I'm so lonely plz help

[sweetheart21]

I have so much trouble meeting new people and making friends! Does anyone have any tips on how I can meet some people?

Also once I do meet new people its SO hard to go from saying hi to actually being friends. I get so nervous and even stutter sometimes. Its so hard to know what to say & people just get annoyed and stop talking to me. Everyone seems to have their own little groups & it feels like they dont want anyone else to join in.

I think i'm doomed to have no friends forever.

[silentalways]

really?

 

i have always found meeting and talking with people easy - i am a blabber

 

i have just isolated myself recently to not be distracted from work i am doing but now i need a balance - just one piece to fit and then i free of that freaking lock on me - u know when u are so close to really seeing that your work is paying off - and i stall - i hate that. i do way better when momentum is built especially with the monster issues i have - i can't stand still on these ones - not an option so i am scarfices some things in order to get that done

 

because i know the payoff

 

so think of things in that way - hope that helps

[butterflycloud]

I know how you feel. I seem to struggle to make friends too- Im a bit shy. THis may sound cliched but why dont you try to join a sports club- a team sport where you will be exposed to poeple with something in common to yourself. Or even a book club.

 

Perhaps it also has a little to9 do with your self esteem. Do you feel that you will be rejested if you try to meet new people?

[karenin]

i was going to say the same - i moved to a new city and my colleagues dont socialise too much, i joined a drama group and things are starting to go well there although they're a bit cliquey...i also moved into a shared house to meet housemates. still want friends to shop with but ill get there.all i can say is that people wont come to yuo, you have to also approach them. even if its a smile or a 'how are you?' to people at work, it will get you noticed and seem approachable.

[NKP]

How about just join some groups that you are interested and then you meet and then yous can talk about the group or something. Do work? do you get alone with anyone there?

[TheRedQueen]

Do you absolutely have no friends, as in zero???

[arwen]

Hey girl,

 

There is nothing wrong in being shy, it's just much more difficult to find people who are willing to see beyond the first contact and invest more into the process of getting to know you. I am not shy for words- but I am shy in making a TRUE connection with people. I will find myself being very conscious of myself and when I am in new environments with new people, I either talk too much or completely shut down. The first happens when I am in an environment where I don't have to really connect-- then I don't care about what people think. But the second is terrible-- it happens when I am with a group of new people that I will continue seeing, like a new job, etc.

 

When I moved to a new city (this last March), I was all alone. I don't mind, I am quite independent. But honestly, after a few months I was lonely. So I started to pick up capoeira again. Now I see a consistent group of great people who share the same passion, 2 or 3 times a week. It doesn't matter if you're shy if you share some activity, it's easier than going to a party/bar and meeting new people. So I recommend that you write down some things you enjoy doing, or that you always thought you would enjoy but never actually did. Then, do some research and see if there are clubs of people with the same interests, such as theatre groups, a choir, orchestra, sports clubs.

 

Out of personal experience, I can tell you that martial arts (well, capoeira is more ARTSY than martial) are a great way to build up both physical and mental confidence AND meeting people who are generally very open minded.

 

Ilse

[sweetheart21]

The people at work are all older then me... They are all in their late 30s and 40s. I chat to them but I cant exactly invite them shopping or to the movies. They all do things together like go out to dinner but they dont invite me. I guess because they think I wont want to go.

 

I know a couple of people but I wouldnt call them friends... well actually they are all guys who have asked me out on dates. But once they realise I'm not interested in that way they kind of lose interest. I chat to them sometimes but I know that they only talk to me because they are attracted to me not because of my personality

 

If I do get the chance to talk to someone new I always ruin it by getting nervous.

[arwen]

Well, then joining a club for sports is excellent, because you will have multiple occasions of meeting the same people and build up the connection more gradually. Friendships aren't build overnight, you know. Other people may seem more at ease with talking, but talk is cheap (for those who aren't shy, that is). Friendship is a mutual investment, and I am SURE that there are people out there who would be honoured to be your friend. Just stay true to yourself, and don't pretend to be someone else. There is no need for that.

 

What would you like to do as activity outside of work?

 

Ilse

[Lost in fairytales]

Hey, I am like that, not very sociable. But this is what i've gathered through the years:

 

1) don't try too hard

2) make sure you have at least 1 friend when you go to parties, it's always easier getting to know people when you in a pair - even if everyone busy within their group, at least you have this 1 friend

3) Don't feel inferior, imagine you are on the same level with everyone, and act naturally, once you've convinced yourself, you've convinced others

4) just keep a light smile on your face, people likes to face/talk/look at smiling faces than a frown.

 

So start smiling today!! ^_^

[turqoise]

hello,

hmm, this is an old thread, but just in case you`re still there...

I also have trouble making good friends, and even at social clubs it was mainly on a superficial level that I met people (though it was good to have something in common and something to do).

One thing I did find good, was going for a short backpacking trip around an area of the country. For a week, I just went by myself, and booked myself into little independent backpackers which seemed cosy and friendly and checked out some sights. And wow, I found people who were also travelling alone from different countries, and who were super-friendly and down-to-earth. I would meet someone, or they would come up and say hello while I was fixing up breakfast, and we would find out we were going to see the same thing.

People backpacking individually, or who stay in small cosy backpackers generally seem really keen to make friends. They`re not in groups, they`re independent, they`re open adn they understand that everyone else is in the same boat as them. In 4 weeks I met 4 different people who I still keep in strong contact with, and consider good friends almost 3 years after meeting them. It was the easiest way that I`ve ever made so many friends and I would really recommend trying it.

[Breedb]

Just strike up a conversation with the people who are around you. Don't try to prejudge anyone because you can't judge the book by the cover. There's also some risks you have to accept when trying to make friends. Some people may turn out to be not so friendly or simply try to use you. Your trust will be betrayed from time to time but on the rare occasion, you find someone special. There will be triumphs and tragedies but that's part of life. Accept the risk and enjoy life. Remember; if you want friends, you have to be friendly. Just start talking to strangers and you will make friends.

[Brooke657]

When I first moved to California I was like wow these people are gonna hate me. I eventually just had to get over myself and put myself out there. Last year that ended up getting me elected student body president which has led to so many other people I other wise wouldn't have had a chance to know. Since your not in school you can't join the SRC but you could join some other type of club. Once you do just say hi, put your self out there. You'd probably end up meeting someone you have alot in common with.

[ellie18]

I used to be the same way. I felt like everyone had their group of frineds and I wasn't welcome in any! I was like that for a good two years.. But I got out of it and now I have lots of friends. You just have to have that one good friend thats always there of course and then go to parties. I find that if you have a party you make lots of friends too. I used to work at a clothing store for yound guys and girls and all the employees were young and they all partied together and once I joined I made friends with all of them! I think thats the best way to meet new people.

[quietgrl]

It's hard finding reliable good friends offline,Good luck but i would start meeting people at work .