Christmas Message??

[Nick_t]

Hi guys,

 

I'm sending my ex a Christmas e-card as we are still friends, but I don't know what to say in it so i've come here to ask for any advice or ideas.

 

I want the message to be really special, plus this will be the first Christmas she has had without her pet dog so I know it will be hard.

 

We split up about 5 months ago, but haven't really spoken to eachother over the last 3 weeks to give eachother room to get on with everything.

 

The last 2 Christmas' we have been together and they have been really special so this one I think will be difficult for both of us, so I have got her a little gift and an e-card, and I want the message in the card to be a message she will really cherish.

 

We are both moving on, but we spent 2 happy years together which is what I cherish, rather than dwell in the past. So I thought this would be a nice gesture.

 

I want to put something like - 'I hope you have a great Christmas and New Year, and everything you hope for in 2007 comes true! A Christmas wish from me to you. Hpefully will speak to you soon. Xx'

 

But I want it to be a bit more memorable or genuine, to show I understand her?

 

Any nice little messages you guys know?

[usababe]

Can I ask who broke up with who? or was it mutual?

[sparkle1]

Hmmmm i have the 'alarm bells ringing on this one'

 

My ex sent his 'ex' a valantines card saying "thank you for the last 8 years....i will cherish those memories forwever"

 

So you could go along those lines?

 

But i am waiting to see your respone to usababe first

[Nick_t]

Ok she broke up with me. We met when she was 18 and I was 21, we went out for 2 years. A great 2 years and it was a horrible break up in the sense we both were so upset about it, and hurt by it all, but it was something she had thought about and thought she needed to do as she was still young and needed to start to rely on herself rather than other people. There is a bit more stuff behind it all and a few stories along the way. But up until recently we were getting along like a house on fire, we both admitted how good it was and she said she never wanted to lose me as we shared alot of memories together. She said how she was going to get me a CD for xmas as well! Then I think a few people said something to her about us getting back together and she got scared as that was not what she wanted at this moment in time and we had a little argument and not really spoken since.

 

We haven't really spoken in the last 3 weeks as we both agreed it would do us good to spend a bit of time apart and concentrate on ourselves for a bit. I was using the other 3 weeks over Christmas as me time too (as she goes to Uni, and I work at the Uni, so we see eachother quite a bit).

[sparkle1]

OK.

 

Well firstly you need to admit that your reasons for sending the card and the present aren't quite as simplistic as you may think.,

 

You are using this as a vehicle to get her to remember and hopefully re initiate contact.

 

thereforeeee - this is why your message is so important to you - as you want to hit the nail on the head (so to speak) and make sure she is thinking about you, her and the relationship...

 

Am i correct? and be honest.

 

Sparkle x

[Nick_t]

Hi Sparkle

 

Thanks for the reply

 

Yep, you got me, it isn't as simple as happy christmas, have a good one, there is more behind it. I've admitted in other posts in the past I still care for my ex, but I'm trying to move on with my life. You might ask I'm not moving on if i'm sending a gift but trust me on this one.

 

The main reason is to show I care, and value the friendship we had and hope we can continue. I am not kidding myself into thinking she will read it and fall back into my arms and we will live happily ever after, I want her to read it and yep think of me so she can see I still think of her. Just a nice thought, to say happy Christmas, hope u have a lovely holiday! And that i'm wishing her all the best, especially as it won't be with her dog too.

 

But I am moving on, trying not to dwell in the past but be happy that I was lucky enough to spend 2 years with someone special. She still cares for me and vice versa, but at the moment we are just doing our own thing, and living life as much as we possibly can. I will always think of this girl even when i'm married, as when we ended there was nothing either of us did to hate eachother.

 

You know what - i might as well just put Happy Christmas, hope you have a lovely time! Nick x

 

I just wanted the message to be a bit more exciting and not too boring.

[sparkle1]

Nick

 

If you are being honest with your reasons....then there is absoutely nothing wrong with putting a more sentimental message on the card.

 

What i was trying to get at (and clearly not doing a very good job!) is that you can't do things like this expecting something in return or for reasons that are alternative to those you think you are doing it for....otherwise it will upset you if they don't reply the way you wanted....

 

Does that make sense??

 

Go for it - you are clearly very insightful of yourself and her, and the relationship. I thereforeeee don't think any harm or other meaning will be read into what you say

 

xxx

[Nick_t]

Hey Sparkle,

 

I see what you mean - it makes a lot of sense. I wouldn't expect anything in return either, otherwise like you say if I did and nothing happened then it would hurt. The thing is I don't want her to think i'm expecting anything in return, or her to think she has to give anything in return cause I did.

