We were so happy...I didn't see this coming, please help!

[GatorGirl]

Hi everyone--

 

I have never used a site like this, but I am desperate for some input, here is my situation:

 

My boyfriend & I had been together 6 months, I was in my last semester of college and he had graduated from the same school in the summer. We met in June 2006 and from the beginning we were attached at the hip. We were together everyday, 24 hours, never slept alone, unless one of us had school or work. We were so happy, out in public, by ourselves. We fell in love immediately (although I told him I love him first, which may have been a mistake, but was the truth). We knew I would be graduating in Dec (in 2 days from now actually). We always talked about moving somewhere together so we could be together and not have to break up. I have always wanted to go to NYC and he wanted to return home to south florida for law school. First we decided we would go to NYC and he would go to school there, then he changed his mind. We went back and forth about where we would go, and who would make the sacrifice. Finally after many 'mind changes' and close calls, we decided I would move to south fl with him (which meant me giving up my dreams of NYC). Fast forward to last week. After my final exams I drove down there to meet him, he was already there working for his father for some extra $$ ( the job made him miserable). When I got there he didn't greet me, he looked so unhappy and down. The whole week he was acting sad and depressed, only once and awhile would the 'happy' person I know and love came out. I was patient with him and gave him space. Well Sunday morning after a few days of interviews for new jobs for me, I expressed to him that I was a bit worried that I wouldn't find a good job here (the area is terrible for jobs with my degree). I told him it had nothing to do with him and my love for him I just wanted to be sure I was going to be happy. He told me to think about it and get back to him, but to be sure (he was being kind and mature about the situation). He left for a few hours with his father to go shopping, and what returned was a monster. He walked up to me when he got home and start yelling go pack your s*** we are going back home (where we go to school). He wouldn't tell me what was going on, he just kept yelling at me and telling me that if i wont pack my stuff and put it in my car, he would do it for me (which he ended up doing). I was crying and begging him to tell me what was going on, he was so angry, I didn't even recognize him. So we went back home ( in separate cars) he wouldn't talk to me on the phone or anything. He did say we would talk when we return that night. We got close to our exit and as we were turning off he swerved the other way and stayed on the road (only to find out later he didn't want me following him). He would not take my calls, I was a mess. I didn't hear from him till the next morning, he came to my house and broke up with me. He said very little, just we aren't meant to be and that he was leaving for south Florida for good in two hours (no sadness in his face or tone; all business, cold). I begged him not to leave, that I loved him, and we could work all of this out, I cried my heart out. He wouldn't even let me hug him. He drove away with me crying in my parking lot. I lost it, I couldn't believe that someone who I loved so much had just left me. I had boxes piled high in my living room ready for this move, a Uhaul scheduled for my stuff (which he booked), and no idea what to do now. The only thing I have heard from him since was that he wanted me to mail all his stuff to him that he left at my place. After begging him to call me, he finally did 2 days later, only to hear the same thing in a business like tone. 'We aren't meant to be, get over it.' I have tried everything, emails, IMs, text messages, phone calls. No response only to be blocked. I haven't raised my voice, said a cuss word, or said anything disparaging to him. Yet he has treated me like I slept with his best friend, shot his dog, and punched him in the face. He is angry about something, I can tell. I don't know what happened in those few hours at the mall with his dad, but whomever came back was someone I don't know. Our relationship was amazing, we hardly fought, we even talked about getting engaged. My friends and family are shocked that he has done this, everyone knew how happy we were. In one conversation I asked him if he was going to change his mind and he said "No, I can promise you that". What happened to the guy who told me he loved me 10 times a day, who had me in his arms every minute he could, who made me promise I would stay with him forever, and who told all my friends and his how lucky he was to have me.

I am heart broken, confused, and desperate to get him back. But he is being so mean to me, so cold. This all happen so quickly and I am devastated. I graduate in 2 days and that is completely ruined, I am not eating, I wont leave the house, I'm a mess. I have no plans now on where to go or what to do. I need advice....was this really not meant to be (how did he seem to figure that out in 4 hours)? Is he an angry person with serious issues? How can I stop dreaming about the life we were a few days away from having? I swear I didn't see this coming....

