complicated NC question

[racerX]

Need a little perspective here . . . fiance ended relationship 2 months ago because she "needed space to sort out her head and figure out what she really wanted" etc etc. She kept in limited contact when it suited her, I only responded to her contact, did not call myself.

 

For two months she continued feeding me false hope with her words while her actions suggested she was just stringing me along. My heart was saying just give her what she asked for and trust her to realize what we had. I do love this woman unconditionally. However my head and all the signs i was reading too much into suggested she was seeing someone else.

 

Meanwhile i was having a really hard time emotionally trying to gain some distance and perspective on the breakup because she never really gave me any answers - flat out refused to talk about it or answer my questions actually. I knew i was damaging my chances at reconsiling by being so available to her but i couldnt bring myself to go total NC. Then fate intervened.

 

Last week i got a text message from her basically saying "i am with someone else i love him we shouldnt talk anymore im not playing games just leave me alone." Nice. naturally i was devastated because i really believed she was the love of my life (still do) and was stunned that she could be so cruel but i also (surprisingly) felt . . . free - as though she had given me what I hadnt been able to give myself - distance. Now i felt that I could finally turn my attention from how to convince her she made a msitake in ending what really was an incredible relationship to really distancing myself from her emotionally and gaining the perspective i needed to start getting over it because frankly after two months of dailly ups and downs/ come closer-go aways -- i had hit the wall emotionally. Not the ideal closure for sure but at that moment i was desperate and would take it.

 

Not even a week later i get a call from her and she tells me she got a temp position in the factory i work in and is on the same shift starting the next day. Just when i thought i was free . . .

 

So right up until i got to work today i was unsure of what i was gonna do: either tell she had said all there was left to say in her message and to leave me alone or to take the obvious opportunity to put things between us in a better place.

 

So we ended up spending breaks and lunch together talking, joking, i did say a few things out of hurt but basically in spite of everything we are able to be genuinely pretty friendly together.

 

Now i know that for her this is probably more about getting through the duration of her temp job with no drama and no reminders of her own guilt. For me it is about trying my best (inspite of being very heartbroken) to leave her with a final good impression of the person she fell in love with and truly did love at one time. I already told her i cannot be just friends and that her being with someone else is not something i can overlook.

 

My intention at this point is to just get through the next 2 weeks and then hopefully after we have had some laughs and shared some good memories of the past I am going to tell her that i need to distance myself from her for my own sanity and that i would like to leave the future between us unwritten and leave her to decide on her own without the influence my presense in her life whether she wants to start a new relationship some day when we have both sorted our heads out.

 

So my question is am I just continuing to do nothing but make this whole thing easier for her and harder for myself while further diminsihing my chances at getting back together someday down the road - or am i possibly leaving her with something positive to remember before finally disappearing from her life until she decides to seek me out again because it is what she truly wants?

[dnozzle]

Dude! She left your engagement to see another guy. Why would you WANT to get back with her?

 

I would just ignore her and let her go. She is very much not worth your time.

[silentalways]

hey, just a thought here about stuff like that....if u went through months of agony and questioned everything until u flipped yer lid like i did, her telling u she's in another relationship is like a relief.

 

i wanted the same thing too - closure. and because i know how stubborn my ex is and how much i hurt her that wasn't gonna happen - so i had to go thru what i wnet through for however long it took and however many stages too.

 

and one point, when someone pulls the old nc on ya, they should not complain if u go all squirelly and exhibit different emotions - it was their decision to pull yer chain so they, like u, have to accept the deal.

 

i did the 'polite hi nice guy over here', and would occasional show up somewhere just to see her [did that twice], then i did the 'i'm better than u' bs, moved over to the 'i am so hurt', then to 'gawd help me - u must save me' and that is the last point before u reach nirvana - because like everything else in life sometimes u need to hit rawk bottom to move on.

 

so, have faith - and stay positive