Well I'm back after a month.. and so is my ex...Hit me with some advice PLEASE!

[Big D]

Ok, so here is the last thread I had from October 30:

 

 

Basically, what has happened since then is I walked away. I haven't said a word to her in the past month, even ignoring a thank you e-mail s he sent me 3 weeks ago for helping her out with an online class she has.

 

Fast-forward to this weekend, and my confusion sets in. First, like many I have a myspace page and after wondering for quite some time who the heck is always checking my page, I was able to find a legit "tracker" to see who's viewing my page.

 

Well, in the 24 hours since I installed the tracker, my ex has looked at my page 3 times. Wha....? We've been split up 5 1/2 months and she's still looking at my page multiple times a day. What point does this serve? I've yet to look at her page once since we split, let alone every day. I could understand the whole "she's curious about your life" argument, but that would make sense to her checking it once a week at the most.

 

The next piece of confusion lies in an e-mail I got from her yesterday afternoon. Since the last time I talked to her a month ago, I told her I was going to take my time away and would be in touch with her at some point. She said "well expect an e-mail from me on Christmas since it's your favorite holiday." So naturally seeing an e-mail from her a month before Christmas caught me off guard. It was a generic e-mail wondering how I was and what I was doing. I waited a day and got back to her with a bunch of stuff I've already posted online (that she's read and i played stupid about). She responded a few hours later with some more generic stuff, then ended up asking me if I'd want to meet up to get something to eat during the holiday break.

 

So... what should I do about this? She's checking up on me often and after a month of not talking to me, she's e-mailing me to see how I am and asking if I'd want to meet up.

 

Thanks for the help!

 

D

[Survictor]

It sounds as if you are not honest with her and do not explain your feelings well for fear of rejection perhaps. Is she doing the same thing?

 

If so, neither of you are ready for a relationship, so just be friends!

[2001Acura]

I sent you a PM!

[Big D]

It sounds as if you are not honest with her and do not explain your feelings well for fear of rejection perhaps. Is she doing the same thing?

 

If so, neither of you are ready for a relationship, so just be friends!

 

I don't follow.... what do you mean I'm not honest and don't explain my feelings? The reason we hadn't been talking the past month is because when we met up 6 weeks ago I told her I still had feelings for her and needed more time to get my head on. Which she agreed to give me.

 

Which makes her e-mailing me about getting together odd just a month after meeting up

[Big D]

oh well... no one got back to me and i already e-mailed her...

[minnie]

You did'nt give much time mate!!!! 13 mins between your post and you have already emailed her.

 

I gather nothing anyone would have said would have stopped you anyway!

[TheRedQueen]

Big D,

 

It sounds like she's a bit lonely right now, but is that your problem?

 

If I were you I would continue NC.

[mikeca]

nobody wants to spend the holidays alone, are you sure she just isnt reaching for some attention?

[Big D]

nobody wants to spend the holidays alone, are you sure she just isnt reaching for some attention?

 

 

yes, this was the first conclusion i jumped to as well. The way I see it, it's 1 of 3 things

 

1) Misses me (everything about me)

2) Misses me (the person/friend)

3) Feeling lonely because it's christmas and our first not together in 4 years.

 

Obviously it caught me totally off-guard hearing from her after the e-mail I got 6 weeks ago, that by what she was saying was a "goodbye for a long long time" type e-mail. While at first I assumed she just wanted to say hi since she was feeling lonely, I didn't have a problem writing her back. But when she replied to mine asking if I'd want to get together, that's when I was thrown through a loop.

 

Since we met about 6 weeks ago, I've felt great because our talk was very emotionally draining, but I got everything off my chest and every question answered that had been on my mind since the breakup.

 

After a lot of thought, I got back to her and told her that we could probably get together sometime, when I'M free. The way I see it, I've been doing much much better since that last meet up and up until this past weekend hadn't really given her much thought. So the plan of action is to just get together and try to have fun. No expectations. No relationship talk. Just friends, and see what happens.

 

If I feel comfortable, then I go from there. If I still feel bad, then I walk away again until I'm better.

[Juliana]

Your page is "public;" her viewing it doesn't affect you. It may help her to deal with the emotions around the breakup.

 

No contact is often seen as a complete blanket rejection of everything about the person we've left, but in fact this is dangerous and can lead to something called "inhibited grieving." In inhibited grieving, we do not work through the emotions we need to, they get suppressed. To avoid inhibited grieving, no contact should just mean not contacting the person; other things, like pictures, letters, shared memories and the feelings associated with all that need to be accepted and dealt with appropriately. Not pushed aside as if they never existed in a panicked attempt to flee from reality.

 

You using the tracker to see if she's watching you seems stranger to me than her checking your page. If you want to email her, do so, but recognize that she has feelings that she has a right to deal with in her own way.

[Big D]

You using the tracker to see if she's watching you seems stranger to me than her checking your page. If you want to email her, do so, but recognize that she has feelings that she has a right to deal with in her own way.

 

 

It's beyond her. It's really quite fascinating to see who is viewing my page. Point in case, there is some girl named Ashley, that I have never met, nor do any of my friends know her. Yet, she's been looking daily at my page. I guess I have a fan