Why not just 'let it be?' (Somewhat of a rant, forgive me)

[TheDoctor]

Hey guys/gals, for those of you that don't know anything about me, I'm 22 years of age, I've lost 3 relationships, 2 of which I have posted on this site about 3 years ago. 1 of my ex's was a 2 year thing, and the previous one we lived together for 1 year. I've been on this site now for 3 years and I had a sudden urge to go back and read some of my old posts and I came to think about how funny it is that I was so worried a few years ago about losing my ex, if I would ever find anyone again, and if I could ever fall inlove again.

 

2 years ago, I remember being super stressed, I had at that point been single for a little over a year, I was dating many girls but none of them were going anywhere, and worst of all I was emotionally motivated by my past breakups to find true love. My insecurities were growing as I kept going from one failed dating experience to another, I'll never forget being so anal retentive and not calling girls back even though I wanted to and playing those stupid childish mind games (forgive me I was 20).

 

A few months later, I found a girl that I really liked, things were going very well and I couldn't be happier. I finally found someone that gave me purpose, and we both enjoyed eachothers company alot. Suddenly, only 2 months into it, things went sour very fast for no apparent reason and suddenly I just emotionally collapsed. I went into a DEEP saddness for 2 weeks, I didn't talk much, I wasn't eating, I would go out on drives at night time. I finally accepted my fate, and I really felt a monsterous amount of weight released within myself. Throughout that experience something VERY positive happened, I let go of trying so hard, I let go of expectations, I came to a realization I will never be at peace with myself or with anybody else as long as I make relationships and love 'ends meet'. I finally came to peace within myself and truly let things be.

 

Suddenly, in a very quick manner things started happening that I couldn't have written out better for myself, my dating life was very well, the same girls that were playing games this time were truly acting in a positive manner towards me, and even those girls that tried to play games got bored and left, sensing that's not something they can feed off with me.

 

I no longer had an urge to push myself, no longer felt the need to try hard in making things work, and I no longer felt that I needed someone in my life to be at peace. Then just a month later I met a beautiful girl I fell for hard, yet I wasn't losing myself in any way, shape or form. Things were going very well with the girl, and suddenly a familiar fate came when things fell apart and she decided to travel Europe for 3 months because she felt she wasn't ready for a relationship.

 

However, this time I didn't react, I wasn't upset, nor did I manipulate her to stay. I let it go, and 3 months later she called me and LONG STORY short we ended up being a couple for 1 year and unfortuantley I broke up with her 5 months ago.

 

So, here I am again in 2006, single, vulnerable, and feeling somewhat of the same emotions of 2 years ago. My insecurities are somewhat brewing, I haven't dated a girl since my break up, and I have barely gone out of the house because of the tremendous amount of units I'm taking. And yes, similair feelings about being lonely are back.

 

Yet, there is still an inner peace about all of this, I came to a realization that life is about losing yourself and finding youself all over again. So I say this to you, let things be at this particularly difficult time in your life. Take this short period of time that you are alone and lonely and appreciate it alot the way you would appreciate a loving relationship, because just like you don't get alot of opportunities at love in life, the flipside is you don't get alot of opportunities with these type of emotional journeys (ie breaking up). Just let things be, truly surrender and watch how life will start to become more about the journey, and less about the ends meet. Thanks for reading, hope it wasn't too much of a waste.

[robowarrior]

Well the last paragraph was really beautifull its good to hear you learned your life lessons from this.