is it ok to feel this way? i dont know how to think...

[shep88ner]

i'll keep this short as i can.

 

for a lot of people on here, sex is just sex. it's a fun thing to do whenever and all that. but for me its not some whatever thing. i think sex should only be had by people who really care for eachother.

 

my girlfriend met this guy, 5 months before we met. it was her bestfriend's ex. boyfriend. they hung out for about 2 weeks. he was the type that was real good with words and said the right things.

 

my girlfriend was depressed about her bestfriend moving away to college and she was REALLY down about it all. so he came in and said a few good lines and took advantage of her in a real bad way.

 

she lost her virginity to this guy after only knowing him for 2 weeks. she said it wasnt good and it actually hurt to the point of tears nearly and she regretted it instantly.

 

we have been dating now for 11 months. and everytime i think about this situation i get really down about it. i just picture them having sex, the one girl ive given my whole heart to, having sex with a guy she barely knew. i just get so sad about it and depressed.

 

i lost my virginity to my girlfriend and the connection that comes with that is so great. i just love doing it for the fact that it's with her, and id have it no other way.

 

so is it alright to feel sad about this? picturing my girlfriend with another guy like that? having sex with someone she barely knew. someone she wasnt dating. someone she didnt love.

 

i dont blame her for it. i dont get mad at her for it. she even said it was something that never should have happened. but i still get sad that she lost her virginity to him like that...

 

 

is this normal?

[xcsteeplechaser]

I believe it is normal to feel that way. You obviously care about your girlfriend with your whole heart and to know that she was hurt hurts you. What happened was the past and it is better to take it as a learning experince and grow from it, rather then to regret it and hold a grude over it. What is important is the fact that you two are together now and you two both love each other very much. Personally I made a mistake and got caught up in the moment once and in a way i wish it never did happen. However, I look back on it now and i just take it as a learning expeince. We can not change the past. We can only grow from it. Life is 90% of how you preceive it and 10% of actually what happens. Just be thankful that you and your girl are together now and put that in the past. So hold her close, smile and be thankful that you two have each other now. That is what is important now!

[Guarana Galrok]

Yes, unfortunately those of us belonging to the lesser sex are obsessed with the sexual history of our partners. Completely normal. The ideal girl is one who has never been with a guy yet somehow magically knows how everything works. Heh.

[shep88ner]

wow...that was one of the nicest things ive ever heard xcsteeplechaser. thank you

 

and you're right. i mean, everything happens for a reason right? i need to see it as every step we take has a purpose. each step we take brings up one step closer to our destination. but one step the left, or one step to the right changes our ultimate destination. maybe if things didnt work out as they did we wouldnt have met. and im forever thankful that ive had the opportunity to have her in my life now. because any stray step in her past may have never lead to this day.

[Momene]

I'm beginning to think that there's not many people who aren't into casual sex. I think you don't necessarily have to be deeply in love with someone to have sex but must know, respect and like them at the very least.

 

I've had sex with strangers twice and honestly it wasn't very satisfying either physically or emotionally.

[shep88ner]

i know im probably weird. expecially since im 18 years old. i typically should be all about having sex with any girl who can move. but im just not into that. i just dont see anything in it. i mean, sure, i see attractive girls walk by me, i may check them out or whatever...but i wouldnt have sex with them unless i really had feelings for them. im proabaly just weird but i just see it as careless and thoughtless. its just kind of disrespectful to someone to "hit it and forget it" i guess

[Momene]

i know im probably weird. expecially since im 18 years old. i typically should be all about having sex with any girl who can move. but im just not into that. i just dont see anything in it. i mean, sure, i see attractive girls walk by me, i may check them out or whatever...but i wouldnt have sex with them unless i really had feelings for them. im proabaly just weird but i just see it as careless and thoughtless. its just kind of disrespectful to someone to "hit it and forget it" i guess

 

Have you read the threads about how many sexual partners people have had? A further thought I had was that as well as generation (I'm 51), I wonder if mass casual sex started in the USA before it hit England (where I live). I don't think you're weird at all, as your last message sums up what I think that the girl underneath the pretty face and nice body is important, too. Indeed, in some ways it can be more so. A beautiful girl can become ugly in seconds by bad attitude but so can a girl who is not immediately noticeable become a real stunner as you get to know her.

[Grokker]

Shep,

Don't get too down on her about it, or on yourself. Everybody has a history. The guy took advantage of her, and in a moment of weakness (or whatever), stuff happened. If you care about her, it shouldn't matter at all.

 

For the record, I do agree with you on sex, and I myself cannot have sex with a woman without becoming seriously emotionally involved with her... so, I only do it with women I am willing to become serious about.

[shep88ner]

exactly. i know a lot of attractive girls, i mean hell, im in college. but not one of them can compare to what my girlfriend has inside. id take a better personality over a better body any day of my life

[shep88ner]

yea grokker, glad someone else feels the same. i just look at it like this. this guy took advantage of her and now im sitting here feeling terrible about it. what if i took advantage of a girl i hardly knew and had sex with her only because i could. somewhere down the line soeone who really cares about that girl could be sitting in the same position i am. and that's not fair to them because i know what it feels like

[Siriana]

You sound like a really great guy. And it looks like you are not making things difficult for her about her past sexual experience.

 

Your feelings are just a result of you loving her a lot. So you feel bad that she was not treated the way she deserves in the past.

So for a little while you will feel that way and don't feel bad about it - it is normal, and you already wrote that it is not affecting your love toward her. Just treat her the way she deserves (so continue doing what you're doing) and this feeling of yours will pass.

 

I understand you completely.