[Straightj06]

Maybe you moved too fast? Maybe he got kinda freaked out by the whole idea of it and chickend out? It is a very confusing and hard matter, guys are so confusing, im a guy and i think we are confusing. . . try talking it through or going out for lunch, if the relationship is totally dead then he obviosuly isnt the "one" and your dreams would of only turned into nightmares had this happened after you moved.

[GatorGirl]

He moved back home (5 hours away) and he will not respond to anything I do (he even blocked me on AIM, cause he was 'tired of hearing it')

[Straightj06]

if he is just being a jerk and wont even talk about it, then he isnt worth the hassle and upset. Let him come to you, the more you try and get in touch with him to talk about something he isnt comfortable with at the moment, the more he will shut down contact. Like i said, let him come to you, maybe he will realise his mistake soon and start to miss you.

[DN]

Do you think his parents influenced him in any way? Did you sense that they liked or disliked you?

[dogheadma]

From the information you have given, the way he just "flipped" like that sounds like he has some kind of real personality disorder. Sounds like it will amount to nothing but future trouble for you. I'm so sorry this had to happen, but I think that in the long run you're going to be much better off without him. ((((Hugs))))

[agent1607307371]

It sounds like something has set him off definitely, maybe someone he spoke to or something.

 

That said, his behaviour was utterly and completely horrific and you are well off out of it. The severity of your reaction to it is probably caused by the severity of how he acted. Try to stay focussed on other things, give your phone to a friend to look after if you want to call him.

Focus on yourself, make yourself do stuff, sort out for graduation, think about the way you want to go - NY is still there!

 

That said, if this is a real side of him, you are well off out of it now, rather than when you've moved 5 hours away with him.

[GatorGirl]

His parents adored me from what I know, they thought I was going to be their new daughter-in-law. His dad had a huge influence on him, but I can't possibly figure out why his dad would black-ball me!

[DN]

Other than his job was there any other reason he mentioned about the depression?

[chai714]

Wow. One heck of a story. Talk about cold, ice cold.

 

Not sure what would have triggered this, but by reading your story it sounds as if he had carefully planned this out and thought about it for at least a few weeks in advance (which explains why he handled it so "business-like" and in a cold way). It seems as if he even had the part planned that he would drive with you back and then ditch you.

 

Would a psychologically sound person do something like this? I doubt it. As someone else mentioned, something seems terribly wrong regarding his mental status (not that it's an excuse for him).

 

For now, only thing you can do is quit chasing and quit contacting him, as impossible as it may sound. You know it's not doing you any good or affecting his behavior, so sit on it for a while. You might be in shock for a while. Sorry to hear about this. Talk to friends or keep a journal to maintain sanity. If it's any consolation, congratulations on graduating.

[GatorGirl]

I was finally brave enough to block him from my AIM, facebook, and Myspace, so I would stop checking his accounts, and so he would have no idea what I was up to...

[GatorGirl]

No, he just didn't seem like himself at all...

[agent1607307371]

Or maybe he was really being himself. You can't ever really know.

[Clementine orange]

Woah that's harsh - sympathies.

You don't even really have any "closure", that's the tough part - never mind about the break up, you don't really have a reason "why".

I'm wondering if there is some mental instability there.....

 

Have you considered (and I recognize that this might be a bad idea) talking to his parents? Maybe a phone call - concerned friend type thing- that might clear things up.

 

Perhaps let some time go by first though.

 

incidentally, I think it was a mistake (though understandable) to try to contact him so many times. It might have backfired and made him even colder.

 

Wild speculation here: Is is possible he was so cold because he _had_ to be? In order to do something (ie: drop you suddenly) that he he didn't really want to.

 

Is there anything big that you can think of that came to a head when he got home. Something he thought he could handle but once he was home it was too much. Being home and/or talking to his parents might have triggered it. Racial or religious differences ("you can't marry her, she's not Catholic/white/black/Italian whatever, what were you thinking boy?") Maybe closet homosexuality. Another woman? Found out his old g/f is pregnant/has his child? I mean there has to be something doesn't there? Otherwise he is basically a psychopath. Sorry. You were only together 6 months right - maybe there are some family things you don't know about. Maybe he is a member of some strict religious sect or something and his family told him he cannot have a future with you.

I person doesn't just quit out of the blue like that.

I feel you at least deserve an answer.

 

This is very sad Gatorgirl - I feel for you.