually lamented to me (this was last year when I was 21) about how short her previous relationship was and how we were starting to get too old ... (at this point I started to frown at her comment) and then proceeded to exclaim how all the good partners are taken and if we don't hurry up and find one we won't ever find a long term partner.

 

It's attitudes like this - that really ticks me off. I've been single all 22 years of my life. It never occurred to me that I should get myself into a relationship at this age and chose to focus on my studies and start my career.

 

In an indirect way she was basically saying if I don't find myself a boyfriend now I'm going to be left with all the bad men .. pfft. whatever. (and yes she found herself a boyfriend within six months and have him hooked, lined and sinker for over a year now)

[Kevin T]

I had a question for you folks out there, I am recently (2 months) out of a four year relationship, and I have been noticing some things. I’m 23 years old, and Is it me, or does it seem like there is way more single guys out there, than girls? It may just be me, but it seems like it is way easier for girls to get guys at this age. Seemed like the opposite when I was 19 or so, was more girls out there looking to be in a relationship.. it seems swapped now, like all the girls are taken. It seems like everyone I talk to is in a relationship.. or unavailable..

 

Trust me, it's not just you. And it only gets worse, I imagine, as you get older. (I apologize for the negative response, but it is true, I think.)

 

Most of the good ones ARE taken. But no one wants to admit that, so you'll rarely hear it.

[Beec]

Trust me, it's not just you. And it only gets worse, I imagine, as you get older. (I apologize for the negative response, but it is true, I think.)

 

Most of the good ones ARE taken. But no one wants to admit that, so you'll rarely hear it.

 

That's so not true it's like saying the Atlantic Ocean is dry.

 

The older I got, the more women I had available to me.

[hosswhispra]

 

The older I got, the more women I had available to me.

 

And the older I got, the less available men I had available to me.

[Beec]

And the older I got, the less available men I had available to me.

 

hosswhispra, that may be true. But I've seen what you look like, and there is no way that your appearance intereferes with you getting attention from men. I've also seen enough of what you have written to think that you have no major personality malfunctions, that makes you undesirable. The only unknown, to me, thing that would make a real difference, that I don't know, are you not feeling secure or being clingy, and that's something you need to work on. The known thing to me that probably does make a difference is reflected in what you wrote above. You should be thinking you are the the quantity that is getting rarer, you should be thinking you are the one oyster that the right man can open up to find a pearl. Think that way, and things change.

 

(Guys you should be having similar thoughts.)

[Kevin T]

That's so not true it's like saying the Atlantic Ocean is dry.

 

The older I got, the more women I had available to me.

 

Okay, I am not trying to play devil's advocate, as I usually do, but I must disagree.

 

Let's look at odds... You have younger women who are just starting out, most have not settled down yet and are in the prime of their lives, hoping to one day settle down with someone. There is a chance that some of these individuals will not be taken yet. Some are, and some aren't.

 

But as one gets older, these females start to settle down and get married, or at the very least (for the late bloomers, anyway) start to ease into serious, long-term relationships. This trend will continue in their lives, for the most part, until they reach old age.

 

At that point, many will become widows and then become, once again, on the market. So, it's true that as women get drastically older, there will be many more which are available. But until they reach old age, this is generally not so. So, you can't use personal experience to account for everyone, of course.

[Beec]

There are more women than men. "Population Distributions 145.0 Million -- The number of females as of July 1, 2001. That exceeds the number of males, who numbered 139.8 million. Males outnumber females in every age group through ages 30 to 34. Starting with 35- to 39-year-olds, women outnumber men. At 85 and over, there are more than twice as many women as men. " That means, it can only get better for men as they get older. When you consider that this is a general trend, it has been improving. When you add in things like the fact that men in prison uotnumber by far women in prison.

 

Also add in the research that indicates more men then women in homosexual realtionships, for support I quote: ""All surveys are likely to underestimate the actual prevalence of homosexuality because, fearing discrimination and stigma, many gay respondents are reluctant to tell a stranger (even anonymously) that they are homosexual. Recognizing this limitation, most research with probability samples suggests that at least 3-6% of the US adult male population is homosexual, with somewhat fewer females (Fay, Turner, Klassen, & Gagnon, 1989; Hatfield, 1989; Laumann, Gagnon, Michael, & Michaels, 1994; Lever & Kanouse, 1996; Rogers & Turner, 1991)."

 

I'd day that hosswhispra is closer to being correct than you are Kevin T. Of course, that is not much excuse for hosswhispra, who I think would be likely to succeed in dating if she spent some research time trying to understand it.

[hosswhispra]

 

Also add in the research that indicates more men then women in homosexual realtionships, for support I quote: ""All surveys are likely to underestimate the actual prevalence of homosexuality because, fearing discrimination and stigma, many gay respondents are reluctant to tell a stranger (even anonymously) that they are homosexual. Recognizing this limitation, most research with probability samples suggests that at least 3-6% of the US adult male population is homosexual, with somewhat fewer females (Fay, Turner, Klassen, & Gagnon, 1989; Hatfield, 1989; Laumann, Gagnon, Michael, & Michaels, 1994; Lever & Kanouse, 1996; Rogers & Turner, 1991)."

 

Add that to the number of gay men who are in denial about their true sexual preference and in relationships with women (I have 'fallen' for some sexually ambiguous men--the first guy I really fell for when I was 18 , I suspect is gay and in the closet) and that further decreases the amount of available men.

 

The only unknown, to me, thing that would make a real difference, that I don't know, are you not feeling secure or being clingy, and that's something you need to work on. The known thing to me that probably does make a difference is reflected in what you wrote above. You should be thinking you are the the quantity that is getting rarer, you should be thinking you are the one oyster that the right man can open up to find a pearl. Think that way, and things change.

 

(Guys you should be having similar thoughts.)

 

 

Beec- I am someone who is of few words. I can't stand mindless chit-chat and small talk. I don't really take the lead in conversations--I prefer to listen...so I am not the bubbly female type-- and my thinking is that men prefer when women take the lead in conversation (I think I actually converse like a man) maybe that's it.

 

I like the oyster analogy. It's kind of reminiscent of comforting parental advice Thank you.

[Beec]

Beec- I am someone who is of few words. I can't stand mindless chit-chat and small talk. I don't really take the lead in conversations--I prefer to listen...so I am not the bubbly female type-- and my thinking is that men prefer when women take the lead in conversation (I think I actually converse like a man) maybe that's it.

 

I like the oyster analogy. It's kind of reminiscent of comforting parental advice Thank you.

 

Enough men have dealt with enough nonstop chitchat from women that I don't buy that either.

 

If you ask the right questions, most men will talk all day.

[Kevin T]

Okay, so you have a point. There are bound to be far more single women than men as time passes, males dying due to war, homocides and suicides. Not to mention the part of males in prison. I agree with that much.

 

But that still doesn't mean much to a male below the age of 35, of which demographic I am clearly a part of. I have little interest in a 35 year old divorcee with three kids, nor do I have an interest in picking up Granny Lauderdale at the supermarket.

 

So, for many like me, there are still few women available whom we would prefer to be with. As time goes on, many of these women will have been through messy divorces, have children of their own, or will just plain be widows. None of which are exciting prospects to me. And I doubt if that will change as I age.