another long winded story of wierd relationships

[sfindependent]

hey folks... i have a weird situation, and I was wondering how what you folks think about this. I havent posted here for a lot of reasons but misery loves company.

 

first of, I am still feeling the ebb and flow of my recent break up (since late july). I miss her dearly and wish everyday that we both should have done things differently.

 

anyway, so i went out with this girl for 3 years (before the last relationship i've had). she broke up with me then and i reacted somewhat as immaturely as I did in my last one. she did NC on me, which drove me crazy, and then rebounded with another girl until I stopped bugging the heck out of her.

 

after a while of not talking, we saw each other (while I was still in another relationship) and had dinner with her daughter. it ended up with us sleeping together. shady, yes I now know. and i am paying dearly for my actions.

 

fast forward a few more months of NC with her, we again saw each other, had a late dinner. We started talking and she ended up crying in front of me. She said that "she was still in love with me" and that she regrets breaking up with me. By then I wasnt interested in breaking up with my then current GF and I was trying to keep things straight.

 

a few more meetings and we ended up hooking up a few more times. we both knew what we had in our lives.

 

when me and my current ex broke up, we started talking. it ended up us talking and becoming good friends. We started being more open to each other and with the lessons I've had with my most current breakup AND the way that things were before with her, I've been trying to become more involved with her, her daughter and what ever has been going on in her life.

 

so for the past few months, we've been hooking up, we hold hands, kiss, and go out dinner, watch movies etc.

 

so we talked a few times about "us" and so far its been confusing me.

 

At first She said she was into me, but still wants to be single and try to meet other people. she was still into this guy she's working with (but he's married) and she doesnt want to be involved right now.

 

then a few days ago, she said to me, that we probably we're not a good as a couple. that we're better off as friends. but she would still want to hang and hook up. friends dont hook up right?

 

as far as her child goes, its obvious the kid likes me. I'm the only male figure (other than her step grandfather) who's been around her, my ex even went as far as saying that I'm the only male figure her daughter has had in her life other than the grampa. Tomorrow, as a favor, i'm baby sitting her daughter and her cousin since neither mom nor grama are busy. im cool with that becuase I understand their schedules etc etc. and im totally fine with it. I dont feel im being used at all. im actually happy her family is confident enough with me to trust me like that.

 

anyway, she doesnt seem confused as to what she wants, she just wants to test other waters, and i know we both love each other, but we have yet to find the "click" or the thing that would make our relationship work. She has this impression that I'm pining over her and Ive told her no, im not. I agree with her being friends but deep down inside, i wouldnt mind gving it an actual real "go" to it and see if we can make it work. we both know and agreed, that no matter what, we would both be in each other's life for the long run, besides, we've known each other long enough and she herself admitted that she has never been as comfortable with anyone as much as she has been with me. lately, she has bieng flaky, as if she's establishing a barrier between us and trying to separate "her" from "us"

 

so, after the long rant, where and how do you think i should approach this? should I go NC on her or just enjoy the time we have as "friends"? I have to admit, her "separating herself" from me (like i havent seen her in a few days) have been a little frustrating for me but at the same time, i understand as well. is she also testing the waters with me? or is she just being cautious with me? i have been meeting other people, but I havent found anyone I want to be as close to as with her, friend or otherwise.

 

sorry for the length, i know reading long posts can be a pain!

[dnozzle]

First and foremost, stop seeing her child until you are positive that your relationship with her is going to work. It is extremely traumatic and damaging for children to see their parent parading a string of boyfriends in and out of their lives. They see that pattern, and will repeat it when they grow up.

 

Other than that, don't start up something new with someone until you have ended what you are already in. That's just not right.