heal time?

[sjv119]

it hurts to think that i think about him all the time and i know he doesn't. he's done with me. NC is 13 days now. all i can think about are happy memories with him...

 

i know he won't contact me either. it was a bad breakup where his mom had asked me to stay away from her son. from the time he wanted to break up with me til the time his mother called me was only a day in between where i was texting and calling... then all that ended after the insults from this mother.

 

i do ask myself.. what about those times he lied to me and that time he cheated on me.

 

it was my first relationship and it lasted for 6 and a half years.

 

how long does that equate to getting over?

[Aschleigh]

Getting through it up to you how long it takes.

If you are sad be sad, if you are angry be angry. He cheated on you. He let his mother talk to you when he could of talked to you himself.

Did you both do everything possible to make it work?

Were you totally honest and real with him?

Take a look at yourself. Who do you want to be? Are you able to be that person? What will it take for you to be the person you need to be?

Make yourself the first priority, take care of yourself. From the smallest thing, eating well, excercising, connecting with friends, to the big things, lots of self reflection.

[danman4968]

If there is one thing i have learned, its not to dwell...that only makes everything go slower. Focus on the time when you will be all better. Keep NC and try and keep your mind occupied...that will take you a long way. No telling how long it will take you to heal...but you can speed the process.

 

Dan

[L.J.]

There is no better equation to getting over someone than to see him as a two time loser. First he insulted you by cheating and then letting his mom insult you again. He doesn't deserve you and you deserve better. It's 13 days since the extraction of an abscessed tooth. Vehement pain is natural when memories muddles the mind. In time, the wound will close and healing will begin.

 

Take care.

[sjv119]

Did you both do everything possible to make it work?

Were you totally honest and real with him?

Take a look at yourself. Who do you want to be? Are you able to be that person? What will it take for you to be the person you need to be?

 

he's let go of me. the last convesation i had with him he said that he didn't want to be with me anymore. but i pleaded that we'll make it work. but he refused.

 

when things started to get bad, i asked if we could go to couple's counseling. he said no.

 

and yes i was totally honest and real.

 

you're right aschleigh. it should be me time. because the last few years, i spent building him up.... which i might add that he was ungrateful for.

[heartlessromantic]

He doesn't sound like he's worth the trouble.

 

When you start thinking of some good memories, just think about how he's treated you and apparently shown very little remorse. That would be enough for me to get a little angry! Then use that anger and go work out or something... concentrate on yourself. Make yourself feel good.

[sjv119]

And are there any recommendations out there on how to keep your mind occupied when you can't get the other person off of it? I've tried doing things, ride motorcycle, paint kitchen, tv, etc, but during all of those 'keep busy' activities, she's always parked her pretty little self right up there on the front of my brain. The second my eyes open in the morning until the i go to sleep. I know thats unhealthy, but I simply cannot get her off my mind. Throughout this forum is " keep busy", "do fun things", "hang out with friends", etc...but when the other person is a constant on your mind????? then what?

 

 

that's exactly how i feel. even in my sleep he invades my dreams!

[strawberries789]

sjv,

 

i feel your pain...although it was me who ended my 5 year relationship it has been devastating for me. i am still in love with him but i dont think he cares anymore...

 

just know that i feel your pain...i have been going NC for 2 weeks and it is ripping me apart but you have to stay strong ok?

[sjv119]

thanks strawberry.

 

it's been exactly 2 weeks since we broke up and NC for me too!

 

2 weeks downs and ____ more weeks to go... sigh!

I wish I could fill that blank with a 0.

[strawberries789]

sjv,

 

i know what you mean/feel...i'm just sitting here, staring at the computer, like a complete idiot...i think my ex went home this weekend to visit his family/friends while i sit here and get more and more depressed...

 

i feel for u, i really do

[sjv119]

strawberries - it's good to know that someone does feel the same pain. but please don't get depressed. i'm here for you. ENA is here for you!

 

rant here as much as you need to!

 

he's thinking about you too. in his heart, he knows he was wrong to let you go. he knows that he would've been a better boyfriend.

