I want to feel happy for my friends instead of jealous

[Rigel]

Lately I've seem to feel nothing but negative emotions towards two of my close friends, in particular, jealousy.

 

My one friend is also one of my college roommates. She's beautiful and is a straight A student. She's very outgoing and fun to talk to. I love her as a sister almost but I can't help but feel jealousy towards her. She has a dozen or so guys interested in her and I wish my grades were as good as hers. Sometimes I'm so angry at her and I hate myself for it. Why can't I just be happy for her?

 

My other friend is a long time friend from high school. She was quiet as I was in school but all the sudden she turned into this outgoing girl. She has a really good looking guy interested in her and everytime she talks about him I get so so angry. I usually just stop talking to her when she talks about him.

 

All these negative emotions start filling my head when I think about my two friends like "I'm just as pretty as them, aren't I? Then why can't I find a nice guy?" or "I'm just as intelligent as her, then why can't I make the grades?"

 

I don't know what to do. I'm afraid my jealousy will cause me to lose them as friends and I don't want that to happen.

[Reluctant Rebuilder]

Everyone struggles with jealousy. You don't have to look very far to find people who are better at something than you and those that are worse. If you can accept that the only person you should be competing against is *you*, then it might be easier to accept that sometimes your friends will be ahead and sometimes you will be ahead and it really doesn't mean anything in the big picture. And then you realize that the jealousy thing is kinda dumb. Lots of people (and I'm not saying you specifically, I'm just rambling on because this is the Internet and I haven't been booted from this forum for being to blabby) lots of people have it in their head that being really good at something speaks for the person as a whole. And for some reason we all tend to believe it to a degree. But I think that getting better grades, finding an attractive partner, having a good job, or what ever measurement you use to compare yourself to someone else doesn't make you a better or worse person. Thats just too damn simplistic, ya know?

 

I think if you can concentrate on what you have ahead of you instead of looking over your shoulder at what your friends have now, you might be in a better space with a clearer mind to tackle your work at school, and maybe meet a guy that you like. It's easier to remember things and study if that's all you are wanting out it, but that and wanting to beat out your friend means extra cycles in your head wasted.

 

One more thing, attraction isn't only based on looks. It's not just about being pretty. Personality and being interesting can go a long way and make a moderately attractive person's appeal seem all the more stunning.

 

Just a thought.

[faydra]

You are spending too much time comparing yourself to others and looking at what they have. Try to spend more time getting better grades and pursuing your interests. The more you think about what they have, the more this thought grows in your mind. Whenever this happens just STOP thinking about it and think of something else. You need to get your mind focused and trained on higher things.

[rocio]

Nobody has it great. Life is hard. We all have stuff to deal with.

 

I used to have this roommate/close friend in university. Her grandparents paid for everything - rent, tuition, credit cards, they even brought her groceries every Sunday! Meanwhile, I was practically starving and could hardly pay my own tuition and was working full-time. She was also way hotter than me and would have 3 boyfriends at any given time. Then she would come home and show off her gucci wallets and deisel jeans. Sometimes it would be hard not to resent her. But then I would remember how her mom died when she was young and her father was an abusive alcoholic. She never had a childhood. I did. That's way more valuable than gucci wallets. In the end, I had to love her and accept her. She was just making the best of what life dealt her.

 

The point is that, if you really look at these girls, you will probably see that they have their own struggles to fight. Support them and they will be there for you. Jealousy is a normal feeling, and you shouldn't feel guilty about it, but don't let it get in the way of your relationship with these girls.