To tell the truth or not

[piscis_fishes]

Hi I was wondering if I should tell the my secret to my g/f of almost 6 months. Only my older brother knows the truth of my dating status and doesn't tell any of my friends.

 

I basically lie to her and made up the whole story of me being in two relationships along and I even put fake names on the imaginary girls. I have dated some girls for a little while but it never developed and I wasn't interest in commitment nor sex, I just wanted to flirt around. For the most part it was to have something to say to these not so good friends of mine. All they seen to talk about the most is when they got laid and how their experienced was, while I keep inventing stories. I almost got discovered once when I confuse the words "fellatio" and "coitus", stupid of me. Some of them even stated that if I haven't got laid by age 18 then I'm a loser.

 

Now that I settle down I'm ready for but I'm concerned that she'll probbaly either laugh at it or dump me. When the moment comes is she going to find out, that's what I'm concern b/c she's had sex before. Girls I'm I a loser at age 21 and still virgin?

[Cadence308]

I seriously doubt that she's dating you because she thinks that you are "experienced." There are some out there who are that shallow. Personally, I think and value a relationship more if the merchandise hasn't been bought and sold so much! haha It makes it more valuable.

 

I am 28 years old and just lost my virginity this past summer (to another woman). It was something that I had many, many opportunities to lose and many relationships that I passed up because of lack of attraction and sexual interest. So being sexual is something that you have to be ready for and you will know when that time is. That's why I call it making love.

 

I'm sure if you explain the situation to your gf before the moment she will understand and will be more flattered that she will be the first person that you have made love to. I think that is a big difference for men and women in terms of losing virginity.

[cc2006]

Well, without knowing her I definetly can't comment on how I think she'd take it if you told her.

 

What I do know is, you're not alone ... and it doesn't make you a loser. You're probably in a smaller minority nowadays than it used to be ... but you're no loser.

 

I felt like such a loser in highschool. I didn't date at all until I was almost 18 years old. I finally started dating when *I* felt I was ready to do so, and I'm happy I waited until then. Too many people rush into things for too many different wrong reasons.

 

 

You should be happy you waited, really. So many negatives could have happened (unwanted pregnancy, disease, heck .. just doing it with someone and feeling regrettful afterwards) that you totally avoided by just having fun and doing things your own way.

 

 

 

It kinda' sucks you weren't honest up front with her ... but if you two are in a good relationship right now and you word it right it should be ok if you want to tell her. "Before when I made it sound like I wasn't a virgin ... I was afraid of what you'd think - or I made some stories seem steamier than they were because I didn't want 'the guys' making fun of me, but now that I know you I feel comfortable in admitting that I am a virgin" type stuff. Something that shows you're admitting it because you care and have feelings for her (right thing) instead of just being being afraid she'll realize after the first time (wrong thing).

 

Heck, some girls would be so happy with it even. Depends on the person really.

 

 

Best of luck in whatever you decide to do though ... and remember, the first few times aren't always dynamite with a new person even for us non-Virgins. Sometimes it takes a few tries before two people fall into a groove and figure each other out.

[Momene]

I had similar issues when younger but I'm 51 now, nearly 18 years into my 2nd marriage and what happened 30 years ago has little or no relevance to today. When you are with the person who really matters who you will spend your life with and be a parent to your child(ren), how many partners you've had or what age you lost your virginity are no longer important.

 

The chances are that your friends are making up stories as well, a sthey feel like losers. Throughout my life, it has always been my preference to have sex within relationships. It doesn't make you a loser or a nerd if you feel the same.