[strawberries789]

sjv...i need to talk to u

 

im so alone

[JoeWho]

Eventually the thoughts of your ex will lessen. After 10 years with my ex and now almost 4 months with hardly any contact I still think about her all the time but it just doesnt hurt as much as it did the first say 2 months or so. Of course you will think of your ex, 6 years is a long time to spend with someone so you cant expect to just stop thinking about them after a few weeks or a few months. What I found to be the best thing to take my mind off of my ex and the past was to look towards the future. Concentrate on all of the possibilities that are now wide open for you. Look forward and try not to focus on the past. You just have to give it time to start feeling better. There is no set time, it will happen when it happens, but believe me with a little time you will heal. I promise you that!!

[sjv119]

hey strawberries... u there?

 

PM me if you want...

[strawberries789]

hey sjv,

 

i just sent u a PM...im so down right now...i feel like i have exhausted all my resources and i have no one left...can this get any worse?

[silentalways]

come on people! i went 8 months! i waited it out for 8 flipping months. u wanna talk about hard! i went temporarily coo-coo bananas because of that duration. try doing that, reaching out the best ways u can, and still getting spit at - that was like torture and i got sick as a result - but i flipping rebounded, beat all those lingering demons, and as a result i am know a zillion times stronger and better as a man and person and i will tell u this, it is a fact, because i just did it

 

i will never, ever allow the ending of a relationship to make me sick as i was. there are people that will allow you to almost kill yerself than to rather give u one second of their time - and would u endanger your life for someone like that? i had to learn that the hard way because there has never been anyone in my life that even comes close to that level of coldness.

 

and i proved to myself that i will never let that happen again to me, because recently i dated someone for a couple of months, she did the old 'woman can't handle men treating them right garbage' and disappeared - it took me 5 minutes to get over her.

 

i love how life keeps teaching u new lessons all the time - its wonderful. never stop learning and developing yer skills - makes life much better.

 

stay kewl

[strawberries789]

silentlaws,

 

i am happy to hear about how strong you are. if i had some of your strength, i would be a happier person, but the fact is that I don't and I'm not...I'm going through an extremely rough time right now, as Im sure you did too.

[silentalways]

well, thank u so much for the comp but u wanna know a secret?

 

it really isn't that hard. anyone can [and will] do the healing thang - its part of life. but we make it hard on ourselves when we have never gone thru an experience like that before - how do u know how to handle something u never had to before?

 

the one thing i can tell u is this - everyone goes thru it at one time in their life. that's why others appear to be able to do it better.

 

hey, my ex was in a 10 year abusive relationship and she was able to leave that and get herself in fine shape just in time to meet little ol me - which was one the biggest things i praised her about and why i always thought she was an amazing woman - just never figured she'd use that amazing skill to her advange when she walked away - no words spoken. i had forgot about that. leaving me must have been a piece of cake compared to the 10 year thing.

 

now, we both have that skill set - the ability to walk away. but i would take nothing back, regret nothing. i am so proud that i loved that woman so much that her leaving whacked my noodle. means i am can of giving great love to someone and will do everything i can. not many can do that - i am in a class of my own - woooo hoooo

 

hey, she passed up financial security, a great loving man that would have married her, and happy home life, a healthy relationship and so much more - that's her loss, not mine, i still have that to offer someone special.

 

oh yah, and one more thing - i rawk between the sheets and she knows it - she lost that too! wink

[Kate07]

thanks strawberry.

 

it's been exactly 2 weeks since we broke up and NC for me too!

 

2 weeks downs and ____ more weeks to go... sigh!

I wish I could fill that blank with a 0.

 

The way i look at it is that after every hard day, it is one day closer to happiness and one day closer to getting over him.

 

My ex broke up with me 3 weeks today, i wasnt with him for as long as you were with yours but mine also cheated on me, I knew about the 2 times whilst we were together (he only kissed those girls) however yesterday a now ex friend rang me and told me that almost a year ago she slept with my ex while we were still together, she was cranky at the time with me becasue i had questioned her relationship with my ex, (while my ex and i were on a break she had also hooked up with him) thereforeeee i was totally in my rights to question it. I have since told both of them to get out of my life (i broke NC of almost 2 weeks yesterday) but now both of their phone numbers are out of my phone and whilst i know his number off by heart i actually am starting to forget it.

