Is she just into me for the sex????

[mario74654]

First off. Great site you all have here. I spent all morning reading through old post.

 

So there is this girl that I have taken out 5 times. We mesh well, have great conversation and there is a strong physical attraction. We ended up sleeping together on the 3rd date.

 

But it seems like the last few times I asked to take her out she has been too busy during the week. So we have just seen eachother once a week on the weekends. Instead of going out on a real date she calls me late at night or somehow ends up at my place having sex ALL night! She even said it is the best sex she has ever had. I know, you all think I am crazy to complain, but it seems like 80% of the relationship is under the sheets now. And I want more than that. I want a girlfriend, a lover, a LTR.

 

She hides the fact that she spends the night at my place from her friends and roomate. So if we are at a party together I can't even show affection without it being akward. Is this a red flag or is she just being shy about it?

 

I want to see her so bad that I often accept seeing her only when She is available on the weekends or really late at night. How can I draw a line and set boundaries without upsetting her?

 

(p.s. I am the first guy she has gone on several dates with since she ended a long term relationship 1 year ago)

[ForAnother]

yeah thats an odd one.

 

Sounds like just sex... perhaps she enjoys you physically but doesn't have the same emotional connection. Also she could be afraid of getting into another relationship.

 

So I think keep seeing her once a week... and if its very consistent then start asking her to go out on the weekdays. But don't question her yet... I think you need to see who she is first a bit more.

 

-ForAnother

[candy604]

i think you should talk to her about it. It does sound like red flags though. Something is definitely not right ( from the fact she hides it from her friends etc..). have u asked her if she wants a bf or not or what she's looking for right now?

[heloladies21]

This is a big red flag and shows that she (at this point) is not interested in a relationship with you ie. still wants to play the field and see what else is out there. It might have been a form of a test as well to see if you would stick up for yourself and tell her you want a relationship with her. This would show her that you care about her more than just a booty call.

 

As it stands now, this is an exclusively sexual situation and if you are developing any kind of feelings for her, time to get it out in the open right away and let her know what you're looking for. No need to think you're gonna upset her. Since when is letting her know what you want going to upset her?

 

But do not think that this FWB situation will ever spontaneously turn into a full blown relationship. This method never works and will only leave you broken in the end.

[mario74654]

Thanks guys. No I haven't asked her about wanting a BF because I felt it was a little too soon. I did ask what she thought about where we were going. I never got a straight answer. She just told me that she didn't date ANYONE for 6 months after the last guy and that I am the most persistent guy (in a good way) that has tried to date her since then.

 

The other guys haven't been worth her time. I feel like I need to warm her up to having a bf again. (sounds like she may have gotten hurt and doesn't trust guys so much) But if this was the case you wouldn't think she would jump into the bed so soon.

[Lion-Guy]

Yes it might be that she is testing you to see if you want a relationship. But this could be a tough one if you ask her. You don't want to sound to eager or needy. Careful how you words it.

[Shadows Light]

Sounds like your a "BOOTY CALL" for her. Not even a FWB...because FWB's hang out together more often.

[Cardinal]

I'd play it carefully also. Keep the status quo for now. I just wouldn't build up expectations. You may only have a f-buddy. Or you may have more. I don't see what is wrong giving it more time unless you are afraid of getting too attached.

[wexmen]

you are so alike one of my friend who always hope for a pure relationship but end up in a sexual affair like you did .

 

nonetheless, i hope you are able to look for a girl who really fall in love with and have a good " love " live.

[mario74654]

The thing is I have already fallen for her. I definitely haven't showed her this, but I feel it inside.

 

And the other night I even brought up the fact that just sex doesn't work for me. And she even said herself (not referring to us) but that FWB never works. So I don't know why she would have said that if that was her goal?

 

The other night she also asked if it bothered me if she called me "honey" or something to that affect. I said no I don't care. But I haven't heard her call me that stuff. Oh and she has even texted me things like "wish you were here" or why aren't you here to keep me warm?" Do booty calls do that stuff? That is why I am so confused.

[Lion-Guy]

It sounds like there are some contradictions in her actions.

[heloladies21]

Oh and she has even texted me things like "wish you were here" or why aren't you here to keep me warm?" Do booty calls do that stuff? That is why I am so confused.

Yup! Had this happen to me, but things eventually fell apart. She's confused because she has interest in you, but she's waiting for you to step up to the plate and show your interest in her, but you're not doing it so she's getting contradictory signals. If you keep doing what you're doing, it's only a matter of time before things fall apart or she finds someone else.

[mario74654]

Thanks Heloladies. You have no idea how much I appreciate your experience on this matter. Next time I see her I am going to step up to the plate and let her know how I feel and that I want to be exclusive with her.

[heloladies21]

You got it, but make sure you do this the right way. Of course, let her know how you honestly feel about her, then ask her if she wants the same. But if she says no, then as hard as it's gonna be, it's time to walk away as you would only get more attached to someone who doesn't have intentions with you.

 

Fundmentally this is about sticking up for yourself and what you want and not accepting anything less than what you deserve. And if she can't provide that for you, then it's time to keep your mind and heart open for someone who can.

[mario74654]

Wait after reading another post on here talking about exclusitivity, our situation seems really soon to ask for such a thing. I mean our first date was only a month ago and we haveonly gone out on 3 real dates and 2 times at friend's parties. Doesn't that seem like not that much time?

 

Plus we only have two weeks together and then we are both gone for 2 weeks for xmas. Maybe it would be better to just let her know that I like her (i haven't said that yet, we always joke that we don't like eachother very much) and then wait until after we get back from the holidays. What do you think?

[bitbit]

stand up to her. next time she calls late night tell her you can't, you have a big day tomorrow, but you're avaliable friday night for a movie and dinner or something and end it there. you might have to miss her, but nobody enjoys being used.

[mario74654]

Ya I see what you are saying bitbit. That crossed my mind last time. But it was the only time she has ever called like that late at night. And I had to talk her into letting me come pick her up. If this was routine I wouldn't stand for it.

[heloladies21]

Wait after reading another post on here talking about exclusitivity, our situation seems really soon to ask for such a thing. I mean our first date was only a month ago and we haveonly gone out on 3 real dates and 2 times at friend's parties. Doesn't that seem like not that much time?

Nah, it's not about how long you two have been seeing each other or anything like that so don't let that post confuse you. This is decided by your emotional state and you have strong feelings for her. Me and my ex-ex hooked up on the first night and then basically got together a week later. If I would've pressed it, I could've got her to be my gf that first night.

 

Stalling is only gonna frustrate you and waste your time. Get this out in the open asap.

[Iceman26]

it sounds like you just need to get to know her better (but not the between the sheets better obviously)

 

I'd simply tell her you like her and want to take her out places because you like being with her. You don't need to kiss her behind, but you can make it known that you have feelings that are running deeper for her then just a simple slap and tickle, you know what I mean?