 

All I want to do is show her I hope she has a nice Christmas and hope the friendship can grow again after the break. I don't want to push it.

 

Thank you for your helpful advice, it does make sense. Do you have any suggestions what I can say without sounding too over the top??

[Nick_t]

Hey,

 

This is what I am going to write:

 

Hey,

Just wanted to wish you a very happy Christmas and NY. I really hope 2007 will be full of everything you wish for and deserve!

 

Have Fun

Nick x x

 

 

I'm hoping this will come accross as thoughtful rather than a way to get back together.

[Juliana]

I like that.

 

I understand that it can be messy making the transition from lovers to friends, but I think you're doing a great job. Yes, there will be all kinds of "feelings," but it's the actions that show the kind of man you are and the things you want. Continue being her friend, deal with any other feelings yourself, and ignore comments made by peasants (friends) in the cheap seats...

[SkylinesTurnstiles]

This is what I am going to write:

 

Hey,

Just wanted to wish you a very happy Christmas and NY. I really hope 2007 will be full of everything you wish for and deserve!

 

Have Fun

Nick x x

 

 

Thats good.I like it

[Nick_t]

Juliana and Liza thank you!

 

It gives me a massive boost that i'm doing a great job!

 

The interesting thing is since the last time I posted on this post, the next day she initaited contact online (after 3 weeks of not really talking to me). She said " I love being ignored online lol, i said hello earlier and you signed off!

 

As i was set to busy I didn't reply. Then the next day she text me at 11:45 at night saying "Hey, heard your off to NYC soon! Exciting stuff! Just to let you know I found your suit jscket today so I will drop it off on my way to fitness 2mo"

 

I didn't reply until lunchtime today - I wasn't going to at all but I thought well I want to be friends and thereforeeee will reply, be polite, but again not too pushy.

 

So I replied "Hey, thanks for letting me know, not sure if i'll be around when you pop round though as i'm at sas's (my niece) christening. Can't wait for NYC, have a good fitness session x"

 

She didn't reply, which I knew she wouldn't but I don't understand why she has initiated contact all of a sudden. The thing is she knew 3 weeks ago I was going to NY, and she would have found my jacket ages ago as she had to clear out her wardrobe!!!

 

Anyway, she will be getting the pressie and e-card on Tuesday, I'm going to keep cool again until then and over the xmas hols and see how it goes, take one step at atime, but again not be pushy, grit my teeth and get on with life as best as I can.

 

I am doing the right thing?

[KoopaTroopa]

I think you're doing a great job, especially for something so insanely difficult! Transitioning from lovers to friends can be absolute hell, especially when you're having to deal with stuff like Xmas presents. I sent one to my ex as well, and was really worried it would be taken wrong, she'd see it as crossing a line, etc. As it was, I made sure the stuff I sent her was friendly, fun, not suspiciously extravagant\expensive, and personalized without having romantic connotations. Basically, a way of saying "you're someone special in my life" without saying "I still think of you as a lover". Turned out she loved it.

 

IMHO, you're totally doing the right thing. Send her the card\gift to brighten her day (and remind her you're thinking about her), then lay low and let her come to you. No pressure, no obligations, just a "Happy Holidays, you're someone special to me", and then leave the ball in her court.

[silentalways]

wow. ok. mind if i pretend u are someone i know saying that - lol

 

i sent a prezzie a while back to an ex and did i catch fire for doing that one!

 

whew

 

but, hey, i stopped didn't i? lol

 

anyhoooo, i just put together a few things i knew [not thought - wink] she would enjoy and it was a house warming gift - which is kinda weird when u think about it - the first time she told me she was buying a home of her own i was yelling at her 'what the hell is that? what about us? how dare u!" [read addiction, anti's and depression]

 

but when i woke up i remembered all the reasons she told me [i didn't sort of listen back then - its the recall part that sucks] why she was doing that and it made / makes perfect sense and was the right thing to do because

 

1. i was slacking on getting the sharing of the tonka house stuff done - she sould have been on the lease making income as i did

2. she had to get the hell out of robe-bedhead bois life and do her own thing while i mucked around getting me trousers back off being over me head

3. real estate is real estate - ask donny trump

4. and lastly, and the reason fer the prezzie, it was/is a major accomplishment considering the road taken travelled there - and not only had she earned that right thru hard work on herself and life and work - but because after living in lalaland - a little quiet slice of heaven was in order

 

as for me shopping fer blissmiss this year, i think santa will be a little thin under the old tree this year - and that's ok - its about family and friends [not lovers -wink]

[Captain34]

id leave out the last part.

 

you are sending something just for the holidays, dont try to attach on some emotional attachment.

 

just leave it as a merry christmas and happy new year....and let her respond to it how she will