Boyfriends ex is pregnant

[candi_22]

So my problem seems like it may be simple to handle but theres so much involved. To begin I'm 22 years old, I have a 4 year old daughter, I've been dating Jayson for 9mths and living with him for 7 of those months he to has a child a son who is 7yrs old. Our relationship has been through enormous peril even since the start. Upon our second week of dating i was hospitalized with heart failure for almost a month he was there through it all and moved in with me (per my parents request) after i was discharged to help take care of myself and my daughter. Approximately 4-5 mths into our relationship i learned he had fathered a child at the age of 15 and the child had been put up for adoption (he's now 29) which was understandable to me given the circumstances never the less i would have preffered tohave been told by him rather than the mother of the child. He is an awesome father to his son I often envy the fact that my daughter does not have a father like him.When this issue came up he mentioned to me that another girl just weeks later had informed him she was pregnant with his child but that when he went to the mds with her the time frame for conception did not match the time they were together we did not speak about the situation again until..... she called me the other day and told me she knew for a fact it was his and when asked about it he admitted it was very possible but not certain.So here are my many concerns with this situation

A. how can he be such an awesome father to his son and my daughter as well but practically deny this child before birth?

B. when hospitalized i was told to never try and have more children but was never really given a diagnosis so i had not ruled out the possibility of having more children but i know i do not want to raise my child as well as help with his 2 and add another

C.when she called she asked him if he would sign his rights over he seemed to seriously consider selfish as it may sound it would make our lives easier financial and emotionally but i know i would never look at him the same

D. does it make me a bad mother to my child if i stay? i am more financially successful than him now due to him paying hundreds of dollars for his son in child support it will only increase with another (as it should) so we will struggle financially the rest of our lives due to his decisions??

E. We have bought land and are in the process of building a house and when i asked my friend for advice she just advised me to hurry and make a decision due to the fact that he just spent thousands on an engagement ring and is asking me on christmas in front of my entire family

F my parents love him but i'm sure that after i notify my dad of this situation i know this will change not to mention he;s in the process of signingover one of the family business's to jayson OMG!!!! what a mess it seems alot worse now that i had to write it all down please help any advice is sooo appreciated

 

Thanks again

[Cadence308]

I think only you know the answer. It seems like Jayson does not make good choices and that hasn't changed from when he was 15 years old even though he's 29 now. Does he know what a condom is??? He is fathering all of these children with multiple women and he doesn't want to take care of them.

 

I think Jayson may be a good father to the one son that he's kept and your daughter, but that he just makes bad choices. A person can still be a good person, but make bad choices. The fact that he is considering signing over this child before it's born seems selfish, but it sounds like he's also thinking about you and your daughter. The question is, do you want to be with someone who consistently makes bad choices that could affect your family's lives?

[ImThatGirl]

Welcome to ENA, Candy. I came here a few months for the same reason as you: My boyfriends ex is pregnant.

 

I have two children. I most likely wouldn't have even dated my bf had he told me before we started dating. He told me a few months into dating.

 

Like you, I had a difficult time stomaching the situation. How could I support him and be there for him when he isn't there for her? I'd been in her situation - walked in her shoes - how could I possibly support him?

 

This is definitely not the ideal situation. I never thought I'd be in it period. My bf's daughter will be born on December 21st. I've been through several emotions regarding his ex and his daughter. From encouraging him, supporting him, to bouts of jealousy, and panic. My wonderful friends here helped me to realize that this is not about me. So long as our relationship continues, I'll eventually have the opportunity to spend time with he and his daughter. But until then, I am on the sidelines for the most part. He has to do what is right for his daughter and I respect his ex. I feel like I'm taking a risk here but it's a chance I'm willing to take now...

 

To try to answer your questions:

A. What was the circumstances with his ex? Different circumstances lead to different results, right? He may be having a hard time accepting that he's going to have another child.

B. This is something only you know if you can handle. Your daughter, his children and one between the two of you. The more the merrier, don't they say? (Honestly, my children love having friends, cousins, family and it does seem like they occupy each other... They are older of course.)

C. Would be difficult for both of you but doesn't necessarily make either of you bad people.

D. How would it possibly make you a bad mother? He is good to your daughter, right?

E. You're friend is right. You probably need to make a decision quickly unless you can afford everything on your own.

And about your father - - I'm not sure that it's fair that you would allow him to sign over the business to J with the chance that a good chunk may immediately be signed away to child support.? Not to say don't do it because his ex will get the money but I think your dad has a right to know.

 

Sorry for the lengthy response. I'm here for you...... Although the circumstances make a relationship very trying, if you both want it to work and have mutual goals, understanding and respect for the situation, you will make it.

[cypress]

Wow, you are quite in the mix of it. Between your health issues, raising/supporting your daughter, you are in a new relationship that is filled with its own bout of craziness. What really stood out to me was that you have only been with this fellow for 9 months. I know that health issues can bring people very close.

 

This is very concerning and you should really be discussing these concerns with your bf. If he is in fact going to propose I would highly recommend confronting these issues and discovering how you two will deal with conflict together.

 

It is very unhealthy to have unprotected sex which leads to other things besides kids. I always wonder about folks who have kids with mutliple ex's, I guess I just don't fully understand the recklessness. I hope that you are being careful.

 

You are moving very fast. Be careful. Why so quick to get married? Seems there is a lot going on.