Emptiness

[CynicalGuitarist]

I keep trying to empower myself. I keep telling myself that I don't wanna bother with anyone right now because I've already screwed up enough in life to hold me back for a while. I look at all of my friends going through breakups and crap and try to tell myself that at least that isn't happening to me. I try to play guitar, hacky sack, reading, anything besides the thought of loving somebody to occupy my useless life, but it doesn't work. Nothing works.

 

This blows.

 

Seriously, I have trouble sleeping at night because I feel so lonely and unloved. I can't sleep til about 4-5 A.M. because of it. I wish my beautiful guitar can help me with this, but not even she can help me now. I'm on a downward spiral, and am most likely going to be alone for the rest of my life. Every single attempted relationship I've ever had has ended in heartbreak. Stupid friking women won't even give me a chance.

 

Oh well... apparently someone was meant to be alone. Otherwise, we would have a huge, massive worldwide orgy big enough to rival any sex mentioned in Brave New World, divorce rates would skyrocket, and prostitution would be one of the biggest entrepeneurships in the world. I wonder, though, why I had to be one of the army men that God got for Christmas ('tis the season) only to be used with the firecrackers he's been saving since the fourth of July. Oh well, another lonely night, another lonely year, another lonely Christmas, another lonely fool.

 

I know I'm "whining" and I'm a "shallow pig", but oh well, better to let it out than live in denial.

 

As my post signature says...

[healinginnyc81]

There's some really big assumptions you're making:

 

"my useless life"

"most likely going to be alone for the rest of my life"

 

I'm just wondering first why do you think you're life is useless? And second why do you believe that you're going to be alone?

 

I'm sure you're ignoring some good evidence to the contrary. And if not and it's absolutely true that you're life is useless and that you're on the road to being alone for the rest of your life, why can't you change your life?

 

You say women aren't giving you a chance, what are they doing? How many relationships have you had?

 

If you want, you can keep posting what you believe about yourself and why and we can discuss it.

[CynicalGuitarist]

There's some really big assumptions you're making:

 

"my useless life"

"most likely going to be alone for the rest of my life"

 

I'm just wondering first why do you think you're life is useless? And second why do you believe that you're going to be alone?

 

I'm sure you're ignoring some good evidence to the contrary. And if not and it's absolutely true that you're life is useless and that you're on the road to being alone for the rest of your life, why can't you change your life?

 

You say women aren't giving you a chance, what are they doing? How many relationships have you had?

 

If you want, you can keep posting what you believe about yourself and why and we can discuss it.

 

Well, my life is useless because I have no way to service society. I'm a spoiled brat that's been given so much yet I can give little in return. It's all my fault, and I have no prestige of any kind.

 

I've tried to stave off my lonliness and talk to girls I'm interested in, but even a simple "hello" causes them to look at me with an "evil eye" like I've just unleashed satan or something. I believe I'm going to be alone because I'm pretty much unloveable and almost neurotic.

 

I've tried turning things around, tried doing good things and thinking positive thoughts and all, but it helps about as much as people telling me "don't worry, it'll happen with time" which is the biggest pile of BS I've ever heard in my life.

[dil]

Well, my life is useless because I have no way to service society. I'm a spoiled brat that's been given so much yet I can give little in return. It's all my fault, and I have no prestige of any kind.

 

I've tried to stave off my lonliness and talk to girls I'm interested in, but even a simple "hello" causes them to look at me with an "evil eye" like I've just unleashed satan or something. I believe I'm going to be alone because I'm pretty much unloveable and almost neurotic.

 

I've tried turning things around, tried doing good things and thinking positive thoughts and all, but it helps about as much as people telling me "don't worry, it'll happen with time" which is the biggest pile of BS I've ever heard in my life.

 

What sort of evil eye?

 

maybe you look scary...I mean, it doesn't look like you get much sleep...

 

You're a rocker, ever try going into the 'scene'? I know..it's scary, but you just have to act cool and they won't kill you

 

or they might kill you anyways, but at least you'll have a good story to tell to the ladies if anyone asks why you had the * * * * beaten out of you. Then laugh it off like it was nothing.

[Survictor]

You know, maybe it is time you gave something back and in the act of giving, you may actually find you are receiving a whole lot more in return.

 

It is the season of goodwill and there are lots of people in the world who don't have the luxury of being depressed or lonely. They can just about survive.

 

Please try to put things into context and see that really your cup is already half full.

[CynicalGuitarist]

What sort of evil eye?

 

maybe you look scary...I mean, it doesn't look like you get much sleep...