 

You sound like you were in a relationship very much like mine, where you did all the work, where you put him on a pedistall and where he disrespected you and treated you like dirt, while you dont believe it now you are much better off without him, eventually you will stop remembering the good times and start to remember how he treated you wrongly and how much he didnt respect you. Your perfect guy is out there somewhere I know it and you may not find him straight away but the thing i have found is while you are waiting to cross paths with him cross paths with who you are and work out who you want to be, you can and will get there.

 

It is hard, my ex still invades my dreams as wel and the stupidest things remind me of him whilst the bigger ones dont but as i said at the start for every minute/hour/day/week you go through you are that much closer to becoming happier and stronger.

 

I find that distracting myself works the best, I go out with friends and talk about their lives, i catch up with people i hadnt talked to in a while, I look at other things on the internet rather then this sight (so im not associating the internet with him alone) work is fantastic for me i can concentrate on that and if i need someone to talk to i can but i can normally distract myself, I also watch romantic movies (it may not work for some) but for me it reminds me that somewhere there is a decent guy for me and that that decent guy does exist, that there is hope and that being in love can be a happy experience rather then an experience of hurt and unhappiness.

 

Good luck and keep posting, you can email me if you need to talk, i am here for you and understand what you are going through

[sjv119]

thank you for the kind words. reading the responses over and over is helping me convince myself that were just not meant to be together.

 

good moments are now longer than bad moments.. except that bad moments really outweigh the good. When it's good, it's ok. When it's bad, my jaw starts trembling like i'm gonna start to cry.

 

Lately, I've been thinking of showing up at his job unannouced. I'd envision myself standing there, then depending on how he greets me then ... i dunno.

 

if he's happy, then i'll smile with him

if he's angry, then i'll still keep a smile

if he avoids me, then i might either run after him or i could walk away too.

if he talks to me, he might tell me that, yea, he's happy with natalie and they're doing great

if he says that i've ruined things for him and natalie, then it'll be my fault, i'll be angry back at him.

 

I've also thought about buying him the stuff he's always wanted for his car. for christmas maybe, or for just because.. would he return it back? would he install it? would that make him want to get back with me?

 

and if he did want to get back with me, would i want to really get back with him?

 

and round and round i go.

[Vynde]

sjv119,

 

We all wish we can put a 0 in that slot!

 

Keep in mind, that what ever the number is in that spot, its always going down!

 

The tricky part is not knowing the number!!

 

Hang in my friend.

 

John

[sjv119]

a minute ago i was so relieved that we're not together anymore. right now, i keep playing in my head how he could possibly replace me after all that i've done for him.

 

a minute ago i could replace that blank with a 0, now i have a number 50 on it.

2 weeks downs and ____ more weeks to go... sigh!

I wish I could fill that blank with a 0.

[jessicake]

a minute ago i was so relieved that we're not together anymore. right now, i keep playing in my head how he could possibly replace me after all that i've done for him.

 

a minute ago i could replace that blank with a 0, now i have a number 50 on it.

 

break ups are like roller coaster rides arent they? sometimes they are very slow and peaceful.. you feel content but at the same time you know that something turbulent is just around the next turn... and in those turbulent times, the roller coaster makes you want to scream your lungs out... but like all roller coaster rides, the ups and downs will stop eventually and you wlil be able to walk away smiling and rejoicing in the experience you had.

[sjv119]

i just had the MAJOR meltdown in the 3 week history of my breakup aftermath. i was cleaning my room. then i ventured into the portfolio where i kept his handwritten letters he had written me..

 

they were just so.. sweet. he talked about our future together. how we'll just live like we want to. just the two of us.

 

i'm soo in the verge of calling him. or photocopying those letters, highlighting the words of hope he gave me, and sticking it under his windshield wipers. .....what for? i don't know.. so he doesn't forget me.. or so that he remembers me and what he's told me in those letters. that he really loves me. that he doesn't hate me.

 

my tears are just streaming down my face. it won't stop. it won't!!

 

help!

[sjv119]

help!!! i'm very very very desperate to talk to my ex. or to show up at his work on monday!

 

he already changed his cell phone number. my mind is thinking a million different things. i know he hates me already.