break with bf-advice?

[candy604]

I'm on a two week break with my bf, with no contact until dec 14th. I'm finding it hard not to talk to him ( coz he txts me n leaves msgs on msn). Anyway we have a few problems that I don't know will change.

 

1) he jokes too much eg. makes fun of my clothes, my phone, my weight, what i eat, how im not photogenic in pictures, told me waht gifts i gave him that were useless..etc...it's all in a fun joking tone but it's way overboard and it just doesn't stop no matter if i cry or how serious i tell him.

 

2) he's insecure i think so he talks about how other girls like him at work( in this giggly tone)or how him n his guys will go pick up girls ( even though i know he's not the type, but his friends are - they always check our girls n try to hit on them). I'm not the jeolous type so I don't care if he talks to girls or whatever ( i even let him sleep over at his good girl friends place with roomates house b/c they were studying for an exam.But he does it to bug me and assumes i'll get mad if he talks to a girl etc..it's so weird!

 

3) our familes may not be compatible - pretty different.

 

4) our dinner coversations are so boring , so is our conversations.

 

so i dunno waht to do, we both are 23 and it's been 3 years. I have to decide whethere to continue or not.

 

I don't know if im being over sensitive to guys jokes. I don't know how i'm gonna get thru the NC for break-up. I'ts so hard and i feel like i'm being a * * * * * b/c i'm so cold to him now if he tries calling me.

[barbielovesmac]

First off, what was your reason for taking a break??

 

What you're describing sounds like to me a bunch of red flags. You don't sound very happy in the relationship, of course I don't know you or the relationship but that is the impression I get.

 

I think he is trying to test you as far as other girls go. Maybe he's trying to see how far he can go before you really get mad or jealous. Not really the mature approach, but he's a guy.

 

You really need to think to yourself if you want to continue or not. Write the pros and cons of the relationship.

[Satsuma]

Hmm well it seems like hes not giving you any respect, for him to think joking about the gifts you have given are bad is out of order. You need to talk to him about what he says hurts you and if he really does care about you then he will stop.

[catgirl82]

if he really cared about you, he wouldnt tell those jokes (which dont sound like jokes to me). is it worth it for him to "be funny" if it makes you cry? think about it, would YOU do that to someone you cared about? i wouldnt even do that to someone i didnt really care about.

 

it sounds like the only reason you're hanging on is that youve been dating for 3 years. but it doesnt sound like youre happy.

 

i'll give you a very amazing piece of advice my father told me when i was about to break up with my ex bf...

it doesnt have to be this hard.

 

its true. it really doesnt have to be this hard and it shouldnt be. sure relationships are not always perfect but they shouldnt be a constant source of stress and unhappiness for you. you are better off alone at this point. and you will find someone else who makes your life better and who makes you feel GOOD about yourself.

 

best of luck

[candy604]

hehe yeah i guess its hard b/c its my first relationships. I was usually told i'm too senstive n i shouldn't take these jokes to heart. But I just think some guy jokes are so mean it's hard not to be hurt by them.

 

About the gifts I gave to him. We were talking about what to get each other for christmas and then he started asking me which past gifts I didn't like that he gave me. I refused of course b/c i like them all even though i may not use all of them ( one of them i just upgraded b/c it was on sale -a golf club). Then he went on to saying his poker chip set ( since poker was in back then n all the guys play it) i gave him was not a very good gift, nor was the blanket i gave him or the stuffed annimals as well. but the funny thing is he used them all ( for a long time)and now his brother uses it. So I don't see why it's crappy? i was so offended even though it was in a joking tone.

 

Then he constantly tells me my phone is crappy and his is better etc.." like ur phone sucks, why'd u get it." he says it usually when i am talking to him on the phone.

 

so that's a taste of what i'm getting.

 

But i'll do the list : pros and cons as barbiegirl87 said and take ur advice catgirl 82. Just wondering if any of you two had bf's that made fun of you and how'd u deal with it?

[Blue Skittles]

HIs comments, joking or not, are MEAN... I mean its normal for a guy to tease a girl from time to time, but not about how they look or what clothes they were wearing etc. And if hes constantly carrying on about the same thing - its just mean.

 

Ithink you should break up with him. It doesn't seem like he really cares about you, and you are obviously not happy with him. Why waste time on this one when you can wait for a guy that really cares about you and is in love with you for who you are, as much as you are in love with them.

[heartlessromantic]

Sorry, but your BF sounds like an a**.

 

Yeah, guys may tend to be more sarcastic in terms of sense of humor, but it is a skill! Some people are simply not very tactful.

 

If you guys have discussed how sensitive you are to some of his comments and he still continues to rib you until you cry or get upset, then it just shows how much he really cares about you, or how he takes you for granted.

[Jayar]

He sounds like a jerk. My advice is to extend your no contact break for... Say... Another 20+ years?

[candy604]

yeah i know what has to be done. so hard though, i want things to change but i guess i was seeing if i'm over reacting or if its normal to crack fun of ur gf.

 

yeah one thing i can't understsand is that he makes his coworkers laugh n my friends, ppl around him ( but they aren't personal attack jokes though), but when it comes to me it's jokes that make fun of me. My friend tells me its b/c he doesn't know how to treat gf's sinec he doesn't have one nor any good girlfriends and one brother, which they tell each other how much they are loosers n stuff.

 

ugh n he tells me that girls he knows tell him he's charming with his humour. it's so odd! i don't get.

 

 

thanks guys...it's sad though to realize things probably won't change.

[Survictor]

I don't think you should be with a guy if he makes you feel bad and sad!

[heartlessromantic]

candy -

 

You may be more sensitive than the average person but that doesn't mean anything is wrong. Sometimes it is useful to have a thicker skin but from reading what you have told us about him, he has definitely crossed the line with his "jokes" more than once.

 

And regardless of how sensitive you are, your boyfriend should respect and care about you enough not to upset you. Obviously, this person does not.

[candy604]

okay thanks heatlessromantic. yeah i can take some but not the same old ones like how i don't photograph well..that one really stuck with me till this day ( i've been told by him many times in a joke form) n now i'm quite conscious of taking pictures.

 

thanks so much for all ur help though. I'll be able to get through this.

[catgirl82]

i think its perfectly normal when youre dating to tease one another, but what youre describing doesnt sound like teasing. teasing makes you laugh, its a way of flirting

 

it sounds like your boyfriend is getting some sick pleasure out of seeing you upset. otherwise why does he keep doing this? even if he thought he was just "teasing", the second he saw how upset you were shouldve been the signal to stop, apologize and not do it again!!

 

he sounds like he doesnt care about your happiness. my ex boyfriend didnt make fun of me but he didnt care much about my happiness either (at least not as much as i wouldve liked). so we finally broke up. best decision i ever made. now i'm dating someone and theres no drama. he makes me feel good. i dont have to spend hours and hours worrying about him and his actions because he doesnt make my life HARDER the way my ex did.

 

just my two cents. learn from all of us, dont waste any more of your time on this guy. and lastly, dont forget about your dignity. you dont deserve to be treated like this, dont let it happen anymore- dump him.