 

You're a rocker, ever try going into the 'scene'? I know..it's scary, but you just have to act cool and they won't kill you

 

or they might kill you anyways, but at least you'll have a good story to tell to the ladies if anyone asks why you had the * * * * beaten out of you. Then laugh it off like it was nothing.

 

I don't think I look scary... I'm not "gothic" or whatever and even though I'm not "perfect" to any extent of the imagination, I try to be friendly, kind, and generous as my parents advised me to treat women.

 

lol... me being a musician, of course, has tried this "scene". They are really crappy here in the USA (and California especially). I hate the scene because it's full of elitist douchebags who think they're better than everybody else just because they've been to more shows or like bands nobody has ever heard of. Plus, with the women over there, it's just "women as toilets" all over again...

[CynicalGuitarist]

You know, maybe it is time you gave something back and in the act of giving, you may actually find you are receiving a whole lot more in return.

 

It is the season of goodwill and there are lots of people in the world who don't have the luxury of being depressed or lonely. They can just about survive.

 

Please try to put things into context and see that really your cup is already half full.

 

I know I'm not perfect myself, but I am giving when I can be. I actually have homeless friends who I help out with money wherever I can. The truth is, I'm not very wealthy myself. Neither is my mom. I've heard the "be thankful for what you have" gig so many times it isn't even funny.

 

While I agree, if I think that way for too long... I will be stuck with what I have... and that in turn means less I can give to others; even though I think many charities are government shills using guilt trip advertisements to make the "middle class" pay money to the unfortunate of the world just so that the "upper class" can still keep their BMW 7 series and "brookstone" items. This, I believe is why even though things are being done, there are still many, many, many people in the world living in abominably unstable conditions; because there isn't any money in compassion.

 

I know, you all must think I'm some conservative douche by now... oh well, so much for "thinking outside the box".

[dil]

I don't think I look scary... I'm not "gothic" or whatever and even though I'm not "perfect" to any extent of the imagination, I try to be friendly, kind, and generous as my parents advised me to treat women.

 

lol... me being a musician, of course, has tried this "scene". They are really crappy here in the USA (and California especially). I hate the scene because it's full of elitist douchebags who think they're better than everybody else just because they've been to more shows or like bands nobody has ever heard of. Plus, with the women over there, it's just "women as toilets" all over again...

 

alright, I'm a dork, so I have never been to the 'scene'. heh, I want to check out the goth scene one day though....(probably get killed, but oh well).

 

yeah, scene kids can be pretentious, there are girls...

 

or 'women as toilets'...what is that supposed to mean?

 

Yeah, you sound like a nice guy, you'll meet someone when you least expect it. That's just how it happens..

 

hey, I've seen your profile pic, not bad, but loose the hair you've got the tim burton look lol.

[CynicalGuitarist]

"woman as toilets" is a reference to the ol' saying "women are like toilets... all the good ones are taken, and the rest are full of crap"

 

That picture was taken a while ago, and my hair has grown out a bit. It doesn't look AS freakish, but I'd look even more psychotic if I "lost" the hair.

[dil]

"woman as toilets" is a reference to the ol' saying "women are like toilets... all the good ones are taken, and the rest are full of crap"

 

That picture was taken a while ago, and my hair has grown out a bit. It doesn't look AS freakish, but I'd look even more psychotic if I "lost" the hair.

 

yeah, I'd support you growing it out a bit..just the 'part' look you having going isn't the best..

 

Ouch, I'm not full of crap and I've been single for 8 months...and have only dated once in my life (okay, it was a long distance relationship that lasted 1.1 years)

[healinginnyc81]

Have you ever worked in a soup kitchen?

[pianoguy]

I think you could definitely benefit from some volunteering of some kind. It will make you feel better about yourself and like you are making some valuable contribution to society. Plus, you will meet people, the other people who volunteer are some of the nicest you will come accross.

 

There's all kinds of things you can do. The Red Cross always needs tons of people at the local chapter, and if you have time you can do disaster relief. They are still sending people to deal with Katrina and will be for some time. You can help out at the hospital, the library, the museum. Churches always love volunteers. Many towns have youth volunteer corps that put young people to work doing constructive things. I volunteered for a long time with my corp at the museum, running a science camp for poor schoolkids. It was a blast, I really looked forward to it every summer.

 

My point is that volunteering is really fun, it's not a chore or gross or anything. And if it is, go somewhere else and volunteer for them. You should be able to find something it is that you like to do.

[pianoguy]

I should add- you could also consider getting a job if you don't have one already, but jobs usually aren't nearly as fun as volunteering. They can be if you go about it with the right attitude, and it will give you a good reason to get out of the house every day.